


Serving the Commander

by Theblairewitch



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Blood Kink, Bondage, F/F, F/M, Force Choking (Star Wars), Knifeplay, Lesbian Sex, Lightsabers, Oral Sex, POV Kylo Ren, Painful Sex, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates, Shower Sex, Stalking, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Vaginal Fingering, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 131
Words: 166,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theblairewitch/pseuds/Theblairewitch
Summary: You were brought to the starkiller base after an attack on the planet where you were a slave, raised homeless, brought to be Kylo Ren's official servant.*Disclaimer i do not own the star wars character's or its original content. 18+ only, scenes of sex, violence, and strong language ahead.*I am not following the movie plot closely, I am by no means a star wars expert. This is my first ever fanfiction please be easy but all feedback is welcomed. I love reading everyone's comments! enjoy :)! Also if you would like some visuals I upload promo videos to tik tok under theblairewitch_ 😉 I've made a Spotify playlist that reminds me of Kylo  called Daddy RenInstagram https://instagram.com/theblairewitch_
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65





	1. A new home

Loud crashing suddenly wakes you from your slumber, confused still half a sleep stumbling to your feet quickly walking to the door of your quarters opening it checking what the hell is going on. "YOU. STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!" Looking to the left seeing three storm troopers marching towards you swiftly.

Panicking, slamming shut the door with a thud darting across the room looking for places to hide, only now realizing how incredibly small and hollow the room is. Deciding to hide behind a clothes rack even though your feet must still be visible, it is the best you have got. To no avail listening as you hear the weak door fling open with ease, covering your mouth trying to conceal the harsh breaths escaping. "SEARCH THE ROOM." "SHES HERE." "WE EITHER TAKE HER ALIVE OR LEAVE HER DEAD. THATS THE ORDERS." 'Why were they here? Why are they taking prisoners?' Asking yourself these questions, realizing the only way you are getting out of here alive is to turn yourself in.

Inhaling deeply, stepping out from behind the rack, hands above your head. "I surrender please don't shoot!" "GRAB HER!" A storm trooper strides up to you yanking your hand from the air flinging you forward. Stumbling into the arms of the other troopers surprised with one sudden sharp pain feeling cold armor to the face, out like a light.

Jolting awake still in a haze almost thinking it was all just a dream, yet when coming to you see a trooper guarding the doors to a cell, the cell you were locked inside. Sitting up touching the now swollen tinder face, knowing that is going to leave a mark. "Excuse me..." you say. "What am I doing here? Why did you take me?" The trooper turns around facing you "you were brought to the starkiller base to serve the first order. You will be given your assignment shortly." As he finished half assed answering the question, someone else walks in coming straight towards your cell.

This man walking with purpose, he sounds intimidating, that is until he turns the corner realizing it is who they call general Hux. Having heard how he can be ruthless, his appearance only making you giggle. "And what are you laughing about!?" Jumping, you had not thought he could hear you. "Um I'm sorry sir, I thought I..." He cuts you off. "Never the matter what you thought. I sense we will have trouble with you already, laughing as a superior of the first order approaches." Rubbing his fingers to his temples in frustration, this action only makes you want to laugh again, but quickly choking it back. "I will be assigning you to be Ren's personal servant, let's see how you laugh then." With that he turns sharply walking away.

The trooper turns unlocking the cell, gesturing for you to walk forward. Hesitating for a moment before deciding what choice do you have? Grabbing your arm harder than needed, face wincing darting him a quick look if eyes could kill, he would have combusted on the spot. "Where are you taking me?" Without slowing pace, he says "to the servant's quarters. You are lucky he chose you to be Ren's personal servant, mess up and you might die but it does come with the nicest servant's room on the base."


	2. Luxury of the first order

Arriving at the quarters after what seemed like forever turning and twisting down the eerily similar dark hallways. The trooper stopping at a door, opening the hatch he says "this is your room. Get dressed, you will be meeting your master soon." With that he leaves you, the door slamming shut behind him causing you to jump.

Turning your focus to a big room of all black, black marble floors, black walls, black curtains, furniture all with a slick gloss covering them. The only color in the room was your bed linens a stunning bright first order red , the bed being a solid black canopy bed with intricate patterns carved into the darkened wood. Lined with a black mesh net and topped with far too many pillows for your personal preference. Coming from a hostage upbringing all you have ever known is the hard floor and an old clumpy pillow you have cherished your whole life, even if it was almost falling apart. So truth be told the fact that you had this massive bed all to your own was enough to mask the fact that you were just involved in a battle, stolen once again and told you'd be working for the first order. Saying to yourself 'I guess I'll take whatever upgrade I can get right?' Laughing at the dark humor of it.

Continuing to look around the room, walking to the vanity opposite to the bed running your fingers across the cold feel of it. Thinking to yourself 'why would a servant even need a vanity?' Curious you open the drawers, seeing them to your surprise filled with makeup, and jewelry. Gasping, they must have put you in the wrong room no way is all this beautiful stuff for you! Picking up a necklace feeling its weight in your hand, it's black plated silver with a single red ruby in the shape of a heart. Running your fingers along the other necklaces, earrings, and bracelets noticing they are all black or silver with embellishments of red ruby or black diamond beautiful pieces, each one uniquely different than the next. Moving on to the makeup, the eye shadows being all shades of nudes and blacks with a few reds and purples. The lipsticks range from black to blood red with some soft pinks and a few nudes. 'These are all beautiful' you think 'but why am I to have these?' Shutting the drawers and bringing your focus to the closet, putting one hand on each of the handles pulling them open mouth dropping in awe of the size of it. Rows and rows of dresses, tops, bottoms, shoes, and bags everything in dark colors, at this point you are not surprised. In fact, you hate to admit it, but you have always secretly loved the dark aesthetic of the first order.

Walking into the closet running your hands along the clothing, feeling bits of leather, lace, and velvet. Stopping towards the back as something has caught your eye. Pulling a piece of clothing off the rack you see its lingerie! Quickly hanging it back up, wiping your hands at your side. 'Okay... okay... obviously this room was meant for someone else, someone much much closer to Kylo Ren than you ever hoped to be.' But you paused for a second... thinking... 'what exactly does his personal servant include?'

Hearing your hatch swing open, seeing a droid come rolling in. It stops in front of you saying, "I am R-8260, I will be your droid while you are stationed here at the starkiller base." "Nice to meet you." You say.

The droid makes a startled noise and rushes to you "Master Ren is expecting you very soon you must get dressed at once!" Looking at the droid saying sarcastically "this room is obviously a mistake I am to be a servant; I've never seen any servant dressed in anything half as nice as this stuff." The droid doesn't hesitate "no, no this is the right room, Kylo is an especially important and respected leader. He expects his personal help to look a certain way."

And with that he gestures his mechanical hands in the motion hurry along. You say, "okay okay, no need to rush I'm going geez." The droid informing you that a trooper will Arrive precisely in 30 minutes to take you to the commander then it turns and quickly rolls out of the room, leaving you once again to its vast silence.


	3. Unfamiliar reflection

Facing the closet once more eyeing all the gowns with their beauty far better than anything you have ever owned in your life. Slowly walking forward, you look at the pieces thinking what impression you want to give off for the first time. After all, first impressions are the most important. Thinking maybe something sexy? Shaking your head quickly 'no that will not do, you do not want to come off as a desperate little servant there for his "every" wish.' You think maybe a pant suit? Shaking your head again 'no that will come off entirely to strong, even if you are a woman of power in your own mind you doubt Kylo Ren would appreciate trying to be one upped from the start.'

Settling on a floor length leather ball gown dress with a boat neck, the dress itself was not too fancy no jewels or special decals but it stood out to you in the sense that it felt bold and strong. Searching next for a pair of shoes, skimming across the rows and realizing that almost all the shoes are heels in some way. 'Man' you think 'can't a servant have some comfortable shoes?' Choosing a pair of matte black leather platform heels.

Walking out of the closet laying the dress and shoes on the bed noticing the dress size is exactly yours. Shrugging and saying to yourself with a bit of attitude 'and what if I had another type of body shape? Is this what Kylo "expects" his servants to look like?'

Turning around walking towards the vanity, stopping momentarily in front of the mirror. Gazing at the reflection looking back at you, looking at your clothes noticing how cheap and ragged they look. The thought of wearing elegant dresses and jewelry sparks a smile on your face thinking 'to finally be able to dress how you've always envisioned yourself will be a much-needed change.'

Sitting at the vanity opening the makeup drawer deciding what look you would like to go for. Choosing a neutral brown and black smoky eye, with black glitter dusted across the lids, then noticing that the foundation is exactly the shade of your skin tone, pausing for a moment kind of weirded out. 'It couldn't be a coincidence that the dress and makeup are specifically perfect for you. Could it?' Thinking as you continue applying the makeup. Stopping at your cheek running your fingers along the now less red less swollen but still visible mark left by some jerk storm trooper. "I would have gone peacefully." You say rolling your eyes trying your best to cover the spot with makeup.

Next choosing the shade of lipstick you want to wear, deciding on a dark blood red, bold, and strong, a theme you find yourself following. Moving next to hair, what should you do? Choosing an updo with a black hair pin secured tightly behind the bun, while letting a few curly strands fall to frame your face. Now picking some of the beautiful jewelry, a subtle single chain silver necklace with a black diamond in a pear shape with a pair of long dangled earrings with ruby stones that barely brush your collar bones.

Standing, walking to the bed to get dressed sliding off your old worn clothes while searching the dresser drawers for fresh undergarments. Opening the drawers to find them full of beautiful underwear and bras, nothing like the plain cotton panties you were used to. Sliding on a pair of matching underwear and lace bra, then putting on the dress and shoes.

Once finished breathing deeply while turning around, pausing for a moment taking in the image staring back at you.

'Who is that woman?' You think while running your hands across the puffed bottom of the dress up the sides of your rib cage gliding across the shape of your breast then stopping at the end of the diamond on the necklace. Foreign, this woman staring back... but you must admit you love what you are seeing.


	4. Meeting the commander

A sudden pounding at the door startles you "yes?" The door flings open revealing a trooper "I am here to transport you to commander Ren. Follow me." Reluctantly following the soldier out of the room and down a number of hallways, both of you keeping silent for the entirety of the walk.

"This is our stop." The trooper points to a large room with multiple men standing around who you suspect is Kylo Ren. The large man wearing nothing but black garments and a helmet that he was reaching for as you were walking in. "Where is she. She is over five minutes late. This is unacceptable. If she does not show in the next three minutes, I'm going to kill her myself." Says Ren.

As your heart begins to race from the words you just heard, speaking up you say, "commander I am (y/n) I am sorry for being late sir." He turns sharply to face you, as he does you feel as if your heart may explode with fear. His eyes catch yours and you notice his face twitch almost as if caught off guard by something. "Come here now." He demands. Walking towards the commander making sure to keep your head held high now is not the time to show weakness. Stopping a few feet apart not sure as what is coming next, he reaches to your face grabbing your chin between his thumb and fingers moving your head up and to the side. "Ah, I see you've already felt firsthand what happens when you misbehave around the first order. I suggest you learn from your mistakes."

With that he releases your chin, your face jerking back slightly not realizing how hard he had been holding on to it. "Actually, I wasn't misbehaving when your trooper sucker punched me. I was surrendering just so you know." As the words slipped from your mouth you instantly regretted it. He spins back around and with one swift move he is inches from your face. "Did I stutter? Talking back is a prime example of misbehavior. I will not warn you again." Sucking in a quick breath, for you could feel his own against your skin, not to mention feeling his cold dark eyes piercing your soul. "Yes sir, I'm sorry sir." You spoke in hopes he would release his gaze upon you.

He turns and walks towards his desk picking the helmet back up and placing it back on his head before speaking again. "I've been informed you are to be my personal servant, your duties will include my laundry, cleaning of my quarters, preparing my baths, and whatever else I deem fit. I see that you have found your wardrobe and the garments I have chosen for you, I made sure they stocked the closet with the appropriate sizes. I expect you to always be dressed elaborately I will not be seen with anything less than ornate; I see the style fits you well. I expect to see you tonight you are to prepare my bath and tidy my quarters. You are dismissed." Kylo turns quickly walking out of the room his cape flowing behind him.

The trooper escorts you back to your own quarters, all the while many thoughts fill your head. 'What will happen if I can't keep my own attitude in check? I guess that answers the question as to how the perfect sizes were in your room, but did Kylo really pick all those items himself? Why did his face twitch upon seeing yours did he find you repulsive? No, he couldn't have he said the style fit me well... maybe he even thought you looked nice?' Shaking your head at the idea knowing it is as stupid as it sounds.

Reaching your own room again and once inside falling back onto the door while holding your chest feeling as if you can finally breathe for the first time in an hour. Now the only thing on your mind is what comes next with Kylo and your duties.


	5. The scarlet chamber

Waking up suddenly as if a hidden force pushed you violently. You must have fallen asleep in a chair once back to your room, looking out the window realizing that it is dark out. Jumping up quickly pressing out your dress and trying to fix your bed head while also hurrying out the door.

Not knowing where Kylo Ren's room is, but knowing you are already late 'as if he doesn't already want you dead.' You thought turning a corner bumping into the back of a trooper, he turns you can feel his sharp eyes judging you through the helmet. "Can you please point me in the direction of the commander's room? I'm running late." He does not say a word but gestures with his fingers in the opposite direction you were already going 'of course.'

Spinning and hurrying in the direction he pointed down a long dark hall with door after door only making you feel more lost. 'How in the hell are you supposed to find his room amongst all these?' Turning one last corner seeing at the far end a door larger than all the rest, the design engraved with hints of gold and red. 'This must be his room.' You hope as you stop in front of it, sucking in a deep breath knocking on the cold solid door.

The hatch flies open suddenly though no one is behind it, peeking your head in while trying to look around slowly walking in. The room is large but almost the opposite of yours everything is red, mashing together nearly too intense to look at. You walk further in passing what you assume is the bathroom, peeking your head in confirming that it is. The bathroom is huge, also completely red with a black sink, walk in shower, and a huge black claw foot bathtub. Staring at it taking its designs in 'it's beautiful and elegant, you'd expected nothing less by now.'

Turning around heading towards the bedroom, the bathroom the only piece of furniture that is not a glossy red is the bed. Much like your own it is rather large no wooden canopy posts like yours, and almost as if planned the linen is opposite in color in a deep black with only two pillows on either side. Walking forward placing your hand on the comforter's top running it along, feeling the velvet texture on your fingers the luxury feel of it very apparent. 'Either the first order really has an eye for elegance or Kylo Ren has awfully specific tastes.' You thought.

Just then the hatch swings open once more causing you to jump pulling your hand away quickly. It's another woman, much older than you she walks towards you saying "good evening my name is Doris, I am... (she pauses for a moment) was... commander Ren's personal servant. I am here to show you what you are to do every night in his quarters before he shows up." Standing there blankly the thought hadn't crossed your mind that you could possibly have taken someone else's job.

"Quick quick." She says. "He will be here shortly, and you have much to learn. The shift starts at seven am sharp every day, do not expect any days off because they won't happen. You are to be here first thing in the morning to tidy up his room, fix the bed, clean any clutter or dust from the furniture, and take his dirty laundry to his personal washroom. He does not like his clothes washed with anyone else's, if you have not noticed he can be quite particular. You are to do his laundry daily, once finished washing you are to fold and put it away. After that is finished you will be tasked with reporting to the commander to see if he has any other requests. If he does not you will be excused for the rest of the day, but that does not mean you are off the hook whenever and wherever he calls you go.

Just after sun set you are to return to his quarters and begin getting his room ready for his return. Pull the sheets and blanket back while fluffing up the pillow on the left side, he does not use both so no need to fluff the other. You are to set out his night clothes on his bed, keep in mind he likes to sleep shirtless so generally only lay out some sleep pants and under garments. You will also be required to run his bath water nightly; he likes to take showers in the morning but baths at night I suppose it helps him destress. On rare occasions after training or a battle he may ask you to wash his hair as he will be to sore, be prepared.

I will be around the base down the hall from your own room if you ever have any questions. I have served as his servant since he first showed up to the order, I am thankful for my time but more thankful to finally be able to retire. It was nice to meet you (y/n) and good luck to you." as she shakes your hand, turning walking out now leaving you with more questions.


	6. Lingering thoughts

'The job itself seems easy enough right? Besides the idea of having to help the commander with his bath.' That thought makes you shiver; deciding you might as well start as you pull back the covers on his bed making sure they are uniform and equal in hopes of impressing him. Taking his pillow in your hands you begin fluffing it up, by doing so it makes a breeze of strong aromas flow to your face, you can't help but enjoy the manly musk of it. Placing the pillow back down walking to his dresser opening the drawers, unlike yours his is filled with many different types of underwear all plain black boxer briefs with no other colors 'is this the only color that man knows how to wear?' You think. Taking a pair with your hand noticing how soft and expensive they feel, never thought you could feel the price of underwear yet here you are. Next pulling out a pair of black night pants, walking to the bed you place them gently down making sure there are no creases in the clothes.

Next heading to the bathroom once again taking in the beautiful design of it going to the tub turning it on the water running with heat rising from it, looking around wondering if he likes anything in the bathtub. Seeing a cabinet, opening it chuckling to yourself as you see bottle after bottle of oils and soaps of different names, smells, and colors. 'I guess even a commander is entitled to liking a bubble bath, right?'

Picking one of the bath oils popping off the cork, smelling the scent of eucalyptus, this smell makes you close your eyes while picturing a calming sensation rush over you. Eucalyptus is your favorite scent, no idea why but it feels so calming to you also picking a bottle of regular bubble bath; this gesture is more for yourself. Deciding right then that you will use bubbles every night unless he commands otherwise so that when the time comes for him to ask you to help him wash his hair or anything else you have a barrier between your eyes and his completely nude body.

Kneeling next to the tub dripping some oil and soap in while you run your hand in circular motions against the water. Continuing this for longer than a moment enjoying the feeling of the warm silky water on your arm, all your life you have had to take cold showers with a group of other slaves.

Hearing the hatch door swing open again as you quickly pull your hand from the water, the commander walks past the bathroom door not paying any attention to you at all. You walk out "master Ren I've prepared your bath; I added some bath oils and soap I hope that you don't min.." he cuts you off. "That is fine, you can leave now." He says as he begins undressing even with you still in the room.

You can't help but stand there for a moment watching him, his back turned to you as he takes off his cape laying it across a chair in his room. Next he undoes his belt tossing it on the cape he then removes his gloves by placing one finger to his mouth and biting with a swift motion he pulls the gloves from his hands one at a time with ease, placing the gloves gently on his dresser counter. Next you watch him begin to unzip his outer coat as he pauses... "I said you can leave." He says with a harshness you were not expecting, you didn't even realize he knew you were still there.

"Yes sir, enjoy your night I will be back in the morning." Turning quickly, walking out of his room hearing the doors swing shut loudly. You find yourself just as lost as you were while trying to find his room in the first place as you begin what is becoming a familiar pattern of wondering the endless halls in search of a room.

Finally, somehow you end up on the hall of the servant's rooms now this time you made sure to mentally keep note of each twist and turn so that you wouldn't have trouble in the morning. Arriving back at your own quarters walking inside; thankful to be back at what is beginning to feel like the only place you feel totally safe currently.

You decide it would be smart for you to take your own shower, walking to the bathroom just as happy to see its design is beautiful too. Not quite as big as the commanders but a much better upgrade from the cold shed you are used to showering in. Plus, this is your own personal shower pausing for a moment 'honestly as of right now I can't complain with how this day has ended.' You think while noticing your bathroom doesn't have a bathtub saddened but quickly correcting yourself 'you are not selfish like that.'

Going to the shower turning it on to warm up while you undress, unzipping the dress slowly pulling the sleeves down your shoulders one at a time you stare at your reflection in the mirror watching as the dress falls to the floor. Continuing to stare as you trace the lacy bra with your fingers, you've always known you were attractive to an extent but in this moment, you are speechless at the beautiful body looking back at you. Next you unhook the bra letting it fall as your breasts are freed, then removing your underwear tossing them to the side.

Stepping into the shower immediately melting into the warmth of it, you can't remember the last time a shower wasn't ice cold. Washing your hair and body slowly enjoying the privacy, once you are done you lean back against the shower wall with the hot water still hitting your exposed skin.

Closing your eyes, to your surprise the first thing that pops into your mind is Kylo Ren back in his room undressing. Snapping your eyes open confused as to why you would even picture that. 'Sure, he's an attractive man but he's cold and heartless.' You think.

Finishing the shower getting dressed for the night in a sheer top and shorts, slightly annoyed that almost everything you have to wear for bed is either sheer, or exposes way to much skin. Waking to the bed you huff knowing you have to remove a stupid amount of little pillows before you can even lay down. After doing so you climb into your huge bed lying back into the comfort of it, letting out a sigh also realizing this is the first bed you've slept in since you were a child.

Running your hands from your sides all the way up the length of the bed smiling at how big it is while knowing it is all yours. Turning on your side taking the pillow next to your head pulling it close to you while wrapping your arms around it, cuddling it close burying your face into the fabric. Relaxing now allowing yourself to fall into a deep sleep almost as if you had not properly slept in years.


	7. A new servant

*Kylo's view*

Startled awake suddenly from whatever nightmare you were suffering from this time. Frustrated you huff tossing on your stomach hoping to fall asleep again, knowing that you won't. A few moments go by before you push up off the bed now sitting looking around the dimly lit room knowing you must get up soon anyways. Somehow managing to pull yourself out of bed sleepily heading towards the bathroom.

Once inside undressing and stepping into the shower turning on the water letting the coldness hit your skin without hardly flinching. You have always enjoyed an icy shower after a nightmare. Washing yourself then stepping out going towards the closet choosing an outfit that looks almost identical to all the rest, as you do every morning.

Leaving heading to the meeting room to work on the tasks for the day, once there you are informed by general Hux that our troops have stormed a planet overthrowing its leaders capturing some slaves in the process. He tells you that they will arrive shortly as they were captured during the night before.

A few hours pass, Hux returns with the news that he has assigned a rather attitude prone slave to be your personal servant. Annoyed as to why he would choose someone who is already showing signs of being difficult clinching your fists. "If they continue to misbehave you will be the one to deal with the mess general Hux." You knew that your old servant Doris was retiring and yet you still weren't prepared to be served by someone new, she's always been there for you almost like a mother figure, stopping 'servants aren't important and definitely aren't family.' Hux interrupts your thoughts "she has been shown her quarters and is expected to show up within 30 minutes from now." Frowning your eyebrows irritated at the sound that it's a woman that will be your servant, all you can hope now is that she is old like Doris you don't need any more distractions.

Waiting for this servant to show, you discuss the reports of the nights previous battle with the other ranks. Beginning to grow severely impatient as you notice the time is five minutes past when she was said to arrive, taking your helmet off saying bluntly that if she isn't here soon you will kill her yourself.

With that you hear a small voice from behind speaking up introducing themselves turning around to your surprise you see a young woman in a beautiful leather dress, her beauty catches you off guard as you were not expecting to see someone such as her. Commanding her presence, clutching her chin tightly as to prove who is in charge you warn her of her misbehaviors surprisingly, this servant speaks up trying to defend herself, you won't allow her to make a fool of you in-front anyone. Quickly reminding her who you are, face so close you can see the smoothness of her skin, the color of her eyes and smell her sweet rose scent catching you by surprise letting out a harsh breath near her face.

You inform her of her duties and your expectations before dismissing her, turning to leave before you make a bigger fool of yourself. 'How is it that this woman has already made you aware of things you haven't had any interest in since you were young?'

Finished with your duties for the day exhausted from dealing with idiots you make your way back to your quarters opening the door, you are instantly met with the strong smell of eucalyptus not a terrible smell but not something you aren't used to, Doris always used cinnamon in your baths. That must mean the new servant girl is preparing it this time, walking past the bathroom seeing the door is a jar.

As you pass glancing seeing her stand to her feet quickly removing her submerged arm from the water, the way she does as if she's afraid you will kill her for her doing the job description? She walks out telling you she's put some oils and soaps in the bath, the oils you are used to, but the soap will be something new as Doris never used it much. Telling her whatever she did was fine, you are tired, dismissing her you begin to undress.

Taking the garments off one by one you can still feel her presence behind you, eyes glued to you continuing if only to see how long she will stay there, after a few moments as you are getting close to exposing your bare chest finally speaking up telling her to leave. Still not sure why she was watching you in the first place, she leaves for the night as you finish undressing heading towards the bathroom.

Sliding into the bathtub noticing she made the temperature far too hot for your liking, but it was a nice change. The smell of eucalyptus fills your nose making it scrunch but enjoying the smell none the less. Allowing yourself to relax, an action you are not entirely comfortable with.

After the bath heading to your room noticing she pulled the covers back neatly almost as if she was scared you'd kill her if they weren't exact. Seeing also that your clothes are laid out neatly like she pressed them against the bed to remove any traces of wrinkles. You wonder 'is she a perfectionist or does she assume you are one?' Either way you appreciate the effort of it, getting dressed then slipping into bed lying there for quite a while since sleep seems to take its time with you. Not knowing when it happened, but you fall asleep still getting sweet whiffs of eucalyptus calming you further.


	8. First day on duty

Waking early in the morning rolling to one side staring out the big window in your room. Noticing how beautiful the planet is with a soft glow of red highlighting the snowfall, it's breathtaking. This new life you were thrown into is much different than your old, all you have ever known is slave work and abuse. Now living on the starkiller base in this immaculate room, with incredible amenities and warm food it is almost as if the universe is rewarding you for something you've never done.

Pulling the blankets close to your face closing your eyes letting your mind wonder about the future, will you be Kylo Ren's servant until you are old and gray like Doris? Is there more coming to your life, will you ever find true happiness? Sighing you decide it's time to get up for the day, sliding out of bed and slugging towards the bathroom where you rinse off.

Now feeling a grumbling in your stomach you order a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast with a side of black coffee, the little droid arriving much faster than you expected leaves you with the meal after wishing you a good morning. 'Such a cute little thing isn't it' smiling you thank him before he rolls off. Taking your time with the hot meal thinking of what sort of outfit you should wear today; it will be your real first day on the job after all.

Piece of toast still in hand walking towards the closet staring into its abyss, 'hmm I really think something beautiful yet practical would be best for today.' Choosing a velvet dress with bell sleeves that falls just below the knees, matching it with a pair of black ankle strap heels. For hair today you decide to let it down flowing naturally, pinning back one side behind your ear. The makeup was easy enough, going with a natural Smokey eye finishing with a soft red lip. For jewelry picking a silver necklace that has two black roses on either side before meeting a shining ruby in the middle, matching it with a pair of simple ruby studs.

Once dressed making your way to the commander's room making sure to take the right path this time, arriving the hatch swings open letting you walk right in. Surprisingly, you see the commander still fast asleep in his bed, worried you arrived too early looking at the time 'no it's 715 am he should have been gone by now.... do I leave?' Deciding you do not want to give off the impression of never even showing up for the first real shift, walking quietly into his bathroom and begin cleaning, making sure to be as silent as possible.

Before entering his bedroom, you slip your shoes off so not to wake him walking quietly placing what you can into the laundry basket and dusting the furniture. Just before turning to walk out noticing his towel from last night's bath is laying half next to him and half across his bare chest, creeping up slowly placing one hand on the side of his bed while reach over him for it tugging slightly as you gradually glide it across him.

He twitches in his sleep rolling over to the side, his face now towards your stomach as his hand moves up the bed grazing your leg before he jumps awake grabbing onto your thigh strongly he swings you around, landing flat on the middle of his bed. "What the hell are you doing." He says as he's standing over you towering like a giant. "I'm so sorry sir, I was just simply trying to grab your towel so I could wash it." You say holding the towel towards your chest, staring at you intently finally he lets go of your thigh before walking off to the bathroom.

Standing, tossing the towel into the laundry basket before rushing out the room, once in the washroom you take a moment to place your fingers where his had been moments ago. Wincing it's still tinder he gripped so hard you could see the slight tint of his hand print. Patiently and very mundanely waiting for his clothes to wash and dry before folding them neatly and returning to his quarters.

Inside placing everything neatly in its spot before leaving, knowing you are supposed to go to the commander to see if he has anything else for you to do but instead really wanting to skip out. Putting on a brave face you head towards his workroom, arriving you inform the guards who you are and walk inside. Ren is sitting at the end of an exceedingly long desk with his face resting in the palms of his hands. "Commander..." his face darts up chilling you with his stare. "I was just seeing if you needed me for anything else, or if you were okay with me going back to my room."

He stands walking towards you not stopping until he has you pressed against the wall firmly. Taking his gloved hand he traces the now green tinted bruise on your face "I thought this would have shown you how easily it is to get hurt working for the first order, this morning in my quarters I could have easily snapped your neck with one swift move." As he says this you feel a tight pressure growing on your neck while you are slowly being raised off the floor. Taking your own hands, placing them on his outstretched arm grasping tightly while pleading with your eyes to let you go. Just like that he releases letting you fall to the ground gasping for air, he turns walking out before saying "catch me off guard again and you won't be so lucky."

Rising to your feet rushing back to your own room holding back the hot flow of tears that follow. 'Why must you work for someone who wants to kill you so badly? Why is he allowing you to live when clearly he hates you?' Staying hidden away in your room all day until you see that it is time once again to prepare his bed and bath, reluctantly finding yourself back inside his room.

Thankfully, this time no sign of the commander letting yourself relax exhaling out. Turning down his bed while picturing how easy was for him to overpower you, the thought makes you shiver as you reach for his pillow fluffing it sniffing the musky scent paired with a hint of eucalyptus, the eucalyptus is heavenly but combined with the strong smell of Kylo it gives you goose bumps.

Moving to the bathroom preparing the tub with the oil and soap, pouring in the soap you hear the hatch door hiss open just then noticing the bottom of your dress has slipped into the water. Pulling it out squeezing and ringing the water from the fabric the commander walks into the bathroom, stopping dead in his tracks he stares eyeing from your face down. His eyes pausing longer than comfortable at your raised dress, he now walks right to you before kneeling and placing his hand on the still visible mark he left this morning. Looking up straight at you his thumb pressing against the swollen mark rubbing gently "sir it's okay you don...." he stands now only inches from your face, brushing your hair back before saying softly "it was not my intention to hurt you (y/n) understand that I didn't know who you were in that moment... forgive me."

As he walks out leaving you speechless still holding the damp dress in your hands, finishing with his bath water excusing yourself. Back in your room now in your own shower running your fingers back to the mark on your thigh 'he is so confusing, one second he tries to choke me to death the next he's apologizing for a simple welt.' Still the thought lingers of how gentle he was, showing you a side of him you did not know existed.


	9. Velvet rose

*Kylo's view*

Resting heavily, dreaming a multitude of images ranging from your childhood to training to becoming a Jedi master, to the first years working for the first order, then you dream of battle and enemy's. The terror of being killed the constant flashing of your dad's face as you murdered him, these dreams are a nightly routine.

A shift in the nature of the dreams as it's now a warm sunset seeing yourself standing in a field of roses, brushing your fingertips along the velvet tops of the delicate flowers plucking one out of the ground bringing it to your nose. The scent is so strong paired with the incredibly realistic feel of the soft Petals making you question if this is actually reality.

Suddenly feeling your hand brush against something just as soft as the rose but much more real bringing you out of sleep, opening your eyes disoriented seeing a figure leaning over you. Without hesitation swiftly grabbing the person slamming them onto the bed, once having the higher ground realizing it's only (y/n) staring back with utter fear strewn across her face. Harshly asking what the hell she's doing 'does she have a death wish?'

Looking at her delicate figure clutching the towel she said she was grabbing; noticing how truly fragile she is only making you aware how easily you could have really hurt her. Leaving her laying on the bed frozen in place, now going to the bathroom to clear your thoughts with a much welcomed cold shower. Afterwards noticing she is gone from your room, allowing you to dress in peace.

Once in the conference room slouching down into a chair placing your hands to your face, thoughts racing 'why did she think it was okay to reach over you like that. Doesn't she know how quickly she could have died?' The thought making you frown, you did not want to harm her she was only doing what you had asked. 'No, that was her mistake. If she died from her own foolishness it wouldn't have been your fault.' Thoughts now remembering how small and scared she looked staring up at you, in that moment wanting to reach out to her, bring her close show her you meant no harm. Not knowing why but the thought of accidentally killing her this morning is bringing you so much pain, you wouldn't have been able to forgive yourself, underneath this hard shell is a softer version of a man you once knew.

Just then hearing her soft voice speak up, raising your face to meet hers feeling a hot fire run through your veins. Eyes locking onto the small bruise left on her cheek, walking towards her pinning her against the wall trying to make a point as you touch the sore spot infuriated by her stupidity. 'She keeps putting herself into situations where she gets hurt.' Trying to prove it explaining how easily you could have killed her, without thinking raising your arm clenching your hand you begin to choke her the rage radiating out of your body. Feeling her small hands grasp your arm bringing your attention back to her face seeing that pure fear once again, releasing her watching as she falls to the floor. Warning her to take more precaution you leave, mostly to stop yourself from hurting her anymore... you are a monster after all. Hours go by all the while the image of her frightened face seared into your brain, you wanted her respect and loyalty but not her fear.

Heading towards your quarters walking inside going straight to the bathroom needing to destress. Opening the bathroom door seeing her standing by the tub with the bottom of her dress in her hands, stopping losing the breath in your lungs as you look from her delicate face down until you see her exposed legs.

A red hand print catching your attention crushes you, knowing you grabbed her hard but having no idea it would leave a mark 'if only she hadn't caught you by surprise' a great sadness washes over you before realizing it, you were kneeling before her reaching for the tinder mark. Her skin smooth and beautiful twitches at the touch of your hand, standing looking up into her eyes expressing how you never meant to hurt her hoping she believes you. Before she has the chance to say anything you leave waiting to return until you have heard her leave.

Days turn into nights and nights turn into weeks, having not seen (y/n) for more than a few moments each day when she asks if you need anything else from her, each day dismissing her. Wanting to spend as little time around her as possible, you don't want to hurt her. Yet still finding her on your mind constantly, every hour of the day wondering what she is doing, where she is at, if she is safe... if she is happy. Having only just met this woman the strong need for her is overwhelming, only making you avoid her even more. Finding yourself wondering if she is avoiding you too.


	10. It's been far too long

Waking to the sound of a blaring alarm never remembering setting it while hitting your palm against its surface shutting it up. Glancing at the time seeing it's 545 am, sighing knowing that you *must* be presentable around the commander, even though you haven't seen him for more than a few minutes each day for weeks now, but in order to do that you have to get up.

Sitting up in bed rubbing your eyes while yawning, at least you've been slepping good for the first time in years. Standing walking towards your dresser drawer opening it rumbling through the mess of underwear trying to find something a little comfortable, deciding a simple pair of black thong underwear and matching bra will do fine for the day. Turning now heading towards the closet opening the doors still in awe of its massive selection, not sure what the day will hold or what activities you will be doing settling on a simple black skater dress that has a white neck trim with white cuffs at the sleeves. Choosing a pair of black flats hoping to give your feet a rest from the constant wear of heels, walking from the closet laying your clothes across the chair, now making your bed 'after all you can't oversee Ren's bed if you can't even make your own.'

Next getting dressed sitting in front of the vanity choosing to do a no makeup look with a simple cat eye winged liner and neutral lipstick. Pulling your hair into a ponytail realizing today you look so much more effortless than you had in weeks hoping that it won't make you look lazy. Deciding to skip out on the jewelry today as nothing really matches the casual look you are going for.

At that moment, your droid comes wheeling into the room with a plate of breakfast it greets you informing you of the meal as it sets it up on your bed. 'Oh, great you already did your makeup not even thinking about food since you usually didn't eat but once or twice a day on your old planet.' Walking to the tray thanking the droid as it rolls away. Opening the silver lid, taken back by the massive breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, a biscuit, and toast, all served with coffee, orange juice and milk. Thinking 'damn, do they think I eat this much?' Even though deep down inside you probably could eat the entire plate choosing only to eat the toast and the coffee.

Before leaving the room touching up your lipstick rechecking yourself in the mirror thinking 'am I up to the commanders standards? I must be, I mean after all he did specifically choose these outfits. (Shrugging) his words not mine.' Turning heading for the door ready to start the workday. Walking down the still darkened hallway remembering to turn left another left and a right down a long hallway turning once more to the right where you see the commander's door at the end of the hall.

Stopping for a moment as if to gain the courage to go back in there, remembering the frightening interaction from a few weeks ago walking as you keep thinking 'please already be gone please be gone please be gone.' Arriving at the door it flings open with ease you aren't sure if it's programmed to sense you or something else but regardless walking inside.

Much to your delight seeing that the bed is empty with the blankets pulled back, then to your disgust noticing his clothes piled on the floor in a clump, right next to the hamper. 'Typical.' Rolling your eyes. Grabbing the clothes putting them into the hamper you turn to strip the bed of its linens, by doing so you get whiffs of eucalyptus mixed the same natural musk you are becoming familiar with on his pillow. Even still you are slightly bothered by enjoying the scents, rolling up the linens shoving them into the hamper as well then heading towards the closet where Doris has previously showed you the fresh pair would be waiting, the spot that you are to put the cleaned linens once they are done washing.

Picking up the sheets feeling how silky they are to the touch running your fingers along the top of the fabric, moving to the bed beginning to replace the sheets. Frustrated by the size of his bed and slightly being lazy not wanting to walk around to place the fitted sheet on to his bed, crawling on to the top pulling at the sheets.

As if it would be any other way hearing the sound of heavy boots moving towards the room 'crap when did someone even come in? You hadn't heard the door open you didn't think?' Then realizing the position at which you are in, on your hands and knees on top of Kylo Ren's bed wearing a slightly short dress, quickly flipping over landing on your butt placing your hands to your sides when you notice it's none other than the commander himself standing at the foot of the bed.

"What exactly are you doing." The commander spoke. "I uh... I was just changing the sheets on your bed sir; it's a big bed and I was trying to get all the corners on." He walks over to the other side of the bed by the corner that you were struggling with before he came in. Effortlessly he tugs at the sheet swiftly causing you to be forced back falling to your side, he slips the sheet around the corner with ease. "There." He says walking towards his dresser picking something up before turning and walking out not paying you anymore attention.

Sitting back up on the bed flustered by a few things, 'one how did you not hear him come in? Two, was he able to see anything he shouldn't have before you had flipped over? And three, how was it so damn easy for him to pull the sheet over that corner with you being on it, he must be strong.' Standing up finishing making the bed turning your focus to the room looking around searching for anything out of place or dirty, gladly you didn't see anything sticking out nothing looked like it had even been touched besides the clothes pile he left and the messy bed. Tidying up what you can, dusting and polishing the furniture before heading out of the room towards his personal laundry room.

Inside the laundry room down the hall you think 'why does he want his clothes washed separately from everyone else? You know he is the commander and all but why does it matter.' Still you unload his clothes into the washer making sure to check the pockets before doing so, placing the linen into another washer pressing start on the machines. Just as you do Doris walks into the laundry room greeting you cheerfully.

"well good morning (y/n) I see that you have mastered how to do your chores well enough. I do hope that you are finding it easy, While I have you here, I wanted to show you my own personal hide away in the laundry room. I know that waiting for laundry to wash and dry can be rather boring." As she walks past you and up to a cabinet opening it's doors, she reaches for something pulling out a stack of books. She reads the expression on your face "they're many different styles; I enjoy reading and hope you do too. I have mystery, crime, and even romance." As she elbows you jokingly. You laugh and say, "but won't you be needing these while in retirement?" She responds, " oh no, I've got plenty more books back in my quarters these are a gift from one bored servant to another."

Thanking her while taking the stack of books into your hands, flipping through them reading the titles. One catches your eye and not to your surprise it is the romance novel 'this looks interesting, I'm not much of a sucker for love but the back says it's got some hot sex scenes too and I'll admit it's been way too long.' She places her hand on your shoulder and says, "you are very welcome, oh yes my dear that book is a good choice it will definitely keep your mind from boredom."

Laughing she walks out of the laundry room. Slightly entertained and kind of grossed out at the thought of Doris reading a smut book feeling a shiver run down your spine. Taking a seat in the chair across from the washer and dryer beginning to read the book.

(Warning slight smut ahead)

More time passed than you realized as the sound of the washing machine rings off letting you know it's time to place the clothes into the dryer, doing so quickly so you can return to the book. The story is of an enigmatic man falling in love with his bosses daughter, so far the story has been strange interactions between the characters building up to the close encounters they've shared.

The next chapter was a steamy one being the part where they confess their love all the while knowing her father would never approve and yet they make sweet passionate love in the field of a pasture. Usually this kind of story wouldn't really get the blood flowing to other parts of you but like you said earlier it has been a long time, over 3 years since you slept with the last man you thought you loved. As you continue reading finding you are at the parts of the chapter where the characters are kissing each other on the lips, chin, and chest. Running their hands along one another's bodies groping each other, the male character reaching up the woman's dress dragging his fingers across her slit.

The story tells of the woman moaning with pleasure and he slides the panties to the side running his finger up parting her lips softly tracing the outline of her softness before beginning to rub her clit in circular motions. Feeling your own clit throb at the thought of it beginning to get wet in your underwear before thinking 'it really has been entirely too long.' Continuing to read as the characters move further into the act of love making, reading each word with thirst for the next feeling yourself getting very very turned on.

Just as the characters are about to finish with an orgasmic ending you hear the loud chiming of the dryer letting you know the clothes are finished, slightly frustrated knowing you must continue doing your job while basically walking around with damp panties. You had not thought that book would bring such feelings within you, putting it back into the cabinet from where it came grabbing the clothes folding them.

Folding the sheets with ease now focusing on the commanders clothes folding the shirts, vests, and pants not thinking much of it, but once you come to a pair of black briefs pausing thinking back to the book you were just reading remembering the woman running her hand along the front of the man's underwear feeling him grow hard at the feel of her touch. Taking your own hand without thinking running it along the front seem of the boxers you are holding envisioning the invisible lump wishing it was forming in your own hand. Catching yourself before quickly folding the boxers placing everything back into the hamper and walking out of the laundry room headed towards the commander's room.

Reaching the quarters, standing in front of the door expecting it to fling open like it usually does, but this time it stays shut. Frustrated knocking on the door while trying to hold the heavy laundry basket with one arm, nothing happens. Setting the basket on the floor standing there thinking 'okay what the hell it usually just opens automatically?' You begin looking around the frame of the door spotting a sensor pad, pressing a few buttons that follow along with some beeping sounds but no progress. Continuing messing with the pad until it starts to sound off an intruder alarm loudly.

Jumping you begin pressing the silence button over and over to no avail, growing more anxious you prepare to bolt when hearing the sound of heavy boots marching in your direction. Hearing them turn the corner spinning around seeing that the commander is marching towards you. "What are you doing. Why did you set off my alarms you imbecile?" Waving his hand, you suddenly feel yourself sliding across the floor with ease before bumping into the laundry basket. It takes you a moment to realize he just used the force on you, but thankful he didn't slam you into the wall like he probably wanted to.

He walks up to the pad turning the alarm off entering a passcode. "Did Doris forget to give you the passcode?" You look up at him almost afraid to answer... "I guess so, usually the door just opens with ease I've never had any proble..." he raises his hand silencing you. "That is because I've sensed your presence each time before using the force, I've opened the door for you. I stopped because I got tired of catering to you, by now my servant should know the passcode."

He looks down on you, but you can't tell what type of facial expression he has under that helmet of his, still you could feel the annoyance radiating from him. He speaks again in a cold deep tone "the passcode is 5829 I will not be interrupted again for such foolishness I suggest you learn it." Thanking him before slipping into the room thankfully hearing the door close behind you, knowing you are alone.

Walking into his bedroom placing his clothes back into the closet and dresser next replacing the cleaned linens back on the shelf. When finished walking by the bed sitting down on the edge of it, noticing you are still a little shaken by the scene a few moments ago. Plopping down on the bed arms out to the side while slowing your breathing 'he could have easily killed me on the spot I keep messing up around him and I doubt he will refrain next time. But it was kind of cool to see how easily he could control even your own body without your say.'

That thought letting your mind wonder... wonder about what else the force could do, about what else Kylo Ren could do to your body without your say. Catching yourself within these thoughts saying "god! Why do I keep bringing my mind to such sexual places with the commander?! He's my boss for crying out loud."

And yet the thought still lingers heavy on your mind, images flood your brain with thoughts of being held down by his strong hands while he takes you as he pleases. The thought makes you throb releasing the breath you did not realize you were holding in. Slightly sitting up looking around the commanders room making sure you are completely alone before finding yourself running your hand up the middle of your stomach resting it against your breast before beginning to gently squeeze it adding a little pressure with each knead.

Releasing the grip, running your finger around the shape of it gently grazing it across your nipple feeling it begin to grow hard. Moving your fingers in circular motions around your nipple before gently pinching it releasing a soft moan. With your other hand running it up your thigh slowly while squirming from the tingling sensation it creates. Reaching the place right at the top of your panties, taking your middle finger slowly rubbing the slit from the bottom of your lips to the top repeating this action for a few moments all the while continuing to massage your breast.

Giving into the feeling of pleasure relaxing your legs allowing them to spread to the sides while moving your hand underneath your panties now repeating the rubbing motion still on the outer lips. Picturing the commander's large muscular hand instead of your own slipping your finger between the folds feeling the wetness releasing another quiet moan. Running your finger from the bottom of your opening up to the tip of your clit causing you to twitch with pleasure. You begin rubbing your clit slow and gentle still imagining his fingers are the cause, rolling your hips up flowing with the growing sensations as you let out soft moan after moan.

Dipping your finger down slowly pushing it into yourself letting out a moan louder than before as you begin pumping the finger back and forth. Taking the hand from your breast laying it beside you on his bed grabbing a handful of his covers as sliding a second finger inside. Moaning again pushing your fingers deeper inside over and over again before sliding them out returning them to your clit, massaging it with quick round motions feeling the pressure building within as you are close to peaking. Quickening your moaning feeling your walls begin to pulsate with pleasure, only to be interrupted by the sound of the hatch opening suddenly.

Quickly pulling your hand from your panties standing up while turning smoothing out the comforter while trying not to fall over from the rush of standing too quickly. Hearing heavy boots, becoming more familiar as you know it's the commander, he walks into the room pausing for a moment surprised you are still in his room at this time. "Shouldn't you have already made my bed?" He asks.

Fumbling for a moment before turning facing him, hoping he can't see the hot flush feeling on your face. "Yes, commander I have already made your bed this morning... I had sat the laundry basket on the edge of the bed and was making sure the wrinkles were pressed out sir." He walks closer while reaching for his helmet releasing it with a hissing sound before pulling it over his head revealing his face to you. As he does so you feel yourself blush harder knowing there is no way he can't notice this time but you can't help it tracing his face with your eyes from the thick dark wavy hair to the sharpness of his jaw up to his lips then to his eyes which seem far less cold at the moment with hints of warm brown and honey.

Quickly glancing down as if you are afraid he will hear your thoughts, he speaks again "you are dismissed until your duties for tonight. I appreciate the need to fix everything perfectly within my quarters (as he walks towards the bed placing his own hand on the edge smoothing out the very spot you were just touching yourself on) but I am more than capable of doing this myself." Eyes widening a little as you think 'if he only knew what you were doing only moments ago, he wouldn't be touching that spot.'

"Yes sir, I'm sorry I am still trying to figure out what you like and don't." He looks up at you now much closer saying, "in time you will know all of my wants." With that you could just about faint darting your head to the floor quickly walking out of his room.


	11. Release

Heading back to your own room seriously fluster by a few things, 'why are you so horny? Why did you think it was okay to masturbate on the commander's bed? Why were you attracted to him? Did he know what you were just doing?'

Inside your room walking to the bathroom letting the sink fill up with cold water before splashing it on your hot face. Once you've relaxed a little bringing your focus to the wet spot inside your panties, sighing you say, "it sucks being horny as hell but sucks even more not being able to finish." Walking out of the bathroom sitting on the chair in your room now alone with your thoughts again thinking 'what did the commander mean all of his wants? Am I horny god yes, but does that mean I'm going to allow him to use me as he pleases absolutely not.'

Time passes before looking at the time it is now 5 in the afternoon realizing you've missed lunch which explains the rumble in your stomach. Taking the tablet sitting on the desk ordering food for the droid to bring soon, ordering a light dinner of baked chicken and vegetables pairing it with a bottle of red wine. After today you need a little something to calm your nerves the thought of almost being caught by Kylo Ren causes your heart to race. 'What would he have done if he caught you?' Pulling you from your thoughts you hear a knock at your door "come in" you say as the door opens, your droid hurrying to put the plate of food in front of you while wheeling back out the door grabbing the bottle of wine you requested. "Good evening (y/n) I do hope you find this dinner delicious and the wine quenching, enjoy." Thanking it as it rolls out of the room leaving you to dinner.

The food was amazing hitting the empty spot in your stomach exactly right, the wine was the best you've ever tasted and the strongest. Wishing you had known how strong it was before drinking two glasses by now, feeling a little tipsy finishing the dinner glancing back at the clock seeing it's now almost 6 pm, knowing that it will be dark soon. Standing you go the bathroom to clean up before heading out the door going towards the commander's room again.

Arriving at his door remembering this time not to cause a scene entering the passcode he had shown you. With ease the door flies open allowing you to enter, the room is the same as it has been each time tidy and spotless finding yourself wondering why he needed a servant in the first place. Walking over to his bed preparing to pull the covers back prepping the bed for his slumber, as you do you can't help but bring your eyes to the spot where you laid earlier noticing the smallest white stain right at the edge. Gasping thinking 'oh my god I know I was wet, but I didn't think it would have soaked through my panties onto his bed!' Quickly going to his bathroom grabbing a washcloth rushing back to the bed trying to scrub the spot as best as you can.

Satisfied that the spot is not visible, relaxing a little continuing to fix his bed, picking up his pillow in your hands sniffing the soft lingering scent of him again only this time placing it to your face inhaling deeply while letting out a small hum, holding it for longer than you should have. Fluffing the pillow returning it next focusing on the bathroom heading in turning on the bath water while choosing the eucalyptus oil and bubble bath again. Sprinkling them both into the bath watching as the water comes close to the brim, jealous you have never gotten the experience of a nice hot bubble bath.

The hatch opens, standing wiping your arm down with a towel, seeing the commander come in looking exhausted and sweaty as hell. He walks straight into the bathroom saying, "I'm glad you're still here, I have just finished a long training session and need you to assist me with my bath." Freezing on the spot gulping hard "uh... yes of course sir whatever you need." He tells you to step out of the bathroom while he undressed himself, he will call for you when he is ready.

Stepping out standing with your back to the door, thoughts envisioning him peeling out of his tight sweaty clothes, body glistening in the light. The thought making you throb thinking 'okay seriously? Now is not the time I will take care of you later.' Hearing him call that he is ready entering the bathroom, eyeing the mess of clothes in a pile on the floor to the shirtless exposed skin of his broad back "what would you like me do to commander?" Asking while walking closer to the tub, glad you put the bubble bath solution in approaching you cannot see any exposed skin below the water line. "I want you to wash my hair and scrub my back my arms are tired and weak from training." He says, walking to the cabinet grabbing a washcloth and a cup to rinse his hair, turning heading towards the tub kneeling, resting on your knees.

Looking up catching him staring at you intently, blushing looking down dipping the rag into the hot bath water collecting suds with it. Scooting down slowly bringing the towel to the tense muscle of his back touching the rag gently feeling him flinch forward, not sure if you hurt him instinctively placing a free hand on his shoulder to signal you meant no harm. He relaxes again letting out a deep sigh closing his eyes, continuing moving the rag around his back in smooth motions from top to bottom, side to side not realizing your hand is still gripping onto his shoulder releasing it finishing with his back.

"Can you lean back so I can wash your hair commander?" You say as his eyes open looking directly into yours. He does not say anything but moves forward in the tub while leaning back enough to make sure the water doesn't run on to his face. Taking the cup collecting water within it then letting it run down his head soaking the dark curls, they are beautiful you think, squeezing some shampoo into your hands. "I'm going to begin washing your hair now commander I didn't want to startle you." Closing his eyes saying, "that is what I asked you to do, is it not?" Now rubbing your hands together creating a lather before placing one on either side of his scalp gently massaging the shampoo into his hair. Still being seated at the side of the tub the position is quite difficult making you have to slightly lean over him to reach the back of his head, happy that his eyes are closed or else he would be entirely too close to your cleavage right now. Continuing to scrub watching as his face begins relaxing from its stern fixed pout, his lips slightly part as he allows you to wash him. Taking in the moment scrubbing for longer than needed twisting his hair in your fingers, loving the feeling of it resisting the urge to grasp it and gently pull.

Deciding you have over cleaned his hair it's time to rinse the shampoo, teaching for the wet cup with your soapy fingers it falls from your grasp into the bath water. Instinctively quickly reaching into the water to retrieve it only to realize what you are doing as you brush the side of his leg with your hand mistakenly. Suddenly his eyes open and are inches from your chest, he pulls back "get out. Now. Leave. I will finish the rest you've done enough."

Pulling back quickly you gasp slightly at the anger in his voice not quite sure why he was so upset but not wanting to wait around to figure it out quickly walking out of the bathroom into his room before catching yourself against the hallway wall. Trying to catch your breath realizing you did not shut the bathroom door all the way, there was just a big enough gap to still be able to see him in the bath from this position. Knowing you should leave like he said but what you see next glues you to that spot.

Watching Kylo laying back in the tub seeing his hand dip into the water fumbling with something. As you watch beginning to understand that the commander is touching himself, with the slow motion of his arm moving up and down against the water. The image almost too good to be true immediately making you quiver and throb, 'does he know you haven't left yet? He mustn't, surely he wouldn't be touching himself.' Feeling yourself getting wet in your panties for the third time today, frustrated by the growing need for release deciding to give in sliding your dress up placing the edge of the skirt in your mouth, out of the way.

Watching as the commander quickens his pace while letting out a deep grunt, his low moans of pleasure pushing you too far sliding your hand into your panties beginning to rub your clit at the pace the commander is already going. Picturing his firm hand stroking his hard cock in the water imagining it, big and thick 'it must be, look at the size of everything else on him.' The thought causing you to pulsate as you slide two fingers inside pumping in and out, letting your head fall back against the wall letting out a small moan muffled by your dress still placed in your mouth.

Quickly looking back at the commander to see if he heard you, but he didn't at least he didn't show that he did. He is now going faster with one hand clutching the side of the bathtub seeing him bite his lip while letting out louder grunts. Quickening the pace to match his returning your fingers to your clit bringing the slick wetness with them making the circular motions much easier making it feel so much better, causing you to buckle your knees at the pleasure. Watching as Kylo pumps his arm up and down faster and faster quickening his breath, sliding your panties to your feet making it easier to speed up matching his pace wanting to feel as if you are being fucked by him at his speed.

Noticing the faster pace is bringing you closer and closer to orgasm, Kylo let's his head fall back, he begins to twitch with pleasure knowing he is close also letting out a deep moan while saying your name, pumping his dick faster into his hand. This surprises and turns you on so much it pushes you over the edge pressing your back against the wall opening your mouth as the dress falls from it feeling yourself begin to orgasm with clutching pulsation's cascading throughout your body invoking you to shake letting slip a moan slightly louder than you wanted. Quickly placing a hand across your mouth to muffle the rest of the orgasmic moans, cumming.

Just as fast as you came hearing Kylo moving in the bathroom, 'oh shit oh fuck I have to get out of here like now.' Thinking realizing you don't even have enough time to pull your panties up kicking them quickly across the room watching them slide under his bed 'no time, I will grab those when I get his laundry in the morning.' Darting out of his quarters running as fast as you can to your own.


	12. Pressure building

*Kylo's view*

Waking calmly for the first time in months not sure what helped you sleep so well, but glad you did sitting up in bed preparing for the day ahead. Going to the bathroom, showering the smell still lingering as the eucalyptus scent washes from your body making you tired again 'maybe that was why you slept so good' thinking while finishing the shower. After dressing for the day, heading out to perform the mundane role as commander 'don't get me wrong I love the feeling of power and control, but something feels like it's missing.' A few hours pass before remembering you left the upcoming battle plans on your dresser leaving to retrieve them.

Walking into your quarters stopping, focusing your eyes to (y/n) on her hands and knees needlessly tugging at a corner of the sheet. Watching for a moment as her struggled movement causes the hem of her dress to sway back and forth momentarily flashing her black panties showing the smooth outline of her ass. Quickly letting your presence be known walking closer to the end of the bed, thudding footsteps heavier so that she will hear.

You watch as she startles spinning around facing you with embarrassment on her face, asking her what she is attempting to do. Her answer almost makes you chuckle knowing it would have been far easier to just walk around the bed, striding to the corner grabbing the sheet pulling it over easily. Looking as doing so, with more force than you had realized seeing her fall to the side before grabbing what you came for and leaving. The image of her on all fours, panties and ass facing you burned into your mind, making the day seem harder and longer.

During the briefing you are alerted of an intruder trying to break into your room, quickly leaving the command office rushing towards quarters only to turn the corner seeing (y/n) struggling with the sensor pad pressing every button she can find getting more flustered by the second. Reprimanding her stupidity while forcing her to the side with a quick hand gesture before she messes anything else up. Noticing how red her face has become as it causes you to hyper focus on it, her hair tightly pulled into a ponytail allowing you to see all her face. The soft smooth skin with a few beauty marks placed upon it, the shape of her eyes staring back at you, noticing how beautiful they truly are as they try to read your face through the mask. Moving your eyes to her lips watching her speak, lingering on every word not hearing a thing she says only noticing the pressing and parting of her mouth, starting to feel your pants grow tight with the longing to know what else her mouth can do. Snapping out of the trance informing her of the passcode telling her not to bother you again before leaving. Frustrated at yourself for allowing your mind to wonder to such thoughts of a servant girl punching the wall of your office hard releasing the built-up anger. The pain bringing your focus back to the planning for battle, this task far more important.

After lunch deciding to head back to your room to quiet your thoughts, you've been thinking all morning and afternoon of (y/n's) lips, eyes, and ass. It seems almost every thirty minutes you begin to daydream causing yourself to chub in your tight trousers. 'You need to get away from distractions so you can clear your mind, even if that means taking care of this' you think reaching down adjusting your boner so you can walk comfortably.

Standing outside the door to the room stopping for a moment while hearing the sound of faint moaning coming from behind it, confused and pissed wondering who is in your room and what are they doing , preparing to kill someone for using your personal quarters as a fuck room storming in.

Opening the hatch walking in only to see (y/n) standing at the edge of the bed wobbling messing with the blankets. Glancing around the room to see if anyone else was in here that could have been making those sweet moaning sounds realizing she's the only one. Humoring yourself, asking her why she was making your bed now? She makes some excuse as you remove your helmet allowing you to see her face to face,watching she ponders your own, knowing you must have some effect on her makes your heart and cock throb.

Now walking to the edge of the bed where you can see a small wet spot at the end only making you grow harder, running your gloved hand over the spot envisioning what she was doing to have caused it. Letting her know her excuse of wanting the covers to be neat is pointless while wondering if she knows you caught her mid act. She says she doesn't know what you like, making you throb again mind flooding with thoughts of bending her over the bed while raising that little dress up, sliding her black panties to the side showing her exactly what you like. Teasing her by telling her in time she will know, watching her leave the room with haste smiling to yourself, knowing you got the exact point across you wanted too.

Now with a raging hard on sitting on the end of the bed unlatching and unzipping your pants sighing at the release of the tight pressure that was holding your cock in. Pulling your pants down a little along with the briefs releasing your length, Precum seeping out the head of your dick. Removing your gloves placing your hand on your cock beginning to rub up and down letting a deep moan out, with the other hand placing it on top of the wet spot (y/n) left next to you.

The feeling of her juices on your bare hand makes you twitch and throb into your fist as you caress your cock. Imagining her laying there touching her sweet tight little pussy as you jerk off faster to the thoughts of how wet and tight she must be making you grunt with pleasure. Pumping into your hand faster and faster feeling the numbing sensation of release building up, lying flat on the bed taking your free hand adding it to your length so that now your whole cock is being jerked, feeling yourself about to cum picturing her slamming her fingers into her pussy the sounds of her moans as strong as if she was actually there.

Just as you are about to bust an alert on your tablet goes off saying that you are needed immediately for important first order business, frustrated as hell releasing your throbbing cock pulling your hands away as a string of precum follows. Grunting then standing shoving your dick back in your pants before storming out of the room, once in the office of Hux he informs you that you are needed for training. Pissed that he pulled you away from release slamming your fist down on his desk creating a dent, "general Hux do not ever call me immediately for something so stupid again or I will end you." Storming out you hear him mumbling something worthless, going to complete your training 'at least you can let out some frustration that way.'

Once finishing the intense training exhausted heading towards your quarters, opening the door you are welcomed with the calming smell of eucalyptus letting a smile form as you realize this smell now beginning to calm you. Walking into the bathroom seeing (y/n) drying her hand with a towel, asking her to help with your bath wincing from the painful muscles. 'Sure, you could just use the force to wash your own hair but a part of you wants to feel her touch on your skin.'

She waits outside the door, taking layer after layer of clothes off dropping them to the floor, stepping into the hot bath groaning sitting down feeling your tightened muscles begin to relax. Calling for her watching as she walks gracefully to grab a cloth, eyes watching her slow paces traveling up her legs fixating on the gentle sway of her hips. She turns to face you eyes catching yours, she looks down quickly as you think 'why can't she keep her eyes on me? Do I disgust her?'

She kneels beside the tub dipping the cloth in, bringing it against your back the warmth of the towel combined with the tenderness of her touch causes you to jerk, you weren't expecting it to feel so nice as she places a small hand on to your shoulder feeling the concern coming from her grip. Allowing yourself to relax as she rubs on your sore back closing your eyes dipping your head down letting yourself enjoy the smooth flowing of her hand, hating to admit it but your body yearns for gentle touch. You don't like to think about the soft sides of your feelings, thankfully she interrupts your thoughts as she says she's going to wash your hair now, leaning back allowing her to run her hands through your hair massaging your scalp completely melting against her touch, a first for you to have ever let your guard down with anyone other than Doris.

She goes to rinse your hair, hearing her fumbling when suddenly feeling her small hand grazing your thigh entirely too close to your manhood. Eyes flying open only to be met inches from her plump cleavage directly in your face. Instantly throbbing within the water the calming thoughts you were just thinking replaced with images of her perky boobs close enough to taste. Immediately commanding her to leave in fear that she has seen your cock growing within the bath, so flustered and hard you can't remember hearing the hatch doors opening or not.

At this moment not caring as you are so hard it hurts, the pressure of being horny all day and the ruined jerk session earlier has left your cock throbbing with need. Lying back letting your imagination run wild with thoughts of (y/n) on her hands and knees, then to her touching herself on your bed, to her plump breasts begging to be kissed and nipped at. Beginning to jack off in the tub letting out low groans from the intense pleasure, focusing your thoughts on (y/n's) perfect lips how badly you wish to feel them against your own, to taste her in your mouth, feel her tongue against your own. Stroking your dick faster laying your head against the tub while grasping the edges moaning loudly letting her name escape your mouth. Just as you do hearing something from inside your room, in the heat of the moment you could have sworn you heard her moaning.

Quickly standing grabbing a towel wrapping it around your waste walking out of the bathroom, to your surprise the room is totally empty except for the thud of your door closing. 'She was here... she saw what you were doing... and she enjoyed it.'

Walking back to the bathroom draining the bath water, turning heading to your bed skipping out on wearing clothes to bed at this point you don't want to feel constricted anymore. Walking to the chair beside the bed placing your pjs on it while doing so dropping your boxers on the floor. Bending to pick them up noticing a small shadow under the bed, using the force flicking your fingers in a forward motion the object slides into view realizing it is her black panties. Confused how they ended up under your bed picking them up feeling the silky fabric with your fingers running them along the front of the panties feeling how wet they are.

Instantly your cock becomes hard again not surprisingly seeing as you have not been able to cum all day. Letting the towel drop from your waste exposing your hard length, without hesitation swiftly jacking back and forth while leaning against the dresser. Holding her panties in your hand bringing your thoughts back to moments ago knowing she was once again touching herself in your quarters. Groaning loudly huffing as you pound your hand along the thickness of your cock, (y/n) is making you feel things no one has in so long. Quickly beginning to reach a climax taking the hand holding her underwear using it as a cum catcher moaning loudly, grunting and erratically jerking into the fabric of her panties filling them with a hot load.

Finished cumming using the underwear to wipe the tip of your pulsating cock clean before turning, letting yourself fall backwards on to the bed. Once your head hits the pillow you are overcome with the strong scent of rose mind booming with pictures of (y/n's) face, her intense beauty making your heart flutter, letting go of the soiled underwear leaving them next to you in the empty spot on the bed. Turning over on your stomach while nuzzling your face into the pillow inhaling deeply filling your senses with the rose smell, before knowing it your exhausted body and mind quickly fall asleep against the intoxicating aroma. Right before giving into sleep whispering her name quietly.


	13. Kylo...

Slamming the hatch door shut tightly running flinging yourself onto the bed 'how could you be so stupid to allow yourself to masturbate right across from the commander!' Burying your head into the mountain of pillows beginning to cry from embarrassment, the thought that he may have heard you along with the fear of what will happen if he did. 'Damn it felt good to finally release all that sexual tension but at what cost?'

Sitting up walking over to the still half full wine bottle before downing it swiftly to mask the overwhelming emotions you are feeling. Next going and taking a shower, while removing your dress suddenly remembering the underwear safely hidden under Ren's bed, saying a silent plead that he does not find them.

After the shower now feeling clean and tipsy stumbling into your room quickly pushing all the small pillows off climbing into bed, deciding to just sleep nude. Laying there letting your mind wonder with thoughts of the commander in the bath, his beautiful flowing hair, his soft freckled face, the smooth lips you crave. These sweet thoughts continue as you find yourself drifting further into sleep, right before softly whispering ...."Kylo..."


	14. Fire hot butterflies

Opening your eyes to the sound of an alarm immediately questioning if last night was a dream or not, remembering the events as they flash through your mind over and over. 'At least he doesn't know I was in there that's my only saving grace.' Rising from bed heading towards the closet, choosing a beautiful dark red lace top with long sleeves and a high neck, pairing it with black slacks and a regular pair of pumps. Happy to wear something other than solid black for once heading to the vanity, applying a makeup look to match the outfit staring at yourself 'I look good in red, I wonder if Kylo will think so as well...'

After eating a simple breakfast, heading towards the commander's room making sure to take your time getting there 'I don't want to see him face to face this morning.' Entering the passcode, walking inside relieved he is nowhere in sight, heading straight to the side of his bed peeking underneath it.

Gasping you don't see your underwear anywhere 'holy shit, okay breathe.... breathe... it's okay maybe it was just a dream after all...' trying to calm yourself but failing miserably. Redirecting your focus, beginning to clean everything from top to bottom anything to refocus your mind, once finished the room is sparkling grabbing his dirty laundry cramming it into the hamper. The walk to the laundry room gives you plenty more time to freak out 'I know it wasn't a dream... where could they be? Maybe I kicked them under the dresser, I'll check that when I go back.' Placing his laundry into the washing machines watching with a horrifying look as your panties come tumbling out of his sheets onto the floor, heart stopping as you pick them up noticing they are covered in white stains.

Quickly shoving them into your pocket 'that is an awfully big stain for just yourself... could it be....' shaking your head realizing how stupid that sounds 'but they were in his sheets... he must have found them...' Half dying from embarrassment and half intrigued at the thought of what he did with them, passing the time day dreaming while waiting for his laundry to finish.

After replacing his fresh laundry, shyly heading towards his office heart beating out of your chest, walking inside to see him back turned to you facing out a big window. "Kylo... err um commander sir... I am done with my morning chores was there anything else you needed from me..." He turns facing you staring for longer than comfortable before slowly walking towards you, each step makes your heart beat faster. Stopping only a foot from you he slides his helmet off, watching as his curls fall from the metal stopping at the tips of his shoulders moving your eyes to his face glancing at his soft lips feeling the longing inside your soul. Resting upon his warm eyes feeling as if you could completely melt into his arms, the feeling quickly replaced by your rigid frozen body as his hand reaches up to your own face cupping it with his large palm.

His other arm reaches around your side resting gently on the small of your back. "Sir... what are you doing.." saying nothing he leans closely whispering in your ear while reaching into your pocket sliding the stained panties from them "I see you found these, I know you were watching me and you should know I was thinking about you while I created this stain." While he brings the panties around into view, they hang from only two of his outstretched fingers. Immediately turning fire hot with embarrassment, yanking the underwear from his hand quickly turning heading for the door before realizing you are frozen in place by the force.

"Please let me go commander, what I did was inappropriate and unacceptable I will ask for a transfer immediately I apologize." Hearing his approaching footsteps, preparing for anything at this point he has you seriously confused. Flinching when feeling him press into your back before wrapping his arms around you gently, moving your hair from your neck saying "please don't go, I'm not mad (y/n) I find you impossibly hard to get off my mind. Stay and join me for lunch." Turning around face only inches from his searching his eyes for any signs of deception before relaxing, slowly pulling out from his embrace "I don't know what you want from me commander, I am your employee."

Watching as his facial expression fade into sadness, causing a pain within your heart you didn't like seeing him so upset, as he straightens out his clothes "my apologies (y/n) I must have read this situation wrong. You can transfer anywhere you would like anytime. If you will excuse me, I must go." Grabbing his hand, sucking in a breath of air before surprising even yourself "commander... I... I don't want to transfer... if you don't want me too... and I'd love to have lunch with you..." he pauses back still facing you before saying "meet me in the dining hall in 30 minutes, I will be waiting." Releasing your hand, he walks out leaving you confused and full of butterflies 'what does he want from me? Am I making a mistake?'


	15. Excuses

Most of you wants to skip lunch with the commander, not wanting to ruin this job opportunity it's the best you've ever had but also being terrified he would kill you if you didn't show up. Walking into the dining hall a few minutes late noticing it is empty besides the already set table, sitting you patiently wait.

Minutes go by, awkwardly shuffling in the seat 'where could he be? Why did he invite me if he isn't even here?' Watching as the steam once leaving your plate fades now, even more irritated than before crossing your arms slouching back into the chair. For what seems like an hour of waiting before standing and pushing the chair into the table much harder than realizing, as it causes the wine glass to tip over shattering across the table.

'I can't believe I fell for that crap; he doesn't think about me he has no interest in getting to know me. I'm nothing more than a pair of stained underwear to him.' Taking the panties from your pocket tossing them on top of the broken glass before marching out "what an asshole."

Back inside your own room slumping onto the bed holding back tears, grabbing onto your pillow clutching hard feeling the hot stream falling from your cheeks. 'This is exactly why I don't allow myself to feel anything for anyone. Didn't I learn last time?' Images of the last guy you thought you'd ever be involved with cross your mind, the late nights the romantic dinners, the incredible sex and strong bond you thought you shared as they fade into finding him in bed with your old roommate.

'I'm not made for love and it definitely isn't made for me. Why had I hoped this could be different?' "Screw him." You say, "you can't just tell someone you think about them all the time and then stand them up, it doesn't work like that Commander Ren." Crying for what seems like hours finally pulling yourself out of it, after all you hardly even know him.

Walking to the vanity removing your now ruined makeup frowning at your puffy red eyes 'you are too strong to let a grumpy sad boy effect you like this.' Shrugging, "his loss, I'm fucking bad ass." Chuckling standing tall heading towards his room 'I'm not going to let him think he's won by not showing up.'

Arriving to his quarters walking in, going to his bed pulling his covers back leaving them messy and clumped not giving a shit if they are to his standards. Heading to the bathroom turning the water on lukewarm 'I hope it's cold by the time you get in you asshole.' Skipping the oils and soaps tonight; he does not deserve any special treatment.

Not wanting to spend any more time inside his room, leaving turning down the hall you are met with the commander walking in your direction. Holding your head high striding past him "(y/n) I need to explain earil.." cutting him off "no commander you really don't, it's fine no sweat off my back. I am your employee and that's it, that's all I want to be anyways." As you keep walking past his now stopped figure, around the next corner falling against a wall before catching your breath 'I don't care what stupid excuse he has, he could have tried to find a way to tell me.'

Once again feeling the hot streak of tears begin to fall from your face racing to your room, inside collecting yourself before heading to the bathroom for a shower. The steam fogging the bathroom creates the perfect atmosphere allowing your mind to wonder back to the other asshole who hurt you, James was the type of man who makes you think you've finally found the one. He was tall and handsome, fit and charming, said all the right words and touched you in all the right ways.

At least at first, you recall the times he would bring up pointless fights blaming everything on you. Making you feel like the smallest person in the universe if that was even possible, to the times he would ignore you for days making you believe it was an acceptable punishment for whatever you had done. To the ultimate heart break of finding him with her, the thought causing you to crumble to the floor head in your hands sobbing.

'I'm not the type of person someone falls in love with.' Staying on the floor of the shower arms wrapped tightly around yourself until the water runs cold, stepping out avoiding your reflection before getting dressed sliding into bed not bothering with the pillows pushing them to one side. Lying in the fetal position picturing the features of Kylo's face, strong and beautiful "I thought you could be different." Falling asleep later than you wanted after finally accepting you can't cry anymore in one day.

Waking to Doris slightly shoving you "get up at once my dear, you are incredibly late." Turning to the opposite side saying "I'm sorry Doris I just can't make myself do this today..." tugging at the sheets she replies "oh nonsense honey you can do anything you put your mind too" before you know it you are sobbing again into the pillow. Doris places her hand on your back "my dear girl what is the matter?" Trying to think of a lie you say "I was informed of the loss of a good friend of mine and I can't find the energy to do anything... at this point I don't care if he fires me." Hearing her stand as she replies "I'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart, don't you worry I've found myself incredibly bored I will do your duties today you just relax I'll take care of everything, okay." Thanking her before pressing your face back into the soft pillow, momentarily feeling bad that she is doing your job for you, the feeling quickly leaves as you decide to take a long much needed depression nap.


	16. Make her understand

*Kylo's view*

Laying awake thinking of her, the softness of her skin the enchanting smell of rose, the sexiness of her figure paired with the sweet smoothness of her voice. Turning to the side staring at the empty spot on the bed imagining her resting next to you, the overwhelming need to reach out and touch her, hand only finding the empty fabric. Snapping out of the delusions, getting ready for the day taking a quick shower before dressing and leaving. Before walking out, thinking of the soiled underwear lying in the bed, the thought crosses your mind to get rid of them, but what easier way to let her know you were aware than that.

After the morning meetings finding yourself thinking of her again, this time wondering where she is from what her likes and dislikes are longing to know everything about her. Her familiar soft voice sounds from behind you, turning staring at her taking in the beautiful red blouse she chose tracing the lace details along her silky skin before eyeing the pair of underwear slightly sticking out from the side of her hip, the excitement coursing through your veins as you walk closer. 'She found them she must know what I did.' Taking your helmet off placing her face into your hand feeling an instant spark sending shivers down your spine 'does she know how crazy she makes me feel.'

Leaning into her, mouth close enough to almost taste her telling her you know about last night, while telling her what she doesn't know about it also while slipping a free hand into her pocket bringing the underwear out into the open. Her face turns a bright red as she pulls the underwear from your hand rushing to leave quickly mumbling something about being inappropriate clutching your fist stopping her in her tracks. 'I know she must feel something for me, she has too. I must show her I can feel it and want it too.'

Striding up to her embracing her from the back, pushing her hair from her neck wrapping your arms around her frame pulling her into you. Expressing the want for her to stay and join you for lunch letting slip how she's constantly on your mind 'that was a mistake she doesn't need to think I'm obsessed.' Feeling her pull away, she says she is only your employee 'of course how stupid could you be to think last night was more than just a random act of foolishness. She could never care for you, you are a monster, a murderer. Evil.'

Informing her with a cold tone she can transfer if that is what she pleases, quickly turning walking away, feeling the small hand grasp your own freezing as she says she doesn't want to transfer and wants to be around you. The words escape her mouth traveling up around you in a swirl the fear and excitement tangled within them, the feeling of her little hand within your own is almost too much to bear. Telling her you will meet her soon, leaving before you do anything else to ruin the situation.

Walking down the hall you are met with general Hux, grumbling trying to turn the other way not wanting his bullshit to ruin the moment you just had. "Excuse me commander." He says chasing after you "commander, commander Ren! You are needed at once for an emergency involving an escaped TIE fighter ship." Turning saying "Hux now is not the time I'm busy." He speaks louder "sir you don't have a choice, your presence is required." Fists balled harshly replying, "this better be important you are taking me away from something far more valuable."

During meeting you are informed of a trooper escaping with a prisoner, something much more important than you had imagined it being. Taking all the focus forgetting about the lunch plans with (y/n) until it is too late, knowing by now she will have been long gone. Once finished, quickly rushing to the dining hall only to be met with the emptiness along with a broken wine glass topped with her underwear. Reaching for them knowing they were placed there deliberately as a big 'fuck you' tossing them into the fireplace slamming your fists down on the table before slinging everything off violently.

'There goes your chance, you dumb idiot why didn't you at least send someone to inform her.' Standing above the mess looking at the time, 630 pm knowing she could be in your quarters still, leaving heading that way to try and catch her. 'I must explain myself, as much as I wanted to spend time with her, I can't neglect my position the job must always come first. But I need her to know how badly I did want to be there.' 

Walking towards the room looking up to see her marching in your direction, noticing her saddened expression and her puffy swollen eyes 'had she been crying...' trying to explain yourself but she wouldn't listen, watching as she walks away feeling as if a part of you is leaving with her. Back inside your room feeling the sting of not being welcomed with the scent of eucalyptus, before noticing how she strung the blankets back taking no care at all. 'No doubt you've pissed her off now, and she has every right to be.' "Dick move Kylo, dick move." Saying out loud heading to the bathroom.

Soaking in the chilly tub catching yourself picturing her sad expression with visibly hurt eyes feeling a deep pain within your chest, seeing how you have made her feel makes you hate yourself even more. 'She's so beautiful and delicate, I don't deserve her.' Laying in the bath until you are shivering from the now freezing water, rising heading to bed pulling your pillow close imagining it her tender frame nuzzling your head into it "(y/n) I'm sorry... please forgive me."

The next day staying in the room late hoping to see her so you could explain but she does not show, instead being met with Doris as she explains that you have lost someone close. Knowing that was a lie accepting that she does not want to be here, going about the day's as usual with her lingering on your mind constantly. Each day waiting, each morning met with disappointment as Doris walks in time and time again.

It's been a week since last seeing her, worried asking Doris "are you sure she's okay? It is her duty to show up for her scheduled shifts." Doris turning to you "my dear she is hurt, she says from the loss of a friend, but I've seen that kind of hurt, I've lived it. Someone has broken that dear girl's heart; I will inform her tonight that she must report for duty tomorrow sir." Knowing she is hurt only makes the hurting worse 'how can I make this up to her?'

The next morning leaving early giving her the space she needs; later she does not bother asking if she is needed for anything else at this point knowing she does not want to be around you. Before dark returning to the room determined to show her you meant no harm and you did care, lining the room with rose petals leading to the bathroom.

This time preparing the bath for her making the water a hot temperature imagining that's how she likes it, adding the eucalyptus oil she used to place in your own and bubble bath while sprinkling the water with the remaining petals. Placing far too many candles around the bathroom setting a note by the sink. *(y/n) please enjoy this gesture of kindness, I swear I did not intentionally stand you up... I would never. Something important happened within the first order and I had no choice but to be present. This is not a plead to try again, just a simple act of kindness. Please enjoy I won't return until much later.* Leaving before glancing back hoping she accepts your apology.


	17. All of this for me

The days blur together moping around the room, some days doing nothing others forcing yourself to at least eat and clean up. Still unsure as to why the commander has had such an effect on you, after what seems like forever Doris informs you that the commander asked about you "I think he is growing impatient my dear, as much as I love caring for him I must admit I'm getting tired myself."

Promising her to return to work tomorrow, convincing yourself it is only to benefit Doris not for Kylo. Morning comes quickly waking and preparing for the day ahead, spacing through getting dressed before forcing down a meal and slugging towards his room. Entering the passcode pausing listening half expecting to hear him inside, relieved when you don't, inside seeing his room already clean, the bed linen changed and neatly placed in the hamper his bed made nicely. 'Why am I here? Did Doris think I wasn't going to show up cleaning for me?'

To pass the time deciding to snoop through what you can without being caught, opening drawer after drawer finding nothing out of place or interesting. Walking to his closet opening it eyeing the black hole of clothes, running your fingers along the fabrics pulling out one of his cloaks wrapping it around yourself. His scent intoxicates you holding it tightly against your body, the massive size of it swallowing you. Standing there in the loneliness of his empty room clutching his cape before putting it back up 'that's all you need, him to walk in and get the wrong idea again.'

Skipping the check in with the commander finding yourself wondering the halls, getting lost every now and then, seeing troopers and other servants preforming their daily tasks. Walking down a long hall eyes catching a figure standing by a large window, immediately knowing it to be the commanders darting off hoping he did not see you. Continuing to wander finding yourself by the front doors, opening the hatch a freezing breeze steals the air in your lungs. 'I could just leave; it would be easy to just walk away and never come back no one would even miss me.'

Stepping out into the cold feeling the snow crunch beneath your feet beginning to run as fast as you can into the surrounding woods. Running for what seems like forever before crashing into a tree limb cutting your shoulder, catching yourself grabbing for the nearest tree panting, holding onto your bleeding skin 'I can't leave, as much as I want too there is nowhere to go on this planet. If I do not go back, I'll die out here.' The cold finally catching up to you, realizing you don't even have a jacket on turning around heading back to base.

The sun starts setting just as you arrive back, once inside noticing your shivering pretty badly wishing you could just go back to your own room and warm up, instead beginning to walk towards the commander's room. 'I'll set his room up quickly and then I can be alone again.' The door flings open mouth dropping, you are met with a massive amount of rose petals on the floor leading directly to his bathroom. "Oh my" you say thinking 'I've definitely interrupted something I should not have...' letting curiosity get the best of you after listening to make sure you don't hear anyone finding yourself following the path.

Inside the bathroom gasping from the sight of the candle lit room the bath water sprinkled with the same petals, the lingering scent of eucalyptus 'how dare he use my favorite scent for some other person he just keeps making things worse.' Walking to the mirror staring back at yourself 'damn, I look like a mess.' Hair messed up from trying to run away dress torn and shoulder bleeding. Looking down with disappointment noticing a small note sitting on the counter, picking it up reading that it's from Kylo 'he's apologizing for standing you up... all of this... is for me...' a warm tingling feeling runs through your body 'he does care, he did all this for me.'

Turning heading towards the bath slipping out of the ruined dress and undergarments, breathing deeply stepping into the tub the hot water burning your cold skin thawing you slowly. 'This is amazing, everything I thought it would be.' The water feels so welcoming hugging the shape of your body, slowly washing yourself reaching the cut shoulder wincing in pain cleaning the area thinking how stupid that little tantrum was. Lying flat sinking your head under the water submerging yourself longer than needed 'what does this mean for me and Kylo? Where do we go from here? His note said this is just a kind gesture, I wish it were more.' Finally rising catching your breath, after an hour or more reluctantly getting out of the bath towel wrapped around you, walking into his bedroom knowing he said he won't be back for a while stealing a pair of his briefs and a never worn night shirt. 'He won't even notice these are gone.'

Dressed walking to the right side of his bed before climbing under the sheets 'I just want to feel what it would be like to lay next to him.' Twirling his empty side with your fingers smelling traces of him, mind wondering to when he held you in his office his embrace so gentle yet firm a feeling you want to experience again. Before stopping yourself, falling fast asleep arm still placed on his side of the bed.


	18. Yearning

Eyes opening taking a moment to realize where you are, focusing on the dark figure lying next to you. Once fully aware now knowing that muscular back is that of Kylo Ren, frozen in place remembering the relaxing bath and wanting to just feel his soft bed before falling asleep. 'How could I be so stupid? What do I do now?' The moon light casting a small shadow on his back gazing at its beauty, without realizing stretching your arm out half expecting this to all be a dream running your fingers up the length of his back before placing it flat against his warm skin.

Doing so, he wiggles pulling your hand back watching him roll on his back relieved he is still fast asleep. Eyes glued to the rise and fall of his bare chest; biting your lip from the beauty of it. Without warning he speaks causing you to jump "if you want me to leave I can, you were asleep when I arrived, I didn't want to wake you." Beginning to slide out of the bed "no sir I'll leave, I'm so sorry I was just so comfortable I didn't mean to fall asleep I will go now." Quickly grabbing your clothes from the bathroom rushing to head out the door, just before slipping out hearing his voice "you don't have to go if you don't want too, there is plenty of room in my bed."

Stopping feeling butterflies and tingles all over your body "I don't want to bother you commander." Reaching for the door hearing his deep voice again "(y/n) don't go..." hearing him say your name making you weak at the knees. 'If I stay, am I a moron? If I go, I'm an idiot.' Turning slowly, walking back into his dimly moon lit room dropping your clothes sliding into the still warm spot next to him. Heart pounding staring up at the ceiling 'okay I'm here, now what.'

Just then feeling his big hand run across your stomach before stopping at the side of your hip, slowly he pulls you towards him heart racing every inch closer. Now lying flat only inches from him saying, "I don't know what you want from me sir... " he sighs before saying "I don't want anything from you." Leaning onto his arm before rolling half on top of you placing his knee between the opening of your legs, watching him lean down before feeling his soft lips kissing yours. Heart pounding, he kisses your cheek then jaw kissing over and over down your neck before whispering in your ear "I just want you."

Relaxing cradling around him legs resting on either side of his before pressing your face into his chest "I feel so connected to you Kylo you have this effect on me I can't explain." His hand raises your chin up eyes locking on to your own "as do I, will you let me show you the effect you have on me?" Scared beyond belief tensing before shaking your head up and down, he slowly runs his hands down your back before lifting the shirt over your head exposing your naked chest.

He stares at you before returning to kissing your lips, each kiss filled with lust and longing as he slips his tongue in your mouth running his hand up your side between your breast to your throat placing his whole hand around it he gently squeezes turning your head with ease before leaning down kissing and sucking at your neck humming into your skin each kiss more intense than the last. The warm pleasure building within you letting out a small moan, when you do feeling his length twitch between your legs making you squirm.

Placing your hand on his chest pushing back, confused he looks at you while gently pushing him back further "I want this I do... but I just... I can't." The words escaping your mouth as hot tears roll down your cheeks, wiping away the tears "I didn't mean to make you upset, I just wanted to make you feel good." Pulling away from him finding yourself word vomiting all about James and the emotional rollercoaster leading up to finding him with someone else. "I like you commander, I really really do but I can't get hurt again."

Standing ready to leave feeling his hand grab your arm pulling you back into bed before knowing it he has you wrapped tightly in his arms spooning you, as he kisses your shoulder gently "I'm not him, I'm not going to hurt you I give you full permission to kill me with my own saber if I do. We don't have to rush tonight but please don't go." Mind racing allowing yourself to melt into him your hands clinching his own as each of his warm kisses send shock waves throughout your body. Lying there for a while his lips never leaving your skin the warmth of his chest slowly brings you to sleep again.


	19. Trusting him

Feeling a soft grip holding you tightly, waking still in Kylo's arms, turning face to face watching as he sleeps taking a mental snapshot of his relaxed features. Moving your hand, gliding your fingers across his cheek to his pouty lips, running your thumb along their outline before leaning in pressing your own to his.

His eyes open pulling back slightly before giving in kissing back passionately, he breaks the kiss "good morning, I could have sworn last night was a dream yet here you are." Laughing you say "you were the one who thought they were dreaming? Hell, I still think this is a dream, can you pinch me please?" Surprisingly feeling a sudden sharp pinch directly on your ass "ouch!" Slapping his chest playfully "I didn't mean literally!" He shrugs "ask and you shall receive, don't ask for something you don't want." Taking his hand, he rubs the sore spot on your butt gently 'if you hadn't known better you would have sworn he enjoyed causing you a little pain.'

Looking deep into your eyes he says "do you trust me?" Not entirely sure how to answer that simply gesture your hand *kind of* he stands pulling you up with him leading to the bathroom "I'll take what I can get." Inside the bathroom he runs the shower before walking up to you picking you up with ease setting you on the counter top, he leans in kissing you while placing your legs around his waste.

Giving in kissing him arms wrapped tightly around his back as he kisses down your jaw and neck, nibbling on it before licking up to your ear his smooth words spoke "I don't want to do anything you aren't ready for, I crave you but if you aren't ready I won..." shushing him by placing your own lips against his chest kissing and nibbling up to his neck before saying "I crave you too... I want you... don't hurt me Kylo."

Without hesitation he grips both sides of the briefs your wearing before pulling them all the way off, feeling exposed quickly closing your legs before seeing him kneel down placing his hands on each knee gently pushing them open. Watching as he takes your leg in his hand kissing from the bottom up taking his time teasing the closer he gets, gently he kisses your folds before slipping his tongue inside.

Quivering from the pleasure running your fingers through his hair gently tugging, running his tongue up your slit before moving it up and down your clit. Moaning quietly enjoying every shockwave of pleasure 'how is he so good at this' picking up his pace sliding two fingers inside pumping with the speed of his tongue. Releasing more moans louder this time feeling his free hand grasp tightly on your thigh, faster and faster he licks bringing you to orgasm fast. Clinching your thighs around his head trying to pull him back you don't want to cum yet, pulling his fingers out of you while placing both hands around your hips locking you in place he sucks and laps at your clit sending you into convulsions pulling his hair harder than meaning too as you cum hard on his mouth.

Licking you clean he stands before kissing you roughly, picking you up off the counter he slides his own underwear off with one hand as he walks with you into the shower. Letting you stand he takes his two fingers placing them at your mouth "I want you to know how good you taste." Opening your mouth, he slides his fingers in, licking and sucking on them watching his face squirm as you do. Still sucking running your hand down his chest feeling every tense muscle on the way, running your hand along his now very hard length he groans at your touch. "It's even bigger than I thought." Saying as you stroke his cock slowly, pushing his hips closer pumping his dick in and out of your hand he says, "glad to know you were thinking about it."

Blushing you squat to the floor before licking from the bottom up his shaft swirling your tongue around his head before lowering your mouth around it. He groans deeply watching from above as you bob up and down licking and sucking with lust, placing a free hand along the bottom of his cock syncing the rhythm with your mouth moaning against his member causing him to jerk into your mouth further. 'Oh, he thinks you can't handle the size.' Letting go placing both hands on his hips before slowly shoving the whole length down your throat without gagging, this causes him to moan loudly "mmm fuck."

Releasing his cock, returning to kissing him deeply, with one swift move he's lifted you up around his waist while walking towards the shower wall pressing you firmly against it. "Do you want me?" He says "mmmhmm." You reply as he shakes his head "that won't do, you have to say it... beg for it." Biting your lip, bucking your hips into his feeling his member brush your thigh "yes commander I want you... I want you inside me please..." he shifts you closer around him before slowly entering inside groaning as he does.

The size of his dick makes you moan and dig your nails into his shoulders feeling it stretch you open; each slow pump begins to feel better and better. Kissing your neck and chest down to your breasts he licks your nipples biting them gently, releasing moan after moan from your mouth. Picking up speed he places his hands against your hips pulling you down onto his cock hard hitting your cervix, each thrust he grunts into your neck. Running your hand through his hair grabbing a fist full pulling his head back allowing you to press your lips against his neck, kissing and sucking on him while moaning against his skin before the overwhelming pleasure runs through your body when he begins rubbing your clit with his thumb.

Moaning louder feeling your legs begin to shake around him, begging "harder" he stops mid thrust looking straight at you before saying, "as you wish." Before realizing his hand is around your throat clutching tightly as he pounds deep and hard inside you, you've never been choked before, but he makes it feel so good. Eyes rolling in the back of your head taking in each thrusting wave combined with the swift circular motions on your clit feeling lightheaded, releasing muffled moan after moan feeling your walls begin to pulsate around him. "That's right cum for me."

He releases your throat just as you begin orgasming, gasping for air between each moan digging your nails deep into his back, pussy gripping around his cock over and over. He places one hand against the wall the other holding you up by your ass as he grunts thrusting erratically each pound deeper and harder before he moans loudly, pulling himself out of you still thrusting against your clit he shoots hot sticky cum onto your stomach. Lowering you down he keeps you pressed against the wall his face nuzzled between your neck as he huffs catching his breath, his shaking body leaning against yours for support. You both stay like this for a while holding on to each other exhausted before you bring his face towards yours kissing his lips gently, each kiss longer than before you cannot get enough of them.

Finally, pulling away slipping out from behind him starting to wash your body, running your fingers over his orgasm the slimy texture rinsing away with the water. He watches you wash off before cleaning himself after you step out, heading back into his room towel wrapped tightly around you laying back onto his bed. 'That was the best sex I've ever had...' Kylo walks out heading towards his closet, shortly he comes out fully dressed for the day "unfortunately I have to leave but I would like to see you for a proper dinner tonight if you'll have me." Staring up at him laughing "we kind of did this backwards, weren't you supposed to take me to dinner first?" His eyes looking down at you frown as he says "I'm sorry I thought that you wanted that I didn't mea.." sitting up wrapping your arms around his waist pulling him down on top of you kissing his face "It was a joke, I did want it, it was amazing and yes I will meet you for dinner but you better show up this time Ren."

He kisses you passionately before pulling away, watching him walk out the door shutting it behind him, laying back still in shock of everything that just happened. Placing your hand to your chest smiling big, feeling a warm tingling sensation radiating throughout your body 'this can only get better right?'


	20. Moment in time

Eventually returning to your own quarters preparing for the dinner plans tonight, excitement growing by each passing hour. Heading towards the closet opening it eyeing all the beautiful dresses pulling out one by one before replacing it, you must find the perfect dress for tonight. Finally picking out a floor length solid black velvet, off the shoulder dress that has a long black lace train 'this is perfect' matched with a simple pair of black heels. For makeup going for an elegant soft glam with a bold red lip, curling your hair letting it fall loosely around your frame adding a lace choker that has a few strands of black beads and chains connecting to a ruby in the middle, matched with a large ruby stone ring.

Staring at the mirror feeling beautiful and warm, the butterflies still floating inside you 'I can't believe all this is happening, as happy as I am I need to keep my composure I don't need to fall for another man who could easily hurt me.' Hearing a gentle knock at the door saying, "come in" hatch opening turning to see your little droid rolling in "the commander is ready for you, please follow me." Standing, pressing out the dress before following the droid down the halls 'I hope he will show this time... I wonder if anyone knows he is even doing this? Is it even allowed?'

Arriving at the dining room reaching for the doorknob, before grasping it the doors open by themselves. Looking around the room face frowning, noticing it is empty 'I swear if this man stands me up again, I'm done.' Finishing the thought feeling a hand brush down your arm before interlocking fingers with your own, looking up eyes meeting Kylo's before blushing, letting the biggest smile cross your face "I was just about to walk away commander, you are lucky you showed up when you did." Turning to face you he says, "you look breathtaking, come join me at the table."

Walking towards the dimly lit room going to the table hand still laced in yours he gently guides you along before stopping and pulling out your chair then sitting across from you. Long silence passes as you are brought dish after dish slowly enjoying all of them, finally he speaks "tell me everything about you." Pausing for a moment before taking a long sip of wine you say "really there isn't much to tell, I was sold at a young age my parents had too many kids to support and I was the youngest so it was just easier that way... I've been passed from master to master planet to planet never really had a place to call home, some places were better than others some I'd still like to forget." Looking down "did they hurt you?" His voice gentle with a hint of anger behind it, "yes." Is all you say before changing the subject "I enjoy music greatly; I love all things nature, but winter season is by far my favorite. I am afraid of death and failure; I have never had many friends never really stayed anywhere long enough to care honestly. I've been in love twice, once when I was a small child with a silly crush, but I still consider him my first love." Laughing before continuing "my second was obviously James not much to compare too, and you know how that ended. You'll find this one funny... or at least I hope so when I was a little girl, I wanted nothing more than to be a Jedi and work for the good guys."

Setting his wine glass down pausing for a moment "so did I." He says with a pained look on his face "oh my gosh, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories I'm sorr.." he stops you "don't be, I am to my full potential here at the first order. Weakness is not an option; I chose the right side." Not knowing what to say next finishing off your second glass of wine before pouring another his eyes watching you intently. "Nervous?" He asks, gulping you reply, "are you kidding of course I am, (laughing) I'm one wrong move from disaster."

He stiffens "I'm not going to kill you. If you think I am then I'm obviously wasting my time." Quickly reaching across the table hand grasping his "no, that's not what I meant... I mean... you are kind of intimidating... but I meant more of me causing this to fail between us than you." His hand relaxes under yours "if anyone is going to mess this up it will definitely be me, don't worry." Glancing down trying to think of something to say, a droid comes in setting a plate of dessert in-front of you both the large platter of cakes and ice creams surrounded by various chocolate covered fruits.

He rises from his chair slowly walking around the long table before sitting in the chair next to you, he motions his hand spinning your chair to face in his direction, staring at you placing one hand on either side of the chair pulling you close to him with his legs resting on the sides of yours. "Would you like something sweet?" Nodding your head as he uses the force rising a chocolate covered strawberry from the plate slowly moving it towards your mouth resting it gently against your lips, softly biting into it the flavor coating your mouth.

The moment frozen in time, your figures silhouetted in front of a blazing fire reflecting against a slick, black candle lit table Kylo sitting back against his chair watching you slowly eat the floating fruit as he continuously pulls the strawberry closer towards him, your eagerness leaning you with it, following the berry while placing your hands onto his strong thighs. Now only inches from his face he bites the other end before teasing you with a tender kiss, he pulls back, yourself almost falling forward into him not wanting it to stop. "Hey, not fair."

Chuckling he grabs your hips pulling you onto his lap easily, your dress rising to make room for your outstretched legs, sighing deeply wrapping your arms around his neck pressing your forehead to his. His hand running up the length of your dress to your neck sliding behind your head as he gently tugs your hair forcing your head back, neck met with his warm tender kisses as he sucks and nibbles at your skin the lust present with each kiss, his free hand gently groping your breast massaging it.

Letting out a quiet moan before jumping at the sound of the doors opening suddenly, looking up seeing general Hux standing with his arms crossed and mouth open wide. Kylo quickly forces you back into the chair harder than you liked as Hux marches towards you both "what is this about? You wait until Snoke hears about this! Fraternizing with a servant, honestly is anything beneath you Ren she is nothin.." quickly seeing him begin to levitate from the floor grasping at his throat as Kylo stands marching towards him igniting his flaring saber placing it directly towards his face "it would be in your best interest not to finish that sentence general. My business is my own but if you must know Snoke is already fully aware of my involvement with her. Say anything negative about her again and I'll slice you in half."

Hux gasping letting out the choked words "okay... okay... put... me... down" Kylo releases him as he slams onto the floor, before he has a chance to say anything else let alone stand Kylo has grabbed your hand pulling you up with force dragging you out of the room. He says nothing as he is pulling you down hallways until you reach your own quarters, finally he stops his back still facing you breathing hard. Reaching your hand out touching his shoulder as he flinches "Kylo... what just happened?" Turning he looks at you, hardened expression on his face and says, "a noisy little prick that's what."

Cupping his face in your hands you can feel the heat against them "it's okay... calm down... like you said Snoke already knows about us everythin.." shaking his head he quickly says "no he doesn't, I lied. I didn't know what else to say to shut him up and now I have to figure a way out of this." Releasing his face, pulling back eyes slowly filling with tears "out of this? Out of what exactly Kylo? I am no one's secret, and I don't deserve to be treated like one." He tries to reach out for you "no I didn't mean out of this, out of us... I meant... I don't know exactly what I meant I just need some time to figure out how to go from here."

Turning heading for your door, feeling him stop you with the force before twisting you around 'I really hate that I can't even storm off when I want too.' Sliding you back towards him, he embraces you wrapping his arms tightly around your frame burying his head into your neck "please don't be upset, I promise I'll fix this you aren't a secret to me and you are right you don't deserve that." He kisses up your neck then up your jaw before passionately kissing your lips, staying like this accepting his kiss repeatedly before finally pulling back "I can't stay mad at you and you know that...but I also don't want to hide my feelings for you. Once you figure whatever it is you need out, let me know." Turning again swiftly opening the hatch stepping inside, turning back now closing the hatch watching as his posture slouches, arm out reached for you disappearing behind the metal door.


	21. Familiar face

Two long weeks go by the same routine everyday get up, shower, get dressed, do your chores before the awkwardly formal interaction with the commander. Each day he dismisses you without even looking in your direction, every time feeling a sharp jab to the chest. 'He's such a jerk, pretending like I don't even exist.' Today is just like the others heading towards his office for the daily check in, opening the door noticing he is talking to a group of new workers giving orders, slipping in hiding towards the back of the room.

One of the workers speaks up asking a question the voice making you quake, immediately recognizing that voice 'it couldn't be, why would it, there's no way. That's not him don't be stupid.' Kylo dismisses them as they turn walking out passing straight by you, a familiar face glances at your own. The face staring at you before twisting a smile across it, darting your gaze down breaking the connection with none other than James.

Once they've walked out of the room finding yourself shaking you hadn't ever thought you'd see him again 'why is he here... I don't understand.' Kylo's voice pulling you out of your thoughts "(y/n) I said you can leave, you are dismissed." Dry crackly voice you respond "yes, sor.. sorry sir I'm going." He stops you "is everything okay?" Screaming inside your head 'no, nothing is okay! You've ignored me for two weeks and now my crap ex is working at the same base as me.' Not looking up at him answering "yep, everything's fine." Before leaving not giving him the chance to read further into it.

Rushing down the halls towards your room running inside it breathing fast, holding tightly against the door hearing a knock startling you. Trying to compose yourself opening it gasping as James comes striding in not even waiting for a welcome "fancy seeing you here, I heard you got transferred but I didn't know it was somewhere so cool." Crossing your arms, saying "yeah it was cool." He walks uncomfortably close to you before running his fingers along your face "I must admit how I've missed you; the first order is treating you well you look so good." Jerking your face and stepping back harshly saying , "can't say the feeling is mutual."

He moves towards you again not allowing room enough to bolt saying "aww come on beautiful, you know you missed me. And if you didn't you will before too long, can't resist all of this forever." Pushing him back roughly "you need to leave; I don't miss you and I won't ever. Besides, I've met someone new and he'd kick your ass if he saw you in here." Laughing he says "okay relax damn, I'm just messing with you. You know I meant no harm; I'm going but I hope to see you around after all I'm staying only a few rooms down." Winking before turning and leaving, once out of the room huffing thinking 'can things get any worse!'

Staying locked up inside your room until time to turn down Kylo's quarters, walking quickly towards his room glancing over your shoulder ever so often before reaching his room entering the passcode, rushing in. 'I hate feeling so trapped, I don't want to be around James and I definitely don't want to be around Kylo.' Absent minded preparing his bed before starting his bath, finished slouching down into a chair in his room 'I know I need to leave but I don't want to run into James. It's only a matter of time before he realizes I'm not actually seeing anyone... at least not anymore.'

Just then the door opens with the sound of boots now crossing the marble floor, he stops at the entrance to his bedroom covered face reading you. Standing you say, "I was just leaving, my apologies." Heading towards the door sliding between him and the frame almost through, he raises his arm stopping you the low hum of his voice "there is something bothering you, I can tell." Breathing hard leaning as far against the wall you can before saying sarcastically "well obviously commander, only a few weeks ago you were treating me like a lover and now I'm a stranger. Not to mention your new employee..." stopping yourself saying, "never mind, it doesn't matter can you please let me leave."

Moving his hands to his helmet taking it off, enchanting you to stare at his beautiful face before saying "I will let you go if that is what you want, but before you go I must tell you this is the first real alone time we've had. Hux did tell Snoke about you and I was warned if I continued, he would kill you I had no choice please believe me acting like you do not matter is tearing me apart. Also, what about one of my employee's?" Tensing up, tears swelling in your eyes "you could have found a way to tell me that, you know how scared I am to begin with and you just drop me like I'm nothing.." swiftly his face presses into yours stealing a deep kiss before saying "you aren't nothing, you are everything to me I'm sorry."

Shaking falling against his chest crying "quit filling my head with fabrications Kylo... I don't need this especially not today." His hand lifting your face to look at him "what happened today, what aren't you telling me." Jerking your face away "nothing it doesn't matter; I need to head back to my own quarter's." He steps back allowing you to break free, heading towards the door each step feels like jelly the burning tears falling from your face 'I need to leave I know that, but I don't exactly feel safe back in my room currently.' Turning around broken voice you speak "I'm only going to ask this once but please don't read further into it, I saw someone today I never had any intention of seeing again. Don't ask because I won't tell you who, but honestly I don't want to stay in my own room tonight... is there any way I can stay with you no strings attached..." softly he says "yes of course, I will sleep on the floor you take the bed your comfort is far more important than mine. Get comfortable I am going to take my bath I will send a droid to collect some night clothes for you, I won't bother you any further tonight."

He walks into the bathroom shutting the door behind him, instantly your body relaxes walking back into his bedroom plopping down onto his bed. Twenty minutes go by before you hear the hatch door swing open, your droid comes rolling in holding multiple pairs of night clothes as it sets them on the edge of the bed patting the top a few times then turning and rolling out. Laughing at the cuteness of it rummaging through the pile noticing he did not grab anything matching or comfortable, multiple pairs of see through night shirts and one pair of entirely too short, shorts. Rolling your eyes, choosing the least sheer top before quickly changing not sure when Kylo will come out of the bathroom. Climbing into the big bed laying on the right side pulling the covers up tightly around you, you've missed this bed more than you'd like to admit lying there for a long time finally drifting off to sleep.


	22. Making peace

Jarring awake, gasping for air searching around the room for the nightmare fueled face you were just dreaming about. 'Relax it's okay he's not here, your safe In Kylo's room.' Crawling towards the edge of the bed glancing down to see him lying on the hard floor with only a pillow as he clutches his body, his facial expression tense 'he must be freezing.' Out stretching your arm, running your hand gently down his silky hair fingers tracing across his jaw rubbing his cheek gently 'he's so handsome' watching as his face slowly relaxes under your touch.

Softly speaking "Kylo... Kylo are you awake..." he jolts, eyes catching yours "what, what is it? What's wrong." Placing your hand on his bare chest calming him saying , "nothing everything is okay, I just noticed you were shivering, and I don't want you to be cold." Shrugging "I'm fine, as long as you are warm, I'm okay." Pulling back lying flat on the bed before finally speaking up "there is no reason for you to be cold, this is your bed just get up here okay?" Silence lingers before hearing him rustling around, watching as his dark figure rises from the floor, he pulls back the covers sliding in the bed laying as far to the edge as he can. "Thank you, I promise I won't get any closer."

Heart pounding in your chest reaching your hand out touching his ice-cold skin still shaking, tugging at his arm attempting to pull him closer to you. Turning his head to look at you he says, "what are you doing?" Replying, "your freezing, I'm trying to warm you up come here." Moments go by before he slowly scoots closer towards you his body resting close beside yours, lifting his arm sliding into the crevasse of his chest hugging tightly onto him. "Really I'm fine, you don't need to do this." He says, shushing him "just relax and get warm okay?" Feeling him relax beneath you wrapping his arm around you resting it on your back, holding him you cannot help but feel the warming sensation traveling up and throughout your own body. His touch you have longed for since last time mixed with his scent something you missed more than you'd like to admit, holding him tightly for a long time unexpectedly without noticing sliding your leg up and over his intermingling them.

This causes him to tense up muscles rigid he looks down at you "(y/n) you are making this incredibly hard to try and resist." Confused you say, "making what hard to resist?" Just then his other hand begins running up the thigh laying across him, this time you are the one who tenses "oh... umm." Breath quickening before giving in "it's hard for me to resist too..." he stops outstretching his hand the size of it covering most of your thigh before he gently squeezes. Deeply he says, "we don't have to do this." Pausing then saying, "I know, I want too... if you do..." he starts turning to the side "I never stopped wanting too."

Stopping him now pushing him back flat cradling on top of him, legs straddling him tightly he places both hands on your hips staring up at you "you know usually I'm the one who is on top in these situations, in fact no one has ever gotten the privilege of anything else." Leaning down beginning to kiss him passionately, he kisses back hands running up your sides caressing your easily visible breasts before continuing a hand up to your throat, he pushes you to the side making him the one on top now. Grumbling saying, "not fair, after the way you've treated me, I think it's only right I get my way tonight." Sliding your shorts and panties off quickly he says, "I'm always in charge."

Shaking your head pushing hard on his shoulders forcing him back, climbing on to his chest pinning his arms above his head "if that's the case I guess I'll have to call it a night." Scooting closer to his face, close enough to feel his chin brush against your pelvic bone "unless...." with ease he breaks his hands free from yours placing them tightly onto your hips he drags you closer, now sitting directly on his face feeling him begin kissing and licking at your lips. Letting out a moan placing both hands on to his head tugging at his hair, "that's right, make it up to me you jerk."

Before even finishing the last word he bites your lips making you rise up slightly, forcing you back down on his face he quickly dips his tongue inside your slit pressing it as deep as it can go before running his tongue up and down the full length of you, now focusing on your clit tasting you as if he's starving. Moaning placing your hands against his headboard while grinding into his face, he pushes you back before sucking in a quick breath then returning to your clit eating you sloppily. Legs shaking against his head moaning loudly, pushing off him sliding down reaching for his boxers pulling them down roughly, crawling back to his lap beginning to grind his length against your clit rocking back and forth slowly.

Groaning he reaches for your breasts, pushing his hand away "no, you don't get to touch. Only watch." Gritting his teeth, he says "what is this, punishment?" Sliding off your nighty while lifting your hips up before slowly pushing him deep inside moaning "it is exactly that." His body twitches underneath, thrusting upwards pushing his cock deeper inside you, stopping now clinching around him tightly "I'm in charge, I don't want you to do anything. The more you resist the more I stop." His face twists showing a crooked grin before laying his hands on the side of the bed, beginning to rise and lower slowly around him resting your hands on his torso.

Riding him slow and deep the sensations travelling throughout your body, each thrust stretching you open moaning his name while your hips rock back and forth. Reaching out he places his hands against your thighs rocking you against him, stopping mid thrust gripping his hands pausing feeling him throb inside you before tossing them back on the bed "no touching remember?" Closing your eyes, moaning again while grinding up and down picking up speed your breasts bouncing with the pace, suddenly feeling a tugging pinch on your nipple.

Opening your eyes seeing his outstretched arm, stopping riding again slapping his hand away sliding off him still sitting in his lap beginning to rub your own clit "what did I say? Now you have to wait until I'm ready to have you back inside me." Feeling his cock twitch against your ass releasing moan after moan bringing yourself close to orgasm, he reaches down grabbing his own cock stroking it against you. Using your free hand, pulling his off his length "no sir, you don't even get to touch yourself that's not how this works." Huffing he says, "okay fine, here." as he places his hands behind his head now.

Biting your lip rising up again sliding him back inside, as you do he lets out a deep long moan, the sound making your walls tighten around him as you begin moving your hips back and forth quickly. Leaning back hands resting against his thighs continuing to ride him loving every deep fulfilling thrust 'I'll never get tired of how full he makes me feel.' Rocking forward laying across his chest kissing him roughly while humping even faster moaning into his mouth, taking your hand wrapping it around his neck squeezing tightly "let's see how you like it." He moans bucking his hips up into you "oh, you like this don't you." Saying while grasping his throat harder, thrusting faster and deeper slamming down onto his length.

A gentle pressure begins circling your clit quickly, moaning loudly sitting back up hand still tight around his throat looking to see if he's moved. "How are you doing that." Saying between moans, grunting he says, "doing what." Squeezing his neck tighter as the pressure gets stronger and faster around your clit, falling forwards onto his chest pressure building. The pleasure of his massive cock sliding in and out met with the electric fast paced clit stimulation as much as you want to fight it, to stop his pleasure, instead digging your nails into his neck moaning loudly in his ear as you cum hard hips bucking, legs shaking your walls pulsating around him.

He releases his hands slapping them to your sides, he pushes you down hard grunting and moaning with pleasure, he pumps hot cum inside you while digging his hands into your hips. Both of you moaning and pulsating with intense pleasure bodies rocking and twitching intensely before he slows his thrusting and breathing he relaxes underneath you, still lying across his chest feeling him slip out of you as his cum drips down your thigh.

Panting releasing his neck rolling off him and onto your back lying there for a moment catching your breath before saying "I know what you were doing." He turns facing you "I have no idea what you're talking about." Just then feeling the force sliding you close to him, he wraps his arm around you kissing and licking at your neck "I was supposed to be in charge you know." Saying as he laughs "still no idea what you're talking about." Smirking you say, "don't play coy with me I know you were using the force to gain control." Laughing he lightly bites on your shoulder "I would never do such a thing; don't you trust me?"

Pausing saying "unfortunately I trust you too much I just keep hurting myself in the end... now all I can think about is if you're going to start pretending you don't want me again." He lays next to you holding you tightly in his arms kissing your forehead "don't ever think I don't want you (y/n) your all I ever want." Smiling kissing him softly before nuzzling into his chest, lying there beginning to relax, the soft thumping of his heart gently soothing you to sleep.


	23. Empty sheets

Rolling to the side placing your arm out to touch Kylo only to be met with disappointment touching empty sheets, he is already gone from the room. Turning on your back staring at the ceiling collecting yourself before finally climbing out of bed redressing in last night's clothes, going ahead doing your morning chores 'might as well, I'm already in here right?' Once satisfied with his cleaned room and fresh made bed making your way out towards his laundry room walking down the hall laundry basket resting on your hip opening the door you are met with the unwanted figure of James.

"Oh great, what are you doing in here." Saying sharply "I'm stalking you." He says in a creepy tone, your facial expression must have been obvious as he quickly says "I'm joking damn, I'm part of the repair team and I was informed that this machine was broken. I'm just doing my job... wait why are you in here?" Standing there glancing down at the laundry basket you're holding, gesture with your hand "duh...." he blushes before replying "so you work directly for the commander huh? How's that working out for you?" Ignoring his question, asking "is the other machine working so I can do my job?" Shuffling he says, "uh yeah that one's fine." Walking past him loading the washer before grabbing one of the books Doris loaned you, sitting in the chair across the room, you begin reading the mystery novel trying to pay no attention to him.

Time passes before he speaks again breaking the silence "you look a little rough this morning everything okay?" Looking up from the book giving him a dirty look "you sure are a one with words James really, it's none of your business but I haven't been back to my room since last night, I suddenly had no interest in being down that hall." As if the comment goes right above his head "if you didn't stay in your room where did you stay?" Eyes meeting his finding him staring at you harder than comfortable with "that is also none of your business James, honestly I'm pretty confused as to why you are even talking to me."

He turns around returning to the machine, more silence passes as he clangs and screws some bolts before speaking again "look I know you hate me but.." you interrupt him "your right, I do." He pauses before finishing the sentence "but... I know I messed up last time with you and truth be told I've regretted it from the moment it happened." Rolling your eyes "you should." Returning your gaze to the book reading until hearing the chime of the washing machine, standing walking to it beginning to transfer the clothes to the dryer now only feet from him. Feeling him staring at you again, darting him a nasty look saying, "can I help you with something?!" James turns facing you, eyes still glued on you "look I know I fucked up okay? But like it or not there is a connection between us that you can't deny and I'm going to try my hardest to win you back."

Huffing crossing your arms "even if you were the last person in the universe I wouldn't give you the chance to screw me over again, besides like I said before I'm seeing someone and I'll say it again slowly for you... he... would... kick... your.... ass." He has the audacity to laugh saying "I'm not afraid of anyone you know that, plus your worth it. You can push me away all you want (y/n) but I am not going to stop, I am a changed man and I am going to prove it to you. I'll see you later." Before you have the chance to tell him to fuck off he's out the door leaving you fuming with anger 'I don't care if he's a changed man or not I don't and won't ever want him back.' After the clothes are finished drying neatly folding them before returning to Kylo's room replacing the clean linens and other garments heading out towards his office excitement growing seeing him even only for a moment fills your stomach with butterflies.

Walking through the metal doors surprised to see the office empty, looking around waiting patiently for at least twenty minutes before finally walking out heading down the hall towards the lunchroom, the first trooper you see, stopping them "excuse me, have you seen Kylo... I mean the commander I am to report to him, but he wasn't in his office?" The trooper looks you up and down before saying "the commander is away on first order business." Turning the trooper begins walking away, running to catch up to him saying "wait... wait please, do you know how long he will be gone?" The trooper continues walking as he shrugs, "no idea."

Stopping to catch your breath mind wondering why didn't he tell me he was leaving? When will he be back? Couldn't he have left me a note or something?' Feeling a grumble in your stomach deciding to continue towards the lunchroom after all you skipped breakfast this morning, walking through the line choosing a balanced meal before sitting alone at a table near the back. Enjoying your lunch, glancing up noticing someone walking towards you and of course it would be none other than James, grabbing the tray beginning to stand as he stops you "hey no it's okay finish eating I mean no harm I just saw you all alone so I decided to eat with you."

Sitting back down reluctantly saying, "did it ever cross your mind that maybe I wanted to eat alone?" He shakes his head "nope never did, but I'm here now so guess you have no choice." Frustrated continuing to eat trying to ignore his loud chewing "did you hear the commander is away for at least a month?" Almost choking on your apple, gasping a few times before saying, "no I didn't, how did you hear about it?" He passes you his water cup "are you okay? Take a drink, I'm surprised you didn't know he sent an alert to all his main staff." Swallowing a few sips of his water reluctantly before saying "oh that...yeah I got an alert but I didn't read it I was in a rush this morning..." mind flooding with questions 'okay so he can tell everyone else but not me? He was with me why didn't he tell me in person? Gone a whole month... why?' James pulls you out of your thoughts "so how long have you been with this new guy?"

Snapping your head up thinking about just ignoring him but finally answering "it's Um... pretty recent actually but feels like I've been with him forever." His gaze drops a little bit "that strong of a connection huh? Well where is this guy I'd love to meet him." Blushing looking around trying to see if you can fake a random person "he actually um.... he... he went with the commander, he's remarkably close to him actually he's one of Kylo's best troopers." Hoping he buys it his face studying yours for a moment "so he's a trooper, I didn't figure you the type to go with someone like that." Voice laced with attitude saying "and why not? He respects me and treats me better than anyone I've ever been with; can't say you'd know how that feels would you."

His facial expression changes for a moment you could have sworn it was sadness strewn across it "your wrong, I have felt that before... with you actually. But we both know I fucked that up big time, but even still the only time I've ever felt alive was with you." Choking back tears standing grabbing your tray "yeah James you made me feel alive too, until you didn't. When you decided to break my heart the only thing I felt after that was nothing. So, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go."

Quickly walking out the cafeteria before he can say anything else, just keep walking for a while down hall after hall before stumbling onto an old rusted door, opening the hatch curiosity getting the best of you wandering inside. To your surprise inside is a massive lounge room with rows and rows of books, long floor length curtains covering huge windows, sheet covered sofas and chairs with a long dusty table in the corner toppled with stacks of dirty books.

Walking towards the table to see one of the them lying open, picking it up blowing the dust off noticing it's a journal the pages stained with sloppy ink written handwriting the words read of pain, loneliness, and anger. The way it is written you can tell it was by someone younger, the way they write about pain and deception the longing and confusion mingled into the words. Setting the book back down looking around again before deciding this is going to become your own little hide away 'I can clean it up obviously no one comes in here anymore no one will even know I'm in here, it's perfect.' Leaving the room, glancing once more taking in the potential it has before walking out, heading towards your own quarters.


	24. Burying Ben

Back inside your room deciding now is as good of time as any to shower thinking back to James saying you looked rough 'what does he know and if he wants to try to win me back that definitely isn't the way to do it, idiot.' Inside the shower washing up letting the hot water cleanse your skin, mind wondering to Kylo 'I already miss him, I just don't understand why he didn't even tell me he was leaving that's so frustrating. One second he makes me feel like I'm the only person who matters and the next he dumps me like I'm not real...' finished with the shower stepping out wrapping the towel tightly around before walking into your room, rummaging through the closet 'I guess I don't need to dress up if he isn't even going to be here right?'

Choosing a relaxed dark pant and simple black shirt paired with some flats, hair wrapped tightly in a neat bun deciding on wearing no makeup instead letting your skin breathe for once only putting on a thin layer of gloss. Noticing the time catching yourself getting prepared to head to Kylo's room to get it ready for his return only to stop yourself 'oh yeah that's right, no point in doing that if he's not even here.' Standing for a moment thinking what you are going to do with your time before remembering the deserted room "oh yeah! I can go clean that up what else have I got to do?" Excitedly leaving your room collecting some supplies before sneaking towards the lounge "hey! Where are you headed too?"

Jumping dropping the duster before turning around to see James jogging up to you, sighing saying "oh it's just you, I'm just going to clean up a... um just a room I was assigned." He stops close to you picking up the duster "do you need any help? I'm actually pretty free righ..." cutting him off quickly "nope, no I'm good I can handle a little cleaning I'm not worthless you know." His face saddens "I never thought you were, alright I'll let you go, don't want to keep you from such important first order business. But if you need me, I am three doors down from your room, see you around." He turns heading in the opposite direction 'ugh why won't he just leave me alone!'

Once arriving at the lounge, slipping through the doors shutting them quickly behind you 'I'm not sure I should be in here, so I really don't want to get caught.' Breathing in deeply tracing the room wondering are in over your head 'this is a lot of cleaning' starting by pulling the old sheets off the sofas revealing their beautiful design darken wood carved into a curved design the cushions are covered in beautiful dark red velvet, now coughing at the puff of dust filling the room running your fingers along the top of the couch.

Moving on to the book shelves beginning to dust everything meticulously reading the titles to the books many of which you've already read but every now and then finding one, mentally marking it down to read if ever given the chance. Further along the wall finding a section with no titles curious pulling one down opening it to find it's another journal filled page by page with hand written words, the same penmanship as the one you looked at earlier. Placing the book back in its slot wondering who's journals these could have been none of them are signed with only a few dates here and there 'I feel like I'm invading someone's privacy, but obviously they haven't been in here to read or write in them for a very long time.'

Now focusing on the desk cleaning and wiping down each stacked journal occasionally peaking inside reading a few pages, most are filled with poems or stories that do not really make much sense only jumbled words placed awkwardly along the page. One poem catches your eye as you read,

*Dark of night

Woken, blinding green light

Betrayed by blood

Fear stained face

Heart pounding pace

Anger fueled rage

Pain engaged

Mourning

Destruction

Abandon self

Embrace coldness

Flee to darkness

Abandoning family

Burying Ben eternally*

Reading the words over and over such a simple poem but the feeling it brings sends shivers down your spine before placing the book back into its slot 'who is Ben? Who hurt them so badly?' Noticing now the room is beginning to get dark searching for a light switch surprisingly there isn't one but there is plenty of half burned candles scattered around 'who makes a lounge with no lights? I don't have any matches with me I guess I'll have to call it a night, I'll bring some with me next time.' Smiling at the little progress you have made before slipping back out into the hallway looking around to see if anyone has noticed you, thankful the hallway is empty as you head towards your own room.

Just before entering hearing the annoying low rasp of James's voice "hey (y/n) wait up!" Turning around not sure why you are even humoring him sighing, "what James?" He walks up to you pulling his hand from behind his back revealing a single white rose "I was snooping around the base and found a few vases of flowers this one reminded me of you so I snagged it, here." He says holding out the rose, standing there staring at him blankly before saying "really James? You stole a puny rose from the first order for what? To impress me?" He reaches out grabbing your hand his touch startling you as he places the rose on your palm "just take it please, you deserve presents now and again even if they are stolen." Laughing he closes your fingers around the stem his hand resting on yours longer than you realize before pulling away "uh, thanks I guess... look I don't exactly know what you're expecting James but you really hurt me and I feel like you are wasting your time trying to win me back or whatever it is you're doing."

He watches before saying, "it's been three years we were young; I was stupid I made a momentary mistake that you've held against me for too long now." Body tensing saying "I will hold that against you forever, you were my everything my first real relationship, my first lover, the person I thought I'd marry honestly. Then you went and messed it all up on a momentary mistake, I am only going to say this once. I will always love you James as much as my brain tells my heart to let you go I never can fully, but if you think I'm just going to come running back to you that's foolish. You'd need to do a lot more than just a stolen rose to win me back." His face lights up saying, "so you're saying I have a chance?" Frustrated saying "no that's not what I'm saying we're you even listening! You know what, never mind I'm tired I'm going to go to bed you have a nice night."

Turning entering your room before giving him the chance to say anything else, once inside noticing you actually are tired setting the rose on the edge of your bed so you can change into your pajamas. After ordering dinner and eating sliding into bed leaning down pulling the rose up closer to you, bringing it to your nose inhaling the scent 'it smells so good and really it was kind of nice to receive.'

Bringing yourself closer to sleep mind filling with images of James the bond you two once shared the intense love as it mixes with the painful memories between the two of you, the images swirl into a fog with new memories this time involving Kylo his strong frame cuddling you close his embrace warming you with feelings of safety, lust, and hope. Now with the loneliness of the night feeling the overwhelming longing feeling to be next to him, still confused why he left without saying goodbye picturing his chiseled face, each curve of it, every freckle the pinkness of his lips. Getting lost in the thought of his honey eyes slipping into a deep sleep, dreaming of Kylo but clutching the rose gifted by James.


	25. The glass room

Days now consist of tidying Kylo's room even though it remains unused and spotless, to wandering around the base looking for whatever you can to add to the lounge room. The occasional lunch shared with James not that you really have a choice he always just sort of shows up, tired of trying to fight it allowing him to sit with you the thoughts lingering that without his stubborn presence the last few weeks you may have lost your mind.

It's been three weeks since Kylo left without a word, you still haven't heard from him not sure how or why he would have tried contacting you however it still brings you down not knowing where he is, if he's okay or if he's thinking of you too. James laughs as he places his hand against yours snapping you back to reality, quickly pulling your hand out from under his "whoa chill out I didn't mean to touch a nerve you were lost in the clouds again I was trying to get you to remember the time we snuck out after hours wandering the streets before we found that abandoned hut. (Laughing) those were some good times weren't they, if I recall that's the night we tried that one thing." He says winking, cringing at the thought of it "yes I remember and yes it was that night but if I also remember correctly, wasn't that the same night you finished in less than two minutes hmmm?"

His face turns bright red before a twisting smile appears "well what do you expect from a guy, you had never done that to me before and you're just so sexy I couldn't contain myself. Truth be told if we did it again, we'd probably have the same outcome." He laughs, frowning your face 'well that backfired I was hoping to embarrass him into shutting up.' Scoffing standing up pushing your chair into the table hard before walking off in the background hearing him say "aw come on I was only joking with you, I mean there is truth behind it but I didn't mean to offend you." Not listening to him continuing walking out heading towards the lounge 'nothing else to do.'

Once there sneaking inside creeping past a crossing trooper, the room now completely cleaned top to bottom taking your time lighting each candle before sitting comfortably on the couch covering yourself with one of Kylo's heavy capes that you borrowed. Spending the rest of the afternoon into the evening reading more pages out of the journals, you've already gone through at least five of them 'this Ben guy has so much hope inside him and something seriously tragic happened and now everything you read is incredibly depressing.'

Every now and then you will see doodles drawn across the pages sometimes seeing drawings of butterflies and Wookiee's others you see messes of pages with dark faced figures surrounded by red and black inks, occasionally coming across scribbled words carved into the pages. Running your fingers along the indented ink whispering as you read them "loathe, attachment, abandonment, disappointment, conceal, affliction." 'Whoever wrote these seems so miserable why do I get the strong urge to try and help them?'

Continuing to read before too long nodding off on the couch, waking up to the sweet smell of Kylo eyes opening swiftly hoping to see him somewhere near you. Only to remember you were covered in his cloak knowing that is the smell, pulling it close to your face smelling it deeply saying "oh Kylo... I miss you so much... when will you return to me?" Looking out the window noticing it's now completely dark outside standing folding his cloak laying it gently across the arm of the couch before returning the journal to its spot, blowing out each candle before leaving the lounge heading towards your quarters.

Walking to your room turning the final corner to see James, grumbling thinking 'how is he everywhere!' He strides up to you "hey, what are you doing right now." Looking around shrugging "nothing I guess, I was just going to go back to my room for the night." He grabs your hand pulling you along "oh good your free then, I found this really cool section of the base and I wanted to show it to you." Half wanting to say no, deciding 'why not, I'm actually quite bored.' Feeling his hand grip around yours sends a quiver throughout your body "okay I'll go with you but don't ruin this moment."

His face lights up as he tugs you along, walking for quite a while in silence before he finally stops "we're here, come on." As he opens a door walking inside pausing for a moment the feeling of betrayal crosses your mind 'should I really be alone with him? Why not after all if Kylo really cared he would have made it a priority to communicate with you before leaving.' Inside you are met with a room completely surrounded by glass windows illuminating the moon lit planet watching the slow fall of snow before looking around, noticing it's empty besides a few old pillows tossed on the floor next to a candle lit tray of dinner and a full bottle of wine.

Looking up at James going to speak before he stops you "look, before you go please just humor me okay? I just want to talk I did not ask for the wine, but they brought it anyways, this room is beautiful, and it made me think of you, don't go just give me a few hours. Pretend you don't know me; I mean after all you really don't, I swear I've changed just let me show you... please." Your mind telling you to go but ignoring it walking towards the outlaid pillows "I guess one dinner won't hurt, but this doesn't mean I've forgiven you and we're just friends okay?" He smiles sitting down gesturing for you to sit "friends are better than enemy's, right?"

Spending the next hour or so reflecting on old memories the wine bottle now empty finding yourself blurting out the words "I just don't understand why you did it?" He looks at you confused "did what?" Giving him a dirty look "don't play stupid James you know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you don't let me clarify I'm talking about the time you fucked my roommate." He pauses for a long time before finally speaking "honestly, there really isn't a good excuse besides that it sort of just happened, but I swear she meant nothing and the whole time I was thinking of you." Snorting spouting the words "oh give me a break, are you serious right now? That's the lamest excuse in the book honestly just admit you found her more attractive and you wanted it."

Tears now filling your eyes as he immediately places his hand on your arm "no, you're wrong I didn't find her more attractive than you, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I know I messed up I've hated myself for it ever since, but I promise it meant nothing and only happened once." Tears streaming down your face flopping back onto the pillows looking up at the night sky watching the snowflakes fall against the glass ceiling you wanted so much to hate him to wish he was dead but you can't help but feel your heart flutter 'I never stopped loving him as hard as I tried, being placed here I never thought I'd have to see him again and now I see him every day he's bombarding my emotions.'

Suddenly feeling his hand brush across your abdomen, looking down seeing he is laid down next to you face looking down on yours his hand now slowly moving up before gently wiping away your tears. His deep voice "I know I've hurt you; I deserve nothing from you. If I could let you go I would but I still love you I alwa..." sitting up slightly pushing your hand against him "don't you dare say that to me, you don't love me if you did you would have never acted on tha.." before you can even finish speaking he presses his lips against yours.

Pulling away staring at his face the familiarity of it a place you once called home, a face you thought you'd stare at forever as a rush of emotions run through, without thinking cupping his face in your hands kissing him back. He responds by hovering over you his fiery hot lips caressing your own he pulls you tightly against his body, the two of you stay intertwined for a while body heat matched with intense lust warming the two of you up, forgetting how good his touch felt as he lays back breaking the connection if only momentarily but just enough time for images of Kylo to pop into your head.

Gasping pulling back sitting up, he looked at you confused "what, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Anger soaring through your veins spouting "why am I doing this? I'm seeing someone." Beginning to try and stand as he reaches for you pulling you back into him, lips meeting yours again, melting against his grasp beginning to kiss him back passionately before snapping out of it again "no James stop, If I do this I'm no better than you were. I won't do that to Ky.... him I can't." He sits up before harshly questioning "were you about to say Kylo? The commander, are you serious?" Standing fixing your shirt snapping "don't be ridiculous of course it's not the commander his name is... well it's none of your business but if you must know it's Kylen, don't follow me James."

Rushing out the room running back to your own, inside letting your emotions flow feeling every intense response letting yourself cry as you fall onto your bed. 'What they hell was that, what was I thinking? I can't believe I just let that happen, I know me and Kylo aren't official or anything, but I've been on the other side of cheating and I swore I'd never be the cheater.' The night lingers forever, mind endlessly racing, playing what happened over and over, heart longing for Kylo wanting nothing more than to see him, to hold him, whispering "you need to come back to me."


	26. Sweet dreams turn nightmares

More time passes each day Kylo was supposed to return five weeks ago he has been gone now a little over two months, still no word from him or his return. You have stopped cleaning his room daily there is no point instead going once a week to dust everything and change his linens, having managed to ignore James thus far. The days consist of hiding in your room until knowing James has left, then sneaking to the lounge passing the rest of the time. By now you have read every journal the last one dated a year before arriving on the base, the last entry was about letting go of this Ben characters past for good finally embracing the dark side. Often finding yourself wondering who wrote them sometimes catching yourself thinking it sounds a lot like something Kylo would write, but dismissing the thought 'he doesn't really seem like someone who would keep a bunch of journal's, besides his name is Kylo not Ben that's a silly assumption.' 

Towards the end of the stack finding an empty journal figuring no harm could come from it you've been writing in it yourself, stories about little memories from your childhood to even the dark stuff about how a few masters have abused you, starvation, and attempted assault. Much to your surprise writing all this stuff helps deeply, some days writing all day page after page. Lately you have been writing about Kylo, about the romantic moments you have shared, the intense feelings you have for him to the more recent anger with him. Even writing him letters that he will never see, today's entry reads *Kylo where are you, why have you deserted me? Not a word from you as the days turn into nights the loneliness of my empty bed overwhelms me, sweet dreams turn nightmares as I envision you lost or hurt, possibly even moved on with someone else. Do you even think about me? Will things be the same when you return? So many questions that are left unanswered... I hope to see you soon. I need to see you soon; the longing is growing unbearable I am starting to think this has all been a figment of my imagination. Prove me wrong Kylo come back to me...*

Some nights spent sleeping in his bed clutching his pillow trying to hold onto its fading smell, the other sleepless nights spent thinking of him, his touch often masturbating in his bed, a couple of nights multiple times before finally falling asleep from exhaustion. Other nights crying yourself to sleep longing to be near him again, to at least to know he is okay.

The morning of the sixth week, waking up late sun shining bright against your eyes, pulling the covers up over your head trying to fall back to sleep only to be woken again by the sound of knocking at your door. Frustrated, crawling out of bed slugging towards the door, opening the hatch lazy eyes focusing on the figure before recognizing its James. Quickly crossing your arms over your chest knowing the top you are wearing is quite sheer 'thanks for that one Kylo.' Standing staring at you before finally speaking "oh hey, I didn't actually think you'd answer the door but I'm glad you did. Listen I really need to talk to you about that night... I don't know how you feel about it, but I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since." Blushing saying "honestly I don't really know how to feel about it... kissing you brought back so many old emotions that I thought I got rid of. I think about you a lot lately too... and him... truthfully I'm not in the right frame of mind to try and figure out what I want today."

He pauses awkwardly looking as if he does not know what to do before asking "do you need a hug?" Laughing, "I guess that would be nice actually." Walking through the door he gently pulls you closer to him wrapping his arms around placing his palm against the back of your head, a rush of emotions flows through you, beginning to cry against him. He squeezes tighter "what's wrong?" Raspy voice replying "my heart hurts, I feel so alone... things were getting so real between me and ky....Kylen and now I don't even know if it meant anything. Not to mention you... I want to hate you so badly I do... but here you are weaseling your way back into my life and right now I don't think I'm strong enough to stop you..." stepping back he says "hey you know what I'm just going to call in today, if it's cool with you I can just stay here and we can hang out get your mind off things or even just sit and cry if that's what you need." Looking up at him wiping away tears "you'd do that for me?" Smiling he pulls out his tablet, tapping a few times before saying "done, what do you want to do?" Thinking for a moment "can... um... can we just lay here... I just want to be held..." he smiles, "sure whatever you need."

Walking to the bed both of you climbing under the sheets as he opens his arm patting on his chest "your pillow awaits ma'am." Sliding up against him wrapping your arms around him while pressing your face against his chest, holding him is an entirely different feeling than holding Kylo, James is built so much smaller he's muscular but not in comparison the two of you lay together long enough for both of you to drift off into sleep.

The soft feeling of fingers raking through your hair wakes you, eyes still closed enjoying the loving feel of it before grabbing onto his side squeezing gently "good morning again, or should I say evening." Sitting glancing at the clock shocked it is already after four pm "how did we sleep all day?" Laughing he says, "you slept all day, I've been up for a few hours." Turning facing him "why didn't you wake me up?" Brushing a piece of hair behind your ear "you were sleeping so peacefully I couldn't wake you, so instead I just watched you sleep." Jokingly you say, "that's not creepy at all." Laughing "but I was trying to wake you just now, a minute ago you started having a bad dream you were mumbling something like he's hurt repeatedly. Who were you dreaming about?" Answering quickly "no idea, I don't remember what I was dreaming about." But the truth is you do thinking 'I was dreaming about Kylo it was so vivid it felt so realistic, he was lying against a pile of rocks his clothes ripped and torn blood soaking the surrounding gravel, his face lined with a large open wound.' Thinking about him hurt like that sends a shiver down your spine, James notices "are you cold?" Not wanting to go into detail simply nodding yes as he wraps his arms around pulling you back into his embrace neatly under the blankets, wrapped in James embrace but mind fogged with Kylo 'I hope he's okay...'


	27. His return

Passing the three-month mark was hard but finally hearing from a passing trooper that he is at least alive, stationed on a ship looking for something in the Galaxy was all you caught as they walked off. That day you went through every emotion possible starting with anger 'how dare he just leave me here wondering what's happened to him.' Denial 'maybe he hasn't had a way to communicate to you?' Depression 'if you meant anything to him, he would have found a way.' And finally, to acceptance 'I knew getting involved with him was trouble, I'm done.'

Instead you've actually been spending more time with James after all technically you and Kylo were never a couple and he hasn't spoken to you in fourteen weeks, time now spent eating meals together, following him around as he fixes random broken things throughout the base. The nights are usually spent in the glass room lying on the pillows arms locked around James, feelings for him slowly coming back yet not quite over Kylo, you still haven't let him in enough to have sex but you don't know how much longer you want to wait. Tonight showing up before he does waiting patiently, finally the door opens he walks in embracing you tightly "I'm so glad you dumped that other loser and came to your senses (y/n) I knew you'd come back to me." Heart fluttering you say "I didn't dump him I told you that, he hasn't contacted me this whole time and I'm not going to just wait like a lost puppy until he decides he cares enough to communicate with me." He looks up at you "well yeah but obviously you're done with him, right? I mean we're together again that's what this is right?" Shaking your head "honestly James I don't know what we are, I enjoy being around you but if I'm being totally honest, I don't know what I would do if he returned. You don't know him he has this magnetizing effect about him something that's incredibly hard to resist, but as of right now in this moment it's just you and me so shut up and kiss me."

Lips met with his the two of you kiss sloppily, he lifts you up carrying you to the cluster of pillows laying you down as he begins roughly unbuttoning your shirt a sudden lust within him as he fumbles with the last few buttons tearing them loose exposing your bra. "Hey! That's a really nice shirt you know." Laughing as he runs his hand up your skirt, hands clawing at your panty hose as he huffs before flipping you around on your stomach placing his hands to your hips pulling you to your knees lifting the skirt up above your ass. The sound of your panty hose ripping loudly against the silence feeling him slide your panties to the side, his fingers dig in you "fuck I've missed this." He says as he prods his fingers inside the feeling of his hand is something you have forgotten, it is much rougher than Kylo's even his method of pleasure so rough with no real intent of pleasing unlike Kylo every time he touches you each moment filled with intense pleasure, momentarily picturing the fingers being his instead of James. The thought instantly causing you to let out a moan before being brought back into the moment with the sound of James "I've missed fucking you, I knew I'd get the chance again." He pulls his fingers from you fumbling for a moment before feeling the tip of his penis against your slit "wait James hold on." Saying as he pauses "don't you want this? I can make you feel good remember how I used to make you feel?" Sighing saying, "yes I do, but I just don't know if I'm ready for this." He rubs the head of his dick against your ass up and down saying "just try and if you don't like it, I will stop okay?"

Thinking for a few moments "I don't know..." he starts pushing the head of his dick between your folds, looking up out the window just then you happen to see a TIE ship fly into the docking bay. Immediately pulling forward as he slips out from you "hey what's wrong why are we stopping." He says, ignoring him fumbling to your feet "look James I thought I was ready for this but I'm clearly not okay, I'm sorry to leave you like this I just need some time to think okay?"

Leaving him on his knees naked from the waist down his expression confused darting out of the room heading towards your own. Almost there messing with the buttons on your shirt buttoning the top ones hastily while tugging at the skirt trying to hide the torn hose, not focusing on where you were walking bumping hard into someone before quickly looking up only to be met with the commanders stiff body, face hidden behind his helmet. Frozen in place quickly stuffing the torn shirt into your skirt before saying "excuse me commander you are blocking my way."

He stands eyeing you as he reaches out his hands, watching as they rise to your shirt, he slowly buttons the top button. Words falling out of your mouth unable to control yourself "where were you, why didn't you tell me you were leaving! Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Still standing in front of you he finally pulls his helmet off, his beautiful face now lined with a large gash across it, the stinging feeling seeing him visibly harmed pushing you over the edge reaching towards his face softly grazing the pink forming scar beginning to sob "oh Kylo... you're hurt... what happened to you."

Jerking back, his hand quickly grasping your wrist hard forcing it away, he moves out stretching his arm pointing, his low harsh voice hisses "go." Quickly darting past him before turning and saying "you can't just ignore me commander! I'm done, just so you know that employee I was afraid to talk about was James and since you disappeared, we've actually gotten quite close." Watching as his body stiffens his face burning red he clinches his fists, without speaking a word he turns walking off in the opposite direction. Once around the corner hearing loud crashing the sound of metal ripping open, mixed with the loud hissing of his saber, his loud scream echoing down the hallway startling you.

Not wanting to stick around running to your room slamming the door shut behind you, ripping the clothes off your body throwing them against the wall. 'What the actual fuck was that! Why did he just throw a tantrum as if he were upset? Like he gave a shit.' The night is spent continuously cursing Kylo racing thoughts 'did he know what you were just doing? Obviously, he buttoned your shirt up he must know... I wonder how that makes him feel? Why did he reject my touch... is it really over between us...'?


	28. Disloyalty

*Kylo's view*

(Disclaimer I know this story does not follow the Star Wars plot closely, it is intentional.)

Holding her close focusing on her shallow breathing, mind wondering how you are going to convince Snoke that you must have her in your life. Thinking about the events leading up to now, that weasel Hux blabbing his stupid mouth he's lucky I didn't kill him the first chance I got, walking into the throne room seeing Snoke resting against the large royal seat, hands gripped on the throne arms. "You are weak commander Ren, there is no room for foolish, cheap, throw away women in the first order. If I am informed again of your faults, I will force you to do away with her brutally, your priorities are to me and the order nothing else, learn your place or suffer greatly."

It was torture ignoring her, every moment of everyday she clouds my mind, the hurt expression on her face as she shut the door on me. Every morning I find myself walking aimlessly towards her quarters, arriving at her door a few times before realizing where I am the sudden imagery of being forced to impale her with my saber always pulling me away. I long for her constantly but the fear of losing her forever isn't worth the risk, every day she shows up for report I can't even look her in the face for trepidation of breaking down by the sight of her beauty.

On a day like the rest tasked with the burden of meeting the new staff watching as she slips in through the door hiding against the wall, her body language strewn with signs of distress. Watching as the new members walk away her face turning pale, staring at her all you want to do is embrace her, comfort her something is obviously wrong but instead dismissing her only for her to ignore you frozen in place. Speaking louder "you are dismissed (y/n) you can leave now." Watching as she replies words broken her body trembling, she brushes off your questions of concern leaving the room quickly, every fiber within you screams to follow her but you know you cannot.

That evening you were able to explain to her why you have been so distant her reluctance finally breaking in the dark of night, the intense sexual relationship between you two is something you have never experienced. Every woman you have ever been with was just a fling even your first time she meant nothing, never allowing yourself to accept anything else than a quick fuck, but with her it is different. Since the moment first seeing her, she's bombarded every part of me, never knowing what love really feels like assuming this is a close guess.

Watching now as she turns around naked back facing you leaning down inhaling her sweet perfume gently kissing her shoulder, knowing you won't be able to go back to sleep, slowly creeping out of bed quietly getting dressed before leaving out the door. Walking the halls in the early morning suddenly being stopped by a passing trooper who informs you that Snoke is looking for you, heart racing with thoughts 'what does he need this late? Does he know what just happened between us (y/n)?' He informs of a mission that cannot wait you must immediately leave no time to waste, mind wondering back to her lying blissfully in your bed totally oblivious to your departure. Rushing towards your fighter informing Hux to alert all main staff of your absence knowing that is the simplest way to inform her without causing suspicion.

The mission is to try and locate your uncle, searching planet after planet for weeks and weeks each day growing longer. Every night the loneliness finds you the only thing you can clearly focus on is her still frame lying against your black sheets the overwhelming need to reach out and touch her always dissolving when met with only emptiness. 'Does she miss me? Is she safe, happy, lonely too?' This mission has proven more difficult than imagined, still no luck in locating Skywalker. The only thing you've gotten out of it is a nasty gash across the face during an attack, recovery was difficult but the news of returning home soon kept you going the thought of seeing her is the only thing that eases the pain. The weeks mashed together not knowing exactly how long you have been gone now, only knowing it's been well over a month 'will she be waiting for me like I've waited for her?' The trip back to base was long, longer than normal the anticipation of seeing her lingers on every minute, the dark snowy planet coming into focus brings your heart to a steady pace.

Arriving in the docking bay the fighter doors opening, quickly walking past Hux as he spouts nonsense not hearing a single word, the only thing on your mind is to rush to her quarters, her embrace you've longed for since the moment you left. Walking down the dark halls a figure heading in your direction, stopping in your tracks recognizing it to be (y/n) she's rushing down the hall fumbling with her open shirt her bra exposed hair uneven her lipstick smeared and skirt risen past her upper thigh, eyes catching a torn hole in her stocking. Anger fuming within mind racing 'what the hell is going on she was clearly just fucked by someone; she didn't wait for you she doesn't care this whole thing has been a lie.'

Standing immobile as she collides against you watching as she looks up embarrassment on her face she tries forcing the rest of her ripped shirt into her skirt, every piece of you trembling with anger wanting to shred whoever she was just with. Her cold tone speaks but your focus is locked on the open button at the top of her shirt reaching for it hand shaking clasping it closed again 'why was she acting like this... what had I done? Why am I the bad guy does not she know how much I care for her? My face permanently scarred; she was the only thing pushing me forward up off that boulder continuing to fight before bleeding out.'

She speaks again yelling at you for leaving her without a word 'fucking Hux he had to deliberately ignore my orders to inform everyone, maybe I'll take my rage out on him.' Removing your helmet, needing to see her clearly to make sure you are not imagining this, her hand reaching up towards your face, fingers grazing the scar her touch soft against your blazing skin. She asks what happened but the only thing you can think is how she's betrayed you as your anger builds gripping one hand on your saber the overwhelming urge rising, other hand gripping her wrist flinging it away 'I don't want her touch, her hands were probably just wrapped around some other guys cock.' Grumbling "Go." She must leave before you do something you will regret, the pain in your heart a shattering numbness as she tells you the person bothering her was her ex and she's back with him.

Wrath flowing through you leaving her presence, out of site igniting the saber taking your anger out on the hallway frames slashing and ripping through the metal with ease, heart pounding letting out a loud bloodcurdling roar 'fuck her! Fuck him! Fuck this stupid base! Fuck the first order fuck everything! I'll split that filth in pieces when I see him!' Stomping towards your room slamming the door shut heart aching deeply every beat pulsating with pain, marching towards the bedroom stumbling against the wall breath escaping your mouth rapidly, thoughts racing 'why did she go back to him, didn't he hurt her? I've never intentionally hurt her I would never, yet she runs back to that fuck the first chance she gets.'

Rage boiling slamming your fist against the wall crushing it easily, screaming again letting the wrath escape you, arm stretched out fists balling pulling at the dresser drawers flinging them across the room with the flick or your wrist. Other hand forces the mattress up off the bed with ease waving your arm slamming the mattress into the wall, falling to your knees objects floating around you sobbing into your hands the items falling to the floor around you. Lying flat staring at the red ceiling hot tears falling down your cheeks the salt stinging the healing scar, no sleep comes tonight instead withdrawn into your thoughts not moving from the sprawled position, grief wrapping it's bitter self around you tightly.


	29. Facing him

Alarm ringing, waking feeling as if you've only slept for a few hours, stumbling to the shower rinsing off last night's activities washing away any trace of James the feeling of guilt washing over you again. 'I tried waiting for you Kylo I did... what did you expect from me... I thought you forgot about me...' finishing the shower stepping out drying off before heading to the closet. Today choosing a long sleeved plain black shirt with a pair of black jeans, for shoes a pair of slick black boots. Makeup going for a heavier black Smokey eye with black lipstick, hair braided in two strands 'I want to look as dark as I feel today.'

For a few moments considering skipping out on today's work 'I really don't want to be around Kylo I don't know what to say to him.' Breathing deeply walking out the door towards his quarters, catching you by surprise seeing James walking in front of you his muscular build, with short golden blonde hair his frame walking briskly, speaking up "hey James wait up." Jogging to catch up with him fingers interlocking his he looks down on you "um hi, I'm surprised you still wanted to see me." Knowing why but still asking he says "well quite honestly I behaved a little roughly last night, I just haven't been intimate with anyone else since that night I uh...cheated on you and I just missed you so much I'm not sure what came over me but I'm sorry." Not sure what to say, the two of you keep walking hands laced together, approaching the commanders hallway "I got to go that way but before I do I just wanted to give you a heads up, kylen returned last night I saw their fighter and that's why I freaked out. I don't know what this means for me and you but I'm happy with how things are going as of right now."

He turns facing you before slipping his hands around your waste pulling you closer he leans in kissing you roughly, the moment cut short by the loud thudding of the commanders doors, pulling back from James to see Kylo standing down the hall staring at you before placing his helmet on his head walking straight towards you. "Hey, I think I better get going but I'll see you later okay." Kissing him on the cheek before pushing him along turning heading towards his room , Kylo stomping past you his hand slightly brushing along yours. He doesn't stop or flinch wondering if he knew he had touched you, once inside his room your mouth drops at the sight of everything being thrown out of place his bed a toppled mess the mattress flipped over laying against the wall all his dresser drawers flung open some thrown across the room. Front and center on the hallway wall noticing a giant hole, walking towards it tracing your fingers along the cracked edges 'why did he do this? He couldn't have been that mad last night, could he?'

Spending far too long in his room returning all the strewn furniture back to its place neatly making his bed collecting his linen and dirty clothes. Hiding away in the laundry room for as long as you can before returning his fresh clothes thinking 'you know if you don't show for report he will be even madder with you.' Taking your time before arriving at his office the hatch doors swing open, surprised to see general Hux sitting in his spot instead, standing up straight you say "good afternoon general I was just reporting to the commander to see if he needed anything else from me, do you know where he is?" Hux not even glancing up replies "he took the rest of the day to train, his past excursions proved him not as strong as he thought." Laughing he waves his hand at you "you're dismissed." Sighing with relief walking out heading straight towards the lounge room 'I need some alone time.'

Inside grabbing your journal before slouching into the couch, instinctively reaching for Kylo's cloak stopping for a second pulling it closer holding it against your face sucking in the small traces of him still lingering, the scent instantly sending chills over your body 'who am I kidding I don't think I'm over him... but he just left... he could have tried, over and over he keeps dropping me with ease.' Writing in the journal about James and how he's slowly winning you back, how stupid you know it is after what he did to you but you can't help it he's was so sweet to you while Kylo was gone. Writing until well past five pm finally deciding to head back towards Kylo's room, journal in hand walking out heading that direction. The words of Hux now repeating inside your head 'he is training, oh shit that probably means he's going to ask you to help wash him. I really hope he doesn't I don't even want to see him.' Arriving at his door slowly entering the passcode walking inside fingers crossed he is nowhere insight only to be met with his large frame standing in his room, back towards you.


	30. Only me

The sound of the metal hatch slamming shut echoes throughout the room Kylo remains unbothered as silence fills the air again, standing still watching him. His arms outstretched palms pressed firmly against the ledge of his windowsill as he stares out into the night, gulping setting the journal by the door before walking forward slowly each step watching as his body jerks to the sound of your shoes tapping across the marble floor stopping first in the bathroom running his water a feeling of sadness flows over you while pouring the familiar oils into the tub.

Now making your way into the bedroom reaching the side of his bed scared to make another sound gently pulling the covers back slowly moving to the other side neatly matching it pressing firmly, turning around towards the door bumping into the dresser, the friction causing a lamp to tip over falling towards the floor. Lunging forward trying to catch it before it shatters against the floor feeling it slip just between your grasp the loud sound of glass breaking suffocates the silence, quickly bending over picking up the pieces "I'm sorry I tried to catch it I will get you a new vas... ouch!" Distracted by trying to explain, picking up a shard the wrong way, the glass sticking deep into your palm blood pooling around it dripping down onto the tile.

As if the only thing he heard was your cry of pain before knowing it he's standing directly in front of you the outline of his body blurring his muffled voice "(y/n) are you okay, that's pretty deep give me your hand.... whoa don't fall, (y/n) look at me open your eyes..." the last thing you see is his arms reaching for you before everything turns black. Coming to seeing Kylo above, his eyes laced with anxiety his soothing voice bringing you further out of the darkness "it's okay, you're okay you passed out but I caught you, you've cut your hand pretty badly will you allow me to bandage it?" Looking down at your hand the glass still sticking out blood staining his pants now noticing he's holding you against him on his lap, the sight of the blood mixed with his scent bringing you back into the dizziness.

"Don't look at it just let me help you." Closing your eyes nodding feeling him shuffling before hearing a ripping sound, he grasps your hand raising it feeling a tugging followed by the intense sting of the open wound letting out a whimper "I know it hurts but I have to wrap it to stop the bleeding." He wraps a cloth around your hand pulling it tight, knowing the gash is covered opening your eyes to see him staring at you, his own bloodshot and circled with dark rings 'has he slept at all.' You wonder glancing down at your hand noticing the cloth he used was a piece torn from his own cloak, sitting up sliding out of his lap leaning back against his bed still a little dizzy "thank you for not letting me fall... and thank you for wrapping my hand, blood always makes me a little queasy."

He sits beside you leaning against the bed also, staring at the wall before speaking "that's what you do for people you care about... you don't just let them get hurt." His words spoken with such sadness bringing you to tears "why did you leave me Kylo...I had no idea where you were if you were alive or dead I suffered everyday worrying about you far into the night I even dreamed about you hurt and bleeding. You abandoned me without a word..." long silence passes before he speaks "I didn't abandon you (y/n) Snoke made me leave in the dead of night I had no choice I told Hux to inform everyone and somehow miraculously you were the only one left out of the message. (Y/n) I suffered daily for you too, not a moment went by that I did not think of you. I was hurt I was bleeding I could have easily given up right then allowing myself to let go but your voice kept telling me to keep fighting to come back to you I could hear it clear as you speaking now. So, I did... and I was met with you half-dressed confessing the involvement with someone else. So, don't dare say I abandoned you when you clearly did the abandoning."

His words intertwined with pain and anger "I know I'm sorry Kylo I don't know how it happened it just did... I was so alone, and he was there, he was always there somehow always around me. I was a mess when you were gone and he picked me back up... had I know you were coming ba.." he stops you harsh tone "what, you wouldn't have fucked him?" Darting your head to face him "excuse me?" Still facing the wall, he says "that's what you were doing when I saw you last night, don't have to try and hide it, clothes ripped makeup smeared. I know that look I've been the cause of it many times." Ignoring his last remark knowing he's just trying to hurt you "I don't owe you any explanation but just so you're aware we weren't fucking, he was trying and the moment I saw your ship I stopped him. I stopped for you Kylo, you ignorant ass..." standing up as he looks at you his face carrying a painful emotion lips pressing together as if he's going to speak but doesn't.

Wobbling towards the door opening the hatch leaving hearing his doors open behind you the sound of his boots marching towards you "stop don't go (y/n)." Turning facing him "I am going, you don't want me here besides, I need to go to the medical ward." He watches for a moment finally saying "I do want you here, I've always wanted you here. It's you who doesn't want to be with me now that you've got him..." Heart racing every inch of you wanted to run back to him, shaken voice saying "it's not that simple Kylo.... me and James are official now and I will not cheat... I can't... he doesn't hide me he doesn't cut me off constantly he actually wants me." His face frowns "I want you; I need you; I won't let this happen you will come back to me. He is not right for you I can read him he does not have good intentions... he does not want you he wants to own you. I do want you (y/n) I never stopped wanting you, all I can think about is you... just you." Heart breaking in two his magnetizing aurora entrancing you, not giving in stepping back saying "I can't Ky.... commander I can't do this right now..." before turning and running away.


	31. I'll wait for an eternity

*Kylo's view*

Watching as she runs away the sting of rejection ripping at your heart 'this is why you don't allow yourself to get close to anyone, love is for the weak.' Returning inside the room heart aching and muscles sore from training the only thing you want to do is take a long hot bath, clear your mind. Walking inside the bathroom the intense eucalyptus smell hitting your senses you haven't smelled the intoxicating aroma since before you left months ago, before meeting her this smell wouldn't have even registered any emotion but now it floods your mind with memories. Standing above the tub the steam rising against your face closing your eyes inhaling deeply 'I must figure out a way to win her back.... that James... I can sense his intentions the moment I saw them together this morning I know she is only a trophy to him. A game he wants to win, you are so much more than that to me (y/n) I won't let him hurt you further, I'll do whatever it takes.'

Soaking in the tub until the water turns chilly, leaving the bathroom drying off something catches your eye by the door. Bending over picking up the small leather-bound journal recognizing it immediately as one of your own confused having not been to the writing room in over a year as far as you knew it was totally abandoned. Opening the book, reading page after page before finally putting the pieces together somehow she found the room, and this is her writing 'does that mean she read my journals? Does she know my dark past?' Towards the middle of the journal starting to notice each entry is a personal note to you, she wrote every day for an entire month expressing her feelings for you or just writing about the boring activities she's done. Reading her words only hurts more, the thought of her thinking you abandoned her is too much one page reads *Kylo, my dearest Kylo where are you? A day without you in my eye is a day wasted gone by, drawn out days turn sleepless nights the only thing that soothes me is the thought of your return. Won't you come back to me?* continuing further into the long hours of the night towards the more recent entry's starting to notice your name less and less only to be replaced by James the most recent entry describing the night you returned in this place she calls the glass room 'I know of that room it was a place I had planned to take you (y/n) I was in the process of fixing it up for you if only you had waited.' Her story goes into detail of him ripping her clothes, the way she writes gives the impression that she didn't want it and his actions were showing that he didn't care 'was he going to force you?'

Rage boiling within, shutting the journal clinching your fist the sensation to destroy the room again is overwhelming, deciding instead to get dressed and take a walk, clear your mind. Wandering the halls, finding yourself walking towards the old familiar writing room door 'I haven't written in forever but maybe it will give me some peace like it once did.' Once inside taken aback by the changes, everything is spotless and organized lamps have been added along with strings of lights flowing across the ceiling. Eyes still looking around the room before noticing on one of the couches a small cloth clump, walking close towards it realizing it's her balled up covered in one of your cloaks 'whenever did she take that?' Thinking while staring at her, the small frame engulfed by the black fabric her face resting peacefully against the hood with her hands pressed tightly against her chest.

Noticing one of the hands now tightly wrapped with white gauze clutching the ripped makeshift bandage you applied earlier, her face stained with long lines of black makeup 'had she been crying?' Kneeling next to her hand reaching up brushing the hair from her face, sitting across from her pulling her journal from your pocket grabbing a nearby pen picking a random spot a few pages from her last entry beginning to write. *I never left you even when I was gone my heart was with you. Your beauty far more powerful than anything I have ever seen, a word I never thought I would say again claws at my lips digging to escape every time I am near you. I will leave you alone if that is what you want your happiness means more to me than my own, but if you ever find yourself lost you can always return to me, I will always been watching out for you. I've waited forever to find you, I can wait for an eternity if needed.* sliding the book back onto the shelf in the empty slot before gently leaning down kissing her softly on the forehead, picking her up in your arms careful not to wake her walking with her back to her own quarters.

Opening her door slowly pulling back her covers with the force laying her down softly still wrapped in your cloak covering her up, slowly tugging to remove it, watching as her fingers grip tightly to it pulling it from your hand she turns on her side cuddling it against her. Sighing pulling the blankets up around her tucking her in pressing the covers under her figure until satisfied reluctantly leaving, the door shutting behind you only to be met with the figure of James walking down the hall.

His face shocked to see you leaving her room thinking quickly you say, "she cut her hand while preparing my room I wanted to make sure she arrived safely back in her quarters." His facial expression confused as he replies, "okay commander Ren thank you for helping her I'm sure she appreciates it I know I do, after all don't want my girlfriend to be hurt." The words leaving his mouth, his voice echoing inside your brain 'girlfriend' "you are aware of the no public displays of affection within the first order are you not?" He stares at you blankly before stuttering "ye... yes sir... I'm not quite sure what you are talking abo..." cutting him off marching off towards your room for fear if staying any longer, he wouldn't be alive anymore for her to have a boyfriend. 'You must let her be happy, if it's meant to be she will return to you if it's not let her go.' the long walk back has your mind wondering why was he out so late where had he been?


	32. Severing ties

Eyes opening in the morning surprised to find you are back in your own bed 'I could have sworn I fell asleep in the lounge last night' pulling back the covers to see you are tightly wrapped in Kylo's cloak 'okay that's really weird I know this was in the lounge how did I end up back here? After getting dressed, eating a small breakfast leaving heading for work clutching his folded cloak in your arms 'I need to return this, I no longer need it' James voice startling you from behind "heard you gashed your hand pretty badly last night, are you okay?" Confused "how did you hear that; I mean yeah I did and I'm okay but how did you know?" Laughing he catches up to you "I saw the commander leaving your room last night he let me know what happened, that's a big bandage you must have really hurt yourself." Looking down 'the commander? Kylo was how I ended up back in my room... but that doesn't make sense if he did that means... that means he knows about the lounge room and if he knows about it then does that mean he's that Ben person?' James speaking over your thoughts "hey why do you have his cloak?" Looking up at James then back to your own hands holding the fabric "oh um, last night I was really cold from blood loss, he loaned it to me I'm returning it this morning." He stares at you before saying "I could have sworn I saw him wearing it last night when he left, but I must have been seeing things. Anyways I'll see you later okay?" Waving as he walks away "okay see you" Saying then turning and heading off towards Kylo's room.

Entering the passcode, inside hearing the sound of the shower water running 'great he's still here maybe I can just quickly pick up his room, return the cloak and leave before he even notices' setting it down on the dresser stripping his linens stuffing them into the laundry basket, walking down the hallway picking up articles of clothing he's taken off one by one dropping them to the floor the last piece, his boxers sitting between the door frame half in the hall and half in the bathroom. Yanking them quickly, when tugging they get caught on the edge of the door frame pulling it shut loudly 'oh great, okay I really need to hurry' hearing the shower water shut off and the glass doors opening then closing his footsteps stopping for a few moments. Rushing to the bed making it, more sloppy than usual trying to rush now grabbing the cloak heading towards his closet, stopping frozen when hearing the bathroom door open and his wet footsteps approaching from behind.

Turning around slowly seeing him walking with his towel tightly wrapped around his waist, damp hair dripping onto his bare chest the water running down his shoulders over his chiseled abs causing you to stare as he continues walking directly towards you. Getting confused why he was heading in your direction averting your eyes looking from side to side, not stopping until he's right in front of you reaching his wet hands out grabbing the cloak his fingers grazing your arm. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I was just returning this.... thank you for getting me to my room last night I don't know how you found me but I ..." interrupting you "I found you because it's my room, and you don't have to apologize for borrowing this I'm only taking it back now because my other one is ripped and stained with blood." Pulling the cloak turning he walks away leaving you speechless so many questions you want to ask quietly speaking "are you Ben?" He freezes back turned to you "no I am Kylo, Ben is dead." Confused you say, "but how would you know where that room was if you weren't the author of all those journals?"

Turning sharply, he drops the cloak on the floor marching up to you cornering you against the wall one hand next to your head the other pointing in your face "don't question your commander! I said he was dead and that's exactly what I meant; you shouldn't have been snooping through my things anyways who gave you permission to do that?" Shaking you say, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was off limits I stumbled upon it by accident I won't go back if you don't want me too but please don't hurt me." He stares down at you his eyes saddening "Still thinking I'll hurt you huh, that subject is sensitive with me I'm sorry I overreacted." Looking up at him slowly reaching out touching his face softly running your fingers over his scar, while doing so he places his hand over yours pushing his face into your palm closing his eyes. In that moment all you wanted to do is kiss him to comfort him, holding his face for a long moment before pulling your hand back his eyes opening following your movements "I need to get going this laundry isn't going to wash itself..." he steps back allowing you to pass by him before saying "you are welcome in my writing room whenever you like, I don't need it anymore anyways." Smiling saying, "thank you it's become quite the sanctuary for me."

Grabbing the laundry basket leaving his room, in the washroom finally alone letting out a deep breath 'so he is Ben, but what exactly does that mean? He was training to be a Jedi master and his uncle... wait his uncle is the Luke Skywalker! But that means his mom must be...' the chime of the washing machine pulling you from your thoughts before switching out the laundry 'did he kill all those other students in training? He's said before he killed his father is he really worse than you had pictured...' shaking your head "no snap out of it this the same Kylo who ran a bubble bath for you, the same man who tears his own clothes to wrap your wounds... he's just misunderstood that's all even if he is evil you still love him." The last words slipping your mouth before you could stop them, turning around quickly double checking that you are all alone before sighing in relief had someone heard you that it could have been really bad.

Finished returning the laundry heading now towards the command office, inside you are met with Kylo sitting along the edge of the table patiently waiting for you. "Sir I'm just seeing if you needed me for anything else?" He watches you "actually I do." Looking at him surprised he never needs you for anything he always dismisses you "okay... what do you need from me?" He looks up at you, eyes hidden behind the mask "I wanted to check your wound, make sure you were healing okay." Shuffling "I'm fine commander really there is no need..." he stands walking towards you "I wasn't asking." His large frame towering over you, feelings of fear and excitement running through your body staring up into the blank mask "oh...uh...okay." Walking even closer towards you his chest now only inches from your own the low hum of his mask vibrating as he breathes before removing it "give me your hand" he says rising your palm towards him.

Gently he unwraps your bandage, cold air stinging the stitched cut causing you to suck in a quick breath "the nurse did a pretty good job, I've borrowed some supplies I'm going to clean it and rebandage it for you." Watching him as he swipes his hand, a box floating from the desk towards you remaining suspended in air, opening it inside are various disinfectant jars and a tube of ointment with a few packages of gauze next to a fresh bundle for wrapping. 'Why does he care so much if it's taken care of properly?' As if he's read your thoughts "you wouldn't have cut your hand if it wasn't for the awkward position I put you in, I feel responsible not to mention when you hurt, I hurt." Taking a bottle, he opens it "this is going to be painful so be prepared." Pouring the liquid out over your hand brings intense burning, tugging your hand back upon first instinct his own grasping yours tightly holding it in place before leaning down he slowly blows on the lesion. Each warm breath soothing the tingling pain, focusing to the puckered shape of his lips watching intently as each breath he sucks in before blowing out makes your heart flutter.

Satisfied he now begins applying a small amount of ointment to the cut his fingers gently running over the stitches "does this hurt?" He looks up his eyes laced with such kindness, replying "yes but it's okay, you can keep going." Taking his time, he wraps the rolled bandage around your hand before securing it against itself pressing firmly, the both of you standing still his hand pressed against yours, bodies mere inches from one another. Setting your other hand on top of his gripping before gently removing it "I need you to stop..." his eyes dart to yours, confusion written on his face "stop what?" Staring, the only thing you want to do is embrace him but the words out of your mouth are "I need you to stop being so kind to me,this makes things really difficult to keep myself from you. You are my boss and I need you to act like it.... please..."

Stepping back he stares at you, eyes looking for signs of denial only to be met with your cold expression, his eyes change the warm honey brown turning black as he backs away ripping his hand from yours the floating first aid kit drops crashing against the floor the bottles rolling, he replaces his helmet turning marching towards the exit sternly he says "clean that up."


	33. Someone like me

After cleaning up the mess heading towards the cafeteria to meet with James, lunch is becoming a regular date between you two, walking in spotting James sitting with two girls and another man grabbing a meal taking the place next to him. When sitting down his friends stare at you before getting up and walking away "what was that about?" You ask, laughing he replies, "they are actually intimidated by you working directly under the commander afraid they will say something wrong and he will be pissed with them." Awkwardly laughing "I'm not a snitch for one, but more importantly the only person I think he's mad at currently is me." James looking at you he studies your face "why would he be mad at you?" Not sure what to say after all how can you explain 'oh I was sleeping with him and we have this insanely strong connection but the moment he left I gave up and started seeing my ex who I'm now sort of stuck with but every time I see him he just makes me want him more so I finally told him to leave me alone and now I'm not sure if he's ever going to be nice to me again.' "Oh, he's mad that I ruined one of his lamps it was some special rare glass or something like that, you know how he can be."

He raises his eyebrows grinning "yeah he's sort of a big baby isn't he, over dramatic much." Snapping at him "he's not a baby he's a man you don't know him like I do." He looks at you momentarily his smile now a frown "like you do? How well do you know him (y/n) is there something you aren't telling me?" Avoiding eye contact "what would I have to tell you James, what exactly are you implying?" Laughing loudly, he elbows your arm "I'm just joking calm down I know there isn't anything going on with him why would he be with someone like you?" Anger flashing across your face "someone like me? What is that supposed to mean?" His body language shifts the regret visible, waving his hands "no, no that's not what I meant... I just meant he's Kylo fucking Ren he could get any ass in the galaxy, you're beautiful but I don't see him settling for a servant girl."

His words stab at your heart 'he's not wrong what's so special about me, he can literally have anyone he wants.' "Yeah... your right I guess I'm only good enough for a mechanic, right?" Choking on his lunch coughing before saying "hey rude, I'm not just a mechanic I'm a technician. And I suppose you'll do fine although either one of those chicks over there are a solid option too." He points at a table where the two women he was just sitting with are "you are really pushing it right now you know it? You are one more remark away from me walking out." He laughs again "oh come on I'm only joking you know that." Forcing out a chuckle "well honestly your track record isn't really the greatest, you better be happy I gave your ass a second chance or who knows my secret love Kylo might just take me from you."

Staring at you his mouth opens then closes then opens again his behavior showing confusion mixed with curiosity "surely you wouldn't trade all this (gesturing his hands up and down his figure) for that." Mind picturing Kylo's large body shirtless water glistening against the light this morning, gaze snapping back to see James slouched over his tray shoving food into his mouth like he's starving, a line of gravy falling from his mouth to his shirt "I mean really James the sonority is undeniable, impeccable, and unmatched." Swiping up the spilled food with his finger before licking it clean speaking with his mouth full "that's what I thought, Kylo Ren ain't got nothing on me." The two of you spend the rest of break conversing back and forth after lunch spending your time helping him finish some of his word orders 'okay more like watching him finish them but at least I'm good company.'

After his last assignment the two of you deep in a secluded area allowing you to finally be alone he lifts you up setting you on top of an old table gripping your legs wrapping them around his hips leaning in lips locking against your own, his tongue hot and deprived tracing around yours. Kissing roughly until both of you gasp for breath he moves to your neck licking and sucking at the flesh his eager hands running up your body groping at your breasts, he bites down on your neck sucking as his hand rushes down towards the bottom of your dress scrunching it up lifting it above your stomach. Leaning you back mouth still licking and nipping the now red and swollen spot he created along your neck, hand sliding up along your thigh before quickly rubbing against your panties.

Heart racing everything is happening so fast, just as he begins putting his hand down your underwear a loud banging noise ricochets throughout the hallways. Quickly standing up "what was that, we could get caught we should stop." He frowns grabbing your hand placing it against his hard length outlined in his pants "I don't want to stop, look what you do to me." Blushing but pulling your hand back looking at a nearby clock noticing it's almost six "yikes I'm going to be late if I don't get going..." groaning "well damn... at least let me walk you there?" Reluctantly you agree, the back of your mind knowing it could possibly be a bad idea if you ran into Kylo the two of you walk off towards the commander's quarters, silently being thankful for whatever it was that interrupted you.


	34. His dark side is showing

Arriving outside the big metal doors he turns body pressing you against the wall as he leans in kissing you again, his hungry hands clawing hard against your hips pulling you into him pressing his member against you. Suddenly he is ripped from you sliding across the floor smacking the opposite wall his breath escaping him "hey what the hell!" He says while both of you looking down the hall, you already knowing the cause before he does Kylo marching towards you both his fists balled against his sides. Watching as he stomps straight towards James only stopping a few feet from him "Did I not already warn you to keep your grimy hands to yourself when out in the open. No one wants to see your desperate attempts to score, leave now before I cut that tiny pathetic cock from your useless body."

Stepping forward gripping Kylo's raised arm "Stop, leave him alone!" Without turning he forces you back against the wall, force tightly holding you in place unable to speak silencing you. James staring up at Kylo his expression going back and forth between fear and anger before he decides it's best to leave as he ducks under the outstretched arm running in the opposite direction, the pressure holding you releases, Kylo's harsh voice "get inside." Quickly going inside his room he follows behind walking past you towards his bedroom anger fuming within stomping towards him "what the hell Kylo! What was that!" Turning facing you he stiffens pointing his gloved finger at you "that is no way to speak to your commander, do your job and get the hell out I'm tired of looking at you." Tears filling your eyes pulling his covers back roughly "oh so I ask you to quit being so nice and now you're just going to be a total asshole instead?' Ignoring you he begins undressing peeling each garment of clothing off dropping them to the floor 'what the hell is he trying to prove?'

Frustrated stomping off to the bathroom turning on the water, not waiting for it to finish filling up walking out opening the door only to see him standing there wearing only his boxers and helmet. Face turning a bright red "commander what are you doing!" Walking closer to you now pulling at his underwear sliding them down his waist "I'm taking a bath, what else would I be doing." Immediately placing your hands to block the view of his naked body "But why must you get naked in front of me." Moving around you obviously not bothered "why wouldn't I? If you can't be professional around your boss that's your problem." Turning around towards him, eyes staring longer than needed at his muscular back watching him pull the helmet from his head, his hair falling sloppily from it "you are right sir, I can be professional I apologize."

He turns around walking closer to you, trying hard not to look down but failing only for a moment eyes wandering down his chest towards his abs taking in all the new scars you aren't used too, down further to his soft member dangling against his leg. Your focus quickly returning as he is now only a foot from you his hand reaching out grasping your jaw tightly turning your head to the side forcefully "is this what you like? Should I have marked my territory before I left... huh... did you want me to bruise you... leave hand prints along your neck is that what you wanted... is that what you like you little slut, maybe then you wouldn't have allowed that scum back in. I don't want to see anymore marks like this against your skin, tell your charity case to bruise you elsewhere if he must."

Releasing your face walking towards the bath he steps in sitting down resting his back against the tub as you are left standing speechless, raising his head to look at you "why are you still here?" Anger boiling mouth spewing the words "so this is the real Kylo isn't it? That soft, deep man was just a facade, thank you for showing me I made the right choice. And to think I could have loved you, your just an angry, sad, and lonely man." Turning to storm out the force suddenly holding you in place as he speaks "what you don't like this side of me? You have no idea how wrong of a choice you've made, you'll see in due time." Falling forwards catching yourself against the door frame, rushing to leave before stopping and shouting "you're wrong, and while you sleep in your bed alone tonight you'll be happy to know I'll be nice and happy sharing mine with James."

Leaving before he has a chance to say anything else rushing down the hall 'what is going on with him why is he being so mean, why is he so sure I've made a mistake he's so frustrating.' Reaching your own familiar hallway walking straight towards James's room knocking hard, patiently waiting for him to answer. Waiting until your feet start to get sore deciding to sit on the floor arms crossed against your chest 'where is he, why isn't he here? What could he be doing out this late?' Sitting against his door frame waiting for what seems like an eternity before finally giving up and heading to your own room, inside anger still flowing deciding to shower taking off your clothes shocked to see a small wet spot in your panties 'when did that happen I know me and James were getting a little hot but I don't remember getting that turned on.' staring at yourself in the mirror the red mark on your neck sticking out boldly. 'I really wish he wouldn't have left a mark he knows I don't like that. Would I feel differently if instead I was wearing the outline of Kylo's hand?'

Stepping into the water washing off letting your mind make sense of everything that's just happened, reaching down to clean yourself, shocked to notice how extremely wet you are 'what the hell how am I possibly turned on right now?' Trying to ignore it and clean yourself running your hands up and around your stomach washing between your breasts the soapy loofah grazing across your nipples sending a tingling sensations down your body, closing your eyes the image of Kylo's hands roughly groping you flashes in your mind. Flinging them open 'no, stop thinking about him picture James.' Mind switching to James, running your hand down your body slipping your fingers between your lips meeting your clit massaging it imagining James touching you, relaxing giving into the sensation closing your eyes again only to meet the image of James replaced again with thoughts of Kylo.

Picturing his strong body over powering you pushing you against the wall forcing your legs apart as he finger fucks you roughly, moaning pumping your fingers inside fucking yourself for a few moments before stopping again opening your eyes 'stop thinking about Kylo seriously.' Changing your thoughts and pace again towards James imagining him pushing you back on to that table as he plays with your clit slowly circling, eyes close and are met with Kylo again this time he's fucking you hard his hand placed against your mouth. Moaning at the thought of him taking you as he pleases 'is this what fucking angry Kylo would be like?' The thought exciting you more than you knew it would, never really being into rough sex but surprising yourself now the images of him fucking you hard reaching down with your other hand pumping fast with your fingers while circling your clit moaning louder and louder. Mind switching back and forth between James and Kylo each man bringing a different sensation, quickly bringing yourself closer to climax removing your fingers from inside wrapping your hand tightly around your neck pain scorching through you as the stitches stretch letting blood flow down your naked body, mind imagining Kylo's choking you, pain mixed with pleasure the pressure building throbbing electric sensations flow over you, orgasming loudly the moans echoing throughout the bathroom. Falling against the shower wall gasping for air still pulsating 'why was it Kylo that brought me over the edge? Am I really attracted to this darker side of him?'

Once out of the shower dressed now crawling into bed lying on your side staring at the empty space next to you 'looks like we're both sleeping alone tonight...' mind fogged, confused where to go from here as your eyes grow heavy slowly drifting you to sleep the final image in your mind is Kylo filling the spot next to you.


	35. Everything turns dark

In the morning waking before the alarm goes off, eyes opening staring at the pitch-black ceiling mind clustered with far too many thoughts. Rolling to the side facing the big window in your room watching the snow fall slowly hitting against the glass melting the fragile flakes instantly, eyes focusing now to a low red glow appearing against the snowfall from a room somewhere in the base. Watching as it flares then disappears, then appears again, wondering if possibly a light is broken somewhere. The repeated flickering luminosity of it coating your mind stripping away any thoughts, watching it for many minutes before sitting up stretching, then standing heading towards the closet fumbling through the clothes choosing today for something not so revealing 'Kylo seemed pretty upset last night about the wonderful mark James left on my neck, I'd rather just cover it today than deal with him.'

Pulling a floor length black, long-sleeved turtleneck dress from the rack 'this should cover enough.' Picking a pair of pointy black boots to match, walking towards the dresser pulling out a matching pair of dark purple lace panties and bra. Sitting now at the vanity opening the drawers pulling all the various makeup pallets out settling for a few shades of black, lilac and plum adding a darker shade of purple to the lips, picking up the heavy metal brush running it along the length of your hair, leaving it long and straight today the more covered the better. Scanning through the jewelry picking up a long chain with a heavy rough black stone dangling from the end, changing out of last night's pajamas slipping into the undergarments taking a moment to stop staring at yourself in the mirror watching, skin glistening periodically with the flashing red glow stunned by the beauty of the image looking back at you. Sliding the dress on its tight knit fabric hugging every curve, traveling your hands along the outlined figure 'it's definitely covering my skin but doing nothing to leave anything to the imagination.'

Fully dressed now the sun barely starting to rise walking out heading towards James's door, rising a hand to knock only to hear his voice from behind "wow you look hot I'm half tempted to ravish you right here, did you wear that just for me?" Turning around facing him mind thinking 'if by that, you mean did I wear it for Kylo's own peace of mind then...' replying "Yes, but better question why are you still wearing the same clothes from last night?" His facial expression going blank before quickly answering "I didn't return to my room last night, I ended up just working on old orders." Studying his face his eyes not holding contact "you were out all night? Working...?" Walking past you opening his hatch going inside he turns facing you, saying "yeah what else would I be doing? Anyways I need to get ready for the day I'll see you later okay?" He shuts the door before giving you another chance to reply, standing there dumbfounded as to what just happened 'maybe he was just so shaken up by what happened last night he was afraid to come back?'

Still rather early in the morning slowly walking towards Kylo's room taking your time, leisurely entering the passcode to the doors, they open swiftly air blowing outwards, hair flowing back with its cool breeze. Going inside the room seeing Kylo walking towards his bathroom stopping at the sight of you he stares, a few minutes go by before speaking up "is everything okay commander?" Shaking his head while blinking "I'm fine. You caught me of guard coming so early is all, and that dress..." his eyes still fixated on you "if you don't like it sir I can go change, I was only trying to hide my neck..." he walks forwards stopping a few inches away his hand reaching out sliding behind the chain of the necklace slowly running along its length before gripping onto the stone, holding your breath watching him twirl it around his fingers then tugging at it bringing it closer to his face studying it. Eyes leaving the stone for only a moment focusing on yours "no the dress is... it's beautiful...it fits nicely." Letting go of the necklace it falls bouncing against your stomach his eyes watching as it does, stiffing he adjusts his shirt "I was just about to leave, if you'll excuse me."

Stepping around walking into the bathroom he leaves, the light lining the door frame with an outlined shadow pacing back and forth. Catching your breath not realizing you were holding it in nearly that whole time, eyes focusing on the lamp lit figure of his saber resting on the window seal, curiosity getting the best of you, feet quietly walking towards it stopping at the base of the window. Hand shaking reaching out towards the weapon, fingers touching the cold hard metal, heart racing glancing back towards the bathroom making sure it is still occupied. Wrapping your hand around the hilt it's large shape barely fitting in your palm, lifting it up slowly it's weight heavy enough to need both hands without dropping it, heart pounding against your chest bringing the saber closer into view eyes tracing each exposed section of hardware with one finger resting on the activation switch.

The bathroom door swings open right then, jumping trying to quickly place it back on the ledge finger slipping pressing the button, with full force the saber ignites the hot flickering flame bursting out of the emitters. Shrieking, placing both hands over your mouth watching the saber fall from your grasp slicing through the end table, preparing for it to just as easily slice through your feet, tightly closing your eyes. The room is silent other than the loud flaring of the saber, opening your eyes seeing it suspended in air inches from your feet, eyes darting towards Kylo standing in the door way arm outstretched watching as the saber flies to his grasp he marches towards you.

Immediately trying to explain yourself "Kylo I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me I know I shouldn't have been messing with it please don't be mad..." force choking you against the window his other hand raising the blade up to your face close enough to feel its sizzling temperature licking at your cheek. "You foolish girl, do you know how easily you could have injured yourself; do you have a death wish because I can grant that for you. I'm beginning to think you enjoy being hurt, do you want me to hurt you... to punish you....is that what it would take for you to stop putting yourself into these situations." Gasping for air, feet kicking against his thighs the words barely escaping "no Kylo...let... me...go." Not releasing, his grip squeezing tighter, your reflection on the eye piece of his mask revealing the slight blue tint of your face, the room coming in and out of view with a black fog pulsing within your vision, Kylo's figure fading into a dark mass before disappearing completely.


	36. Don't leave me

*Kylo's view*

Her rejection painfully jabbing constantly, 'what does she want from me, I've tried everything. I tried to treat her kindly, nicer than I have treated any woman in years. Only for her to push away even the simplest act of treating her wound. If she does not want kindness, I will resort to showing her darkness, it's much easier allowing that to flow through anyways.'

The rest of the morning spent hiding away sulking, always staying close enough to keep view of her, watching as she enters the cafeteria eyes locking straight onto James he's sitting with other people, especially close to one woman in particular 'who is that, does she not notice this, hello (y/n) open your eyes.' Sitting, she eats with that scum, cringing as she laughs with him 'she's never laughed like that with me.'

The two of them head off together arms locked hand in hand, the image is repulsing. Walking far enough behind them to go unnoticed the long day spent hiding out of view watching as she flirts with him while he works, only momentarily thinking this is an invasion of privacy 'after reading what she wrote about him not a single part of me trusts him.' Hours go by spent following and watching, the sun slowly beginning to set only sends more anger throughout 'is she just going to ignore her duties?' Losing them momentarily, walking down the dark hallways peeking around corners only to see it is another dead end. Finally turning down a particularly hidden hall spotting the pathetic figure of James standing against something, walking closer hiding behind a filing cabinet a good twenty feet from them.

Rage boiling when noticing wrapped tightly around his waist are her legs, the two of them kissing like inexperienced teenagers 'does he not know how to kiss you (y/n), surely you know the difference between his careless actions to those of a real man. I know you must, I have shown you. Every move with James is rushed he pays no attention to your needs his hands petting you like a virgin, has he ever satisfied you?' Watching him fumble pushing you back against the table taking no time his hand advancing to the sweet spot between your legs anger within, blacking out any logical thoughts, fist meeting the cold metal of the cabinet the sound echoing throughout the hall just loud enough snapping yourself out of the fury.

Staring only for a moment longer, pleased to see it has successfully interrupted the gross display. Darting off around another corner just before both of you pass right by the now dented cabinet, allowing much more distance between us not wanting to get caught before heading off towards my quarters. Thoughts racing 'does she really want that fool, he doesn't even pay attention to your body language (y/n) clearly you were uncomfortable with that situation, do you even notice it yourself? Have I been paying too much attention to it; can't you see him and I are completely different? Which of us are you really into, if it's truly him then you are no match for my affection anyways.'

Rounding the hall towards the room immediately spotting the two of you, he's pinned you to the wall his hands overpowering again 'that is it, fuck this guy.' Anger raging stomping towards him, hand flinging him against the wall not nearly hard enough his small bulge poking up through his pants, half disgusted half amused 'does he think that pitiful excuse for a dick would actually please you? Does he even feel it now that you've experienced a real cock?' Her half attempts to stop me from killing him are almost cute, thinking she can over power me the only reason I haven't killed him yet is because I know he'll fuck things up for himself and I'll be here waiting for her when he does. Watching him run away like a little bitch is just as amusing 'he's no man (y/n) see how he leaves you at my mercy not caring if I take my anger out on you.'

Inside the room her anger showing with failed attempts to get a rise out of me only hearing her say something about me being an asshole 'is this not what you asked for?' Undressing making her as uncomfortable as possible enjoying the awkward expression on her face, following her towards the bathroom pulling off my boxers laughing internally at the attempts to block the view. Turning around walking closer watching her eyes scanning my body staring long at the length between my legs 'I see you looking at it, even fully soft I'm bigger than him, aren't I.' Eyes now focusing to her neck anger flowing again, right on her smooth neck is a large red and purple hickey 'is that what you like? Marking your beautiful skin with his disgusting stain, your skin was mine not long ago don't you remember.' Seeing it causes a sharp jab to the heart gripping hard onto her face letting my anger flow with my words not even realizing what I am saying, her eyes showing fear and pain the only reason for my release. Walking away before doing any more damage anger still radiating from within, the hot water burning my skin still sitting down anyways any pain elsewhere is better than the pain in my heart. Her words still lingering in my mind rubbing it in my face that she will be with him tonight 'not long ago I could almost call you mine... you slipped right through my grasp only making me hate myself more.'

Not sleeping good all night, dreams interrupted with thoughts of the two of them doing things I can only wish for now, finally giving in waking up early showering and getting dressed pausing near the window hand gripping tightly against my saber. Mind clouded, thinking of everything that's unfolded lately, nervously igniting and recoiling the blade staring out the window watching its red glow exposing the falling snow, repeating this action subconsciously for well over an hour.

Finally snapping out of the trance, resting the saber on the window seal walking towards the bathroom, before reaching it the doors swinging open eyes falling to her figure standing against the hallway lights, hair falling gently to her shoulders. Watching her walk in stunned by the tight figure-hugging dress she has decided to wear, it caresses every curve. Her voice pulling me from undressing her with my mind, walking forwards holding back every impulse to reach out touching her, instead fumbling the dangling necklace she is wearing 'how easy it would be to pull you against me with this.' almost blurting out its one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen her wear stopping before making a fool of myself. Dropping the necklace watching as it bounces, her breasts slightly jiggling at the friction making my pants increasingly uncomfortable. Leaving, walking into the bathroom to compose myself, pacing trying to think of anything but what she is wearing underneath that damned dress.

The images finally subsiding, walking out of the bathroom immediately alerting to the sound of my own saber igniting, as if everything is in slow motion turning facing her watching the saber falling towards the floor instinctively stopping it. Rage over taking my every move and thoughts, the room turning black, eyes watching helplessly from within my subconscious, her fragile body dangling above the floor gasping for breath needlessly kicking against me. Regaining control again the room coming back into focus, concentrating on her limp figure quickly releasing the force catching her mid fall from above. Laying her flat across the bed ripping my helmet off pressing my head against her chest listening for any signs of life, hearing the faintest beating, sighing with a huge relief "(y/n) wake up, snap out of it open your eyes... breathe damnit..."


	37. Royal hue

Lost in a silent abyss, suffocated by a thick black haze body feeling no pain only stillness. The feeling is hard to describe a weightless calm, almost nothing in sight but darkness with the slightest hint of blue in the distance pulsating irregularly sending the royal color in shock waves across the void 'it's not frightening instead it's the most peaceful I've felt in a very long time.' Rising an arm watching a cool swirl of black mist flowing around it 'am I dead? Is this what death is like?'

Minutes feel like hours, time spent gliding through the fog searching for the echoing blue glow, its visibility coming and going breaking the blackness with blinding vibrancy. 'Is it searching for me too?' Going towards the beautiful hue finally near enough to see it solidly stopping front of it, hearing with each pulse of color a familiar voice repeating the words "wake up...breathe...don't leave..." it sounds so worried, mind unable to place a face to it but heart fluttering with recognition 'why are they so upset I'm fine, what is troubling them so much.' reaching out fingers pressing against the blue cast causing it to ripple, the color surrounding and lifting you up hugging it's gentle embrace around your frame.

Carrying you tenderly across the black plain, body resting against it hearing a thumping like that of a beating heart but much more rapid than normal, occasionally hearing the muffled voice "we're almost there.... hold on.... I'm sorry..." The hue setting your body down releasing you, panic immediately sets in realizing now the only calming part of all this, was abandoning you, watching it fade again into darkness hand reaching out for it 'don't go I need you.'

Eyes flinging open focusing on the overpowering white light beaming down, squinting rubbing them blinking repeatedly finally a room coming into view, staring making out the shapes of long poles with beeping equipment attached, lined with cords trailing to your arm. Looking around there is a big glass door mostly covered by a curtain, a few misplaced chairs and a large bed currently housing your own body, confusion setting in mind unable to figure out what's happened. 'The last thing I remember is....' flashes of the soft red glow on the snowfall then to yourself foolishly handling Kylo's saber 'what was I thinking, did I end up hurting myself?' Slowly the memory of Kylo standing across from you arm outstretched, fury painted across his face, reaching up touching the very sore area of your neck wincing at the pain 'I remember now... it was Kylo... did he try and kill me? No... he wouldn't do that... would he?'

A nurse entering the room pulling you from thought, she walks forwards checking the IV pole pressing various buttons, raspy voice trying to speak "where am I ?" She jumps placing her hand over her chest "oh my gosh! You scared me, I am glad to see you awake it was very touch and go for a few days we almost lost you. You are in the medical ward there was an accident but lucky for you someone brought you to us just in time, it's going to be hard to speak for a while don't try and strain it will get easier, in the meantime here is a pen and note pad if you need to communicate it's best to use this for now." Grabbing the writing utensils flipping open to the first page scribbling *how long have I been out?* showing her the pad she replies, "just a little over three weeks." Eye widening, cracked voice "three weeks!" She shushes you "don't speak it will make it worse, you lost a lot of oxygen and your trachea was nearly collapsed it was in your best interest that we put you into a medically induced coma, we barely removed the breathing tubes this morning. You have improved a lot, should be able to return to normal life within the week. Is there anything else you need from me before I head to the next patient?" Writing *has anyone been visiting me?* nodding her head "oh yes a few people actually, a nice older woman comes around often, less occasionally now than the beginning a very strapping young man has stopped by he doesn't stay long though he's usually just checking in, the main person to visit you is actually none other than the commander himself he's here every day at sunset staying by your side all night. That man has spent many sleepless nights in this ward because of you my dear, I'm not going to pry but I've never seen him so focused on anything other than himself." She winks while pushing a syringe of cloudy liquid into the IV line saying "if you need me just press that button and I'll come running, I've just given you some more pain medication it may make you a little tired."

The room is empty again, not entirely sure her reply was the exact answer you were wanting 'why is Kylo staying with me isn't he the one who caused this? More importantly why isn't James the one who stays, why is he only stopping by sometimes? What does this all mean?' Glancing at the clock seeing its already six pm, eyes growing heavy only being awake for no more than an hour still it is nearly impossible to keep them open, continuously nodding off.

The sound of a door sealing shut waking you, confused momentarily again before focusing on the large shadowy figure standing back against the bed reading a chart. "You're awake, I'm glad... I can leave if I make you uncomfortable." Logically every bit of you should want him to leave after all he is the very reason for the hospital stay, but instead trying to speak "...no... don't." His body stiffens by the sound of your voice, standing there solid for a few moments before walking around the bed to the recliner beside it, his head never facing up he sits in a recoiled position arms resting on his legs hands clasped tight together. The two of you sit in silence for a while before taking the note pad writing *where is James* handing it to him, watching his shoulders slouch he passes it back "don't worry about him right now okay, use your strength to get better. It's my understanding that he usually comes by before work in the morning, but I don't know for sure I'm usually gone by then." Nodding, the medication kicking in strongly the last thing seen before falling asleep is Kylo sitting back in the recliner in his hands are a familiar journal and pen, he is writing studiously.


	38. Comforting embrace

A low beeping wakes you, not as confused this time looking to the chair beside you seeing Kylo slouched over resting against his folded arms laid on the edge of the bed, one arm stretched out gently holding on to your thigh. He looks so peaceful lying there, next to his figure on the bed is the journal he was just writing in, knowing you should not but reaching for it anyways. Opening it turning to the bookmarked page, he's written every day since you've been out the first entry reads *look what I've done, idiot! I have hurt the only thing to bring me any joy in years. Look at her! Look at her lying there in that bed, her limp body hooked to all sorts of wires and machines. I did this to her, I'm a monster!* Page after page is written about self-hatred, after the first week the loathing slows he writes more now of every emotion you've made him feel one reads *I've tried to deny it but there is no use her presence is suffocating every spare moment filled with thoughts of her, if she wakes up and doesn't hate every part of me I must show her how I feel.*

A few pages are lined with beautiful drawn portraits of you some of them are you lying in the hospital bed, those are beautiful but seeing yourself from his eyes bound and bruised is hard to look at. Others are extremely detailed sketches of the moments the two of you have shared, one particularly beautiful piece is your body from his point of view from the last intimate moment shared between one another. The way he has drawn your upright position, naked body on top of his with a delicate hand cradling one breast fingers resting on the nipple while your head leans back mouth biting your bottom lip. The smallest details are what makes it so breath taking he captured the moon light dancing across your skin, he's drawn every small freckle on your body and even included the stretch marks on your stomach 'something I've always been so insecure about but he has drawn them so beautifully that they don't matter anymore. How was he able to draw this from memory, does he really see me this beautiful?'

Another favorite he's drawn the two of you standing on a balcony outside in the snow, you're wearing the most beautiful black gown, face covered with lace held in place by an elegant crown, it's design black and pointed with red rubies all along the brim followed by long chains lining your lace covered face meeting more rubies in the middle resting over your mouth. He is wearing a formal black outfit with a cloak this one different from his usual it's much longer, the tail of it dragged around meeting the train of your own dress making the shape of a heart surrounding you both, it also has a red silk fabric lining the inside with long black chains falling along the back with rubies connecting them to the cloak. Holding hands both figures outlined by a red neon sun, on your finger a beautiful black ring with a large red stone in the middle. 'Is he envisioning us getting married?'

Trying to gasp, only shallow air leaving your lips the image almost bringing you to tears, placing the journal back on the bed reaching out, hand hovering above his for a moment then gripping it tightly. He wakes up lifting his head quickly with tired eyes looking around the room searching for any signs that something is wrong "what, what's going on is everything okay?" He looks at you, tears now falling across your cheeks, he stands "what happened, do you need the nurse I'll grab her." Turning to walk out, stopping him with your grip tugging, concern strewn across his face "tell me what's wrong, I can't help if I don't know how." Letting go picking up the note pad writing *I just had a nightmare or something, don't go I'm okay.* Letting out a deep breath he relaxes sitting on the edge of the bed staring "is there anything I can do?"

Pointing to the cup of ice on the nightstand beside the bed, grabbing it his large hand engulfing the spoon, scooping some of it up scooting closer to you his hand shaking while slowly bringing it towards your lips. Opening your mouth he gently slides a few ice chips inside, pulling back too quickly pieces of ice falling off the spoon he rushes to grab them from falling down your gown, finger tips grazing across your skin, immediately his face turning a bright red "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you I was just trying to..." shaking your head mouth full of ice letting out a laugh that turns into a cough trying to say "it's okay."

Relaxing he places the rouge ice into his own mouth chewing it, watching him momentarily then trying to bring up the journal asking, "are you writing again?" Looking down, grabbing the book tossing it into the recliner "not really, just work stuff nothing important." Awkwardness lingering for a while, his eyes locking on to yours, lip quivering "(y/n) I'm sorry... I do not know what came over me... I was not myself... I mean... it was me but...but I would never want to harm you... I do not know why I did it... I thought I lost you... it was all my fault...I know you'll never forgive me at least you shouldn't... but please know I'm sorry."

Not knowing how to respond instead simply placing a hand on his thigh patting lightly trying to calm him, he stops talking staring at you "you're not mad at me?" Shaking your head side to side sitting up placing the other hand on his chest above his heart whispering "it wasn't the real you, I know you." His hand rising resting on top of yours "I don't know how you can say that I don't even know me, you should be afraid of me..." Sitting like this for a while enjoying the rhythmic thumping of his heart against your fingers the feeling sending chills down your body, Kylo noticing "are you okay?" Smiling writing in the note pad *just a little cold.*

Looking around the room he searches for another blanket "I'll go grab you one, I'll be right back." He tries to stand but stopping him again pulling his arm towards you, confused he stares "I... I don't understand...are you wanting me to lay down with you?" Scooting over nodding tugging at him again, finally giving in he stands walking closer sitting on the bed, laying flat and rigid on top of the blankets. The bed being barely big enough for one of you now squishing the nervous bodies together, poorly turning on the side, muscles not wanting to cooperate but eventually succeeding, facing him his stern face stare at the ceiling. Lifting his heavy arm, his face turns watching it being placed behind your back eyes darting across your face multiple times trying to read the intention behind it, scooting closer nuzzling into his chest a warm sensation flowing within 'I've missed this so much he smells so good, it's not cheating, it's simply a friend keeping me warm... right?' Laying in his embrace neither of you speaking the remainder of the time it takes before he falls asleep first, the rise and fall of his chest mixed with a soft snore coasting you to sleep as well.


	39. Choosing him

On the fifth day since coming out of the coma, each night Kylo has been staying usually ending up beside you, although it is an awkward interaction neither of you really acknowledge the meaning behind the nightly cuddling. To make matters more confusing James hasn't visited once since you've been awake 'does he even know I'm conscious? If he does, why doesn't he care?' In fact, his absence is only making it harder to resist Kylo, the other morning waking up our hands tightly laced together resting against his chest. Thankfully he was still a sleep so breaking the bond was easy enough to go unnoticed but the stronger your body gets the more every part of it is beginning to return to normal, including the more private areas that currently are only supposed to crave James.

Each day this week has been hell, lots of physical therapy 'who knew being immobile for almost a month would make simple tasks so hard.' During the day the nurse helped with learning to walk again properly, along with other simple tasks like eating well and even the embarrassing part when she had to help with some of the bathroom duties, she's said recovery is going really well things should be able to go back to normalcy tomorrow. She did say however that you would probably need to stay with someone until fully recovered, once wanting that person to be James but seeing how he's currently MIA Kylo stepped up volunteering, saying to just bunk in his room he would figure something out for himself, leaving the bed open. Kylo was kind enough to bring your personal journal from the lounge it's been a good distraction from the long boring days, reading back to every entry written about James now realizing most of our interactions were super uncomfortable somehow he weaseled his way back into my life even though clearly my heart belongs to Kylo 'Once out of here I've got to figure out a way to try and end things with James, if he even still considers us together in the first place. At this moment I consider us broken up, hell I barely considered us together in the first place it was more him manipulating his way into my lonely life and me foolishly falling for it again.' Today flipping to the next blank page finding a small note written by Kylo, the sweet words saying he'd always wait for you suggesting the possibility that he may even love you, this is the last thing needed to prove he is so much better than James.

The nurse coming in breaking the thoughts "good evening I'm just here to discuss what the plan is for tomorrow, you've healed well and recovered all function we have no doubt you will be perfectly fine within a few days. Tonight is going to be a trial night so unless you really need something you won't be hooked up to any monitors and nobody will be checking on you, I know you won't be alone so I'm not worried (Winking at you) so, since it's your last night here are you going to spill all the juicy details about the commander?" Laughing at her "there aren't any juicy details, really." She rolls her eyes placing both hands on her hips "right.... the commander just spends every night here with you in the same bed for no reason." Blushing 'she does have a point.' Sighing "I mean... there was sort of a little thing going on, but I messed it up." She sits on the edge of the bed placing her hand on your arm "oh honey, if you messed things up do you really think he'd be here with you?" Smiling back at her "yeah I guess you're right." She looks at you with a serious expression "so my biggest question... is he ummm... is it true what they say about shoe size?" Her question causing you to laugh out loud "are you asking if the commander is packing?" She blushes "I'm sorry you're right that was inappropriate, I apologize." Staring at her seriously before slowly rising your hands with fingers pulled about eleven inches apart then making an O shape where your fingers don't even touch together, she gasps "are you serious! How does that even fit!" Laughing again "it almost doesn't, and I truthfully don't think anything will ever be enough again." She sits staring into space for a minute then snapping out of it "sorry I was just imagining how painful that must be." Shrugging "you'd be surprised somehow he knows exactly how to make it feel amazing." She stands patting your shoulder "well good for you, but that's exactly the reason I play for the other team, anyways honey if you need anything tonight just press the button if not, might I suggest mending things with mister supersized." she walks out of the room giggling. 'She's not wrong maybe I should try to mend things with Kylo if he'll have me.'

A few hours pass, it's well after sunset Kylo is usually here by now 'I hope he didn't get tired of staying with me.' Standing, slowly walking to the small bathroom taking a shower then fixing your hair in a messy bun, attempting to apply a little makeup from the bag Kylo packed, all he grabbed was some eye liner, mascara, Chapstick and gloss 'it will have to do.' Rummaging through the clothes pulling out a few different options, unfortunately somehow, he managed to pick the only things that were not on the sheer side 'I'm sure that was intentional after all I'm in the hospital.' Choosing a set of red silk pajamas with beautiful black lace on the trim, he failed to pack enough underwear or bras though running out of the last clean pair two days ago so far you've been wearing the very comfortable but very ugly ones the nurse provided along with just a hospital gown 'those underwear don't really go along with this outfit, I guess I'll just skip out for tonight.' Slipping on the silk shorts and top running your fingers across the fabric it's tight fit hugging every inch 'I hope Kylo likes it.' Finishing by applying a little gloss across the lips, double checking your reflection feeling confident and sexy a big improvement from the frumpy hospital gowns and greasy hair. Hearing the glass door slide open then close, the thudding of his boots striding across the floor stopping, followed by the sound of him sitting in the recliner his familiar voice calling out "(y/n) where are you? I need to talk to you about something."


	40. Saying it

Taking a deep breath then slowly walking out of the bathroom, he's currently reaching for the helmet when he looks up from behind it, freezing in place hands still holding onto the sides of the mask. Walking forwards stopping a few inches from him, rising your hands placing them on top of his helping him pull the mask off the rest of the way watching his beautiful hair fall from the inside framing around his face which is still glued onto your figure. Leaning down eye level with him waving a hand in front of his face "hello, are you alive in there." His eyes break the gaze from your body looking up "uh... yeah sorry... my mind was... elsewhere." Laughing at him while placing his helmet over your head, pointing a finger down shaking it at him talking in the deepest voice possible "get your mind out of the gutter your commander demands it." He blushes, smirking standing up towering over you by a good foot reaching out grabbing a handful of the silky shirt "since when does a commander wear garments such as this, also I don't sound like that." Gulping, his tall frame making you shift stepping backwards "oh come on, I can totally picture you wearing this can't you, maybe in solid black since that's all you own. I for one think It'd look good on you, really showing off all your assets except truthfully I think something would be hanging out the front these shorts aren't very long, and you sound exactly like that all pouty and angry, such a brat commander." His face turning red for a moment reaching up grabbing the helmet pulling it off "very funny, but I don't think my assets would look quite as good as yours do."

Immediately his expression changes, stepping back "I am sorry I'm overstepping; you look very...comfortable...anyways I heard you are being released in the morning I've prepared my quarters for your stay. You have the bed and I have a cot across the room, your droid has transferred enough clothes for at least a few weeks, if you end up leaving sooner, I will have it transfer them back." Trying to push his buttons "what if I don't want to leave?" Looking down on you confused "what do you mean? why wouldn't you want to leave I don't..." standing up on your tippy toes wrapping your arms around his neck pressing your lips against his, cutting him off. His body stiffens, hands pushing against your waist breaking the kiss "(y/n) what are you doing? Are you okay do you have a fever?" Placing a hand against your forehead, laughing at him pulling it away "I'm fine, actually I've never been more certain with my thoughts and actions. These past few weeks have really shown me who cares and who does not, I don't know about you, but I don't see James here every night. I messed up... I was mad at you I let my feelings get the best of me... I chose the wrong man and I just hope it isn't too late to make things right." Confusion very visible on his face, reaching for your arm his palm engulfing around it "I don't know how to respond to that...of course it's not too late I've been waiting actually..."

Joy sparking through your body lips meeting his again this time he kisses back, his hand running up your arm behind your neck fingers slipping into your hair the other hand dropping his helmet on the floor gripping onto your hip pulling you into him. His lips passionately caressing your own, tongue slipping in and out dancing with yours, his labored breaths between the turning of your faces vibrating against your lips. He tries pulling back, not letting him instead following your tongue lightly licking it across his lips, this causing him to grip a handful of hair tugging back slightly, huffing he says "wait, before anything else happens we need to discuss James." Pouting, grabbing onto his strong arms twisting him around pushing him, stumbling against the mattress he falls backwards, walking towards him stopping at his knees. Leaning upwards running his hands along your thighs skimming across your ass pressing his lips to your stomach kissing then biting the silk shirt pulling it back with him as he lays flat, crawling on top of his lap pressing your lips against his again.

Mouth playing with his then kissing his cheek down to his jaw repeatedly kissing around it's chiseled outline before fumbling with his vest unzipping pulling it apart with both hands exposing his bare chest. Placing both hands on to his broad shoulders lightly digging your nails into them watching, he bites his bottom lip. Mouth meeting his collarbone kissing gently, tongue licking up the length of his neck to his ear nibbling it softly he groans bucking his hips upwards then gently pushing you back again "(y/n) wait seriously we need to talk about..." shoving your middle and ring fingers into his mouth "shh we don't need to talk about him right now, I promise you it's over between us." Returning your lips to his neck biting down against his salty flesh, grinding against him while he slides his tongue in-between and around the fingers licking them from bottom to top circling around the tips nibbling on them, the feeling of his soft tongue creating a wet spot in your shorts, purring against his neck "I don't want him (kiss) I want you (lick) I need you (kissing across his adam's apple to the other side) I missed you so much I'm so sorry."

His hands trailing around your body gliding easily along the silk, eagerly caressing your hips gripping tightly pulling you closer to his body pushing his hard length against you letting out a quiet hum near your ear. His deep groan making you quiver, grinding your hips into him rubbing his hardness along the barely covered spot between your legs the lust building inside one another is evident, breathing heavily against his neck "I won't question your actions again you've shown me how much you care." He speaks "I do care... so much (y/n) you have no idea...please in the future wait until I've communicated with you before assuming I don't want you when clearly you're all I want....but James..." Shushing him again sitting up eyes locking together "Kylo...." he stares back at you "yes?" Leaning in stealing a long breath-taking kiss whispering against his lips "I love you..."


	41. Secret touch

Pausing momentarily then roughly pressing his mouth into yours biting hard on your bottom lip, breaking the grip on your hip running a hand beneath the silk top cupping a breast his large hand caressing and massaging it longingly. Moaning into his mouth hand grabbing a fistful of hair pulling his head back "are we really about to do this right here?" His hand still massaging the breast fingers flicking across your nipple, other hand moving towards your ass scooping you up onto your knees so he can quickly pull his trousers and boxers down just far enough for his large length to spring out from behind them.

Gasping at the sight of it twitching in the air precum dripping down the head wetting a small spot on your shorts, reaching down running your fingers up and down his shaft resting your palm flat on top of his head, rotating it in a circular motion around the tip watching his body jerk forwards he lets out a quick moan shaky words speaking between rotations "fffucckk.... wh...who... taaughht you th.. that..." grinning "no one, I read about it once, why are you enjoying it?" His hand clenching on your breast squeezing tight enough your skin puffs up around his fingers the pain and pleasure of it causing a sharp moan to escape, still massaging around the head he barely lets out "wwhaat... d...do... you... think."

Hand soaked in his precum sliding down his cock gripping around it jerking slowly while kissing him again, in between breaths saying "I missed this..." when he releases your breast the empty impression of his hold leaving a lingering pulsation, tugging at your shorts pulling them down to your knees his frustration building, swishing his hands up, your body suddenly rising a few inches from the bed "whoa Kylo! Don't drop me please." Using both hands, one swiping down the other up the force pulling the shorts and top off effortlessly, leaving you floating in the air he watches as you squirm while your arms and legs are pulled down and out roughly being held in place. Smirking, moving his fingers in the shape of a V, feeling your lips parting with them "I won't drop you, but can't promise I won't torment you."

His fingers twitch, a soft pressure circles around your exposed clit, gasping "I knew that was you last time!" Chuckling he says "ah... so it was." The swirling grows faster, each time it passes around your clit making your body twitch in the air trying to keep quiet by biting your lip, only releasing little muffled moans. Kylo lays back flat against the bed without losing focus keeping you steady in the air, the force lapping at your clit his other hand grasping his cock jacking off to the sight of your bound naked body reacting to his secret touch.

Watching him slowly jerking up and down his free hand keeping the pace around your clit, increasing speed with every escaped moan "you are enjoying this aren't you? Do you like being helpless and bound? Do you want me to force you to cum?" His voice laced with deep lust only making you wetter "do you think you could do both things at once because I'm not sure you can." Squinting his eyes, the hand around his cock pumping faster, grunting rolling his hips up in pleasure the pressure on your clit pressing harder and faster rapidly increasing speed making it hard to resist the building orgasm. "Why are you resisting I can see you pulsing, give into the pleasure." The force circling and flicking persistently, trying to bring your legs together wanting to prove him wrong, laughing he says, "you know I can do whatever I want, resisting is useless." The phantom fingers twirling furiously forcing your walls to pulsate, abruptly sending an intense orgasmic shockwave radiating throughout your body unable to control it moaning loudly, his fist tightening now a heavy pressure shielding the sounds of ecstasy his low voice muttering "yes, give in... cum for me."

Pussy lips still spread apart Kylo watches your juices dripping down glazing his cock sending a spasm along his body, causing him to momentarily lose focus releasing you, falling straight onto his length plunging it deep inside, the thickness stretching you without warning. Simultaneously as he moans, you gasp in pain "fucking hell Kylo!" sitting up wrapping his shaking arms around your frame holding you still in place, kissing your chest with quivering lips, his voice trembling "I'm... I'm sor...sorry arrre... you okay." breathing heavy grabbing a handful of his locks, legs squeezing tight around his thighs the burning sting fading slowly, quivering body relaxing enough to feel him throbbing inside.

Gradually rising, each inch pulling out leaves you feeling hollow, shifting higher on his lap wrapping your feet under his legs placing one hand on his chest the other behind his neck, easing back down driving his length back inside. Head tilting backwards enjoying him filling your core moaning quietly "mmm... Never been better..." groaning against your collarbone with both hands squeezing tightly onto your ass tugging down shoving himself in further. Holding still against one another your breaths synchronizing, looking down his eyes staring up at you while he maneuvers your hips back and forth rocking his shaft in and out. Each slow thrust pushing deep, pressing the head of his cock against your cervix the sensation making you quietly moan each time.

Swaying your hips back and forth picking up speed, watching his body relax against the bed enjoying the ride grunting softly with each bounce of your ass. His breathing quickens with the steady grinding on his cock hips bucking up pushing himself deep inside, holding himself in place tightly clawing at your hips "wait stop, I can't hold it for much longer." Shoving his hips back down his length almost sliding out "Okay I'll slow down if that's what you want..." without hesitation he's flipped you around roughly slamming you against the bed, leaning down burying his face into your hair thrusting fast inside. His uncontrolled huffs getting louder, rising his hand gripping it around your throat squeezing for a second then immediately pulling back his body freezing. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean too... I can stop...I don't want to hurt you again..." grabbing his hand kissing along each finger softly speaking against them "you won't I trust you." then placing it back around your throat while bucking against him whispering "don't stop."

He stares for a moment before plunging deep inside humping hard and fast, pressure squeezing around your neck his other hand sliding down your stomach, fingers rubbing fast against your clit. Instantly causing your legs to shake the combined pleasure pushing you towards a second orgasm, the hospital bed rocking violently against the wall your mouth opening but only silent choked moans escaping, cumming hard around his cock. His body jerking against yours with erratic grunts and moans, in-between hard thrusts his shaky voice speaking "you're mine...all... mine...fuuucck...I.... I... fucking love you.... I... love... you...so... fucking... much..." he finishes groaning loudly while pumping you full of hot sticky cum then collapsing on top of you.

Releasing your neck his hand rubbing your cheek softly grazing his thumb along your lips turning you to face him, pressing his lips hard against yours kissing as if he's never kissed you before in between breaths murmuring repeatedly "I love you, you're mine, I won't lose you again." To each phrase replying, "I love you too, I'm yours, you won't." Sliding out, cum spilling onto your thighs using the sheet he gently wipes you clean then stands pulling his pants back up and removing his upper garments, he picks up the silk pajamas laying them on the bed then gently pulling your legs towards him bringing your body to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Taking the shirt, he slowly rises your arms sliding it over your head, his hands caressing down your sides resting at your hips as he tugs upwards. Without his strong hold your jelly legs would have given out, placing both hands on his back watching him slowly lifting each leg sliding the shorts up around your ankles, grabbing both sides pulling upwards as he stands fully dressing you.

Turning he lays on the bed pulling you into his embrace, holding on to him tightly speaking quietly "Kylo, what were you going to say about James?" Running his hand along your back "don't worry about that tonight, we can talk about it tomorrow." Face pressed against his chest listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart paired with the gentle tickling on your back soothing you to sleep.


	42. Confrontation

*Kylo's view*

The sound of her faint beating heart against your ear, knowing she's not dead but barely alive repeatedly trying to bring her out of the trance calling out for her, using every bit of energy to radiate your own presence within her mind to find her conscious, bringing her back to you. This type of fear you haven't felt in a very long time, the fear of losing someone close, someone who's reluctantly captured your heart when the thought of romance was once burned completely out yet here she is dying in front of you, the old Kylo would have killed her completely without hesitation. She brings this version out, something buried, hidden, having forced it away so long nobody around here even remembers it. From the moment she arrived on base you have been able to feel it, her alluring presence following and haunting your life constantly.

Staring down at her limp body calling out for her when suddenly she raises her hand reaching it towards you, grabbing it pulling her into your arms knowing there is still a chance to save her rushing out of the room down the incredibly long hallways towards the medical wing. Turning a corner the ward coming into view, panic rising knowing how it looks bringing her in looking like this 'how would I explain to Snoke I was foolish enough to leave my saber in her presence, that would surely not go over well.' While trying to be as silent as possible but approaching with haste, whispering for her to hang on the closer we get. Arriving outside the doors reluctantly laying her flat on the ground gently guiding her head with care, standing knocking hard on the door then fleeing around the corner hidden but still in hearing range listening as the nurses and doctors rush her in confused and worried the last words spoken before the door shuts are "she's crashing!"

The words stabbing at your soul with so much force sending you stumbling along the hall your hand grasping onto your chest body falling back against a wall, lights coming in and out of view everything is spinning, breathing growing rapid and shallow, sliding down the wall trying to grasp onto anything but missing the rails falling to the floor, hands gripping tightly to the tile 'you've done this to her, she's dead because of you, look what you've done! You don't deserve her if she dies every bit of me dies with her.' Heart beating hard against your chest the rapid uneven breathing combined with the spinning room is too much watching everything in view blending together the muffled sounds of alarms blaring from the medical ward indicating an emergency are echoing loudly against the world around as everything turns black before feeling the cold floor smacking against your face.

Gasping eyes flinging open staring at the metal ceiling hands reaching around trying to figure out what's happened and where you are, everything coming into focus now remembering that she was dying the memory of the loud medical alarm still ringing in your mind although the air around is silent. Sitting up noticing it has been hours since falling unconscious it's almost dusk now, standing holding onto the wall for balance still woozy walking towards the medical wing 'I need to know... even if I don't want too.' Around the corner stumbling to the door knocking persistently, a short dark-haired nurse opens it "hey, hey quiet! What do you need...? oh! commander sir I'm sorry how can I help you are you hurt?" She tries taking your arm pulling you inside, yanking it back hushed voice "the girl, did she die" staring blankly then realizing what you were talking about "well sir it was an extremely difficult situation... she was brought to us with no explanation as to what happened, we had to rule out numerous things before realizing it was her wind pipe I'm not really sure what happened but..." anger rising cutting her off harshly "DID SHE DIE." The small nurse jumping at your harsh tone "yes... I mean technically... but only for a few moments we were able to bring her back." Raising your hand finger pointing down at her "in the future start with no, take me to her." She stands frozen staring at you "NOW!" Jumping again she hurried along past a few closed doors to a dimly lit room with the door cracked and a curtain covering her from view, the nurse stopping by it "this is her room, but sir she's not awake she hasn't woken up since being brought in, she crashed twice the doctors sedated her... she's currently in a medically induced coma... we don't know if she will snap out of it or not." Reaching for the door handle pausing for a moment trying to prepare for what you will see "leave me with her, speak to no one of my presence."

Slowly pulling back the glass door pushing the curtain forwards stepping out from behind it, heart falling to your stomach looking at her laying in the bed lifeless but breathing with multiple machines hooked up with many wires connected to her body. Walking forwards hand gliding up the side rails stopping near the top, focusing on the tubes sticking out of her mouth that are connected to some machine with a little blue line that goes up and down matching the rise and fall of her chest, below it is her heart rhythm which suddenly rises with your presence. 'Can she sense that I'm here, am I making things worse?' Sitting in the chair next to her releasing the side rail it falls louder and harder than expected crashing against the bed making you jump and causing her body to slightly shake by the force, of course she doesn't move after that she has no idea what's happening or what's happened or that you are here. Even though you caused it the thought of leaving her side makes you sick, grabbing her limp hand resting it against your lips "I'm here (y/n)... I'm sorry... forgive me..."

Each day passes just the same, in the mornings you must leave her before sun rise, staying too late once on the way out running into James how he even found out she was here I have no idea 'I didn't tell the little shit.' Walking out of the ward turning the hallways towards my own quarters only to be met with James going to the ward, his shocked expression "commander what are you doing here? Did you hear about (y/n) apparently someone really messed her up." Anger fuming "yes...James I heard about her, a week ago. Where have you been this whole time?" Pausing looking at you with curiosity "how would you know if I haven't been here in a week? Huh commander?" Fists balling against your sides "I check on her unlike you, do you even know her condition? She almost died for fucks sake, some boyfriend you are." His bravery surprising you, he strides up puffing his chest outwards "yeah and I heard a rumor that the kind of injuries she sustained were caused by something... unnatural, any idea what that could mean commander?" Instinct insists on impaling him right here, right now but far too many eyes are watching, gritting your teeth "no, James I don't know what that could mean. Get out of my way I'm needed by the general." He tests you standing in your way for far too long, rising a hand palm outstretched without even doing anything he flinches covering his head. His coward reaction makes you chuckle "oh....James, I wasn't going to hurt you.... at least not right now." His jaw drops watching you stride past, his high-pitched voice in the background "right now? What does that mean? What did I do to you?" The fear obvious in his tone confirming you've made him think about it, you'd give anything to be able to pierce him with your saber impaling him like a trophy splitting him in two, for her sake you've resisted.

The fifth night of the second week walking towards the ward this path becoming routine by now, without even knocking nurse Yasmine opens the doors greeting you cheerfully "commander she's awake!" So many questions come fumbling out "is she okay? When can she be released, did she ask about me? Does she remember what happened..." pushing you along towards her room "she's fine, she's going to be fine, we're looking at about another week or so then she's free to go, she asked about you in a roundabout way, and if she does she didn't mention it." Opening the doors seeing she is asleep, picking up the chart hanging off the side of the bed reading the prognosis *patient is alert and aware, should recover fully against all odds.*

Her breathing changes becoming more rapid alerting you that she's woken up, immediately remembering the whole reason she's in here to begin with is your fault she must hate you, probably frightening her. Informing her you can leave but instead her hoarse cracked voice telling you not too, the sound of her broken vocals quickly makes you light headed knowing you've hurt her so badly, standing still momentarily to settle the closing blackout then taking the spot next to her. Of course one of the first things she does is ask about James 'I could tell her everything, I could tell her he's barely visited this entire time that all the flowers littering the room were from me not him, that I've been spying on him and he's constantly hanging around that girl from the cafeteria. I have not caught him cheating yet or I would tell you (y/n) but he is up to no good I know it. But I will resist, the first thing you hear doesn't need to cause you anymore pain.' She accepts whatever answer you give her, either she knows deep down inside, or she is too high from pain medication which is most likely the culprit since she falls asleep soon after.

Watching her rest inspires you to draw this over baring thought of the two of you, this image has been haunting your dreams for months since arriving back at base, every night is the same. Taking her hand placing a ring on her finger she's wearing the most beautiful dress, ruby jewels sparking on various parts of the gown and crown, she's gorgeous as always but in this moment nothing else matters as she takes your hand, the hand of the newly promoted supreme leader. Everything you've ever wanted in one striking art piece, power and love 'this day will never happen (y/n) but I can dream right? You'd make a great wife; would you take my hand and rule the galaxy with me?' A question you'll never get the chance to ask, finishing the art piece she's still fast asleep, laying your head down on the bed as you do every night hand instinctively falling to her thigh, yourself quickly dozing off.

Her grip frightening you, every night any little sound or movement has startled you thinking she could be in danger. This time thankfully she only had a nightmare, we share an awkward interaction with some ice, touching her chest was unexpected her skin so warm the sensation burning at your fingertips. Eating the ice knowing it is the closest to tasting her again you'll probably ever get, its cold salty flavor coating your tongue only making you crave her more. Instant regret over the actions that have landed her here trying to apologize but everything you say does not feel like enough 'I can never make it up to you (y/n).' You're rambling is stopped by the soft touch of her hand, she insists she's not mad, watching as she places her small hand on your chest, at that moment feeling as if your heart could leap out of your body 'can you feel what you do to me?' Holding her hand trying to explain she should fear you 'look what I've done to you...' she does not respond instead staying in that moment hands touching until she trembles breaking the bond.

She must be cold you have become accustomed to the chilly hospital room, but she isn't quickly trying to find something to warm her up, leaving to get another blanket her soft grip stopping you. Turning around facing her she's staring up at you then looks back to the bed squeezing your hand tugging at it gently 'does she want me.... what if I'm wrong... that can't be what she wants.' But it is, she moves over making room, not wanting to overstep instead laying on the outside of the blankets your nerves going crazy while trying to focus on anything other than her body tightly pressed against yours. Unexpectedly she poorly rises your arm placing it behind her 'what are you doing? You do know this is me and not James, right? How can you still want me? You don't want me.' She nuzzles against you holding tightly to your frame, mind racing for a while although neither of you speak. Slowly giving into her grip the last thoughts on your mind before sleep are 'don't ever let me go.'

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster, without communicating about the meaning behind it each night is spent by her side holding her close. One intense night in particular she was holding on tightly dreaming, her body twitching against yours as she began talking in her sleep only a few words here and there "yes"...."I do want you."...."I'll never leave you again." Wishing it were you she was dreaming about but knowing it must be James, that is until she reached out grabbing your hand locking her fingers within, quietly murmuring "Kylo..." making you question everything. By morning she had released the grip making things more confusing 'is it only your subconscious that wants me (y/n)?'

On a day like the rest ordering people around, going over battle plans, nothing out of the ordinary that is until heading towards the ward like you have done the past three and a half weeks. Going down a different path than usual not sure what lead you this way but glad it did, turning a corner hearing the annoying voice of James he is speaking with someone, a woman. Trying to eavesdrop on them but all you can make out is "yeah you like that don't you..." and the woman giggling. Furiously turning the corner seeing he is standing rather close to the girl from the cafeteria one hand placed against the wall behind her the other making its way up her skirt, he is leaning in far too close for comfort. Rage overpowering wisdom yanking your arm watching as he flies across the room smacking hard into the wall, the girl gasping at the situation turning your focus to her "leave! Now! and if you had any common sense, you'd leave this piece of garbage out of your life." Without hesitation she takes off running, James slowly standing grunting "what the hell dude, what was that for?"

Marching towards him each step full of anger, boots loudly stomping across the floor "I'll give you one minute to explain what I just saw before taking the pleasure of finally eliminating you." Confused he stares at you "is this about (y/n) I mean come on dude what do you expect? She has been bed bound and unconscious for three weeks now, besides all I was trying to do was get a piece of that ass once more just to prove that I could. I mean even you'd have to agree she's pretty hot, am I right." He elbows you chuckling, sharply grabbing his wrist then with your other hand grabbing just above his elbow twisting while pulling down. He screams out in pain "what the fuck! What is your problem!" Reaching for your saber igniting it pointing it directly in his face "she is not a piece of ass she's the best thing that's ever happened to your pathetic ass, she's awake by the way you'd know that if you ever visited her, and you've just given me the perfect opportunity to get her back." As if it suddenly clicks in his pea brain "it was you, you were the man she was with!" Grinning "took you long enough, I figured you would have noticed by now. Just so you know I will be the man she is with from now on, all she needed was to find out you're still a cheating fuck." Cradling his arm, a wicked look comes across his face "what's so special about you! You are just a coward hiding behind a mask too afraid to stand up to me all this time? If you wanted her why didn't you take her from me?"

Pulling the helmet off staring down at him, watching his demeanor shrink "am I what you expected? oh...you thought I'd be ugly right? Most people do, does it make you feel better to look in the eyes of the man who's fucked your girlfriend, does she moan my name instead of yours? Am I still a coward now?" Clearly shocked his expression frowning then scrunching then frowning again, laughing at him "ah.... I see, she hasn't even slept with you again has she? Honestly, it's probably a good thing... wouldn't want to hurt your ego, I've ruined her for pathetic cocks' sucks as yours. Her body will always only yearn for me." Anger flashes across his face as he attempts to punch you, force stopping him midair crushing the bones in his hand then swinging him up holding him tight in the air rising your saber, he begs "wait stop! hold on, you can't kill me! Think about it, if you kill me without any explanation do you really think she will believe you? You'll lose her forever, think about it! You know I'm right!" Hand clenching tightly the force choking him, watching as he gasps clawing at his throat holding your grip until his face starts turning a shade of blue then releasing him. His body slams to the floor, laying there defeated and crippled hugging his hand "you are lucky I didn't kill you, for the sake of her you're alive right now."

He stands walking backwards towards the door just before slipping out he says "yeah and you're the one without a mark and I've got a broken hand which side do you think she's gonna take, you'll never win her back." Force gripping onto his mangled hand turning him around he squirms against the grip "we'll see about that." Then taking the end of your saber, with full force striking it against his jaw hard, knocking him unconscious. Leaving his passed-out body on the floor, marching towards the medical wing ignoring whatever Yasmine has to say quickly shutting the hospital room doors behind you. She's not in the bed but you can hear the sound of the bathroom sink running, calling out to her 'this is urgent, hurry up. You must know about James; I must make you mine again.' All thoughts dissolving the moment she opens the bathroom door, her sheer beauty leaving you breathless.


	43. Vexation

A gentle knock on the hospital door waking the both of you, quickly Kylo stands straightening out his pants as he rushes to throw on the rest of his garments. Nurse Yasmine slowly opens the door peeking her head around "good morning, I'm coming in... hope that's alright." Walking in she immediately tries to avert her gaze from Kylo buckling his belt, blushing hard "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything! I was just coming to discharge you... but I'm glad to hear you two made up." Embarrassment flooding over you after noticing she said hearing instead of seeing, cheeks burning hot "um... thanks... I am too." Chuckling "anyways, can we do this so I can finally get out of here, please?" Kylo still frozen in the corner completely in shock.

Noticing the awkwardness lingering she breaks the silence "yes of course, I just need you to sign here... and here... and there...." handing you a clipboard, after applying the signatures, taking it back slowly turning to Kylo who's staring down at her as he slowly slides on his gloves pulling the cuffs down tightly flexing his long fingers to fit inside snuggly. "Commander sir I need you to sign here basically just covering that you will be taking over the care from here." His still frame watching her, with a jerking movement he pulls the board from her grasp "I'm not sure what you think you heard, but I assure that you are mistaken. Making assumptions about your commander could easily backfire for you, next time I suggest..." speaking up cutting him off "Kylo!"

Darting his gaze to you, without speaking his expression clearly questioning the move. "Leave her alone, she's done nothing but be kind to both of us. Besides, come on did you really think we hid that well? You practically rammed a hole into their wall, and I know for a fact I have never been great at remaining quiet. I'm sorry Yasmine he's not the greatest at communicating he gets embarrassed easily, but he means no harm, but just so we're on the same page this stays between us, right?" Kylo remains staring directly at you while handing the signed paper back to her, his face stern yet playful the side of his lip slightly curling upwards followed by a quick twitch under his eye. He speaks in a low sarcastic tone not breaking contact with you until the last two words "my apologies, not to worry the damage to the wall will be fixed... you see my current position grants me the power to command certain things from my employees....without opposition."

She stands staring at you both momentarily before busting out laughing "okay first off, sounds like you're in trouble girl. Second, the secret is safe with me I am just glad to see you guys back together the chemistry is strong with you two. Anyways, you are free to go we will bring a wheelchair around for transport shortly." Without warning Kylo walks towards you grabbing your wrist then placing his other hand on the bed directly between your legs, grinning he swiftly tugs pulling you up in the air placing your stomach against his shoulder. "Actually, I think were good, I can take it from here if you'll just have her belongings brought to my quarters, thanks." Not waiting for a reply he is heading out the door walking down the hall holding tightly on the place just below your ass, Yasmine raises her eyebrows staring at you from the room watching your body lightly swaying with his pace. Only able to get a few words out before disappearing out the doors completely "uh bye I guess, thank you for everything!"

He is walking quickly, heavy boots stomping down the hall turning corners so fast your hair whips in the wind "hey um Kylo what exactly is happening?" Gripping hard onto your thigh "you think it's cute to interrupt me, to speak for your commander, do you? To imply I mean no harm, do you know what I am capable of? No? Well then... I guess I'll have to show you." The threat behind his words send your mind wandering 'okay so either he's about to choke me unconscious again or I'm about to experience something new, I'm not entirely sure which one I should be more afraid of?' Watching the floor tiles zoom beneath his feet when suddenly he freezes, the sudden stop shifting your body backwards almost falling from his shoulder but just in time his firm hand grasps tightly on your ass stopping the fall pushing you back in place.

Finally speaking making the situation known since you cannot see what's going on "General Hux, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of something." Gripping onto his back trying to bend up to see what's happening "commander Ren, would it be wise of me to assume that whatever it is that you're doing is to benefit the first order? Or shall I ask Snoke his opinion?" Without releasing the grip on your ass Kylo's deep voice "It would be wise if you kept your mouth shut this time, and got the hell out of my way before I take care of my problem right here in the hallway." Gasping, using every bit of muscle to grab onto his hip bending as far to the side as you can, but only barely being able to see around his cloak, watching Hux March up to Kylo standing his ground "I won't tell Snoke this time, but just so you know you don't scare me Ren." Kylo releases a small chuckle from behind his mask "Get out of my way General, or you're next." Hux pauses rising and lowering his finger in sync with opening and closing his mouth as if he is going to speak but doesn't, his facial expression crossing between confusion, anger, and what is that... curiosity? Never the less he steps to the side allowing Kylo to continue the march towards his quarters, the closer it gets the more eager his hand becomes sliding up the silk pajamas you didn't even have time to change, groping your bare ass.

Hearing the touch pad beeping knowing you've arrived heart beating rapidly as the hatch swings open, he doesn't stop walking until inside the bedroom when he finally grabs your hips with both hands pulling you backwards flinging you to the bed. Moving into a squatting position with your legs tucked under placing your hands on your knees "what's going on right now Kylo?" Walking forwards slowly, with the wave of his hand the force dimming the lights to a soft red glow "I'm going to show you something." Gulping hard barely able to speak "what are you going to show me?" Arriving at the end of the bed he reaches out placing his gloved hand under your jaw rising your face up to look at him, letting out a deep breath followed by his low raspy voice from behind the mask "I'm going to show you the dark side."


	44. Obey

Sitting staring up at Kylo, his hand still under your chin slides down to your neck where he stretches out his fingers gently squeezing, his large hand covering any exposed skin around your neck. Holding his grip with his other hand reaching up running the back of his fingers down the side of your face towards your mouth, with slight pressure his fingertips brushing along your lips pulling down as he releases you. "Go to the closet, there is something I want you to put on, you'll know it when you see it."

Slowly scooting to the edge of the bed then standing heading towards the closet just as you were about to walk away, he is behind you gripping onto your waist pulling your body back against his. Hot heavy lustful hands traveling down your hips to your thighs gripping tightly just below your essence, pressing his cold mask against your neck inhaling deeply then letting out a long deep hum causing the mask to vibrate against your skin. Releasing a small whimper from the tingling sensation it causes, his reaction to this is moving one hand up across your stomach to your breast groping it roughly, squeezing harder than you're used too each knead sending a shock of pleasure and pain throughout your body.

His other hand moving up higher on your thigh resting tightly between your leg and sweet spot gripping and releasing repeatedly, slowly moving over running his fingers up and down your slit through the pajamas, the gentle rub gaining more pressure each slide down. Melting in his grasp body yearning for his touch, placing a hand on top of his guiding it to move your shorts to the side then pushing against his fingers sliding them between your lips. The smooth cold leather covered fingers meeting your clit, with fluctuation in the pressure relaxing then pressing harder as he rubs it up and down slowly. Softly moaning with pleasure while grinding back against him feeling him growing hard from behind his pants, with each sway of your hips his member slides across your ass.

The rubbing begins to go faster still in an up and down movement, with each downward stroke his fingers get closer and closer to your core. Squirming against him your hand gripping tightly to his thigh moaning quietly "quit teasing me Kylo..." his finger sliding down your clit keeps going until resting outside your core circling slowly, dipping his fingertips in only slightly pumping them in and out. His other hand moving to the other breast circling around your nipple, pinching it hard as he pushes two fingers deep inside, the ridged seem of his gloves adding a slight stinging sensation. Letting out a gasping pained moan, he doesn't release your nipple instead twirling it then pulling and pinching harder while pushing his fingers as deep inside they will go until he finds your g-spot repeatedly jerking back and forth never pulling them out from inside you.

This new sensation quickly bringing you close to the edge 'no one has ever found your g-spot before, especially not James.' Uncontrollably going limp with pleasure, Kylo catching you gripping his arm hard across your chest holding tight, fingers still pumping fast inside in-between moans letting out the words "stop...you're going to make me cum..." he doesn't stop instead his thumb finds your clit adding circular motions paired with the intense fingering. Moaning loudly feeling yourself gripping tight around his fingers an orgasm right at the brink of escape, stopping pulling them out from inside releasing his grip around you sending you stumbling forwards catching yourself against his dresser, insides begging for more.

Breathing heavy looking at him from the mirror watching as he removes his helmet tossing it across the room, then rising the fingers that were just inside now covered in a slick sticky film to his mouth. Staring back, parting his lips sliding both fingers inside fully then back out, humming as his tongue traces around them licking every remaining uncleaned spot once satisfied, he says "didn't I tell you to go change?" Turning around facing him "I was trying too and then you stopped..." he cuts you off "don't argue with me... do as you're told, or you won't cum at all." All of you wants to argue back but the hungry throbbing sensation below changes your mind, walking past him again half hoping he would grab you and finish the job. He doesn't, instead his large hand smacks your ass hard making you jump forward "hurry I'll be waiting."

Inside the closet walking towards the back where your droid has hung some garments, walking along them looking for whatever it is he thinks you'll automatically know to wear 'all I see are dresses and regular clothes I know he doesn't mean that... right?' In the mass of black outfits towards the very back is a small red lace decal poking out, reaching for it pulling it off the rack once in full view knowing this is exactly what he was talking about. A solid red lingerie piece with lace all along the breasts down the stomach to the crotch, it is held in place by many straps connecting to the lace on the legs and shoulders even around the breasts. Pulling off the pajamas then sliding on the lingerie struggling more than you'd like to admit 'why is this so difficult, where does this strap go? Wait that is not right.... ugh... oh wait... I think I got it.' Noticing your breasts are completely exposed except for a small layer of lace barely covering them, and your slit is completely out besides one of the red straps resting between your lips going up the back of your ass.

Opening the closet door walking out shyly, Kylo is leaning against his dresser holding a black box when he sees you, raising his hand gesturing his finger in a come here motion. Slowly going towards him curiously asking "what's in the box?" Grinning he says, "just some things I thought you'd like." Standing in front of him he opens the box pulling out a black leather choker with a metal ring attached to the center "put this on." Taking it from his grasp placing it around your neck clasping it together "what else is in there?" Removing the lid completely "look for yourself." Bending forwards looking down into the box gasping "where did you get all of that? And where were you hiding it, I've searched this whole room and never found anything like that!" Raising an eyebrow "you've searched my room? Naughty girl... you did not find them because I had them hidden far above where your short little arms could reach. You get to pick three items and only three.... this time, so make them count."

Blushing looking back inside the box at all the various sex toys, rummaging through them 'I've never even had my own sex toy, I don't even know what half of this stuff does.' Picking up a long metal rod with a pinwheel at the end it's got long sharp spikes covering the wheel, his facial expression showing curiosity then squinting his eyes a crooked smile forming. Placing it back in the box "with that look I'm guessing I'd be regretting that one?" Pulling out a wide black wooden paddle with holes in the shape of the first order emblem, patting it against your hand the stinging sensation is exciting and scary "I'll take this as my first choice." Removing it from your hand laying it on the dresser counter "good choice but truthfully you might regret that one more than the first option." Frowning grabbing the pinwheel again, he takes it out of your hand placing it back in the box "no...you already decided against it, no going back." moving various objects around including a large dildo, a pair of metal handcuffs, and a long beaded string where each bead gets bigger and bigger the longer it gets. "Why do you have all this stuff?" Picking up a long wand turning it on pressing it against your nipple "What can I say? I like to bring pleasure to the woman I'm with, but don't worry all of this is new...bought specifically for you."

Biting your lip trying not to moan as he moves the vibrating wand in circles around your nipple, grabbing it from his grasp "I'll take that as well." Laughing he says, "I figured you would." Looking inside the box once more something catches your eye, a silver oval shaped plug with a bright red ruby on the end "what does this do?" Chuckling "it's not what it does, but more where it goes to answer that you'll just have to find out." Curiosity winning "okay, this is my final choice." He turns placing the box on the counter, when he turns facing you the paddle is grasped tightly in his hand as he spanks it against his palm "go to the bed...get on all fours....ass facing me."


	45. Hint of rust

Walking towards the bed crawling onto the black velvet comforter spreading out your hands, slightly bending your ass upwards "like this?" Heavy footsteps behind slowly approaching, looking backwards at him watching while he stares down biting his lip "exactly like that... good girl." His hand grazing across your ass towards the strap resting between your cheeks, sliding a finger behind it pulling outwards then releasing it with a lout slap paired with a painful moan echoing throughout the room "you like that? Do you want me to do it again?" Shaking your head "yes... please...." Pulling it back further then releasing it again, this time it smacks against the already welted mark from the first time the pain making you jerk forwards whimpering.

Gripping hard onto your hip pulling you back into a doggy position "get back here I'm not nearly finished with you." Feeling the hard paddle slide across your ass "have you been a bad girl?" Immediately answering "no what makes you say that?" He chuckles "you're cute when you are naïve." Annoyance laced tone "I'm not naïve! Take that..." the words ripped from your mouth as he slaps the paddle hard against your ass making you shriek in pain "you have been a bad girl, since the beginning... touching yourself in my quarters..." SMACK! "Spying on me in the bathtub..." SMACK! "almost letting that pathetic excuse of a man enter inside what's rightfully mine..." this time the spank was so hard it flings you forwards landing on your stomach.

Grabbing your foot pulling you down swiftly so that your knees are resting on the floor and your stomach is still against the bed with your now very sore ass hanging off the edge, taking his hand gently rubbing it across the numerous red welts squeezing tightly as he lets out a long deep groan. "You didn't stop there... playing with my saber without permission..." another hard smack to the other cheek this time, with each hard blow the pain creeps into pleasure "talking against me giving the impression that I'm weak..." his hardest smack yet "am I weak?" SMACK! "Is this weak?" SMACK! Moaning a loud "no!" with the last slap gripping onto his blankest tightly feeling your self-growing so wet your juices start slowly sliding down your thighs, taking the paddle running it up your leg collecting the wetness "such a little slut aren't you... does this make you want to cum?" Another hard slam to your ass combined with the wet juices making it stick slightly from the pressure "are you going to keep misbehaving?"

Barely able to talk quietly releasing a sarcastic "yes..." a moment of silence then another hard whack then another he's rotating ass cheeks repeatedly slamming the paddle against your very sore skin, in between smacks his hurried voice "you little brat... I can do this all night... oh look... you are bleeding... I'm not going to stop until you beg me to quit." Your moans turn into loud wails the more he spanks the pleasure now turning back into mostly pain feeling a small run of blood sliding down your ass along your thigh "I'm sorry! I'll behave!" He doesn't stop, smacking hard again once more "Kylo! Stop please!" Finally, not feeling the paddle slam on your skin releasing a gentle sob, he kneels kissing up your calf then slowly running his tongue up your thigh licking at the warm trail of blood until he's reached your ass.

Kissing it gently while his hand softly caresses your other cheek humming against you, moving his knees between your feet taking both hands spreading your legs apart. Slipping his finger back under the red strap pulling it to the side slowly kissing across your ass to your slit, licking gently along your lips teasing and tasting you. Sliding his tongue inside lapping at the juices while pulling your hips back with both hands pressing his face deeper, moving up and down with his tongue running it along your hole then up to your clit sucking softly. The pleasure of his mouth exploring your core has completely taken over the stinging on your ass, giving in releasing small moans against his tear-soaked blanket.

He licks faster rotating his tongue around your clit every so often his groans vibrating against it, sliding two gloved fingers inside he laps away while slowly pumping them in and out. Moaning a little louder "yes, eat it like you own it...make me cum..." shoving a third finger inside slightly stretching you licking faster then gently biting your clit making you gasp again. He pauses for a moment smiling against your lips then returns to licking furiously while finger fucking you deeply, each hard plunge matched with a lap against your clit making your moans grow louder and louder feeling yourself start to tingle all over. Gripping tightly to the bed "You're going to make me cum."

This phrase making him release a long groan against your clit, licking and sucking tasting every bit of cum that leaks into his mouth as your walls begin clamping down around his fingers. Releasing a loud moaning orgasm, your legs shaking against his face he continues to lick until you pull away clawing your way back up onto the bed holding tightly breathing fast as the orgasm fades. He stands, the room filled with the sound of him fumbling with his clothes listening as garments fall to the floor then feeling the bed slouching down as he crawls beside you. Turning towards him, staring at his beautiful face then to his shining red tinted lips he leans in kissing roughly, his mouth tastes tangy and sweet with a small hint of rust. Kissing him back passionately running one hand up around his neck through his hair grasping tightly, the other groping onto his length beneath his silk boxers. Rubbing along the hard outline feeling the small wet spot at the tip staining his boxers, reaching for the waist band trying to pull it down groaning he stops you, grabbing at your wrist pulling your hand away breaking the kiss he says "are you ready for the second part of punishment?"


	46. Satisfied

Gulping hard "I'm not sure, am I?" Standing he walks to the dresser setting the bloody glistening paddle down, picking up the wand turning it on the loud buzzing ringing against the silence. He places the circular tip against his own head jerking back with pleasure when it vibrates against him, holding it in place he groans running it up and down the hard shape behind his boxers. Sitting up on the side of the bed "this looks more like punishment for yourself than me." Releasing the wand from his cock walking forwards standing at the edge of the bed looking down he roughly grabs a handful of your hair pulling back hard "I was just making sure it's powerful enough to be considered a punishment, don't want you having too much fun, do I? Now... take my cock out." Minding him leaning in pulling his boxers down his length falling out slapping against your chin, groaning he says, "put it in your mouth... the whole thing... don't stop until I've said you can."

Biting your lip grabbing his cock slowly jerking it up and down, grabbing the metal ring attached to your collar yanking it hard "I said put it in your mouth, disobey again and I'll finish myself." Releasing him a trail of precum following your hand, leaning further down kissing his pelvic bone licking across his salty skin down his leg, mouth stopping just below his shaft. Kissing at his balls then licking upwards to his head kissing at the bead of cum peeking out then slowly sliding his length inside your mouth, his deep groan letting you know he loves every second of it. Placing both hands to his hips bringing him forwards and backwards pushing his length in and out going an inch deeper with every slide back in, pulling your hair then pushing hard against your head shoving his full length forcefully down your throat "I said the whole thing." He begins thrusting into your mouth slowly pulling all the way out then pushing as deep as he can go, his cock stretching and filling your throat his hot precum sliding down the back.

Gripping onto his hips pulling him back with each thrust showing him you can handle his massive member, he moans "yes I'm aware you can take it... at your pace..." Pulling his cock out slowly, grasping it in his hand he slaps it against your face hitting back and forth on each cheek lining your face with slobber and cum "do you want this? Do you crave the dark side?" Biting your lip hard a throbbing sensation between your legs making you moan "yes... yes commander give me the dark side." Pulling your head back violently then pushing forward while thrusting hard he shoves his cock deep down your throat the sheer force of it almost making you gag "ah see... maybe I am too much to handle..." humming a "no" against him while bobbing back and forth sucking faster. A soft clicking noise sounds followed by the buzzing of the toy, with his free hand he lowers the wand resting it barely against your softness the vibrating is gentle yet powerful enough to make you moan against his cock. "You like that? The closer I get to cumming the closer you'll get... so get busy."

Hungry for his cock sucking rapidly in and out occasionally licking around his head kissing and nibble at his shaft each small bite makes him moan, pressing the wand harder against you the vibrations buzzing your outer lips making you incredibly wet again. Tugging at your hair forcing your mouth back down on his cock he begins thrusting hard and deep pulling and pushing your head by the grip of your hair, he releases the wand but the force holds it tightly in place pushing it against your lips as they spread around it the vibrations now directly against your clit. Taking his now free hand placing it against your head, using both hands he drives his cock hard down your throat holding your head in place as you gag and moan against him, holding still he pulsates in your mouth his cock throbbing with pleasure as he releases a loud moan then pulls out. Spit following from his cock in strings from your mouth he grabs your face hard forcing you to look at him as the vibration increases speed on your clit "I could make you cum again do you want me too."

Nodding against his hand your own reaching out grasping his cock jacking him quickly, his body jerks forward as he slams his cock back down your throat turning the wand on full speed. The intense vibrating pleasure paralyzing your body the only thing you can do is grip tightly to his thighs digging your nails into him hard as he fucks your mouth, his body begins humping erratically while he grunts over and over the thought of him about to cum in your mouth combined with the overpowering vibration against your clit pushes you over the edge. Just as you begin orgasming again he pulls his cock from your mouth stopping his building climax, watching your eyes roll in the back of your head the sounds escaping your mouth are foreign and wild these noises you've never made before feeling a hot rush of fluid squirt out dripping down the side of the bed with intense orgasmic pulsations. He pulls the wand away placing it to his mouth licking at the dripping orgasm "mmm good girl, have you ever done that before?" Still shaking raspy voice "no I don't think I have... but you didn't cum?" He grins lifting and turning you around tossing you on your stomach against the bed "that's because I'm not finished."

Still shaking "Kylo I don't think I can take much more..." walking back to the dresser picking up something then crawling on top of you straddling your thighs he spreads your ass cheeks apart then spits, coating your asshole. "Whoa what are you doing?" Suddenly feeling a cold metal ball push against your hole slowly stretching it open as he pushes it inside, the burning sensation almost too much to handle "fuck Kylo what is that!" Chuckling "you picked it, blame yourself..." leaning down he kisses at your shoulders sucking and biting against them whispering in your ear "just relax I promise you'll enjoy it." Trying to do as he says relaxing your body the burning slowly fading "see... now... it's my turn."

His cock pushes against your lips sliding in stretching you wide the further he pushes in, the two of you releasing a synced moan once he is fully inside. Harshly grabbing each wrist forcing your hands against the bed he begins humping pushing himself deep inside, your core is so over stimulated each thrust makes you shake violently. His lips lock onto your shoulder as he bites down hard making you whimper out loud, licking at the sore spot then sucking it continuously as he thrusts harder and faster. With each hard pound the plug inside your ass is pushed with it creating a double pleasure sensation, something you have never experienced but loving every deep filling thrust.

Every hard slam into you releases a loud moan, groaning against your back sitting up grabbing onto your hips he begins pounding fast and hard. His breathing becoming more erratic with each thrust, surprising even yourself as your own hand slides down under, fingers twirling fast against your clit. He moans loudly gripping hard against your red swollen ass "going to cum again? You are a little dirty slut... cum with me and I'll call your punishment paid in full." Pulling your hips and ass back against him shoving his cock deep and hard inside while his pelvic bone pushes the plug with the rhythm, matching his speed with your fingers the loud sound of his cock slamming into you squishing against your incredibly wet pussy. Faster than ever before you find yourself about to orgasm again moaning loudly "I'm going to cum I can't stop it!"

Grabbing your hips with both hands he slams hard inside as your walls begin pulsating around him, huffing and groaning digging his hands into your sides thrusting erratically with a sharp slap to your ass he cums hard loudly moaning your name "fuuuccckkk... yes.... (y/n)!" His final thrusts pushing his cum out around his cock, it spills onto your thighs running down glazing across your throbbing clit, holding in that position until his breathing slows then pulling out gently tugging the plug with him.

He tosses it on the floor with a loud thud then he walks to the bed turning you over "come here, lay with me." Unable to move your body still quaking "I can't move Kylo... I don't think I have the energy." Quietly chuckling as he gently scoops you into his arms pulling the covers back laying you softly against the sheets, sliding in bed next to you he cradles your warn out body gently kissing at your shoulder and chest up to your lips "that was fun... we should do it again sometime." A small laugh escaping "I thought this was punishment for misbehaving, and I thought you didn't want me to do that anymore?" He kisses you roughly biting onto your bottom lip pulling it back then releasing it "we both know you won't, and when you mess up again now you know what will happen... only next time may be worse." Waving his hand shutting the lights off completely only now noticing it's slowly getting dark outside having no idea the punishment took that long, exhaustion moving in rapidly as he leans in kissing your forehead gently "I still love you even if you are a dirty slut... you're my slut..." wrapping your arms tightly around him kissing his chest repeatedly until slowly falling asleep, lips still pressed against his skin.


	47. Dessert

A gentle slump in the mattress from Kylo turning to his side wakes you he reaches across your stomach gripping onto your hip, his light snores softly blowing across your shoulder. Staring up at his strong masculine features now relaxed making him look soft and innocent, the sun tenderly peeking over his shoulder illuminating the slight pink scar lined along his face, noticing some hair falling softly a few strands lay across his mouth slightly blowing up and down with his breathing. Slowly reaching upwards brushing it behind his ear, fingertips running along the length of his silky hair across his chin then slowly tracing his scar. Slightly twitching he opens his eyes, momentarily a flash of fear quickly fades to contentment while reaching for your hand cupping it in his own bringing your fingertips to his lips where he softly kisses them repeatedly. "Good morning, I didn't mean to wake you."

Smiling while leaning over resting against you he stares down "don't be sorry, although you did interrupt the most beautiful dream." Lowering his face leisurely kissing you, his lips softly pressing into you parting rhythmically together his tongue mildly dancing along yours while his hand moves up along your side slowly across your breasts then behind your neck embracing it pulling himself as tightly against you as he can. Enjoying the slow make out until both of you are huffing from lack of air, pulling away his mouth following kissing and licking at your lips hungry for more. "What were you dreaming about?" Giving up on your lips his mouth moves to your shoulder lightly kissing up towards your neck in between pecks he mumbles "the day I make you my bride." Gasping trying to face him "your bride?! Are you serious?!" Pulling back slouching on his arm "yes of course... obviously this isn't a proposal that would be done in a much better way but if you're asking if I see myself with you forever the answer should be obvious... am I not who you see yourself with?"

Pausing momentarily unable to speak or move only able to see his expression slowly changing from excitement to worry, finally letting out a long breath grabbing his arm pulling him back pressing your lips hard to his murmuring the words "I can't wait." against his mouth. Kissing for well over ten minutes both of your bodies hot and out of breath reluctantly he pulls away turning and reaching for his tablet typing for a few moments then rolls to his back the sheet very prominently standing upwards against his very alert member. Laughing "well I see someone's awake for the day." Looking confused then glancing downwards his cheeks turning a soft pink "I can't help it; you drive every inch of me crazy." Biting your lip teasing him "that's a lot of inches..."

Scooting closer towards him running a hand across his chest getting a good grip on the side of the bed slowly dragging yourself on top, his eyes staring at your body the lingerie barely hanging on the straps falling from your shoulders your breasts completely exposed. Reaching out his hand a fast wind blowing as his saber flings to his grasp, igniting it the loud flickering of the blade makes you jump. "What are you doing Kylo?" Grabbing the main connecter of the lingerie bringing the saber close to your stomach he pauses "be still." Heart pounding rapidly as he slides the blade behind the lace its heat dancing along your skin, with one smooth jerk the saber cuts the lingerie in half with ease, recoiling the blade then pulling roughly yanking the torn garment from your body. Letting out the breath you were holding, excitement coursing throughout feeling yourself trembling with a strong throbbing from below "you could have killed me you know..." smiling his hands resting on your hips bucking slowly pressing his length against your softness "could have... but I refrained..."

Slowly rocking your hips back and forth rubbing your outer lips against him watching as he squirms beneath, his head falling backwards releasing a low groan while he grips tighter on your flesh. "Was last night not enough for you?" Grabbing one of his hands running it up along your stomach to your mouth kissing at his fingers "I'll never get enough of you." Sliding his fingers in your mouth gently pulling them in and out matching the slow sway of your hips, feeling him pulsate making you release a quiet moan muffled by his long digits. Pushing your hips down further pressing his thickness between your lips, slowly grinding against his long veiny member the head rubbing against your clit with each return upwards.

Continuously sucking his fingers while looking down watching his length peeking out of your lips then pulling back repeatedly, his precum mixing with your ever-growing juices creating a slick mess along his cock. Releasing another muffled moan while picking up the speed, each rock making him twitch beneath you, his breath growing shallow and labored. Pulling his fingers out grasping his hands tightly to your hips pulling and pushing you faster dragging your clit across his cock steadily, the quickened pace making you moan louder. Slightly bending forwards wrapping your hand around his throat thrusting faster the repeated prodding quickly bringing you to the edge, huffing he stops you mid grind, choked words "keep doing what you're doing and I'm not going to last very long."

Breaking his hold returning to the fast grinding moaning at the thought of making him cum so fast "that's the plan..." digging his nails into your hips roughly helping you grind against him breathing rapidly he lets out deep groans bucking his hips upwards pushing himself hard against you. The head of his cock roughly pounding into your clit each slide across sending shockwaves waves throughout, leaning back up hand still wrapped around his throat tightly squeezing feeling yourself close. He begins grunting trying to push your hips up off him but failing, rocking back and forth faster and faster moaning louder and louder feeling yourself about to orgasm against his cock as he continues to pull you along his length. Releasing his neck lightly slapping his face "cum for me, that's right I'm in charge this time...." his excited yet shocked expression quickly turns into pleasure holding you down hard against him, grunting loudly hips shaking as his cum shoots out from the top of your lips covering his abdomen.

Without warning the hatch to his room flings open, quickly falling off him landing on the bed trying to cover your naked body to only see a droid come wheeling in carrying a large tray of food, Kylo still sucking in hurried breaths the sheet soaking up his cum turning a darker shade of black against his stomach. "Good morning commander here is the breakfast you ordered where would you like..." Kylo poorly shouting from the bedroom "set... it... anywhere... leave me be." Laughing when the droid leaves, Kylo still quacking under the covers "why didn't you tell me you were ordering food." Pulling the covers back from his chest his lower abdomen glistening with leftover orgasm "I didn't know you were going to attack me like that, you didn't give me the chance to tell you." Leaning over licking along his pelvis up to his abs cleaning the hot cum off his skin, spasming to the feel of your tongue he groans loudly gently pushing your head back up "sstttoopp... stop... it's too...much." Softly biting then kissing before sitting up smiling wiping up a small trail of cum sliding down your chin licking it off your fingers "looks like I had dessert first, what's the main course?" Waving a hand, the try comes floating in the room resting gently on the bed, lifting the lid seeing a wonderful giant spread of breakfast.


	48. Figure it out myself

After enjoying the meal in bed he rises walking towards the bathroom after a few moments the sound of running water fills the room, standing only now realizing everything below is incredibly sore each step is difficult but manageable if taken slowly 'damn he really tore me up last night didn't he?' Slowly walking towards to the bathroom opening the door going inside, Kylo is already in the shower washing his hair with his back facing the shower door. Opening it quietly while slowly stepping in walking up behind him gently wrapping your arms around his frame, jumping he spins around poorly trying to wipe shampoo from his eyes "don't scare me like that! When are you going to learn I could easily kill you!"

Placing your hands to his head then slowly pushing it back under the water gently washing the soap from his face while moving his hair back "I'm sorry... I keep forgetting you are so jumpy... do you forgive me?" He stares down at you for a long moment then raises his hand quickly pressing it against your face squishing a handful of bubbles into your mouth "there, we're even now." Coughing on the suds slapping his chest "bleh! Not funny!" Laughing he pulls you back with him submerging you under the water watching as it runs down your face, chest, and along your breasts "you're so beautiful you know that, the most beautiful woman in all the galaxy" he kisses your cheek making his way down your jaw reaching your neck his lips tasting at your throat while he whispers against it "and you're all mine...."

Grabbing the shampoo bottle squirting some into his hand then sweetly massaging it along your scalp, closing your eyes enjoying his large hands scrubbing your body clean taking the time to wash each curve slowly. After applying conditioner, he moves to your back scrubbing gently with his loofah in circular motions along your shoulders then slowly dragging it down your spine, suddenly he gasps stopping. Opening your eyes "Kylo what's wrong?" Kneeling running his hands along your butt while gently kissing, each small peck is mixed with butterflies and fire he quietly says "I'm sorry (y/n) I didn't realize I hit you that hard... your entire ass is bruised... I got carried away... sometimes I just get this darkness inside me and I can't control it..." turning around grabbing his hand pulling him up level, kissing him deeply wrapping your arms tightly around him noticing his body is trembling. "Don't be sorry Kylo, I enjoyed it... a lot actually. Besides these are the first bruises I have ever gotten that had a happy ending; I promise I am okay if you really hurt me, I would have said something okay?" He's staring down at the floor, lifting his gaze to yours "besides turns out I quite like your dark side..." Reluctantly a small grin forms along his face "you say that now but what you experienced last night was only a small portion of what I'm capable of."

Rinsing out the remaining bath products then slowly cornering him against the wall cupping his soft member in your hand, leaning in standing on your tip toes whispering in his ear "I guess you'll just have to show me sometime." Releasing him then slowly walking out of the shower giggling to yourself while glancing back noticing he is still against the wall staring blankly, drying off he finally steps out his cock slightly hard again. Mouth dropping "I didn't mean right now Kylo, damn." looking at you for a moment then down as if he didn't even realize he was hard "oh... uh yeah sorry about that you made me think about some things. But anyways I couldn't now even if I wanted too, I need to get dressed and head out I'm late as it is..." frowning in a begging tone "I don't know why but I can't get enough of you, you're the only man who's ever made me this horny...something James could only have hope for."

Suddenly Kylo becomes rigid quickly walking out of the bathroom, following him "oh hey by the way what were you trying to tell me the other night? I sort of cut you off multiple times, I'm sorry." Not answering right away instead rushing to dress himself then finally answers as he is sliding on his gloves "look... you might want to sit down..." A rush of anxiety floods your mind and body 'that doesn't sound good none of this could be great news.' Wrapping the towel around yourself then sitting on the edge of his bed "okay...." sitting opposite from you placing his hand on your thigh "I was coming to see you the other night and I found him...."

A loud knock on the door interrupts him, the hatch swings open as Hux comes marching in, pausing he glares down at your mostly exposed body giving a disgusted look then turning his focus to Kylo "Commander you are needed at once, there is word of a possible attack from the resistance. Snoke is waiting, there is no time for whatever (gesturing with his hands) this is." Hux marches out the door as quickly as he arrived, Kylo stands releasing your thigh stomping towards the door, standing rushing towards him grabbing his hand tugging him backwards "Kylo wait! What were you going to say!" He turns around sharply yanking you into his embrace kissing your lips hard "stay in my chambers today, there is no need to see James until we've talked. I must go now, trust me okay?" Before getting the chance to reply he's placed his helmet on rushing out the door, the loud bang of metal closing together echoes throughout his silent room thinking to yourself 'like hell I'm just going to sit here and wait around, obviously something happened and I'm going to find out what.'


	49. Gut feeling

Tossing the towel to the floor, huffing while stomping towards the closet 'I don't know who I'm more frustrated with, Kylo for not just telling me what happened or James for well... being James.' Rummaging through the clothes trying to find something cute but comfortable thinking pants would probably hurt your very bruised behind, picking a long black skirt with a large open slit on the side showing your black stockings and garter belt paired with a simple long sleeve black shirt putting it all together with a black leather under breast corset. Applying a simple makeup look since Kylo did not have most of the items transferred over, the only things available are the makeup from the hospital bag, finishing the look by pulling your hair back into a tight low ponytail. Double checking your image making sure everything looks neat and tight before heading towards the door mind racing with an overwhelming amount of thoughts 'what if he hurt James, what if James tried to hurt him, what if he told James to leave me alone and that's why he hasn't been to visit or seemed even the least bit concerned?'

Opening the hatch taking a deep breath then walking out down the long cold corridor towards James's room, rounding the corner walking swiftly right to his door pounding hard against its metal. Waiting for a few moments standing quietly listening for any sign of movement inside but the room sounds completely empty, sighing walking away trying to think where exactly he could be 'maybe he's in the technician room after all its way past sunrise.' Walking in that direction knowing you'll have to pass directly by Kylo's office preparing yourself to sneak by it, peeking around the corner slowly looking through one of the big windows lining the back immediately eyeing Kylo, he's slouched over the table pointing at some paper visibly yelling his face noticeably red a pointed finger shaking with rage 'yikes I wonder what all that could be about, that's all I need is for him to catch me when he's already super pissed.'

Watching intently for the moment he turns around then darting across the hall quickly hoping your heels aren't loud enough to draw any unwanted attention, thinking you are in the clear when the sound of the office door opening paired with a few loud boot stomps alert you that Kylo is in the hall, quickly hiding up against the nearest wall pressing yourself as far back as possible placing a hand over your mouth holding back hurried breaths. Momentarily thinking you're in the clear then hearing the cluster of boots marching within close rage the loudest pair belonging to Kylo, watching with fear as Hux walks directly by followed by a group of soldiers wearing all black with various heavy weapons, directly in the middle of them is Kylo stomping right past your somewhat hidden figure. Within seconds after his pass darting around the corner hoping he did not notice you, listening for his approaching march but only hearing it fade, releasing a long sigh paired with a few gulps of air.

Rushing off towards the supply room hoping you will finally be able to find James, arriving at the door knocking a few times then hearing the muffled sound of footsteps approaching. The door flings open, a short dark-haired man stands with his shoulder against the frame biting into an apple "uh how can I help you?" Pushing past him making your way into the room "where's James I need to talk to him, it's urgent." Chuckling while taking a large bite of the fruit chewing it for much longer than needed before finally replying "and you are?" Rolling your eyes "come on dude, you know who I am I saw you sitting with James at lunch. You know... I'm the girl you guys ignore because I work for Ky...the commander." Staring blankly, raising his arms in a shrugging manner while taking another bite, yourself huffing loudly walking up to him grabbing the apple mid bite ripping it from his mouth and tossing it across the room "cut the shit, the names (y/n) where is he, what are you hiding for him?" Anger flashes across his face then realization, his whole demeanor changes standing awkwardly crossing his arms while shuffling his feet "you're (y/n) like the (y/n)?" Stomping "yes! What part of that do you not understand?!" He looks confused "I'm sorry I just don't know what to think, James had told all of us you died." Gasping "HE WHAT?!" Nodding he replies "yeah, said you got in some freak accident and you didn't make it. Kind of makes sense now seeing how he moved..." cutting his sentence short "uh actually forget I said that last part he'll kill me if I say anything." Marching up to him pointing a finger in his face "tell me!" Pushing your hand back then walking away "look chick I don't know what impression James gave you but honestly you picked the wrong dude, I'm not outing my buddy... feel free to ask him for yourself last I heard he was headed to lunch."

Pausing momentarily considering pushing the matter further anger fuming, instead apologizing for throwing his lunch then leaving in a hurry the pain in your heart growing stronger the closer to the cafeteria you get. A pain you've felt once before with James, the pain a deep sharp prodding ache, each step closer making your heart flop 'come on James please prove my gut feeling wrong... I trusted you...who am I kidding I know the truth...' turning the final corner the cafeteria now coming into view, stopping momentarily trying to collect yourself then stepping forwards only to feel a tight grip on your arm, tugging you backwards.


	50. Vital shard

*kylos view*

Regret lingers throughout the morning, leaving her full of questions in your quarters 'how does Hux always interrupt every moment, why is he so fixated with my failure it's like he's obsessed with me.' Following the generals back marching towards the throne room mind full of annoyance laced with sadness knowing once again you've let her down she needs to know the truth about James, hopefully she listened and is safely tucked away full of ignorant bliss. "I will meet you in there I need to pick something up." Hux stops turning around rising a finger presumably to argue, cutting him off "not asking Hux, I won't be long."

Turning off down a different hall searching for the quarters of an incredibly old friend and first order weapons welder who's agreed to create something special for you out of a very precious keep sake, arriving at her doors knocking quietly. Quickly they swing open, standing in view is a tall slender frame covered from head to toe in various ash stained armor and torn black garments, a dark shielded mask covering her face with her long ankle length purple and blue striped braids peeking out from behind. Her smooth raspy voice "heyo commander, you're early." Replying "I know I know, is it ready I was hoping to gift it tonight." Lifting the mask revealing her strong beautiful features placed perfectly on her dark emerald green skin, each of her three eyes are a different color the first a bright shade of fuchsia with dark black diagonal lines framing the pupil, the second lying directly in the middle of her forehead a deep shade of sea foam green with a large opal white pupil, the third a neon shade of purple with a grey spiral leading to the center.

Finding yourself lost in their beauty until she snaps you out of it "who do you think I am commander? Unlike you I don't yield special powers." Nodding "yes I know, but this is important, and you might not have Jedi powers but you are the most talented welder we have." Smiling she walks towards a table reaching out grabbing a small chain, bringing it back a small crystal dangling beneath her hand "whoever you had this made for sure is special, you've had that shard since I met you holding on to it as if it were a vital piece of your existence. You don't have to give me the details but whoever it is better know the importance of my masterpiece."

Clutching onto the pointed pendant gently stuffing it into your pocket "thank you Kamira, and she will... she would probably happy with a simple pebble if I gave it to her, but this.... she will understand the importance of me gifting it to her. Hopefully soon the two of you could meet, keep it on the down low but....I'm going to marry her someday." Nudging your shoulder "well I'll be damned, the grumpy lonely Kylo Ren wants to get married huh? Well you know me and Yasmine will be there... oh yeah, I forgot to tell you me and her are sort of a thing now she mentioned the two of you had met. She also says the wall was patched up perfectly and sends her gratitude, whatever that means." Good thing your face is covered, or it would be a shade of bright red "uh, it was no problem... anyways thanks for making this how much do I owe you?" Shaking her head "Kylo come on, I've known you since my first day on base I knew you back when somewhere deep inside Ben was still around, I haven't seen you happy in ages and if this girl brings that out in you.... well I'm just grateful, it's a gift from me to you and when you're ready I'll weld that ring for you too, I still have a few small bits of the crystal left over."

Thanking her again then rushing off towards the throne room knowing Hux is probably about to throw a blood clot, arriving seeing Snoke impatiently waiting against the large royal seat. Striding in his focus locking on to you "commander...nice of you to join us, and what exactly was more important than that of the first order?" Kneeling at the base of the throne "my apologies supreme leader I was preparing my troopers for the possibility of departure if needed." Not making eye contact hoping he buys the lie, a long silent pause before he speaks "I'm glad to see you taking the initiative to protect the first order... there has been some rumors that your loyalties have been...slipping." Quickly darting your eyes to Hux glaring into his soul "I assure you my loyalties lie with the first order and the first order only." Leaning forwards studying your figure "should I remind you exactly what would happen if your allegiance were to... slip?" Hux swiftly breaking eye contact while nervously shifting in place, returning focus to Snoke "no...I'm aware, no need to worry there will never be a time needed to show me, but more importantly what is this word of a possible attack from the resistance?"

Resting back on the throne the deception fading from his expression "there has been word of a resistance scum infiltrating the base, a spy who's somehow stolen vital battle plans. They have been caught and eliminated but not in time to stop the transfer of our plans, you must review and revise everything." Frustration growing "everything?!" Snoke growls roaring loud enough to shake the room "yes everything, is that going to be a problem? Is there something else taking up your time? You are easily replaceable Ren, remember that." Every fiber screaming with anger that begs to erupt, instead pushing back the emotions "understood." Waving his hand "that's what I thought, now leave and return when the new plans are ready."

Turning quickly marching out of the room stomping loudly down the hallway Hux reluctantly following suit, once inside the conference room violently swinging open drawer after drawer tossing multiple pages of plans all over the table. Turning pointing a finger towards Hux "did you open your stupid fucking mouth again?!" His expression full of fear "no I swear it wasn't me!" Marching towards him "then who was it, if she gets taken from me, I'm going to burn this whole place to the ground." Gulping hard "commander calm down you must know that others have seen and heard things, I'm not the only one who knows about your little...affair..." sharply waving sending his body flinging against the wall, watching as he struggles to stand kneeling down force choking him against the floor "she's not an affair, didn't I warn you against bad mouthing her... I should snap your neck right here right now..." squeezing harder feeling the air escape his mouth.

The doors to the room open as various ranked men followed by your knights walk in "commander as much as we'd love for you to finish what you're doing... there is more important matters at hand, come we have a lot of work to do." The rest of the morning is spent reevaluating and reworking all future plans, with each new strategy annoyance growing more and more the only thing keeping you slightly calm is knowing what's waiting back in your quarters when all this is finished. Breaking focus from the arguments turning around trying to refrain from exploding "that's it we're done! There isn't any other way to change it up we've been over it a thousand times!" Shoving the packet of plans in Hux's arms "let's go, Snoke needs an update."

Hux leading the way everyone marches out of the room, following steadily while passing a corner the strong familiar scent of rose catching you off guard. Stopping suddenly the knights bumping into your back pushing you forward, unable to look back fast enough when finally glancing in that direction the corner is empty 'there is only one person who has that scent... surely not...' just before disappearing behind the next corridor the smallest glimpse of her is seen darting along the hall. Mind bogged from frustration not hearing a word Snoke or Hux says 'how did the resistance get in, who was it? Why didn't she stay where I asked her too, where was she going?' Breaking your thoughts "Very good commander, these new plans will do the job nicely. The next time we meet shall be under better circumstances I hope." Without warning he is gone leaving the room silent and empty, Hux speaks "just go, I know where your mind has been, I saw her too." Standing blankly not sure if it is a trick or not, Hux waving in the door's direction "go, this....pitiful gesture won't remain for very long."

Marching out in the direction where she was last seen, passing by multiple empty hallways anxiety growing with each moment not knowing where she is or if she is safe. Finally spotting her figure walking towards the cafeteria, quickly marching towards her anger growing the closer you get 'why don't you ever listen to me, I told you to stay put for a reason. What if there was an attack and I couldn't find you, what if James did something and I lost you. (Y/n) you make me so mad sometimes! Don't you know I can't lose you too?'


	51. The missing piece

Turning around standing face to mask with Kylo he stares down for a moment then begins dragging you down the hall, pulling back in the opposite direction trying to pry his hand off "Kylo! Let me go!" Continuing his march hand squeezing tighter pulling you with him your feet trying to grip the floor but the heels have no friction sliding easily along, rounding the corner you just passed spinning then pinning you against the wall "what are you doing. I specifically told you to wait in my chambers." Refusing to look at him staring down the hallway ignoring his questions, he pushes harder against you "answer me, now."

Suddenly hot tears begin flowing down your cheeks, hardly able to speak head falling downwards too embarrassed to look at him "Kylo... say it isn't true..." he pauses for a few moments then slowly releases the death grip around your arm, hearing his helmet hiss then come into view as he sets it on the floor. Gently rising your chin forcing you to look up into his eyes, behind them are a multitude of emotions flashing from fear, anger, sadness and sympathy, wiping away your tears "what do you want me to say (y/n)... I told you to wait... do you have any idea the day I have had? It calmed me knowing you were safe in my quarters, physically and mentally..." frowning trying to pull away from his grip "just let me go Kylo..." holding steady while cupping your face in his large hand turning it back towards him with a quick glance around he softly presses his lips into yours whispering against them "no, I'm not letting you go, I'll never let you go."

The tenderness of his kiss mixed with his warm embrace briefly clouding all negative emotions, in this exact moment nothing else is real time has stopped all surroundings are blurry and slow, the only recognizable sound is the synchronized beating of your hearts. Reluctantly breaking the bond pulling back his expression hurt and confused as he leans back in reconnecting the kiss mumbling "quit pushing me away, don't let James ruin your perception of love... you know me... I know you... I love you." Tears falling again lining his cheeks making him pull back "how did you find out?" Shaky voice softly answering "I haven't... for sure yet at least... I just know...and well you just sort of confirmed it..." hastily he replies "oh...I'm sorry...I thought... just the way you're acting it seems like you already knew." Placing a hand on his chest gently reassuring him "it's not your fault, don't be sorry you tried to tell me multiple times and I wouldn't listen, mostly because deep down I already knew what you were going to say."

Rubbing against the now sore spot lining your arm "I saw him with a woman, they were incredibly close, and he was in the process of trying to make a move. I stopped them, and it took everything in me not to kill him (y/n) trust me that's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I've made some pretty difficult decisions." Slightly laughing against the slow cry "you should have just done it, the least you could have done was cut off his unfaithful dick and brought it back to me as a trophy." His eyes widen trying to read if you are joking or not "if it makes you feel better, I did shatter his hand and hopefully crushed his ego." Tilting your head puckering your lips "actually... it kind of does." Laughing then frowning again "gosh Kylo... I'm such an idiot how could I not see this coming?" Kissing you again "don't say that you aren't an idiot, he's an manipulative asshole who took advantage of the purest soul I know, besides you were smart enough to find your way back to me, the obvious better choice."

Smiling holding tightly around him until the sound of the cafeteria doors open pulling him away, quickly he's picked up his helmet placing it back on while straightening his clothes just in time for a few troopers to come striding by. Frowning again "are you going to hide me forever?" Waiting for them to pass before finally speaking "no, I promise... I am working on it; you do not understand Snoke does not understand us... this...what we have. Just bear with me a little while longer I swear soon you won't have to hide anymore." reaching into his pocket "I was saving this until later tonight... but I think you need it now...turn around and close your eyes." Slowly spinning holding a deep breath, feeling his hands wrap around gently placing something along your neck its cold heavy weight sliding down your chest resting at the bottom of your breasts. Running a few fingers down the smooth chain until reaching a long pointy pendant at the end, opening your eyes lifting it into view a sharp breath escaping when seeing it's a dainty beautiful long necklace holding a small sleek black plated gold pendant with a familiar shape formed from a red crystal, an exact replica of his saber.

Turning around holding it so tight the small blades jab at your palm "where did you get this?! And why are you giving it to me?" Gently pulling apart your grasp slowly rubbing his gloved fingers over the little indentions "I had it made, the crystal is a part of the remains from the very kyber crystal that powers my saber. I have saved it all this time... for something... or someone... special. I'm giving it to you because you are my missing piece... without you I'm unstable, unpredictable, and dangerous." Feeling as if your heart could explode jumping up hugging tightly kissing against his helmet "thank you, I love it... and I love you... so much..." hugging back tightly squeezing a little too hard "...kyloooo...can't... breathe..." releasing the grip your body falling downwards about to crash on the floor just before he's grabbing your arm pulling you back up "sorry about that, now look the (y/n) I know is strong and brave and wouldn't stand for any bullshit James tries to pull. Brace yourself and go confront him, you know where I'll be if you need me."

Brushing out your skirt centering the necklace sucking in a deep breath "you're right, I got this... okay... I'm going now, don't try and stop me." Chuckling "I wasn't going too." Slowly walking away holding tightly to the small saber Kylo's hand smacking against your butt, wincing "still very sore Kylo!" His voice fading in the background "just proving how strong you can be, now go ruin him." Rubbing your ass heading down the hall the cafeteria coming into view again, a sudden rush of anxiety hits strong enough to almost make you turn around but instead pressing your lips to the pendant "I got this, screw James I can't wait to call him out in front of everyone." Placing both hands on the door handles swiftly pulling them back, a rush of air flowing against your skirt all eyes in the room looking at you while your focus locks to the familiar back of James his arm wrapped tightly around a blonde haired woman.


	52. Finish him

Confidently striding up to the table, James still completely oblivious to your presence until the girl sitting across from him coughs while pointing in your direction, he turns around with a wide smile that immediately fades. Pulling his casted arm from around the other girl "what...what are you doing here?" Smirking "surprised to see me huh, I mean especially since apparently I'm dead." The blonde-haired girl turns around visible confusion written across her face, waving cutely at her "hey, hi, yeah I'm James's girlfriend miraculously back from the dead. Or well I was... James's girlfriend I mean obviously I did not die that would be absurd, not quite as absurd as this lying piece of shit cheating on me once again though, that's much more believable."

James's jaw drops, the girl pulls as far away from him as possible "you said she was dead? You pig! I slept with you...out of pity!" Laughing at her "yikes bet you regret that one, don't you? I mean you don't even have to technically count it, I bet you couldn't even feel it. Trust me I know from experience, but let me tell you it gets better someday you'll find someone better, I mean not as good as the man I've found I think I was blesses with the last of his kind. Want me to tell you how much better he is?" James stands trying to interrupt you, rising your hand in a one moment gesture right in front of his face "hold on James honey I'm not done I know how hard it is for you being used to finishing early and all but I'm just getting started."   
Counting fingers on your hand "let's see first off, my new guy is actually handsome James is ehhhh... he's okay I'll give him that but this man... whew this man is something else... he's so beautiful his existence makes you question if he's even real. Secondly he actually loves me, something this asshole lied about on numerous occasions, truthfully I don't even think he's capable of love... well loving anyone other than himself that is, my new man shows his love with every action whether it's expressing his feelings vocally, emotionally, or physically he doesn't hesitate to show me how he really feels. Which brings me to my third point, let's talk about the sex... oh boy the sex is... well it's the kind of sex that makes you realize every other feeble encounter was child's play, this is the kind of sex that you feel all the way in your gut... literally...the kind that leaves you weak, bruised, full, and satisfied. I used to think James was good in bed but (turning to James) I'm sorry my dear it's only because I didn't have this to compare it too... maybe try improving the way you.....well actually try improving all of it. Fourth reason he is better, I've only been with this man for barely under a year and already he wants to make me his bride. James played me for five years and all I got out of that was an std test because he couldn't keep it in his pants, which seems to be a reoccurring theme with him."

James grabs your wrist hard pulling you back "that's enough stop it (y/n) I think you've made your point." Glaring at him "I think you better release me before you get more than a broken hand, trust me next time nothing is holding him back." He grips tighter before letting go, the woman moves closer "wait I thought you said you broke your hand saving a fellow employee from certain death?" Laughing again "girl... don't you realize by now everything out of his mouth is a lie?" Turning around facing the rest of the cafeteria, everyone's watching the scene go down "in fact wouldn't you all like to know the real James? His full name is Jamielynn his family wanted a girl, oh that's another thing he once said nobody here liked me because I worked directly for the commander well... wouldn't you like to know that his grandpa was the Count Dooku and James actually has some pretty high up family status but sadly he lacked in the sith abilities department among other things he's lacking and was shunned from his own family sent to be a bottom rank for the first order. Oh, what else, hmm... he sleeps with a nightlight, he still occasionally wets the bed, oh and he's notorious for lying, stealing, and cheating." Smirking at his horrified expression "did I leave anything out?"

A mischievous grin lines his face "since you're telling everyone so much about me why don't you share a little bit about yourself? Who is the new guys that's soooo great? Wait... what is that on your necklace? Looks oddly familiar if I do say so myself, exactly what do you do for the commander again?" For a moment anxiety flashes 'shit what do I say?' Then grasping the necklace thinking a quick plead 'Kylo forgive me for what I'm about to do.' Not backing down "oh this? It looks so familiar probably because you have seen it before, actually a time or two but usually much closer to your face. If everyone must know the man I was talking about just happens to be the commander." Loud gasping fills the room making your cheeks turn a bright red "yeah that's right, I'm with the commander. Although I usually just call him Kylo, are you happy James? You thought you had one upped me but yet again I took away all the power you thought you had, I'm done being your shadow, your emotional puppet, never again will you play me."

James struts forward puffing his chest out anger fuming, for a quick moment fear hits your stomach not knowing what he might do next. The blonde woman steps in front of you just as James has raised his fist, throwing a cup of hot tea directly in his face making him recoil crying out in pain "you deserved that you jerk! (Turning towards you) I'm sorry I swear I didn't know you were still alive I would have never..." nodding in her direction assuring her you understand, taking this moment while he is still patting at his face keeping everyone's attention, to slip out the side door 'was he going to hit me? He's never acted like that before; I need to find Kylo.'

Rushing down the halls towards Kylo's office knowing that is where he's usually at during this time, the sound of footsteps trailing not far behind creeping into hearing range. Pausing listening to see if they are following then noticing they only continue to get louder and louder, panic setting in walking faster towards Kylo's safety. A loud voice booming across the hall making you stop dead in your tracks "get back her (y/n)!" Knowing immediately, it belongs to James walking faster knowing his office is right around the corner "I said stop! You think you can treat me like that and get away with it? Once I get a hold of you, I will make you regret that decision. Hell, my life is over anyways why not ruin your precious commanders along with mine, take his sweet little (y/n) away from him forever."

Kylo's door coming into view, sighing in relief reaching out for the handle only to feel James grabbing your wrist pulling back violently while placing one hand against your mouth then pushing you hard against the door his slightly burned face glaring down at yours. "You little bitch, you really thought you did something back there didn't you? Thought you were so tough... what you think because you're fucking the commander, you're untouchable?" His heavy hand roughly grabbing your jaw squeezing hard "Where is your commander now? All I wanted was one last fuck but no you just had to get this courage out of nowhere."

Biting hard against his palm making him pull it back in pain just long enough to mumble "no! Leave me alone James!" Quickly shoving his hand back over your mouth "it's no use, who are you calling out for no one's around it's just you and me." Just then the door behind you flies open, falling backwards into the open arms of Kylo his large frame hovering as his chest heaves up and down rapidly.


	53. She's mine

*kylos view*

A low thud against the door catching your attention 'what was that?' Rising walking towards it one hand grasped tightly against your saber the other reaching for the handle just before opening the door hearing her voice crying out, flinging it open the figure of James violently gripping onto her as she slowly falls backwards comes into view. All rational thought vacating while thinking of ripping him to pieces, cutting off each limb, your saber tearing at his flesh flooding your mind just as she falls into your arms, everything plays out in slow motion her small figure turning around grabbing tightly against your body sobbing into your chest barely able to make out her words "I'm sorry Kylo I shouldn't have made such a scene I wasn't thinking of the consequences, he followed me he was going to hurt me Kylo, he said he was going to take me from you forever."

Gently scooping her up in one arm while the other outstretches force choking James throwing his body into your office then slamming the door shutting it powerfully, holding the restraint against his neck while steadily walking towards the black desk sitting in the middle of the room. Gently sitting her down on its edge stroking her face softly breaking the cold stare from James for only a moment "you know that I would never let anything happen to you, stay here." Pulling out of her grasp striding towards the now blue tinted James releasing the grip watching him fall motionless against the floor, kicking his stomach hard "wake up, I'm nowhere near finished with you." Coughing and gagging he gasps for air while trying to scoot backwards, with ease the force pulling him up pinning him to the wall your face inches from his close enough to smell his fear "oh James.... you are such a fucking headache in my life... every moment of happiness you attempt to ruin...what exactly did you think you were going to do to her?"

Trying to break the hidden bond holding him against the cold steal "come on man you know I wasn't going to actually do anything right? I was just mad; I mean look at what happened to my face." Taking your saber pressing it tightly to his cheek watching as he winces running it down the red tinted tone of his skin, igniting it making him flinch "ah..ah..ah... you might want to stay still or it's certain death and quite frankly I'm not done playing with you yet." Pressing the hilt hard against his cheek watching the hot flame dance so close it begins boiling and blistering the small burn on his face, his still body crying out trying to gain pity but only fueling your satisfaction.

Swiftly ripping open his shirt exposing his bare chest, pulling the saber from his scorched face moving it further down meticulously dragging it slowly along his chest far enough away not to kill him but close enough for the flickers to begin carving the words *cheating scum* into his flesh "now everyone you ever attempt to fuck will know your true self, no more hiding behind that pretty face. Oops guess it's not so pretty anymore now is it?" Each lick of your blade making him cry out calling for help, slapping him hard "it's no use, who are you calling out for no one's around it's just you and me." Fear lining his face "how does it feel to have your own words used against you? Do you feel the power radiating from my being? Do you fear death, can you taste it at my fingertips?"

James begins sobbing uncontrollably snot running down his face followed by a large wet spot lining his pants, laughing deeply from behind your mask "you're pathetic, really pissing yourself? What happened to the big bad man cornering a woman only moments ago? What, you are not as tough as you thought? Shocking... well I hate to break it to you but I'm exactly as cold and murderous as my reputation precedes me." Recoiling the saber slowly walking away his body still held tightly against the wall blood running down his torso as he begs to be freed "no James I don't think I will let you go, you've tried ruining my life by repeatedly taking (y/n) from my grasp and now I think I'll show you exactly what you'll never get to experience again."

Walking towards her she's still sitting on the edge watching the torture intently with the slightest grin across her face "you see James this... this woman is more than you could ever have hoped to have again, she's so much stronger now than when you gaslighted her into being with you the first time, she's mine now all mine every single inch of her belongs to me." James looks directly at her begging for her to stop you "(y/n) my dear would you like me to stop?" Looking up at you slowly shaking her head "no... actually I'd like you to show him exactly how much I'm yours." Darting you're gaze to her curiosity slowly creeping in, her expression turning into lust reaching out grabbing your belt pulling you closer to her, whispering "what are you doing? You don't have to do this."

Biting her lip "I know that... I want too... something about seeing him helpless and bleeding and watching you being so...raw...is...so...hot... it's creating this thirst inside me I didn't know was there...." looking up at you "Kylo..." running your hand behind her head slowly grasping onto her hair "yes?" Slowly she spreads her legs "I want you to show him your dark side, show him I belong to you, don't hold back..." pulling back hard on her hair "don't ask for it unless you think you can handle it..." slowly she licks her lips "even if I can't... I want you to make me...and I want him to watch."


	54. You asked for it

*kylo's view*

The instant rush of lust flows down your cheeks pasts the rapid beating of your heart quickly filling the pulsating member hidden behind your pants, rising a hand harshly grasping onto her chin squeezing while lifting her face up, deep voice from behind the mask "the day I've had...the rage begging to be released..." moving two fingers towards her lips parting them slowly sliding them in and out her mouth gradually. She reaches up grabbing and maneuvering your gloved fingers deeper humming against them forcefully biting down against your fingertips, releasing a low gasping growl followed by a playful slap across her cheek "so you want it rough do you?"

Biting her lip while grabbing your hand placing it among her breasts, the thin fabric of her shirt revealing she isn't wearing a bra the semi hard nipple faintly poking at your palm, massaging it gently at first then slowly increasing the pressure with each knead. Temptation growing unbearable, grabbing the seam on the shoulder of her shirt ripping it downwards watching as her breasts flop out resting perfectly on top of the leather corset she is wearing. Eager hand quickly returning to her breast, fingers gently circling around the shape of it watching as she squirms scooting closer to the edge of the table trying to bring her sweetness close against your manhood feeling the enchanting heat radiating from her core, member pulsating while placing her nipple between your fingers pinching and twisting roughly.

She lets out a pained gasp while quickly jerking back, holding tight against her nipple pulling in the opposite direction "pulling away already? I'm just getting started..." grasping hard onto her twitching breast squeezing with such a harsh force that her skin puffs up around your fingers turning a light shade of purple. Her face mixed with pain and pleasure eyes shutting tightly biting onto her bottom lip she holds her breath, sighing running a hand up her chest wrapping your fingers around her neck lightly squeezing "if you don't want to breathe... I can arrange that for you..." squeezing tighter as she's gasping for air her hand surprising you by reaching up grabbing onto your hard length gripping it tightly, the look in her eyes something you've never seen before such a raging need the sheer untamed lust hiding behind them is enough to make you ravage her this very second. Her face turning a muted red slowly fading into a pale blue with eyes rolling backwards but the grip on your member squeezing tighter, James's cracked voice from behind "stop! You monster you're going to hurt her!"

Releasing the grip she gasps for air, turning abruptly tightly force choking him "you've got it all wrong James, the only person in this room I want to hurt is you... but per request I'm sparing your life so you can enjoy the show... interrupt again and I just might change my mind."

Releasing the grip on James's neck the force still holding him tightly against the wall then returning the focus to her, gently running a hand down her face rubbing softly at her cheek then lightly slapping it again. She lets out a quick moan "you like that don't you." Slapping her other cheek a little rougher she moans again "you want everyone to see you so innocent, but you're actually just a dirty little slut aren't you..." a flash of defiance lines her face paired with her grip around your cock squeezing tighter than pleasurable. Jerking back, palm smacking across her face hard "I'm much strong than you are, if I say you're a slut then you're a slut...." rubbing the raised mark on her cheek groaning into the mask "...but you're my slut...(another playful slap) say it..." she stares up confusion and curiosity interchanging across her face quietly, she says "I'm a slut..." slapping her breasts "try again." She whimpers "I'm a dirty slut..." pinching her nipple pulling hard while twisting it tightly making her cry out "last chance..." looking up tears lining her eyes but lust lingering on her lips "I'm your slut..." releasing her nipple grabbing the place under her knee pulling back with you to the other side of the table giving James a front row seat, your bodies directly in his view now insuring he won't miss a thing "you see James you never stood a chance... once she met a real man... it was game over.. see how she begs for me, yearns for me, purrs for me. Watch carefully maybe you'll actually learn something... that is if you make it out of here alive of course."

Unclasping the heavy cape letting it fall to the floor then swiftly pulling at your pants, frustration growing as they refuse to pull down with just one hand, without hesitation grabbing both sides she tugs quickly pulling them down along with your boxers revealing the very hard member. Grinning grabbing onto the throbbing length slowly rubbing her hand up and down the shaft taking her time making sure not to miss an inch, groaning into the mask while reaching up massaging her breast, cock slowly pumping into her hand with each long jerk. Her other hand reaches up cupping your balls smoothly working them within a gentle grasp rubbing and massaging eagerly, the combined pleasure is enough to push you into releasing a low moan.

Responding to the sign of pleasure by tugging on your cock pulling it closer to her, darting a gaze to James locking her eyes on his pitiful bound figure as she gently kissed down the length reaching the bottom of the shaft resting your cock along her face before slowly licking all the way up twirling her tongue around the head making you spasm, the tip of your cock jerking into her mouth. Smiling against your member, not breaking her focus on James sliding every throbbing inch inside her warm mouth until you can feel the tip hitting the back of her throat, letting out a long deep groan while placing a hand behind her head tenderly grasping her hair while closing your eyes enjoying each prolonged slide back into her mouth. James interrupting the moment again blurting out "come on I don't want to watch this!" quickly breaking the force hold on James long enough to grab your saber igniting it then rapidly flinging it towards him resting it inches from his throat "I said quit interrupting!" he freezes against the wall holding his hands up while trying to pull his face as far away from the blade as possible. She starts pulling her mouth back sliding it off your cock, gripping hard on her hair forcing her back shoving the entirety of the length down her throat feeling it ram against the back before sliding down further creating a thick outline along her neck "I didn't say you could stop."

She gags against the thick prodding her eyes staring up at the mask pleading for you to pull back "you asked for this, did you not?" Holding steady softly thrusting, pulling back only a few inches then slowly pushing the full length back down her throat "I told you not to ask if you couldn't handle it... if you stop now then we stop completely... your choice." Placing both hands on your hips pulling you closer into her pushing your cock the tiniest bit deeper while humming against it sending a shockwave of vibrations along its length drool dripping down her jaw falling onto her exposed breasts, finally pulling her hair back dragging your member out she begins coughing as gasping but only for a moment before shoving it back into her mouth. Suddenly she begins sucking quickly bobbing her mouth up and down sloppily, every now and then catching her breath while licking at the head or nibbling against the shaft locking her focus back onto James. "Do you enjoy him watching? Watching you enjoy this cock, that's right take the whole thing... good girl."


	55. Every inch more perfect than the next

Reaching down placing a hand between her legs she begins slowly rubbing herself through a pair of lacy underwear moaning, pulling back hard on her hair ripping the cock from her mouth then yanking her hand away roughly "did I say you could do that? You'll cum when I want you too, or maybe you won't cum at all... depends if you behave or not... are you going to behave?" Nodding while jerking along your member she licks at the seeping precum, running a hand up her thigh along the open slit of her skirt sliding a few fingers behind the garter belt pulling upwards then releasing the strap, it slaps loudly against her leg making her jump while releasing a high pitched whimper. Continuing the slow glide along her leg until stopping right on the outside of her panties, eagerly bucking her hips forwards her body begging for your touch while reaching upwards placing her hands on the mask pulling it off easily.

Leaning forwards your lips lingering just out of reach, she licks at them while returning the slow jerk along your cock, groaning against her mouth fingers gently rubbing along her softness the texture of lace lining the tight frame of her lips, with each rub her body reacts with pleasure by grinding against them. Feeling the underwear slowly becoming wet, sliding them to the side then running the gloved middle finger up along her slit gently pushing it between the lips, a quick flick to her clit before dipping down circling her opening then very slowly sliding the finger inside, she responds by letting out a quick quiet moan. Pumping in and out enjoying the hot tight ridged feeling of her sweetness, her hips rocking forwards begging for more as the pace along your member increases, each stroke hungry for the next her hand lined with a shining precum gloss.

Driving the finger deeper and faster watching as she responds with a slight leg twitching moan, grinning pushing another finger inside her walls open for the added thickness sliding the fingers as deep as possible pumping rapidly but barely removing them, instead keeping the deep pressure inside with your palm pressing against her clit rubbing it with each deep prod. Her juices increasing sliding up around the black glove with each pump, loving every moan she releases your own body shaking with lust, without warning shoving another finger inside. She gasps squeezing her hand around your cock, her eyes lined with pain and pleasure, knowing the third finger is stretching her wider preparing her pussy for your thick throbbing cock, she tries to continue jerking your length but the deep hard pounding of your fingers consumes all her function moaning louder, she begs to cum.

"You want to cum already? Such a naughty girl..." fingers pumping faster palm still hitting against her clit the pressure around your fingers begins periodically squeezing tight, her body spasms with the hard-deep finger fuck. Her hands grip onto the sides of the desk while she begins moaning louder and louder, just as she is about to orgasm ripping the fingers from inside her pulling strings of juices with them, her face quickly changing from pleasure to disappointment. Hand now gripping tightly to her hip, roughly spinning her around her bare chest pressing hard against the cold black table, a hand rubbing up her leg pulling the skirt up around her ass.

One hand still outstretched holding the saber securely to James's throat the other groping her exposed ass squeezing hard around the purple tinted bruises still lingering from the night before, looking over at James "do you see this, do you see her ass... those marks are from me, did she ever fuck you like that? Want to watch me create more? No? Well sorry to disappoint." Bringing back the hand then smacking it hard against her ass, the force of it pushing her body forward, her bare breasts catching along the slick table holds her in place as she lets out a loud pained whimper, rubbing softly along the now red print her body relaxes with the gentle touch. Another hard SMACK, forcing her forwards again the sound of her sticky flesh dragging against the table screeching loudly with her pained moan while she tries pushing up off the table, grabbing the place behind her neck shoving her back down pressing her face hard against the glass "I'm not finished."

Placing the hand to your mouth biting down onto the bitter leather pulling the glove off then bundling it up while reaching around "open your mouth." She stares up blankly, huffing then forcing her mouth open while shoving the glove inside pressing her jaw closed tightly "I've learned you can't be trusted to remain quiet..." hand returning to her ass the welts sliding across your fingertips, letting out a low groan "I love the shape of you, every inch more perfect than the next... seeing yourself flesh bruised by my hand... the sight of it makes me weak."

leaning down kissing and licking her ass cheek tasting the salty flesh before biting down hard. Jerking again her whine muffled by the glove, standing moving closer hand grasping tightly to her hip while slowly pressing your member along her cheeks rubbing it up and down precum lining her ass with each stroke. Reaching down grabbing onto her thong pulling hard ripping the tiny straps with ease then pulling it off, grinning then tossing them at James, watching them land at his shoes anger flashing across his face, chuckling "you're welcome, the last bit of her you'll ever have... now pay attention to these next parts watch how a real man fucks."


	56. Sparkling scarlet

Inhaling deeply taking in the view of her bound exposed body then bending down kissing up her spine along her shoulders to the softness of her neck quietly whispering "you know I love you...if it hurts too bad tap against my leg twice and I'll stop." She nods, standing back up hand grasping the eager member, slowly sliding it along her slit she holds her breath in anticipation, gently pressing it behind the folds sliding the full length inside groaning deeply the hot sticky wetness engulfing the length hugging tightly around it pulsating with lust. Holding still cock fully inserted taking a deep breath while clawing at her hip the overwhelming pleasure of her tightness threatening to bring you over the edge much quicker than planned, another quick hard smack to her ass before pulling out fully pausing for a moment then roughly slamming back inside.

The hard thrust making her shriek under the glove fueling your lust even more, pulling back again pausing for another moment watching her body stiffen waiting for the next thrust, holding still until she begins relaxing slightly, slamming back in hard your cock easily ramming against her cervix. She lets out another pained moan, looking up locking eyes with James his expression horrified while he watches you begin pounding into her each thrust hard enough to rattle the desk, grinning at him placing a hand against the table getting a better grip then thrusting harder and harder the loud smacking of your skin hitting against hers paired with her muffled moans filling the room. Watching James squirm beneath the saber creates a deep animalistic lust within, slamming hard into her not breaking eye contact each thrust ripping at her softness, grunting to the feel of her juices running down her legs the friction of the thrusts squishing them around your cock allowing each pound to slam with ease.

Leaning down kissing at her shoulders, biting down sucking at her flesh while forcing into her violently, rage and lust overpowering all emotion while hammering deep inside, your heavy body pressing her into the table with her legs dangling from behind uncontrollably shaking against yours. Taking the free hand sliding it under her hips fingers quickly finding her clit circling swiftly, she moans and purrs against the glove loving every hard pound. Breaking the seal from her shoulder licking at the dark red mark left behind, this action makes her shiver beneath you, looking back up at James in between hard thrusts saying, "you'll never touch her again." THRUST! "don't look at her." THRUST! "don't talk to her." THRUST! "don't speak to her." THRUST! "don't even think about her." THRUST! "She's mine, and I'll kill for her."

Jealousy and rage boiling inside making each pound harder and deeper than the one before the pressure on her clit increasing, in between pounds the glove slips from her mouth filling the room with her loud pained moans. Not worrying if someone hears loving every high-pitched wail, glancing up noticing James has a small lump beneath his pants, your deep voice growling "you sick fuck you're enjoying this aren't you?" He shakes his head quickly his cracked voice pleading "no! I swear I can't help it!" Laughing "it's okay James really, enjoy it... I know I am...I get to enjoy this for the rest of my life... anytime I want..." grabbing both her arms tightly pinning them against her back holding her roughly against the table using her wrists to pull deeper inside, moaning she pleads "harder! Fuck me Kylo! Make me cum!"

Pounding harder than ever before smacking deep inside, her moans quickly turning into wails of pain and pleasure, momentarily thinking about stopping but the lust overpowers thought feeling her grow wetter and wetter hot liquid running down your thighs, glancing down seeing the juices mixed with sparkling scarlet blood, cock ripping her open wide with each slamming thrust. Her walls begin clamping down hard squeezing tightly along your cock, her intoxicating orgasm drowns out the sounds of your own deep erratic grunts, groaning her name the intense fuck consuming all focus, the outstretched hand holding the saber to his throat falls onto the table holding tightly to keep yourself from collapsing, body shaking from exhaustion and pleasure with a few last deep thrusts, cock bursting inside filling her pussy with your load.

Simultaneously the ignited saber falls to the floor clanging loudly against the marble, the sounds of ecstasy quickly overpowered by the deafening sound of James screaming in pain, quickly looking up the sight of his scrunched figure with hands grasped tightly to his groin, a quick building puddle of blood forming around them on the floor a small piece of fabric lays, just underneath it the tip of his penis poking out, eyes widening now knowing what the saber just did.

A loud knock pounds on the door before it flies open, Hux comes marching in "what in the hell is going on in here! Who are you torturing now Ren!" Upon seeing the sight of James clinging to the floor blood pooling around his body Hux's focus turns looking at you his face in shock mouth hanging open, it quickly turns to anger noticing you are still balls deep inside (y/n) marching towards you yelling "this can't be real commander! I do not know what kind of freaky shit you are into but Snoke won't let this one slide! For fucks sake would the two of you get decent!"

Pulling out slowly, cum mixed with blood spills onto the table dripping down onto the floor, Hux watching horrified while somewhat gagging then turning calling out the door for troopers and medics. Pulling your pants up quickly while using the force to fling your saber back clasping it against your hip "come on (y/n) we have to get out of here." her focus locked to James she's completely frozen, grabbing the cloak from the floor wrapping it around her bruised weak body lifting it up into your arms. Stomping past Hux he yells to your back "what the hell am I supposed to do with this mess commander! With the boy!" Waving a dismissing hand "not my problem general figure it out."


	57. Aftercare

Mind completely in shock after watching Kylo's saber castrate James his panicked face seared into your mind forever along with the growing puddle of blood Kylo left him lying in while carrying your motionless body out of the room, mind and body totally confused a pain scorching between your legs mixed with the soft remaining pulsation from the intense orgasm paired with the inner battle whether or not you should feel bad for the flash of enjoyment seeing James finally get what he deserves. Looking up Kylo's sweaty face holding a cold hard expression, gently reaching out caressing his cheek "it's okay it wasn't your fault." He glances down "what?" Repeating yourself "it wasn't your fault what happened to James, you didn't know it was going to fall...don't be upset."

Returning his focus to the fast march towards his quarters harshly he says, "oh that, I don't care about him (y/n) I'm more concerned with what comes next with Snoke... I won't let him take you from me." Fear creeping in "Kylo, what do you think he'd do to me?" His jaw clenches followed by a single tear running down his cheek disappearing against your hand "he said... he said he would force me to kill you myself..." gasping while clinging onto his chest "Kylo I'm scared!" His grasp tightens "I know... Snoke isn't supposed to be back for at least a week so until then we should be in the clear... I'll just have to figure out how to get him on our side."

Relaxing just a little knowing the threat of death is not immediate "would you really kill me Kylo?" A sudden sharp pause in the walking his face darts down while lifting you closer towards him your lips met with his, he's kissing you passionately until his breathing becomes labored and he pulls back "never ask me that again, I'd die before he ever got the chance to make me." The moment cut short by Hux rounding the corner following quickly behind the two of you calling out "commander stop! What you did was unacceptable!" Kylo huffs returning the fast pace towards his room ignoring Hux who's still trying to get his attention "commander! Stop!"

Reaching his quarters, he quickly enters the passcode Hux approaching not far behind "what you did to that guy! You had better hope they can stop the bleeding and save him! You know who his grandfather was! Commander I'm talking to you!" Kylo walks through the door turning around facing the general "screw his grandpa, He was a weak excuse for a sith, and screw his now dickless grandson I hope he does bleed out he's been nothing but a pain in my ass since he arrived here. Now, I'm shutting this door DO NOT BOTHER me for anything or I'll remove yours too." Hux is left standing outside his face full of anger and fear watching the metal hatches swing shut, once inside the vast silence consumes the two of you.

Hyper-focusing onto his rapid breathing kissing his chest softly "Kylo it's okay, it's just you and me for the next week don't let Hux ruin what might be our final moments together..." his demeanor stiffens "it won't be our final moments, I'd abandon the order before that could happen." He gently sets you down, once your feet touch the floor and his grasp releases your legs give out, fumbling while grabbing at his clothes trying to stop from collapsing to the floor. Quickly he's grabbed onto your waist holding you steady "are you okay?!" Nodding with a slight smile "it's your fault, you literally fucked me numb."

Picking you back up he wraps your legs around his waist carrying you to his bed where he softly sets you on the edge, kneeling down he kisses your forehead then nose then lips "wait here." Watching him walk towards the bathroom calling out "doesn't look like I could go anywhere if I wanted too?" After a few long moments he returns fully nude, chuckling "oh, hello." swiftly pulling you into his arms again while tenderly kissing at your exposed shoulders moving closer towards the bathroom the easier it is to smell the familiar eucalyptus scent filling the air, breathing in deeply "mmm...I love that smell so much.. it used to remind me of home from when I was a child one of my only happy memories I can recall from then... but now... I love it because it reminds me of you."

Inside the bathroom noticing he's ran a bath full to the brim with overflowing bubbles the calming scent rising with the steam "Kylo I don't think I can stand long enough to bathe you right now...I'm sorry." He chuckles "sometimes I really do wonder where your thought process comes from... I didn't run this for me... I ran it for us." Blushing with a large smile forming "really?" He places you on the edge of the counter while slowly unbuckling the leather clasp holding the corset to your body it's removal releasing your perked breasts he watches as they fall into a more natural placement, his hand slowly gliding the backs of his fingers around their shape "you're so beautiful..." he leisurely removes the torn shirt tossing it to the floor then pulling down at your skirt lifting your hips up easily tugging it down to the floor, un-clipping the little metal clasps holding the garter to the stockings then slowly unrolling and sliding them off your legs.

His hand moving up your calf along your inner thigh before he stops abruptly, pulling his hand back looking at the sticky blood lining his fingers and palm his face immediately frowning the remorse in his eyes very visible "shit (y/n) I'm so sorry... I did not mean to hurt you that badly I don't know what came over me... in that moment knowing I finally had you all to myself... I wanted to prove to James that I ..." interrupting him "Kylo I know, it is okay... truly... I swear. I loved every moment of it... every single...moment."

His frown slowly forms into a smile, lifting you up one arm wrapped around your frame the other pulling off the remaining garter belt while he walks towards the bathtub, gently lowering your body into the water asking "is that too hot?" Replying quietly "no it's perfect" once satisfied that you are safely within the tub he slowly climbs in behind wrapping his arms around your figure pulling your body tight against his whispering quietly along your neck "I love every moment of you... you mean everything to me... it all makes sense when I'm with you... I love you my monarch goddess."


	58. Holding this memory forever

Steam rising from the tub creates a foggy atmosphere clouding the bathroom, back pressed tightly against him the gentle rise and fall of his chest softly pressing into your skin, each time it sends small tingling ripples throughout. Enjoying the thick silence, every now and then he breathes deeply almost as if something is bothering him, slowly interlocking your fingers with his "what's wrong?" Snapping out of his trance gently kissing your shoulder "nothing, don't worry about it." He kisses you again slower this time "telling me not to worry about it only makes me worry about it more... talk to me."

Running his free hand up your hip along your torso gently grazing across your breasts until the hand is resting on the top of your shoulder squeezing tightly holding a strong grip, his breath slightly labored paired with the light tremble of his body. Pulling his hand up kissing all around, along each finger each knuckle slowly moving up his arm making sure each kiss lingers "I love you, tell me what's bothering you, is it James? I'm sure he'll be okay." Chuckling against your shoulder "how many times do I have to tell you I could care less about him, what happened to him was long overdue." Pulling back, he questions "are you worried about him?"

Grabbing his arms tugging him back around while shaking your head "absolutely not, I mean I'm a little concerned with what comes next but honestly... I kind of enjoyed watching him squirm you're such a bad influence on me Kylo, you know that?" Smiling against your skin "is that so? Am I creating a little murderer? Are you coming to the dark side? Maybe sometime I can show you how to handle a real weapon, (reaching down grabbing the little kyber necklace in his fingers, swinging it playfully) maybe even a saber... we would be unstoppable...I can see it now... Supreme leader Ren and his queen, rulers of the galaxy."

The excitement in his tone fades, sighing deeply before replying "the truth is... all my life the moment I become happy...genuinely happy... something always happens, and it's ripped away from me. I fear this bliss is temporary and before I know it something is going to take you from me, or I'll mess it up myself and you'll leave... which I wouldn't blame you..." wrapping your own arms around his squeezing his grip tighter "I will never leave you, and we are going to get Snoke on our side don't worry everything will work out... and if it doesn't, then we can just leave... flee into the galaxy find our own little planet and never worry about anything ever again." Kissing your shoulders he whispers, "I'd give this all up for you...it means nothing if you aren't by my side, without you I am nothing."

Motioning his hand a bottle of soap across the room floats towards the tub, grabbing it squirting some into his palms collecting the suds gently pressing them along your back scrubbing in slow circular motions making sure not to miss a single spot. Relaxing enjoying the cleanse slowly leaning back against his chest as his hands move up over your shoulders one moves along your chest scrubbing at your breasts the other slides up around your throat his fingers slowly massaging and softly squeezing a few times the lustful intent behind the gesture fills your stomach with butterflies, leaning closer his lips kissing at the lobe of your ear with hot breath he says "I can't believe you're mine... all mine."

Holding you close his face resting on your shoulder moving his hands down he tenderly cleans your thighs, reaching between your legs compassionately he begins washing away the remains of blood and cum. Body slightly twitching from the touch although gentle your skin is very raw and sore, he watches the water around his fingers turn a tinted red before fading back to normal, freezing gripping tightly to your tight, knowing his thoughts before he says them "Kylo it's okay, I'm okay quit beating yourself up about it."

Pulling from his grasp turning facing him, sliding your legs around his hips resting on top of his lap, staring deep into his hazel eyes watching them dart across your face "I loved every second of it, I asked for it and I'll ask for it again (a quick peck) and again (peck) and again." puckering his lips to speak "I know but..." cutting him off your lips press into his kissing passionately. Running one hand up along your back the other clasping onto your face he kisses back, your bodies swaying to the pace of the small breaths escaping between the lustful act. In this very moment you are so happy nothing else matters forgetting all about James and Snoke, every part of you engraving this memory into your mind forever. 

The sight of your bodies wet and soapy clinging onto each other his large hands holding tight the longing and fear easily felt through their grasp, the smell of eucalyptus filling your lungs with each gasp forced between the make out, hearing the water quietly sloshing against the friction of your lustful grinds into each other, tasting his lips as they interlock with yours, the soft touch of his hot skin pressing into yours his wet hair tickling along your collar bones, watching it all from outside yourself.

Reluctantly pulling back the both of you breathing hard, leaning down laying your head against his shoulder arms wrapped tightly around him, the room turns silent again the gentle sway of water relaxes along your thighs. Kissing his neck softly a few times tasting the sweet salty mix upon his skin while running a hand up filling your grasp with his locks twisting them around your fingers, quietly dipping a loofa into the water he slowly runs it over your body rinsing the soap off then slides it up your spine squeezing warm water down your back repeating this gesture soothingly until the twisting along his hair gradually stops, your conscious slowly drifting sweetly to sleep in his arms feeling happier and more content than you've ever felt before.


	59. I already do

Holding tightly until the water begins to turn cold, gentle nudging wakes you while he pushes some hair behind your ear "I'm sorry but the water is getting cold." Nuzzling back into him, pouting "just a little while longer..." gently he pushes against your hips sliding you from his lap "there is plenty more to come, somewhere warm though." Standing fumbling with a towel drying himself off then gesturing for you to stand, sluggishly complying he wraps the towel around with one swift motion he's pulled you up into his arms carrying you to the bed. Pulling the covers back softly laying you against the silk sheets, crawling next to you he opens his arms while tugging you into them "see, isn't this better?" Snuggling onto his warm slightly damp chest murmuring "I was perfectly fine before, but this is good too as long as I'm with you."

kissing your forehead holding his lips in place speaking softly "what did you think of me the first time we met?" Letting out a quiet chuckle "what?" Pulling back facing you "the day we met in the conference room, what did you think?" Pausing for a moment thinking of a gentle way to say this "umm... well truthfully I thought you were an asshole." His expression frowns, kissing him quickly "don't act surprised Kylo you were an asshole... but even still you had this effect on me, as much as you frightened me I only wanted to know more...and I'm glad I got too. Why what did you think of me?" His frown slowly turns into a smile "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were trouble, or well that I was in trouble. I knew that I wanted you, I needed you, it pained me to think you'd never be mine... who knew all it took was some Ill-timed masturbation and your poor ability to hide it."

Immediately blushing hard, huffing then turning around facing away "not funny!" Sliding against you wrapping his arm around your waist digging it underneath the towel gently gripping onto your hip "oh come on there is no denying that you were a dirty little servant, you wanted to get caught... besides if you hadn't been who's arms do you think you'd be laying in right now?" The thought of Kylo replaced with James makes you want to gag "okay you're right... but still how about we find a more romantic story to tell people about what brought us together." Laughing he kisses your neck "but I quite like that story... okay fine how about the time I left for a few months and the only thing keeping me alive was the thought of returning home to you but....oh wait this ones better, how about the time I nearly choked you to death? You know now that I'm talking about it out loud are we really a good match?"

Turning around swiftly giving him the dirtiest look then twisting a smile across your face "you know what? You're exactly right what was I thinking?" Pulling away gradually sliding out of bed the pained gasp from behind letting you know it worked, standing the towel falls to the floor just as his hand grasps onto your wrist pulling you back into bed quickly he's on top his hips spreading your legs far apart he presses his body down onto yours, kissing the middle of your breasts up your chest along your collar bone he then licks up to your neck. The sensation makes you shiver beneath him "not the type of reaction someone has when they aren't connected to the other you know, if you wanna leave then leave ... what's stopping you?" Laughing "Well technically you are... literally..." staring down grabbing onto your arm he flips onto his back pulling you on top of him "nothings stopping you now." Grinning "you're right." Acting as if you are going to pull off him, his large hands grip tightly on either side of your hips "you're joking right? Don't go I was playing..." laughing while leaning down kissing his chest up to his neck relaxing your body letting it fall gently on top of his, whispering into his ear "I'm not going anywhere, I love you." 

Holding him tight your legs relaxing around his waist sliding your feet down beside his thighs one arm resting beneath your head holding it up the other wrapped behind his neck hugging tightly, he kisses your neck while leisurely running his fingertips along your back. The tingling sensation paired with the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest quickly begins bringing you back to the brink of slumber, kissing his cheek "Kylo I'm trying to stay awake but I don't think I can much longer..." hugging you firmly "it's okay my love... I know you must be tired; I'll be right here when you wake up." Sluggishly trying to move to the spot beside him he stops you holding tightly "I'm enjoying this...I'll move you if I need too." Kissing his cheek again your weak hand turning his face towards yours stealing slow heavy kisses before resting against his chest, one hand returns the gentle strokes along your back the other pulls the covers up and over the both of you.

Caressing softly until he's pretty sure that you have fallen deeply a sleep he begins whispering quietly "when someone asks me how we got together I'm going to tell them from the very moment I laid eyes on you my heart stopped, your beauty simultaneously stole the air from my lungs and ignited the fire within my veins. Every moment I spent away from you was more painful than all the betrayal I've faced thus far, I truly believe you were brought to me by something unexplainable...I will tell them it was you who made me stronger, you who helped more than anything or anyone in preparing me for leadership. And for the very few that would understand this...I would tell them...a hidden part of me begs to be released when I'm around you....(speaking even quieter) I wonder would you love Kylo and Ben...." surprising him by hugging tighter and very softly whispering into his ear "I already do..."


	60. Who's in charge

A quiet grunt interrupts your slumber, noticing you are still laying peacefully on top of Kylo one of his hands rests on the small of your back while the other is gently intertwined in your hair his face turned towards the free spot on the bed with lips slightly frowning while he releases another low grunt paired with a slight twitch, his hand falls from your back muffled voice whines "no.. this can't be... she was...." a few moments of silence pass before he lets out one last word "mine..." The expression on his face growing more upset as his breathing becomes labored realizing now that he must be having an awful nightmare, rising a hand softly caressing his cheek whispering quietly "Kylo... Kylo wake up, it's just a dream wake up."

His eyes fling open frantically they search the darkness until focusing on your figure gasping he says "you're okay" quickly pulling your face to his pressing his lips roughly against yours kissing as if he's been deprived of it for years, breaking the kiss for only a moment he slurs "I thought I lost you..." without hesitation his lips are glued to yours again while he wraps his arms around your frame squeezing tight his whole body quivering beneath you. Speaking against his mouth "what, I'm fine I'm right here I'm not going anywhere you should know by now I'll never leave you." Pulling back dropping his head against the pillow looking off into the darkness, watching him intently noticing a few strands of hair stick to his forehead the moon illuminates the shiny sweat running down his temple your eyes following until it collides with a single tear falling down his cheek, sighing deeply "you didn't leave... you were taken from me."

Reaching out turning his face towards you "no one is taking me anywhere; they'd have to kill me first." A quick flash of fear crosses his face his eyes widen momentarily before shaking his head "it was just a dream... you're mine forever." Smiling kissing him softly "forever and ever even when we die, I'm going to haunt your ghost, you'll never be able to rid of me." Forcing out a chuckle he smiles although the anxiety is still lingering within, relaxing against him resting your head on his chest then sliding both arms underneath they rest along his back holding yourself tightly in place, staring out the large windows enjoying the quiet snow fall along the panes the room is silent again, a few moments go by before his breathing slowly begins returning to normal.

At least thirty minutes pass the two of you stuck in place your mind tranced by the scenery outside his tranced somewhere deep in his subconscious he hasn't moved an inch, slowly beginning to drift back to sleep his touch pulling you from the brink. Leisurely his hand rests on your thigh where it faintly strokes, with each brush it moves higher before returning to the initial placement, enjoying the tingle small hairs rise in response. The next stroke his hand continues gliding upwards skimming across your ass it pauses for a moment, stretching out his fingers inhaling deeply very slowly squeezing he lets out a low groan while sliding the hand up further resting along your hip holding it in place he brings his other hand up setting it on the other hip.

Holding tightly his grip flexing and releasing repeatedly, the tension in the room thick your own body rigid against his waiting in anticipation for what comes next, breaking the silence "Kylo it's okay, you're upset you don't have to try and hide it with sex..." sighing deeply "everything feels so numb right now except my soul...it begs for you...begs to feel you...to feel anything good right now..." Gradually pushing your hips downwards pressing his stiff length against your softness, gripping onto the muscles along his back nuzzling your face into the space between his shoulder and neck letting small breaths fall onto his skin, your own flushing a hot, sensations traveling from your cheeks down to the spot between your legs. Kissing at his neck sucking softly enjoying the slight throb bumping into your folds, humming against him lust building, pressing your lips tighter biting down drawing his flesh into your mouth.

This action immediately makes him groan his grip squeezes tighter while his member springs up hitting against your ass, sitting up straight resting one hand onto his thigh the other reaches back grasping his cock pressing it against your ass while stroking it slowly. His low groan makes you shudder "I love how vocal you are... it's so sexy." He groans again while moving a hand off your hip sliding it between your legs resting four fingers on your mound he slides his thumb between your lips immediately finding your clit rubbing it gently, yourself releasing a small moan he grins "It's even better when you are." Continuing swirling his thumb around your clit he lifts his other hand up cupping a breast in his palm kneading it lustfully, leisurely rocking your hips back and forth grinding into the pleasure of his touch his cock slides up and down between your ass cheeks your hand keeping it pressed in place is slowly getting hot and sticky with precum.

Increasing the pressure and pace around your clit he pinches your nipple between two fingers twisting it lightly, body reacting you release a sharp gasp which is quickly hushed from biting your bottom lip "mmm Kylo..." lifting up, his cock falls downwards resting against his pelvis, taking the hand between your legs placing it on the other breast small hand making his large hand knead that one too while sitting back down your lips folding over his cock you begin grinding along its length mixing both erotic juices he groans "mmmm (y/n)..." looking down he's staring up watching your body rocking against him, his dark hair falls against the silk pillows framing his strong masculine features his eyes slightly furrowed intently glued on your naked figure, looking down to his barely parted lips as they let deep hushed breaths escape then further down to his neck with tensed muscles guiding the way to his chiseled chest lightly decorated by a soft red glow.

Resting a hand on his shoulder lifting up again your other hand quickly maneuvers his member straight up, before he can even grasp what's happening you lower yourself down sliding his thickness inside little by little, squeezing your breasts he grunts quickly as his body jerks to the sudden increased pleasure. Once he is fully inside stopping for a moment savoring the feeling of being stuffed by his cock it's throbbing need begging for more, obeying it's request by moving your hips up and down sliding him in and out. His hands fall from your breasts to your hips where he eagerly helps push himself further inside, keeping the slow pace until he grasps tighter pulling at your hips urging them faster, moaning softly "you want more do you?" Thrusting himself deep he pauses, sucking in a long breath "I want it all."

Placing both hands on his chest your hips rock faster pumping his cock in and out, releasing more moans "anything for my commander." Smug enjoyment strewn across his face "you like being a man of power, don't you?" He groans closing his eyes only letting out a stern "yes" between deep grunts, rocking faster your hips simultaneously going back and forth but also rotating, spinning his cock around your core while pumping it deep inside this makes him jerk again, deep moans paired with a quiet "fuck" moaning into the night "open your eyes commander, I want you to look at me while I take charge." His eyes fling open while his lips curl "haven't you learned by now you're never really in charge?"

Swiftly one hand is at your throat while the force begins lapping at your clit, the hurried circling electrifies your insides while only small moans escape his tight hold around your neck "that's right, give into me I want you to cum all over this commanding cock." Bouncing hard and fast your ass smacking against his thighs he squeezes tighter while the force twirls faster, your own body growing weak from pleasure he thrusts himself into you pounding hard along your cervix. Your walls begging clamping down around his thickness orgasming hard on top of him, with each pulsate of your core he grunts while jerking rhythmically, releasing your throat so the cold air fills with the sounds of your gasping climax. Suddenly he's twisted you around slamming you to the bed where he quickly pulls out from inside, stroking his own cock he hunches over erratically jerking groaning loud while cumming quick the hot sticky load instantly covers your face as the sounds of his moans break, he says "I'm in charge..."

Sitting back, he admires your cum covered face, reaching for the sheet to wipe it off his hand stops you "no, with your tongue." Pausing for a moment then lustfully grinning, slowly licking around your lips pulling his seed into your mouth your fingers pushing the rest inside as well. He watches closely, once finished his hand rises with his finger, he scoops up a drop remaining on your collar bone then pushes it between your lips sliding it along your tongue "every...last...drop." Once satisfied that you have cleaned the mess happily, he stands pulling at your hand "where are we going?" He chuckles "to clean up properly this time, I'm bringing you with me today, while I work." Following him to the bathroom grinning 'finally to be seen as his lover and not just a servant."


	61. Heavily implied

Following him into the bathroom the two of you share a quick refreshing shower, stepping out before you allowing you to finish washing up. Once done, walking out of the shower he's standing by the door holding a towel open waiting patiently, smiling while walking into his embrace he begins drying off your body running the towel around your chest and stomach down both legs then slides it up around the back where he wraps it tightly around your figure. Swiftly he places one arm around your waist dipping it below your ass then easily scoops you up tossing you onto his shoulder, giggling while he walks back into the bedroom with a playful smack on your butt he flops you down onto the bed before heading towards the closet.

Still lying there slightly stunned by the sillier side he is displaying but enjoying every second of it "someone's in a good mood today I see." Calling out from the pits of his closet "I'm excited." Scooting to the edge standing then creeping in behind him scrunching as close as possible without being heard "why are you so excited?" Jumping he drops the handful of clothes he was gathering, smoothly turning a wicked grin lines his face as he walks slowly towards you, not stopping with each step back he continues forward until you are pinned against layers of garments. Looking down his face barely visible against the poorly lit closet surrounded by nothing but dark clothes, for half a second his demeanor is very intimidating, that is until he leans in stealing a slow playful kiss. "You know most people would probably refrain from trying to spook me, I can't tell if you're brave or naïve."

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders standing tall on your tippy toes trying to be eye level with him but still only reaching up to his nose "I'm not scared of you, bring it on." Chuckling, without hesitation he's slid one leg behind yours swooping it under, your body quickly falls down to the floor landing in the pile of clothes he was just holding and before you have a chance to move he's flung his saber into his grasp pointing it down in your direction igniting it forcefully. Gasping then pushing yourself as far against the clothes as possible watching the bright red blades light up the dark closet, looking up Kylo's figure is illuminated by its glow he's standing tall one hand dropped to the side the other pointing the saber at you. Any sane person would be terrified but all you can think is how silly he looks standing above in only a small towel that's poorly wrapped around his waist with the prominent v line peeking out, smiling wickedly slowly you begin sitting up moving your face closer towards the saber watching as he tries to remain in charge slowly stepping back he's surprised to see you keep following calling his bluff, knowing he failed recoiling the blade "see I'm not afraid of you." Staring he reaches out a hand, grabbing it he pulls you up promptly "you have no idea what I could do with this saber, but...I'll refrain. Besides, we need to get dressed we are going to be late."

Picking up the clothes walking out of the closet he lays them out on the bed, for himself his usual uniform wondering 'does he ever wear anything different?' And then noticing he's picked an outfit out for you as well, a pair of leather pants and a black lacy top that closely resembles something you'd wear in the bedroom, next to it is a black formal coat that has two buttons near the middle "what do you want me to look like your apprentice?" Frowning he says "you don't like it? I thought it would suit you well, to me it says leader but with a little bit of seduction added in giving me something nice to look at while trying to command these idiots." Dropping your towel standing naked for a moment, his eyes slowly checking out every inch "no I love it, makes me feel like someone important. Also if you don't get a good enough peek just think, all of this is hidden beneath those clothes..." still staring he reaches down adjusting his towel "get dressed, we don't have time for that...right now."

After both of you are finally dressed walking towards the door "hey can we run by my quarters?" Pausing he says, "I thought these were your quarters now?" Awkwardly laughing "well I mean you never officially said it was final..." interlocking his leather-bound hand with yours "I am not hiding you anymore, what's mine is yours and you are mine. I don't care who knows it." Stomach filling up with butterflies "finally...." he darts a quick glance at you before pulling his hand away sliding on his helmet "I'm joking! But really can I just grab a few things?" Nodding opening the hatch he gestures for you to go first, walking down the halls your heels clicking along the marble followed by his loud stomps.

Once rounding the corner coming down the servant's hallway the few people leaving for duty stop and stare watching the newly outed power couple stride by, the feeling of supremacy quickly going to your head. Arriving at the old familiar door pausing for a moment "this used to be the only place I felt safe on this base... and now... the only place that feels that good is with you." Sliding his hand around your waist he pushes the button to the hatches; they swing open revealing the unchanged room with the bed sheets still pulled back from the last time you slept in them. Walking inside grabbing a bag from the closet you begin shoving makeup and jewelry inside followed by some more undergarments making sure to grab all the super sexy ones, striding up behind reaching his hands around your waist pressing his large frame into yours rummaging through the drawers he grabs a pair from the very back pulling it out he says "don't forget these, they look fun."

Chuckling at the barely there lace panties noticing the crotch is completely missing, turning around facing him "wait, you had all of this stuff pre placed in my room right?" Deep voice from behind the mask "yes..." your expression confused but playful "so tell me, why were these in here? Did you just think I was going to end up sleeping with you?" Pressing himself further against you sliding a hand up your stomach playful fingers grazing your breasts the hand continues until it's gently around your throat, tilting your head up he slides his thumb across your bottom lip dragging it along lustfully, a low vibrating response "You were to be my servant after all...I was preparing for anything." Playfully teasing him "what were you going to make me fuck you after a long hard day?" Pausing with suspense "do you want me to answer that?" Eyes widening pouting your lips to speak with one finger raised towards his face, hushing you "you know I would have never forced it, only heavily implied."

Finally finished grabbing everything you needed both of you head out the door, stopping looking off towards James's room pausing for longer than Kylo likes, he tugs a little roughly at your arm "come...now." Snapping out of it quickly following beside him but mind still bogged finally breaking the silence "Do you think he died?" The grip on your arm tightens then slowly releases "I know it's bugging you for reasons I don't understand, but we will find out today okay?" Satisfied with his answer, happily walking beside him towards the commanding office making a quick stop to drop off the bag of belongings in Kylo's... now your quarters.


	62. Not first but last

Striding up towards the doors noticing on each side are three large masked men the same ones seen guarding around Kylo before, squeezing his hand tightly "who are they?" He responds "they are my knights; they protect me and do anything I say. We've had to increase security recently... we've been having a slight problem with the resistance trying to infiltrate our plans, but don't worry she won't get away with it." Immediately cocking your head to the side "she?" Passing the knights they slowly turn watching you from behind their helmets their dark unnerving appearance paired with the way each of them cling onto various oddly shaped weapons holding them in an intimidating manner noticing a few of them gripping tighter as you pass, it is enough to make you scoot closer to Kylo gripping his hand tightly momentarily forgetting all about the resistance girl.

Once inside finally releasing your breath, Kylo notices "what's wrong?" Turning around making sure the door is shut "those guys give me the creeps, I'm pretty sure they wanted to murder me." Chuckling he removes his helmet placing it on the table "it's probably more of the fact that you were with me, they've never seen me with a woman for more than a night." Eyeing him "ahem, excuse me?" Leaning against the table he calmly says "are you surprised? Did you think you were my first?" Frowning crossing your arms "no, obviously not with the way you know how to... (rolling your eyes) ugh no I didn't! I just don't want to think about you and other girls." Reaching his hand out for you to take it, reluctantly grasping it pulling you close against him slowly running two cold leather fingers down your cheek "you weren't my first, but you'll be my last... and if it helps...you're my favorite too." Smiling but giving him attitude huffing then turning around "yeah well you aren't my favorite so..." feeling him rise from behind his heavy breath skimming along the back of your neck he slowly begins to say something just as the doors open and Hux comes marching in.

Immediately pulling away from Kylo standing next to the desk, Hux stops rolling his eyes dramatically "seriously you two?! What is this the order of adolescence? Why is she here to begin with? You know we are supposed to discuss the plans moving forward on the scavenger." Kylo slowly walks around the desk sitting in his large chair placing both elbows on the table finally looking up at Hux who's waiting impatiently "she is just as important to the order as I am, if I need to remind you to respect her one more time Hux...." quickly he's striding towards you where he reluctantly bows "my apologies, won't happen again...(under his breath) that is until Snoke returns." With a quick swish of his wrist Hux flies across the room smacking into the wall "I heard that!" Kylo growls, watching Hux struggle to stand yourself quietly giggling. "I need you to find out what happened to the boy, you know the one left bleeding out the other day, don't report back to me until you have." Hesitantly he replies, "but sir we have more important things to discuss, there is word that the girl knows where to find Skywalker." Anger laced in his voice Kylo shouts "now general!" Rushing out of the room grumbling to himself Hux leaves, turning towards Kylo "if I need to go I can, it seems like something pretty important is going on and you need to focus." turning in the chair now facing you he pats his leg "come here." Slowly walking towards him sitting lightly on his lap, he brushes stray hairs behind your ear "nothing is more important than you are, she is nothing, she means nothing. She's a simple scavenger girl who's somehow come in contact with a particular droid I've been looking for, nothing more." Smiling curiously asking "why is it so important to find your uncle?" Snapping he says "he's not my uncle. Not anymore, not after...." his thoughts trail off momentarily "I'm going to kill him, to finish what I should have a long time ago."

A few hours go by with Kylo meeting various order members they discuss plans, weapons, ships etc. yourself finding this incredibly boring for some reason you thought the commander's job would be more....'violent?' Most of the time is spent sitting either next to Kylo or staring out the big windows overlooking the docking bay watching all the troopers marching back and forth, finally the last member leaves shutting the door loudly behind him, the room fills with silence as Kylo releases a long deep sigh. Turning around noticing his head is dropped into his palms with fingers rubbing at his temples, coming up behind him softly placing your hands on his shoulders you begin gently rubbing them "I'm sorry you are having such a stressful day, I don't know what half of the things you talked about meant but even what I could understand was giving me a headache." Releasing a sigh, he sits back resting his head against your chest, massaging his shoulders and neck lovingly until he grasps on your hands gently tugging guiding you to stand in front of him.

Pressing his face into your stomach his hands glide up your thighs holding tightly onto your hips with fingertips barely touching the top of your butt speaking softly into the fabric of your blouse "I have to find him (y/n)... he's ruined my entire life... I killed my own father trying to find him...his existence is tearing me apart...I must destroy him." With the final words his grip tightens so hard you let out a pained gasp, quickly releasing the grip he looks up checking to make sure you are okay. Running both hands through his hair calming him "you will find him, I know you will after all you're Kylo Ren do you know the kind of reputation you have?" Leaning down cupping his face in your hands your lips meet, kissing slowly each small release only met with another lustful pressing together, speaking softly against his lips "I hate when you are upset, I only want to see you happy...to make you happy."

Swiftly he's lifted you up setting you on the table without breaking the kiss or even standing, his hands rest on your knees before slowly sliding up. With one large hand placed securely on your thigh the other reaches up with two fingers he's easily unsnapped both buttons holding your blazer together, eagerly both hands slide behind your hips scooting you closer towards him as his mouth begins traveling down your neck kissing and licking at the cleavage that's barely covered by the lace top he chose. He begins kissing at the plump exposed portion of your breast cupping it in his hand massaging playfully, just as you begin giving into his touch your skin feels like fire and your stomach flutters with every rapid increasing beat of your heart he pulls away leaving you hungry for more staring at him as if he's just broken your heart. Standing he wipes his mouth chuckling at your hurt expression "come on I have somewhere I want to show you."


	63. I love you too

Frustrated you stand re-buttoning the shirt "this places better be worth it because that was so cruel." laughing he says "I know I'm sorry, but you said you wanted to see me happy so I'm going to show you somewhere that make me happy here." Pausing momentarily "ugh you win, how can I say no to that face?" Following him out of the room walking fast past the scary knights catching up to Kylo, he walks down past all the quarters, the cafeteria, the docking bay, until he's reached a door clamped tightly shut.

Twisting the hatch it opens revealing the most beautiful terrace overlooking the snow lined forest, almost gasping realizing it's exactly like the drawing he made of your wedding, gesturing for you to go first he holds the doors open. Walking outside slowly feeling the snow crunch beneath your feet taking in the beautiful scenery, it's large open space covered by intricate metal frames all in gorgeous mysterious shapes with dead wines handing from the open spaces between them covering every inch of it, most people would consider it ugly but you are speechless. The way they canopy around the open balcony framing it perfectly around three large open structured windows that perfectly capture the suns soft glow, walking closer towards them noticing the vines are all covered in beautiful red thorns.

Standing against the window looking out staring at the snow fall he takes the place beside you, setting his hand on top of yours "I found this place when I first arrived here, it's been unkept for a very long time but I always like it that way. It's beautiful and peaceful but also closed off and a little sad." Looking up at him giggling "almost like you...this place (glancing around) it's like your picture..." his face changes into confusion "you saw that? When?" Blushing hard "the night at the hospital...I'm sorry I couldn't help it I was just curious...the art was so beautiful but nothing compares to the real thing..." looking out onto the trees below he says "I had hoped this could be a surprise for you, I wanted you to love this place as much as I do. It's one of my only solace's, I'd spend hours out here training or writing in my journals trying to figure out exactly who I was to become." Sliding between him and the rail slowly wrapping your arms around his frame hugging tightly "I do love it, it's beautiful and dark if you haven't guessed that's sort of what I'm into. If we get married there is no place I'd rather be when it happens." Kissing the top of your head he folds his cloak over your shoulders wrapping it snugly around "when we get married."

At least an hour goes by the two of you resting along the edge warmly comforted by his embrace watching the snow fall slowly covering the outside of his cloak, breaking the silence "I love you too." He pulls back looking confused "What?" Not knowing why he seems so on edge all of a sudden "what do you mean what? I'm telling you I love you too?" Tilting his head, he replies "I didn't say I love you..." scrunching your nose "yes you did, I heard it clear as you're speaking now." Intently staring "I didn't say it...I thought it... but how could you have known that? Unless...?" Blinking a few times "unless what? I'm so confused?" Cupping you're face in his hands the cloak falls from your shoulders lining the floor with fresh snow "(y/n) you just read my mind. Do you know what that means?" Squished face staring blankly back at him "I'm losing my mind?"

Tugging at your hand walking briskly back inside "no, it means you could be force sensitive." Pulling your figure behind him swiftly heading down several halls "Kylo where are you taking me?!" Turning a corner seeing the medical ward come into view "we need to draw your blood I want to have it tested, do you know what this could mean?" Following behind "I mean I've always been told it would have something to do with being a Jedi but... I'm not exactly on the Jedi side, am I?" Arriving at the doors he knocks loudly "no, luckily you're with me and I can teach you how to harness the force even better than they ever could have." The doors swing open as Yasmine stands staring at the two of you, Kylo's hand gripped tightly to yours his expression showing excitement with yours showing confusion and fear she glances down at the floor slowly getting soaked by the remaining snow now melting off his cloak "well hello you two, what a nice surprise how can I help you?"

Quickly Kylo blurts "I need her blood tested I want to check her midi-chlorian count." Shocked at his response she says, "are you sure I mean I can but why?" Impatiently he grows "because I asked you too, inform me of the results right away." handing you off to her he turns walking out of the ward "Kylo where are you going?" Without turning around, he says "I need to focus, to do some research I'll be back." Turning around facing Yasmine "uh...well hello again I guess let's do the middlecloraline test or whatever he said." Laughing "no, my dear it's midi-chlorian and I guess we shall, come follow me." Walking behind her she goes into a small room closing the door behind you, gathering some supplies she asks for your arm before gently sticking a needle inside drawing your blood.

While labeling it she says "well I'm glad to see you again, I wasn't sure what happened after that guy was brought in." Gasping "what guy? James? He's here? He's alive?" Nodding her head pointing to the room across the hall "yep, barely but he's in there. He lost a lot of blood, but we were able to save him, I heard that Kylo freaked out and tried to kill him, but his wounds tell another story." Blushing hard "uh...yeah it was a little more than just that...but I guess I'm a little glad he didn't die, don't get me wrong he deserved it but I didn't really want to be responsible for his death." Nodding she places a small gauze pad on your arm then wraps it a few times "so why does the commander want to know your count anyways?" Shrugging "he thinks I read his mind, but he's just being foolish obviously I don't have any connection to the force, I'm an adult I would think it would have surfaced by now."

Raising an eyebrow "well actually, the force can lay dormant for many years sometimes it takes a certain event or sometimes your mind is closed off to the idea completely, everyone has the ability to be force sensitive but only a few truly harness it's powers." Staring at her confused "so this test, what will it tell us?" Looking down at the little vial of blood "this tests your midi-chlorian levels, it basically indicates if you have more amounts than others giving and even better idea if you'll be able to use the force or not." Starting to understand "so you're telling me that I could potentially move stuff and use a cool saber like Kylo?" Giggling "well in a sense yes, but that requires training and years of it. But I'm sure your commander will be happy to oblige." Scooting off the exam table "well thank you, I'm going to try and go find Kylo...maybe try to read his mind again."

Opening the exam room door she allows you to walk out first, thanking her again she tells you "let the commander know it could take a little while for the results to come back but as soon as I know, he'll know." Nodding while heading towards the door stopping directly by the room where James is stationed trying to resist but failing, pausing for a moment glancing inside seeing that he is asleep, his body is bandaged pretty heavily from the waist down. Just as you were about to turn away his eyes open locking focus onto you his fixed expression quickly fades to rage once noticing who's staring back at him, suddenly his machines start beeping rapidly the heart rate increases sixty-eight, eighty-eight, one hundred and six to one hundred and twenty two. Stumbling backwards crashing into the nurse's station Yasmine is quick behind rushing into his room "what happened?!" Darting off in the opposite direction "I don't know! I'm not sticking around to find out either!"


	64. Returning to the glass room

Two days have passed since Kylo freaked out about your apparent mind reading, nothing special has happened between now and then so you are mostly convinced he actually said it and didn't realize it. The blood results have not come back yet either so there is no for sure answer, but you did tell Kylo about James being alive and how he sort of freaked out upon seeing you. Kylo assured you that it meant nothing and that you are safe with him, today has been uneventful while Kylo was doing his usual commanding business you've been doing all of the piling laundry and cleaning the neglected quarters the two of you now share, thinking about that brings a wide smile across your face. It's been nice to have a little time alone in his... well our quarters, he gave you full permission to redecorate any way you'd like, for the most part you've left everything the same only having a few troopers add the vanity from your old room into the bathroom it fits nicely snug in a corner.

You have also charged a few new pieces of furniture to his account 'hope he doesn't mind when he finds that one out.' Adding a beautiful black and red velvet méridienne couch along other end of the room, and also adding some canopy posts to his bed having quiet enjoyed the romantic secluded feel of your old one. Another nice surprise was getting to see Doris she was down the hall by the laundry room when she noticed you struggling to carry three full baskets of clothes, rushing to help "my dear, here let me help why are you so behind on laundry?!" Sort of giggling "um well it's been an eventful past few weeks, I'll leave it at that..." standing there questioning your vague response "well anyhow I'm happy to see you up and about that scare you put us through a little while back was awful, and now I'm enduring it all over again with that sweet young man what's his name...Jason? Jamie?" Disgusts in your voice "James..." nodding "yes, yes that's it whatever happened to that poor boy is awful, the doctors are saying he may never regain function of his...well his nether regions. Didn't you two used to be together if I'm not mistaken?" Rolling your eyes "uh, yeah we were unfortunately. Listen Doris he's not who he says he is and frankly I hope he doesn't regain function he's a manipulative creep, I know you mean well but please try to leave him alone he's not worth your kindness." She pauses for a moment "okay dear.... I'll take your word for it, anyways it was very nice to see you I must be off now please don't be a stranger and stop by sometime and give the commander my regards I do miss that sad, angry man." Chuckling "it's like you know him so well, will do! Bye!"

After the laundry is freshly washed and put away there is a sharp tapping on the door, opening at first glance there is nothing on the other side looking around confused until hearing little beeps come from your feet. Looking down seeing a little droid eagerly holding out a small black box with a piece of paper on top , taking it from its tiny metal clasp the note reads *my dearest (y/n) these past two days have been difficult and tedious my mind ever constantly playing images of you on repeat, returning late at night when you've already fallen asleep isn't enough to satisfy my thirst for you. Put this on and meet me in the place you first saw my return, it's my hope to replace the memories you have associated it with better ones, meet me at sunset I'll be waiting."

Smiling like a fool quickly thanking the droid while rushing back inside the room, setting the box on the bed opening it slowly to reveal a gorgeous dark red crushed velvet mini dress, picking it up by the tiny spaghetti straps and laying it along the bed. Suddenly feeling all giddy like a child, rushing off towards the bathroom to freshen up, taking a shower making sure to groom every inch and use lots of rose scented gel knowing Kylo loves the smell on you. After drying yourself off and blow drying your hair comes the fun task of doing your makeup, deciding on a seductive smokey eye with sharp pointed liner topping your lips off with a luscious deep wine shade. For hair choosing to curl it loosely letting it fall long and beautiful along your shoulders and back, stepping out into the bedroom rummaging through the underwear drawer deciding to skip wearing a bra 'let's see how long it takes him not notice' then picking out a pair of tiny red lace panties sliding them on over your smooth legs. Putting on the dress it's luxurious fabric slides along your fingertips as you remove the beloved kyber necklace placing it gently with the rest of the jewelry while picking out the red heart shaped ruby, it falls perfectly just above the small glimpse of cleavage peeking from behind the tight silhouetted dress. Pulling out a pair of black heels sliding them onto your feet, standing from the edge of the bed pressing out the dress while double checking your reflection in the mirror 'if someone had told me a year ago I'd be standing in the quarters of one of the most powerful men in the galaxy and that he belongs to me...I'd think they were losing their damn mind.'

Looking out the window noticing the sun is slowly beginning to set, excitedly jumping then rushing off towards the door opening the hatch you start the long walk towards the destination 'kinda strange he wants to meet there, I mean after all he's aware of what almost went down there right?' Walking towards the once familiar glass room, opening the door stepping side immediately being caught off guard by it's beautiful upgrade.


	65. Sloppy lust

Right inside the door frame there is a small pathway draped in long red and black linens intermingled with low twinkling lights, it leads straight into the middle of the room where everything is lined with scattered roses perfectly outlining the beautifully replaced pile of blankets and pillows James had sloppy placed with pricey silk and cashmere. The room is dimly lit by various candles places strategically around, somewhere in the background there is soft somber music playing its slow romantic tune completing the atmosphere.

Finally noticing Kylo, he's standing facing out the floor to ceiling windows when he deeply says, "ah you've arrived...I'd recognize your sweet aroma anywhere." Turning he pauses with eyes slowly gliding up and down your figure, walking closer reaching out a hand it slowly slides up your stomach the backs of his fingers grazing the velvet dress "you looks even better than I had imagined." Smiling up at him "you look rather handsome too if I do say so, finally something other than your uniform? It's so casual but I love seeing you so relaxed." He is wearing a simple untucked black long-sleeved shirt that has just a few buttons at the top, with a pair of black leather pants and his regular boots. Chuckling "I do have other clothes you know." Giving him a sassy glance "no I wouldn't know, you wear basically the same thing every day."

Running your hands up his torso slowly unbuttoning the top button, leaning in gently kissing the small exposed part of his neck softly whispering against it "I like it." Pulling back slightly keeping your arms wrapped around his neck gently swaying to the music "so you missed me huh?" Gripping on to your hips pulling them closer against him "always, and now that I have you, I don't want to ever let go." Laying your head on his chest slowly forcing him to dance along with you, holding tight inhaling his deep amber scent the two of you slow dance for a few songs holding on to each other as if letting go will wake you from this beautiful dream. Reluctantly breaking the bond, he walks over to a small romantically set table that has wine and food sitting nicely on top "come join me."

Sitting across from him enjoying the dinner while the two of you drink glass after glass after glass of wine taking a sip without noticing a small drip runs down your chin, reaching out he slowly wipes it with his thumb then bringing it back to his mouth where he licks it off. Staring back at him the wine hazing your surroundings, his large silhouette outlined by the soft glow of the nearby candles his dark hair pushed behind his ears with lonely strands falling along his cheeks, looking to his cherry stained lips the way they pout so lustfully then glancing up to his dark eyes staring straight back at you studying your face just as hard as you were his. A smile lines your face, standing quickly grabbing his hand "dance with me." He follows without hesitation placing one hand on your hip the other grasping yours tightly, every now and then he stumbles slightly but holds his grip tight "is someone a little tipsy?" Replying slowly "it's been a while since I allowed myself to truly relax, I feel safe with you I'm not worried about letting my guard down... so simply...yes." Giggling "it's cute to see you so naturally, letting that big dark demeanor fade...I love this side of you."

Sliding his hand further around your waist closing in the space between you "you're the only one who gets to see me like this, do you feel special?" Looking up into his eyes they stare down with sparkling flame reflections "yes...I do..." slowly he leans in stealing soft passionate kisses while rising your arm up he spins you around a few times then pulls your back against him, nuzzling his head by your neck sliding a hand down your arm across your chest his fingertips grazing along your breasts. Letting out an excited breath he whispers, "I love when you tease me, thinking I wouldn't feel your prefect little nipples poking out against the velvet." Lowly speaking "took you long enough to notice..." playfully his large hand grasps your breast squeezing it "I could tell the moment you walked in the room, I was trying to be a gentleman...(sighing deeply) I can't resist any longer." pushing away teasing him even more "I could make you wait..." hard hands holding on to your hips stop you tugging back roughly, unexpectedly he stumbles over some pillows falling backwards pulling you with him.

Landing roughly against his chest he quickly wraps his arms around you "are you okay? I'm sorry I slipped I didn't mean..." the feeling of his broad body squished beneath you his hips pressing into your back suddenly makes you feel very hot, grabbing his hand placing it on your breasts making him massage it "shut up and touch me." That quickly cuts him off mid-sentence, everything in the room is blurred staring up out the glass ceiling snow fall coming in and out of drunken view while soft music still plays in the background. His hungry hands roughly groping at your breasts sliding one up he slips the strap off your shoulder ripping down the top of the dress freeing your breasts, the other slides down your stomach gripping at the sensitive area about your mound. The dress barely covering your underwear is quickly pulled up, together his lips are locked onto your neck kissing and sucking he tastes you while his fingers slides down rubbing your lips beneath the lace underwear.

Drunk Kylo is much more sloppy than sober Kylo his hands rough and direct wasting no time slipping the panties to the side quickly sliding his fingers between your lips they twirl around your clit, body jerking to the sudden pleasure ass pressing against his crotch feeling his hardness pressing back. Lustfully he hums against your neck kissing up to your ear "it's only been days since I last had you, my body begs for it as if it's the first time." Feeling his hot breath against your neck his words vibrate along your skin paired with the quick circles below all you can do is release a long lustful moan letting him know you feel the same, groaning into your ear he slides the other hand down swiftly pulling your body upwards along his giving him more room to slide two fingers inside. Ecstasy following, his fingers pumping deep inside while the his other hand continues the massaging of your clit, he's never touched you so hastily before usually always taking his time enjoying every bit of you this time his hands can't get enough, the fast paced finger fuck quickly making you very wet feeling your own juices soaking the outsides if the panties.

Trying to squirm away knowing if he continues like this you'll be orgasming in no time, squeezing his arms around your waist he holds you in place "you said touch you, now let me." In between moans trying to beg "Kylo I can't...hold off...it's too much." His low growling voice "...good." Two fingers digging deep inside not slowly at all his hips rolling into your back pressing his member along your ass, suddenly a tight pressure lines your neck the speed around your clit increases as he force chokes you. It's all too much, the alcohol, the pleasure, the tingling choke your body can't hold back any longer, hands falling to his arms nails digging into his skin you begin orgasming loudly body spasming on top of his. Deeply he groans "yes that's it...yes...let go." finally he releases you, quickly pulling off him lying flat on the pillows beside him trying to catch your breath staring out the ceiling again his low grunts regaining your focus.

Leaning up eyes immediately falling to his crotch, somehow within the seconds that have passed he's managed to pull out his cock stroking it eagerly. Watching him slide his hand up and down its length his head fallen back groaning with pleasure, hand jerking with raw need for release. Biting your lip crawling towards him swatting at his hand he looks down half annoyed half intrigued "that's my job." You say just before grasping his cock shoving it in your mouth, the intense hot pleasure makes him moan gripping a hand full of hair he is guiding your head up and down shoving his full length in your throat. Sucking quickly licking and bobbing along his thickness pulling back allowing space enough to jerk the bottom of his shaft while your tongue focuses on the tip, his hands fall from your head gripping onto the blankets beneath he's grunting and moaning more than ever before. After only a few minutes his hips begin bucking upwards pushing his cock further into your mouth, his legs begin shaking under yours as he releases a low long moan "yesssss." filling your mouth with hot cum.

Swallowing happily then licking his cock clean, rolling onto your back catching your own breath everything just happened so fast 'did two days really make him that horny?' After at least ten minutes of laying in silence watching the snow hit against the glass finally pulling the strap to your dress up and adjusting the bottom tugging it down over your underwear, turning to the side placing a hand on his chest "that was...just...wow." Waiting for his response but only met with more silence, leaning in closer noticing his eyes are shut and he's actually fast asleep with one hand resting along his chest the other close beside you his pants still unbuttoned but thankfully he managed to put away his member before falling asleep. Chuckling to yourself "well okay then I guess we're sleeping here, I'm glad I could help." Pulling one of the blankets up from your feet tucking it around the two of you then snuggling close against his chest, the last thing you remember is watching the candle flames flicker against the moonlight before falling asleep happily satisfied.


	66. Dark or light

A gentle hand caresses along your cheek, eyes opening the image of Kylo comes into view propping himself up with one arm staring down he is studying you. Placing your own hand against his pressing it into your face smiling "well good morning, I'm surprised you're up before me, someone was quite wasted last night." Smirking leaning down he softly lines his lips to yours smoothly kissing taking time to feel every lingering sensation, running a hand up his chest sliding it behind his neck your fingers weaving through his sun warmed locks. Without breaking the connection scooting closer one leg slips between yours pressing his body down hips grazing along your own, one hand holds him up the other slides leisurely up the velvet dress between your breasts along the sensitive exposed skin above it, lightly brushing fingertips back and forth over the contours of your bust mumbling "so beautiful...I love you." Adding pressure to the kiss sliding his tongue into your mouth it dances with your own, the taste of last night's wine still lingers as his hand glides up further gently covering your neck adding soft pressure he hums "mmm...morning" along your lips before pulling away "I'm sorry I crashed last night I couldn't help it finally getting release after being deprived of your touch mixed with the heaviness of the wine I shut down."

Mind and body still tingling from the romantic kiss suddenly broken staring blankly up at him, a small smile lines his face before returning his lips to yours the pace quicker this time kissing passionately stealing the breath you were holding in. Playfully biting your bottom lip with a low grunt air leaves his nostrils puffing against your face, breaking the connection again flopping down onto his back leaving you breathless and hungry for more. Turning to your side studying his figure as it lays back he rests his head onto his folded arms staring up out the glass ceiling, hair falling along his face resting upon a dark purple suede pillow, eyes framed by long curly lashes the sun shines over them enhancing the honey hue within, lips curled upwards the small grin remaining as he sighs deeply. The quick breath of air slightly pulls his shirt up a few inches giving your eyes a peek at the exposed trail leading down to the still unbuttoned pants, wondering what he's thinking about, for in this moment he looks so content, so calm not a worry at all.

Suddenly flashes of trees standing large and tall, their leaves barely breaking allowing the sun to shine down along large leafed plants and other various different types of foliage all surrounding you, the image so strong you can smell the earthy soil all around and feel the warmth rippling across your skin paired with a light breeze causing the sensation of shoulder length hair to brush up against your cheeks as it passes, the sound of water flowing nearby mixes with the sounds of various twigs snapping and swaying. Blinking repeatedly shaking your head "uhm Kylo a little help here..." once his focus darts towards you the vision simultaneously vanishes, the glass room coming back into view abruptly. "Help you with what? What's wrong?" Looking around in confusion "I was just...somewhere else...but it didn't even feel like me?" Lifting an eyebrow "...what are you talking about?" Sitting up turning towards him "I was on a different planet, I think? Somewhere completely different from here, somewhere earthy...Kylo I could feel the ground beneath me I could feel the sun, smell the dirt... it was so real... I don't understand what just happened?"

Springing upwards his large hand grasping onto your thigh "I knew it!" Shaking your head "knew what? I'm so confused!" Quickly grabbing your face stealing a hurried kiss "you are force sensitive, you have to be you just read my thoughts again." Shocked expression "I didn't read them it was much more than that...I was there... wherever there is." Grinning "it's called Endor... I used to go there a lot with my parents when I was younger...staring out at the sun reminded of it and being next to you reminded me of a happier time." Smiling at his comment "so what does this mean?" Staring off in the distance his mind seemed elsewhere, slowly replying "it means we will be unstoppable..." standing fixing the buttons on his pants he reaches out for your hand, grasping it swiftly he's pulled you up with strong arms catching your swaying body "what would there be to stop us anyways?" Wrapping his arms around your frame resting his hands on the small of your back, softly pressing his head into yours "it doesn't matter, because now they can't...come on let's go get freshened up and find out if the blood test is in or not."

Turning he walks towards the door pulling at your hand dragging you along, the entire time spent walking towards the quarters and the shared shower your mind is elsewhere thinking about the future and the possibility of having powers along with what comes next 'does this automatically mean you have to join the darkside? Something I haven't ever really considered until now...morally I know the reputation assigned to this side but knowing Kylo first hand while also living here it seems as if I won't really have a choice, plus not to mention parts of me enjoys the idea of power...fear...anger. Would Kylo prefer me on the darkside...or could I persuade him back to the light side, more importantly...do I want to even try, or do I secretly love the idea of joining him here?'


	67. Feel its strength

The two of you finish getting dressed, Kylo has a hast within his demeanor trying to rush every move you make "okay, okay I know I'm trying to hurry can I at least not walk around in the nude?" Pausing for a moment checking out your half-dressed figure with lips twisting upwards you cut him off "don't even think about it! Just give me a second okay. How about you head down there, and I'll meet you?" Plundering the thought for a moment his expression showing signs of confusion and worry, slowly walking towards you placing a gloved hand on your bare shoulder "is everything okay?" Looking up at his large serious frame it relaxes once the two of your eyes meet, sighing "yeah...I'm fine I just... I don't know I never considered the fact that I might be force sensitive and I don't really know what that means, I don't want it to change anything between us..." leaning down kissing gently his lips trail down your jaw along your neck as he slowly moves behind you, taking the sleeve to your dress slowly pulling it up around your shoulder sliding gentle finger tips down the sensitive skin on your back slowly reaching around tying the string keeping the dress together up.

Resting his head on the space between your neck and shoulder softly whispering "nothing will ever change how I feel about you..." feeling his hand fumbling at his side after a few seconds pulling his saber into view holding it a few inches in front of you "here, grasp it." Turning your head back trying to look him in the face "what no! Didn't we learn last time?! I almost cut my foot off!" His other hand grabs yours swiftly placing it along the saber "come on, I'm right here I won't let anything happen to you I didn't then, and I won't now...trust me." Heart pounding hard slowly reaching up your other hand grasping the cold heavy metal his grip lets go releasing the saber to your hold completely, momentarily the weight of it catches you off guard almost dropping it. Quickly his hands engulf yours pulling it back up "hold it tightly, your life depends on it. Feel it's strength, it's power, harness it.... when you're ready I want you to ignite it."

Holding your breath fingers slowly rubbing the hard texture of it, suddenly a strong tingling feeling radiates up your arm it flows over your body deep down into the pit of your stomach every fiber of your being begs to feel it's energy, slowly moving your finger down over the activator it hovers for a moment shaking against the button. Kylo squeezes his hands around yours "I'm right here." Sucking in a quick breath pressing your thumb down immediately feeling the saber vibrate fiercely the blades erupt from the three emitters quickly illuminating the room with its buzzing glow, feeling yourself flinch from its raw power Kylo's frame holds you in place "it's okay hold tight, I'm going to let go okay but I'm right here."

Before you can even say no his hands fall from yours to the sides of your hips he's still standing tall behind making you feel safe and protected, it's heaviness slowly fading your hands gripping it tightly your body relaxes the feeling of the saber becoming more familiar by the second. A slow grin lines your face "it's so..." from behind "powerful...I know." Releasing one hand readjusting the other to hold all of its weight slowly gliding it through the air, each pass fills the room with a low unstable buzz "notice how it makes you feel, are you scared?" Swiping it downwards easily "not anymore." His hands grip tighter onto your hips "that's my girl...seeing you handling it so confidently is so..." his breath turns heavy against your neck before feeling the softness of his lips press into your skin as his hands pull your body harder against him, kissing your neck slowly his lips smoothly tasting your skin quietly he hums "...alluring."

Hand prickling from the rapid vibrating hilt paired with overwhelming hot seductive desire lingering on every lustful kiss along your neck, feeling confident slowly twirling the saber, fully spinning it with ease. Kylo watching your confidence from behind he groans biting down playfully, heart beating rapidly enjoying causing him unexpected excitement, feeling too self-assured swiftly spinning it around faster the hilt fumbles between your fingers slipping from your grip quickly flinging forwards towards the large pane window. Gasping loudly without thinking your own hand reaches out, quickly trying hard to stop the saber from slicing through the glass an intense sensation flows from your fingertips watching as the saber recoils the hilt stops midair before falling a few inches, trying hard to focus it floats still again but only for a moment before crashing down onto the floor. Pulling away from Kylo immediately grabbing it from the floor turning towards him "I'm sorry, I didn't mean too I thought I had control!" Gently he places a hand on top of yours noticing it's trembling beneath "shh it's okay I was watching, I wanted to see how you'd fix the situation and look at that...you successfully used the force for the first time. How did it feel?" Glancing up surprised he is not angry with a shaky voice replying, "well it felt great until I almost destroyed your window." Walking forwards slowly taking the saber placing it at his hip, watching his hand rise before playfully poking at your nose "you'll learn...I'll teach you...that is if I can control my urges... seeing you handle that saber was...invigorating to say the least."

Quickly turning around heading towards the door "meet me at the medical ward, I'm more curious now than before I must know your levels, I'll be waiting for you." Swiftly he's out the door it shuts harshly filling the silent room with its heavy slam, sighing deeply 'he's so proud of me so eager to teach me his ways, but what if I'm not good enough what if I'm not made for the dark side what if I would rather be on the light side...will he stick by me?'


	68. A high number

Slipping on a pair of tall black heels before slowly leaving the room heading down towards the medical wing, the entirety of the walk consists of running multiple scenarios through your mind again and again 'being kidnapped in the middle of the night then being brought to this base, the intense fast paced relationship that's developed between me and Kylo. Now learning I am force sensitive, the thought of him trying to teach me how to harness this new power is exciting and terrifying. What if I am no good, what if I cannot learn what he wants to teach me? How does this effect my future? How did I go from a nobody to the future wife of commander Ren, this all feels like a dream it can't be real at some point I have to wake up right?'

Turning the final corner, the ward coming into view, easily recognizing the tall dark figure silhouetted behind the frosted glass doors he is standing close to the short stout figure of Yasmine they seem to be looking over something. Walking closer barely able to pick out certain words leaving his mouth "you sure....high...understand..." knocking quietly on the door watching him straighten out then eyeing her figure heading towards the door she opens it "oh hi (y/n) Come on in we were just discussing your results." Following her around into her tiny office Kylo is standing at the far end of the room holding tightly to what you assume is your chart his eyes glued to you intently, Yasmine takes the chart from his hand then passes it to you "well you definitely have some pretty impressive levels, almost higher than the commander himself."

Darting your eyes to Kylo when she says this, his focus still locked on you with a demeanor that is hard to read 'he looks mad...but why would he be?' Looking back to Yasmine "what...what is my number?" Smiling she points to the small typed number 13,000 in black ink "only five hundred less than mine." Kylo's voice speaks deeply from across the room "I knew you must have had a high count to be able to read my thoughts without any training but I had no idea you'd be so close within my range." Glancing down at the floor unable to look him in the eye feeling as if somehow you've disappointed him "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say I didn't choose to randomly develop this I ..." without hearing his approach seeing black boots appear in front of your own feet with a sudden leather hand touching your face he lifts it up to look at him "do not apologize, I am not threatened by your power I'm in awe, somehow you continue to surprise me."

Awkwardly Yasmine starts heading towards the door "if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on the Cardin patient..." turning towards he quickly "James? He is still here? Uh..." shuffling in place "how...uh..." glancing towards Kylo noticing his calm expression slowly fading to irritation, quickly looking back at her "how's he doing..." her focus keeps shifting between you and Kylo as she questions whether or not she should answer "he's doing much better, unfortunately we weren't able to save the um...well you know. But he's actually supposed to be released within a day or two...I can take you to him if you'd like?" Simultaneously when you answer out loud Kylo's voice booms inside your head both of you saying "NO!" Glancing back up to Kylo the anger building simmers slightly with your quick refusal "no...no thanks I don't really ever want to see him again, I was just curious is all."

She nods before dipping out the door surely to avoid any more of the awkward situation, a deep sigh comes from behind "do you still love him? Am I wasting my time? Am I not enough for you?" Immediately wrapping your arms around him holding tight, surprisingly pulling himself away pointing a finger down at you "no stop (y/n) I'm serious, you mean so much to me I've risked everything for you...EVERYTHING. Yet you still ask about him...(balling his fist) that...that piece of dirt (slamming the fist into Yasmine's desk creating quite the dent) if you want him then go, (pointing towards the door) go to him, but if you leave never step foot around me again...I won't chase you twice." Shocked by his sudden cruel behavior quickly throwing yourself at him again holding much tighter than before softly sobbing into the fabric of his shirt words falling from your mouth rapidly "no Kylo it's not like that I swear, I'm sorry I didn't mean it to come off like I still loved him I don't I could never, I was just curious I've never been involved in something like that I don't exactly know how to handle the situation. I love you so much... you are my everything, I know you have risked so much to be with me, and I'd never betray you. Please I am sorry...I love you. I'm sorry you're all I have...all I need...all I want...just you forever." The room is completely silent besides random machine beeps from across the hall or the quick sucks of air between your muffled sobbing, time is slow and quiet feeling as if he's completely distanced himself, wondering if you've lost him forever.

Finally feeling his heavy arms wrap around, one rests against your back the other rises gently stroking your hair softly he says "don't cry I can't stand to see you upset...It's me who should apologize I know you aren't used to violence and its consequences, I don't know what came over me the thought of you returning to him is too much...I wouldn't be able to function without you." Pulling back staring down before very softly kissing your tear lined cheek "come on, there is somewhere I want to take you." Staring back happy he is not mad but confused "where else could you possibly want to take me?" Chuckling "you do realize this place is huge right? But this place...I want to test your abilities." Wiping away your tears he tugs at your hand pulling you out of the nurses office past the room only you know holds James inside, down a number of different hallways until arriving at a secluded door slowly he opens it revealing an odd metal chair directly in the center.


	69. A few simple tests

Reluctantly walking inside only following because you trust that Kylo won't deliberately put you in harm's way but still feeling slightly skeptical, walking towards the chair running a few fingertips along its cold metal frame glancing back at Kylo "so what are we doing in here?" Without answering the question slowly striding up to you forcing you backwards bumping the foot of the chair you fumble into it, taking your hands Kylo secures them into the restraints pressing the cuffs down hard "I'm going to challenge you in multiple ways to see what motivates you to use the force, it's going to be difficult and rewarding. Do not hold back allow yourself to feel it flowing from within, show me what you can do. Are you ready to begin?" Gulping hard not knowing what comes next but nodding your head anyways, eagerly he walks out of the room leaving you bound and frightened for longer than your comfortable with, upon his return he's brought various items including a few pieces of scrap metal, a few black boxes including the familiar one from his room, and random storm trooper.

Setting the items on the counter turning his focus back towards you "hmm what shall we start with first?" Picking up one of the black boxes setting it on the metal table in front of you "what's inside this box, if you guess correctly you get to keep it." Looking up at him then down towards the box confused why he thinks you should be able to tell what is inside but humoring him anyways, staring at it deeply trying to imagine that all of its walls are translucent. Staring at it for what feels like forever before finally pouting "Kylo it's not working I can't see anything; this is pointless!" Kneeling in-front if you speaking firmly "focus (y/n) think as if you already know what's inside, feel it's image as if it were sitting within your hand." Sighing deeply then returning focus to the box momentarily before closing your eyes trying to feel what's inside, suddenly flashes of red pop in and out of view followed by the strong scent of...of rose, speaking quickly "it's a rose!"

Opening your eyes to see Kylo grinning as he stands removing the boxes lid slowly pulling out a single red rose, taking a few steps towards you while lifting the rose gently brushing its soft petals along your cheek then slowly over your lips teasing "good girl, I knew you could do it. Now what is in the second box this one will be a little harder, so I need you to concentrate." Knocking the empty box off easily with the swish of his wrist then placing a larger box in its spot, inhaling slowly while closing your eyes again trying hard to imagine what could be inside, again flashes pop in and out this time it looks like another box. Confused "it's not working this time I just keep seeing another box." His deep voice sounds from behind "keep trying." Breathing slowly the entire room turns silent and black the only visible object is the box and its smaller box inside, quick flashes of red and silver zoom along your vision followed by small intricate details twisted and molded into something beautiful. Just as fast as the imagine appears it fades, trying to stop it focusing even harder but it's no use the only solid image is inside the big box is a small palm sized velvet box what it holds inside is still mostly a mystery "I ...I can't figure it out, I know it's another box and something beautiful is inside it but...I just can't see it...I'm sorry."

Feeling the rose stroke your face again "such a shame you would have really liked what was inside..." opening your eyes after hearing him open that boxes lid he picks up the small velvet box placing it into his pocket "maybe someday you'll see what's inside, as for now we're on to the next test." Sad but curious for what comes next "do you promise I'll get to see what's inside that box someday?" Chuckling "I can't promise but I can hope, now I'm placing these on this table, and I want you to lift each one merely by the force they get heavier as you go." He sets four metal scrapes down on the table each one bigger than the next, rolling your eyes at the first one 'it's simply a bolt it should be easy enough right?' Stretching out your hand beneath the restraint feeling the same tingling sensation from earlier with Kylo's saber flow down your fingertips when suddenly the small bolt jolts up flinging into the ceiling, grinning "too easy." Flexing your hand again the second piece being a metal rod also easily floats into the air not quite as fast as the bolt but still without hesitation, looking over to Kylo who's intently watching with squinted eyes then letting the rod fall from the air it crashed against the floor loudly "also too easy, I thought these tests were supposed to be hard?"

Feeling even more confident swiftly jerking your hand upwards the third piece which was the helmet of the trooper standing in the corner floats upwards unevenly it staggers within the air drooping a few times but always springing back into place, swishing your fingers the helmet slowly glides towards the trooper before gently letting it drop into his hands "okay that one was a little bit harder but I managed." Nodding "I see that, now what about the last one?" Looking back at the table the last object is a large chunk broken off a fighter jet it nearly covers the entire table, not feeling quiet as confident this time but still wanting to try sending every tingling feeling down into your hand focusing hard on the object to no avail it only slightly rattles. Frowning with a quick glance towards Kylo 'I don't want to disappoint him.' Breathing deeply then outstretching both hands the feeling flowing strong with a quick twitch the broken part rises, only a few inches but it does as it remains hovering above the table for a few moments. Trying to impress him slowly pushing it through the air towards him it pumps into his chest, letting out a quiet giggle losing focus for only a second the heavy scrap plummets from the air quickly falling towards his foot. Without moving his eyesight from you easily he flings the piece across the room it slams into the wall creating a large dent "you must focus (y/n) a mistake like that could easily cost your life, in fact let's up the stakes show you what could be taken from you if you were to lose focus again."


	70. Take it then

Turning sharply facing the trooper "take out your blaster." The trooper stands frozen and confused not knowing if this is a trick or not, Kylo growls "I said draw your blaster, now!" Hesitatingly he complies raising his outstretched arm with the blaster tightly gripped in his grasp "good now...point it at me." Quickly darting his gaze to Kylo the trooper pleads "sir I don't exactly think that's the best idea." Slowly reaching for the saber on his hip "I am not going to ask again, point it at me and on the count of ten I want you to shoot. DO NOT HESITATE." Shaking his head "no way, I'm not going to be responsible for killing the commander I'd be a dead man!" Pulling the saber from its clip "disobey me again and you're dead either way, now (y/n) I'm not going to resist this at all. It's all on you, are you going to keep focus and stop the trooper from killing me or will you fail and watch me die painfully."

Trying to squirm out of the restraints "no! I do not want to do this Kylo I am not ready I'm not strong enough! I'm not going to just watch you die!" Turning back towards the trooper "then don't let me, now on my count...ten..." thrashing harder "KYLO STOP!" The trooper slowly begins rising his arm again "nine..." trying to pull your arms from the restraints "NO DON'T DO WHAT HE SAYS!" It's no use you are stuck "eight..." watching the blaster line up directly across Kylo's body "seven..." suddenly hot tears fall from your eyes uncontrollably "NO STOP THIS IS STUPID I WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP HIM!" The troopers finger slowly moves over the trigger "six..." screaming loudly but Kylo's focus doesn't flinch "STOP PLEASE!"

Now realizing he isn't going to stop and you must regain focus it's literally life or death "five..." closing your eyes tightly trying to block out all the graphic images of Kylo being shot and bleeding out from your mind "four..." the room growing silent the only sounds recognizable are Kylo's count down and the loud thumping of the troopers anxious heart "three..." trying to calm your breathing thinking exactly what to do once opening your eyes "two..." flinging them open the troopers hand trembling watching his finger move in slow motion closer and closer to the trigger, even slower is the deep slurred final number leaving Kylo's lips "...one..." instantaneously using all the built up energy from within to swipe your hand rapidly pulling Kylo's body from its spot flinging him towards you just as the blaster fires creating a burning hallow spot within the wall.

As soon as it registers that he did not die the trooper turns running out of the room, the force pulled Kylo's body so roughly it sends him crashing into your bound figure pinning him hard against you. Holding the position for a moment before slowly lifting himself off but remaining inches from your tear streaked face "I knew you had it in you." Eyes darting to his, glaring "that was so fucked up! How could you do that to me, why would you put me threw that! You could have died, and it would have been all my fault!" Slowly rising a hand two gloved fingers gently wipe away the hot flow of tears falling from your cheeks "shh...it's okay...let that anger flow it will only help you harness the dark side..." jerking your face away "fuck you! That was too far Kylo! Let me out of this I want to go to my room!" Tenderly pushing the loose fallen strands of hair from your face sliding them behind your ear "you're upset, as soon as we're done here you can return to our quarters." Harshly glaring at him "no, I want to go back to my own quarters. I don't want to be around you I'm so mad at you how could you do that to me!"

A quick flash of pain lines his face before changing back to the stern cold expression "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, now you're going to sit here until you're ready for the next test." Turning your face as far away from him as possible "I did mean it! Whatever then it looks like we will be here all night because I am done with these stupid tests! There is nothing else you can do that will change my mind either so don't even try!" Chuckling lowly turning with heavy slow stomps he walks to the far end of the room sitting on a lone chair keeping his gaze locked to your bound figure "lucky for you we've got all night..."

Hours pass as you remain restrained against the painfully uncomfortable chair Kylo hasn't moved an inch his heavy hot stare still glued to your body, having finally quit trying to break free about an hour ago yet remaining silent 'look at him over there sitting so smug does he have any idea how I would have felt if he had died? I can't give in...no matter how numb my ass is becoming.' Uncontrollably releasing a pained sigh while shifting in place Kylo follows by shifting with you "are you done pouting?" Shooting angry eyes in his direction "ugh! I am not...no. No, I'm not done pouting!" His deep chuckle fills the room "funny I used to think that was cute and now I just kinda wanna punch you in the gut so you'll shut up!" Sitting back further in the chair he sighs "would you like to know what I kinda want to do?" Hissing "no I don't! So, keep it to yourself I don't want to hear it!" Sliding a hand down his thigh it rests atop his knee before squeezing in frustration "Fine, I won't say it."

Without warning suddenly, your mind is filled with incredibly detailed images of the sexual interactions the two of you have shared "I'll just show you." Scene after scene flashes from the moment he heard you moaning in his room, to the mutual masturbation, him holding your underwear pumping his cock fast along their fabric lining them with cum. Trying to resist "stop! That is not fair, how do I get you out of my head?!" Sitting forward pinning his elbows on his thighs resting his chin along his fists "what? You aren't enjoying the show? I am... does it make you uncomfortable?" Squirming while the images change again quickly your mind is filled with you bent over his bed watching from his perspective as the paddle repeatedly smacks hard against your ass, with each whack your own flesh twitches almost as if you were right back in that memory the hot stinging pleasure from the spanking quickly mudding your frustration "ssstop... this isn't fair...how is this training anyways?" A mischievous grin lines his face "ah you're right, hmm why don't you try and rebound my images, try and force me from your mind."

A devious thought creeps into your mind 'I'll give him a taste of his own medicine see how he likes that.' Staring intently at him trying with all your might to flood his mind with the image of you on your knees sliding his cock deep down your throat, the only indication he gives that it worked was a subtle tense breath followed by his overbearing thoughts clouding your own the image of him staring at your bruised and bleeding ass the smell of blood easily distinguished the thought shifts to his tongue gliding up your thigh licking away the dripping trail of your juices mixed with blood, the imagery so real you can taste the sweet cooper tang upon your own tongue. Pushing back harder sending your own memory to him, you're on top riding him in the pale moon light your breasts bouncing with the rhythm as you try hard to combine the real ness of your moaning into his mind. Sitting back against the chair he lets out a low groan gripping a hand harshly along his thigh "so it is working! How does it feel?! Does it make you feel uncomfortable?"

Sighing deeply sliding a hand up his leg before pausing above the crotch of his pants, his thumb strokes slowly back and forth over a now noticeably growing lump "it is definitely making me feel something...although I'm not entirely sure that's exactly what you were going for..." blushing hard feeling confused, helpless, angry, and turned on "so what you're just going to touch yourself while you stare at me, will that get you off?!" Slowly his hand travels further up it leisurely begins rubbing the growth beneath the tight leather pants "so what if I do...you can't stop me now can you?" Frowning then trying with all your might to move his hand off the member, it barely shifts before returning to the slow stroking "foolish girl." Rising his other hand swiping his fingers swiftly, suddenly the silk laces holding the front of your dress together begin tugging towards him slowly unraveling the tight black dress pieces revealing your lacy undergarments "you are strong but did you really think you'd be able to control me?"

Huffing "hey that's not fair! I'm helpless!" Pulling the string completely out of all the little eyelets the dress falls open along your sides "I'm aware..." with another flick of his wrist the rose from earlier floats towards you, gradually it glides along your cheek down your neck across your collar bones the soft petals tickling your sensitive exposed skin. The pressure increases pushing its softness down along your breasts leisurely dragging its sharp thorns over your flesh cutting it faintly, releasing a quiet sensual gasp as little scarlet beads drip from the scratch rolling down the contours of your breasts. Kylo let's out a deep groan squeezing his member in lustful frustration, the rose continues traveling down your stomach with each inch further down you become more and more excited your mind wants to punish Kylo, to refuse him the pleasure of what he's trying to do but your body is begging for more. Suddenly the legs of the chair fling outwards spreading your legs far, gasping trying to pull them back together deeply he responds "it's no use...you know I can take whatever I want..." struggling for a few more moments before finally giving up "what are you waiting for hmm? Take it then..."


	71. Relax

Standing swiftly the rose falls to the floor, confidently striding towards you reaching your bound figure running a hand upwards where his fingers glide over your lips "do not challenge me...you won't win..." smirking at him then quickly biting down on them. Jerking the hand back growling it slams against your throat squeezing tight "such a naughty girl, do I need to punish you again?" Feeling his grip tighten the room slowly begins to blur, with gasping attempts finally letting out "...no..." releasing the grasp but quickly replacing it with his lips kissing and sucking on the now red puffy skin he groans into your neck with eager hands traveling up your thigh along your stomach cupping both breasts kneading and squeezing roughly. In between lustful laps along your neck one hand drops quickly sliding beneath your underwear it dips between your lips slipping easily inside, deep voice speaking "I don't believe you...you're so wet...(taking his time very slowly pumping the finger in and out) your mind says no but your body....it tells a different story."

Trying hard to refrain from moaning but the unhurried drive of his finger pulsates pleasure from within cascading it all over, instead only letting out heavier breaths his hot grunting lips travel from your neck down along your collar bone leaving little bite marks with each downward inch once reaching the roundness of your breast squeezing it hard his tongue licks along the light streak of blood humming with lascivious hunger. Reaching the stinging cut he sucks at its opening drawing out any remaining trickle his soft plump lips part drawing in flesh they linger sucking and biting simultaneously, the sensation warming the skin around his lips flowing outwards flushing your chest and face feeling it's pleasure make your walls squeeze around his middle finger. Groaning deeply another finger slides inside he bites down hard on your breasts adding to the ecstasy, releasing a quick pained moan he pulls back the skin on your breasts is red and puffy with his teeth marks still imprinted into the flesh. Looking down watching your expression as he pulls both fingers out gliding them quickly over your clit before rising the glistening gloved fingers to his ruby tinted lips, sliding them inside licking the gloves clean groaning his eyes roll back "you're my favorite flavor..."

Pulling his saber from its clip he ignites it; it's sudden humming blades cause you to jump "what are you going to do with that?!" Chuckling he says, "relax my love, we've done this before...trust me." Sliding a hand underneath your bra it playfully gropes your breasts before tugging the bra outwards, moving the saber up it's long blade pointed outwards inches from your arm with one of the smaller side blades slowly dipping behind the fabric grinning he slices it in half watching both your breasts tumble out the burnt cups falling to your sides, slowly lowering the saber he places two fingers at the line of your underwear pulling them back while lowering the small blade down easily it cuts the fabric into pieces. The saber continues to slide down as he steps a few feet to the side flipping it in his hand pointing outwards it hums loudly into the silent room, slowly bringing it closer and closer towards your slit panic sets in "hey! Whoa what are you doing?!" Leaning down kissing at your neck again the sudden cold touch of his hilt presses against your core "Kylo what are you doing!" Whispering along your neck "relax..." slowly the hilt slides up your slit dragging steadily over your clit when suddenly it makes sense it's intense vibrating power quivers the sensitive hood making you moan loudly your legs uncontrollably shaking behind the shackles.

Just as quickly as he placed the hilt against you he recoils it pulling it back with strings of juice following "I knew you'd like that...but I can't let you cum that quickly now can I?" placing it back along his hip walking away from your hot begging body he returns to the chair turning facing you slowly unzipping his pants fumbling for a second with a sigh his dick springs out from the small opening. Sitting back with outstretched legs he slowly begins stroking the length of his cock groaning to the leisure pace, watching him touch himself only makes you throb more, biting your lip "so what am I supposed to do? Lay here and watch you hog all the pleasure?" Ignoring your question he stares at your naked restrained figure while continuing to jerk along his length running the gloved hand up and down slowly only stopping at the top a few times collecting beads of precum then coating its slickness around his member, never taking his eyes off you jerking his hand sluggishly his breath grows heavier and more rapid. Breaking the grip around his cock rising the hand to his mouth biting at the tips of the fingers pulling the glove off then spitting it to the floor darting his eyes back towards you playfully he slaps his cock paired with a quick deep grunt, it sways back and forth for a few seconds before a throbbing jerk towards his abdomen returns the focus back to the swift jerking.

Watching him pleasure himself is a different kind of experience sure you've seen him jerk it a few times but never for this long, the way he knows his member so personally with no real effort his body spasms and twitches to the familiar touch of his hand. The more you watch the more it turns you on, his large frame slouched along the chair legs spread apart one arm resting on the back of the chair while he stares with his hand twisting and jerking along his cock paired with the lustful deep grunts and groans he occasionally releases, before you realize it the place between your legs grows increasingly wet your juices begin slowly trickling down your leg.


	72. The reward

Kylo notices the glittering reflection "enjoying the show, are we?" The pace along his cock increases he lets out a long low deep groan before the sudden intense pleasure of the force begins lapping at your clit, body twitching in response letting out a loud quick moaning "yes." The circular motions send shockwaves of pleasure all throughout making it hard to remain watching him, shutting your eyes for a moment enjoying it the sudden sound of something mechanical moving in the room catches your attention, opening your eyes not noticing anything right away confused you ask "what was that?" Kylo slaps his cock again with a quick grunt and deep hurried breaths "it's your reward for doing so well today...I'm impressed with the skills you've already managed to harness." Looking at him confused "reward?" The whirring sound continues until a long robotic arm comes into view from beneath your legs, it glides outwards bending up at an angle pointing directly towards your core. "Um...what exactly is that thing...I don't really know if I like where this is going..." he stands walking towards the box brought from his quarters, rummaging through it for a moment before pulling out the large dildo seen before. Walking towards you his hard length sways back and forth with each step, stopping at the base of the mechanical arm he begins twisting the dildo onto its end until it clicks in place "you will...I promise."

Slowly he reaches down running his fingers up your inner thigh collecting juices it continues upwards resting along your slit, playfully dipping them between your lips dragging them upwards a few times coating them with the wetness, with a quick pass over your clit removing the hand he runs it over the red jelly dildo creating a film of your own personal lubricant. Before returning to the chair he steps in front of your figure with hot hungry hands traveling all over your body groping and squeezing your thigh, hips, breasts while leaning in locking his lips to yours kissing roughly, the more aggressive he gets his hips follow to the heavy push against your frame his hard member brushes along your inner thigh the tip of his cock teases at your slit. Body begging for him you moan against his mouth while trying to buck your own hips forward craving the thick fulfillment of his length, pulling away with a wide grin along his face and a quick slap to your breast he strides away plopping back down into the chair.

With a swish of his hand the lights in the room dim then the center of the dildo gleams with a bright glowing red, gulping in anticipation as it slowly begins rising further up now only inches from insertion. Looking back up towards Kylo his gaze glued to you while the medium paced jerking returns, gradually the toy begins pushing through your lips slowly entering your core it drives upwards stretching your pussy around it's thick illuminated shape until it's completely inside pushing at your cervix. Taking a deep breath releasing it with a moan watching as Kylo presses a button on a remote you never saw him acquire, just as soon as he does the dildo begins gliding in and out incredibly slowly re-stretching you open with each upward prod. Releasing soft moans with each tap into your cervix the pain turning into pleasure now enjoying the slow prodding body relating welcoming the toy inside with hot sensual moans, glancing back to Kylo his barely visible eyes have never left your figure as his hand strokes along his slightly red illuminated cock "see I knew you'd like this... I know what my little slut wants... and right now I'm guessing she wants it to go faster am I correct?"

Biting your lip nodding, he obliges pressing the remote the toy begins thrusting at a quicker speed still shoving fully inside with each return, the pace of his jerk increases matching the speed driving deep inside you. Without warning he presses the button again increasing its thrust even more, the sound of the machine rotating is almost muffled by the slick mixing of your juices and moans. With each hard fast ram inside it sends your body jerking upwards in unison, moaning louder now the fuck toy rams deep inside not stopping to the ever growing clamp of your walls in between moans saying "not really sure how this is punishment I'm quiet enjoying myself..." a low chuckle from across the room paired by the quiet beeping of the remote as the speed skips a few settings and is now at full potential forcefully plunging deep inside, gasping at the increased speed your breath is quickly stolen by the just as fast twirling that begins around your clit. Unable to control your sounds of pleasure the room fills with loud sensual moans the machine fucking is quickly bringing you close to orgasm "mmm yes...are you enjoying watching me get fucked? Do you wish it were you?"

Forcing yourself to look at his reaction, with a quick jerk to his hips he groans glaring at your body watching the luminesce dildo impel by our insides roughly his hand rapidly stroking his cock just as fast. Trying to resist but failing feeling your walls clench around the toy an orgasm just at the brink, moaning more and more body tingling with ecstasy is quickly disappointed as the toy is ripped from inside stealing the impending climax, quickly pouting "no don't stop please I'm so close..." Kylo's deep voice responds "We're not done yet."

Suddenly the toy shifts backwards then thrusts upwards driving into your ass it glides in easily with your juices but still burns the entire way inside, releasing a loud pained gasping "fuck!" It begins slowly picking up speed again driving inside pushing the full length of the toy deep, only focusing on the intense pain not noticing Kylo has risen from the chair until his hand grips onto your jaw turning your head to face him "this is the punishment." Shifting for a moment bucking his hips upwards his own cock slides inside the front as the dildo continues to fuck from behind, letting out a pained whimper the end of it turns into a moan "that's right learn to enjoy it..." moving the hand up from your jaw two of his fingers slide into your mouth muddling the escaping moans as the other hand wraps around your throat squeezing tight he begins thrusting his cock deep and hard inside it's pace just the opposite of the dildo so with each pull out from one hole the other is filled.

A beep comes from the remote again the toy picks up speed fucking faster, another beep then another the dildo now ramming quickly inside he tosses the remote aside and begins driving himself just as fast. Never having experienced this kind of pleasure before your body bound and weak the only thing you can do is enjoy the overwhelming filled fuck moaning against his fingers drool falls around them dripping in to your bouncing breasts, his grunting increases with each pound just then the circling around your clit returns while he squeezes tighter around your throat "I'm going to make you cum harder than you've ever came before, all over my cock I want to feel you milk me dry... do you want it?" Nodding your head the words "yes please..." barely audible beneath his fingers, both cocks ramming hard and fast inside he syncs the rhythm with the toy filling your holes to the brim fucking forcefully the speed around your clit increases twirling swiftly. Your walls clamping down repeatedly around his cock and the toy the triple blended pleasure making the orgasm so intense the room begins turning black all sense of awareness is lost only raw uninhibited euphoria irrupts "that's right cum for me, cum for your commander I want to hear you!" Pulling the fingers from your mouth the room is teeming with the loud uncontrollable orgasm "mmm fuck... yes!" He moans as his thrusts become erratic and slowed gripping tighter around your neck grunting into the space next to your ear digging his hand into your shoulder your core is filled with his hot overflowing finish, the dildo still rams shifting inside as he pulls out its friction pushes the cum from inside spilling it down your legs onto the floor. Running his hand up to your cheek with a playful slap he kisses yours lips hard "fuck, I love you."

Stepping back rearranging his clothes he stops the machine it slides out from inside leaving you feeling hallow, next taking the two pieces of the dress he pulls them together fastening them in place poorly with the unraveled laces. Slowly unlocking each cuff releasing your incredibly weak body unable to even hold yourself up he catches your fall "it's okay I've got you..." wrapping your arms around his neck "what about all this mess?" Shaking his head while lifting you into his arms "don't worry about it someone will clean it." he brushes softly along your cheek "it's okay I know that was a lot...rest I won't let you go." How he knew you were on the brink of exhaustion you'll never know but never the less nuzzling your face into his chest your body gives up quickly zoning in and out barely noticing him carrying you down the halls holding your warn figure tightly, the last thing you remember is him gently laying you in the bed then slowly peeling off the torn clothes dressing you in fresh soft silks before tucking the blankets tightly around your frame. Eyes closing tightly the bold tight embrace of his arms cling around you with gentle strokes along your arm and soft quiet words "I'll be right here just rest...I love you." heard just before finally giving up and falling into a deep exhaustion fueled sleep.


	73. I've been here before

The day after punishment was spent secluded in our quarters, Kylo spent the entire day pampering you starting with a slow romantic shared shower taking the time to wash each and every inch not even allowing you to wash your own hair, the remorse obvious 'it's as if he is constantly battling inner demons, one second he's punishing me creating these scrapes and bruises and the second he shows signs of feeling bad as if he shouldn't have caused them. I've tried telling him it's okay that I can handle it, that I enjoy it, I want it but somehow I don't think he believes me.' After the shower he dressed you in comfortable clothes and returned you to bed where the two of you never left, time was spent cuddling or being hand fed or napping off and on. The anxiety of knowing it was almost wasting one of the few days left before Snoke arrived was concerning but it also knowing wasn't a waste at all, being around him in such a calm relaxed environment was a nice change he didn't bring up work once, didn't try to make you use the force, it was almost as if things were totally different, a different time on a different planet the both of you were completely different people who were still madly in love.

Darkness came quickly that day time flew by like it was nothing before you knew it the both of you were fast asleep cuddling close, yourself dreaming about what the last day shared before whatever awaits with Snoke would hold. Waking up before Kylo it's still dark outside and for some reason it's colder than usual, it could possibly be that after a few seconds noticing he has hogged all of the blankets, rolled up into a bundle lying flat on his stomach facing towards the window. Shivering in place scooting as close as possible gently tugging at the covers with no success the full weight of his body heavily pinning them beneath, softly placing a hand on his exposed back feeling the hot tensed muscles then leisurely sliding it across dipping it down along his hip hugging tightly trying to steal any extra warmth.

A quick jerk swiftly flops him onto his back gripping tightly on your arm pulling the hand off his skin "holy crap! Your hand is ice cold!" Trying to resist but laughing anyways "well I wonder why, could it possibly be someone's stolen all the covers, hmmm I wonder?" Looking down realizing its him who has stolen them, quickly apologizing struggling with the twisted blankets for a moment then lifting the covers up gesturing for you to embrace him. Without hesitation almost instantly clinging to him wrapping your arms around tight the instant gratification of warmth easily flowing to your icy flesh, another quick jolted gasp as he resists pushing away the frozen touch. Letting out a low sigh nuzzling into his chest feeling the comforting clutch of his strong arms wrapping tightly around your quivering frame softly kissing your forehead "You're freezing (y/n) I'm sorry I didn't mean too next time just kick me or something I don't want you to get sick." Giggling "noted, actually I might do it just because." Releasing a quick snort he squeezes tighter before the room returns to silence, holding tightly mind racing wondering what he has planned for today if he has anything planned, what will happen tomorrow, is it your last day alive? Perching up on your elbow quietly asking, "what are we going to do today Kylo?" Only met with more silence, looking down noticing he's already fallen back to sleep, sighing again while resting your chin onto his chest watching the features of his face relax with a few twitches here and there 'I guess he must still be tired although I'm not sure how, we basically did nothing all day yesterday.' Watching him for a good twenty minutes before slowly lowering your head back down onto his chest finally having warmed up enough allowing yourself to also fall back asleep.

Suddenly everything is dark and cold feeling so alone and frightened with a phantom pain radiating from somewhere deep and unplaceable, trying to figure out what's going on the sudden realization that you've been here before it's oddly familiar, the dark mass void seems like a distance home a place you've once spent time in but still none the less not being able to remember how you recognize it, off in the distance the sound of shouting becomes apparent the only words understood are "get away! Leave me with her! Don't go, don't leave me!" Hearing your own name repeated under harsh sobbing vocals, listening intently the loud rapid thumping of a heart pulsates throughout the darkness, instantly recognizing it, having fallen asleep to its rhythm for months now knowing it belongs to Kylo but why is he so upset. Speaking out into the fog "what's going on Kylo I'm scared, where am I ?" Your own voice echoes for miles and miles with no response only the somber sound of weeping replies, gradually his figure comes into view you're standing behind it watching its blurry outline barely visible but knowing within its him, all surroundings are black not knowing where this image is taking place.

He's bent over holding something in his arms clutching it tightly, everything is in slow motion watching his figure tremble when suddenly glancing up staring at the sky heavy tears flowing down his face with silent screams finally revealing what he was holding so tightly to, gasping once recognizing it's your own figure laying lifeless in his grasp with your head fallen back a small line of blood running down from your gaping mouth.


	74. A soft warm glow

Abruptly the view disappears and is replaced by the familiar walls of the chambers, Kylo grips tight on to your figure panting heavily quaking beneath you, lifting your face noticing his chest is glistening against the darkness rubbing your eyes it comes together 'was I crying in my sleep?' Attempting to sit up only to quickly be pulled back down his hands grasping your frame tightly making any chance of movement impossible, squished voice "Kylo what just happened I'm so confused?" Gasping for air he slowly responds, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you...I was having" interrupting him "was I inside your nightmare?" Glancing down confusion very visible "it's possible...what did you see?" Trying to unscramble everything you can remember telling him about the void and feeling helpless and in pain to watching him cling onto your lifeless body "why would you dream that it was so...so awful it felt so real." Slowly trying time calm his breathing "I dream it almost every night...especially recently...I don't know why you were sucked into this one I must projected it into your own dream I'm not really sure."

Rubbing his cheek trying to comfort him "was I ...did I die?" Clenching his jaw tight "yes...you always do...no matter how hard I try to stop it the ending is always the same..." asking softly "who killed me?" Trying to pull his face from your touch "it's always different, it's been an accident, Hux, Snoke, yourself, and even me... those are the hardest...but always somehow you die in my arms..." turning his face back towards you kissing him softly holding it your fingers line with his tears "I'm sure it's just because you face Snoke tomorrow that's all, it's just a dream it's not true I'm right here." Finally giving in kissing back the fear easily felt beneath his quivering lips his embrace so tight it's almost hard to breathe, reluctantly pulling back "you do know today is our final today together before..." cutting you off "I'm aware... I've been trying not to think about it...but obviously failing and it's not our final day don't say that." Shaking your head "I didn't mean it like that I just...well can we not spend it in bed worrying about what's to come? If...it is my last day I want it to be happy, I want you to be happy...I want you to know how much I love you."

Gently gripping on to your waist turning himself over bringing you along his frame now hovering over yours warm honey eyes staring as he leans down pressing soft lips into yours, with a slow tender pace they skim along adding and releasing pressure with each loving forward press taking the time to feel every parting and closure from the contours of your mouth tasting you playfully with his tongue. Running a hand up beside you it slides behind your head softly grasping a handful of hair he tugs backwards allowing more space between your neck and chest, heavily his lips travel from your jaw down the sensitive areas along your neck where they linger repeatedly kissing softly over and over every now and then changing to the other side he hums into your flesh "I know that you love me...I can feel it, I could feel it from the first time you stayed all night with me. It is a radiating warmness it surrounds you like a soft glow, the only time I felt it weakened was when you were with...him, but it never disappeared. I could feel it every time you would ask me if I needed anything else in my office, every time we would pass in the halls, even still I always feel it. It's warm, loving, comforting, the only way I can describe it is...it's like feeling the sun shine along your skin on a cold winter day, smelling rain just before it happens, feeling butterflies flutter from within, it's everything I've ever enjoyed... beaming from you, don't ever question if I know that you love me because it's very clear..." placing both hands to his chest "you can literally feel my love for you?"

Feeling his lips curl into a smile along your neck "yes, I've never been able to sense that type of thing with anyone else either, don't know if that means it's something only shared with us...or maybe nobody has ever loved me like you do." Giggling "I doubt I'm the only one who's ever loved you, but I'm glad you know it's true. I wish I could feel something like that coming from you, it would be nice..." quickly pulling back "you doubt my love for you?" Fingertips clutching on to his shoulders tugging back down "never I swear, I just meant I wish I could literally feel it like you described it. I bet you would feel like...looking out onto to freshly fallen snow the way it sparkles in the sunlight...the warm feeling you get when a cat pushes up against your legs...or the hot tickling sensation as warm tea flows to your stomach. You would feel that way to me..." chuckling he lowers himself back down returning hot heavy kisses to your neck, shivering beneath the tingling pecks "you know what that does to me right?"

Without removing his lips they travel down kissing at your collarbones humming "mhm" closing your eyes enjoying the sweet caress of his mouth your whole body responding to the act both legs relax resting against his hips allowing him to push harder into your frame feeling his slightly hard member brush up along your panties, letting out a soft moan. With one last playful kiss directly above your bust sitting up resting along his knees both hands glide up from your waist grazing over your breasts one pauses cupping a handful the other continues to your lips where his fingers graze over the shape of them before pulling both of them away "if I could I would spend every hour exploring every inch of your body, but...not just yet." Pouting with a "humph not fair...I'm all turned on now..." laughing with a quick thrust of his hips the hard feeling of his member slides along your slit "so am I, don't worry my love that's been added to the plans for today (groaning in frustration he pulls up and away) just not right now (offering you his hand) come on let's get freshened up."

Laying there in protest contemplating teasing him 'I could just begin touching myself how could he resist that right?' but ultimately trusting him reaching out grasping his hand he tugs you up hastily lifting your body high against his placing your legs around his waist carrying you into the bathroom.


	75. Not yet

Once inside carrying your body towards the bathroom counter gently setting you upon it leisurely pulling last night's slip over your head then dropping it on the floor, stepping back removing his own clothes the pants fall to the floor revealing his completely nude figure, pausing for a moment he stares at you for longer than usual. Awkwardly shuffling slipping a hand up tucking some lose hair behind your ear "what are you looking at?" Taking a few steps closer with outstretched hands resting onto your thighs they slowly glide upwards moving in sync with his pressing frame that slowly parts your legs the closer he gets, hands still gliding up around the shape of your hips his fingers curl behind the small straps of your underwear very slowly tugging at them "how did I get so lucky, of all the choices in the galaxy to be my servant I was given you...I thought for sure I'd have another Doris...as sweet as she was I definitely wouldn't be in this exact position."

Knowing he was trying to be serious but bursting out in laughter "oh come on you're telling me you never got frisky with Doris? I know she is older than both of us combined but I know she is a little freak...actually I know it for a fact did you know she reads smut? She loaned me some books when I first started and whew let me just tell you...come to think about it one of the books she was reading was the very reason I was so freaking horny that day in your quarters...the uh masturbation mishap... without good old Doris and her books that probably would have never happened so actually, without her you really wouldn't be in this position." His face quickly turns to disgust "no (y/n), I never got intimate with her, and thank you for the very prominent image of her reading smut...I could have gone my whole life without thinking about that, you do know she's like a second mother to me right?" Making a regretful expression "yikes....I'm sorry." Pulling out from between your legs "actually I'm glad you were able to successfully kill my growing problem, let's just hope it returns or looks like you'll be regretting that decision for a while."

Hoping off the counter pulling your underwear down the rest of the way and swiftly unclamping your bra tossing it to the side striding past him with a quick smack along his bare ass "I could make it return right now if I wanted too and you know it." Jumping to the sudden handprint along his back side "well that was a first." Giggling "hmm maybe you'd like to be spanked with a paddle too, I'll have to give that a go." Walking into the shower behind you reaching over your figure turning the water on with a stern face "I'd like to see you even try..." not breaking eye contact trying to seem intimidating "one of these days I'm going to be fully in charge and you're going to like it." Stepping around walking beneath the water he begins washing his hair "that is if we make it past tomorrow." Immediately snapping his head forward with soapy suds running down his face "shit (y/n) I'm sorry that was cruel of course we are going to make it past tomorrow I'm sorry I was just trying to joke around..." staring at him blankly trying to make it seem as if your upset then turning around you begin fake crying into your hands. Almost slipping he rushes behind hugging tightly "I'm sorry please forgive me I didn't mean it I swear, we will be together forever and I promise I'll let you be in charge I won't even use the force I'll let you do whatever you want."

Slowly turning the fake cry into a giggle then grinning "thanks, can't wait." Squinting his eyes with a low growl "not funny, I thought I seriously upset you." Standing up on your tippy toes playfully kissing him "Nope I'm fine, now finish's washing up so you can do me." Leaning his head back under the water "someone's becoming quiet spoiled I see..." gasping hand falling against your chest "who me? Never..." after finishing with his hair placing both hands to your hips swiftly spinning you around submerging you beneath the water slowly dripping soap down your back his hands begin scrubbing in circular motions lathering your body, feeling him lean against you his lips right next to your ear "it's okay...I like to spoil you...plus I get to enjoy all of this while doing it."

Towards the end of his sentence his hands roam around to the front gliding the suds over your stomach and breasts sliding easily across your wet soapy skin playfully lingering over them kneading their shape in his hands sighing into your neck "I swear you're like a sex magnet every time I try and keep my mind pure you just....well hell you just exist and bam my cocks hard...so (exhaling deeply) frustrating..." placing both hands onto the wall in front of you then slowly pushing your frame back against him your ass brushing against his member it throbs to the inviting pressure, lustfully responding "so why deny it...you want it and I want it..." slowly his hands fall to your hips gripping them tight slowly rocking back and forth his length slides between your legs gliding along your ass and slit groaning deeply with each forward thrust the incredibly slow pace makes each inch forward tingle throughout. Holding one hand in pace the other slides back up your stomach cupping a handful of your breast, leaning forward locking his lips to your spine licking along its outline kissing seductively whispering lowly along your skin "I'm trying so hard to resist...but..." the hand placed at your hip slips down reaching between your legs holding the tip of his cock pushing it between your slit making it rub against your clit with each slow thrust, squeezing your breasts he groans "fuck I love you...I need you...I want you...you are impossible to resist."

Feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter the glide of his cock becoming easier with each drive, feeling the hot water flowing against your back between his hot lustful kisses it slides between your bodies making a soft slicking sound with every thrust of his hips. Releasing a quiet moan it softly echoes throughout the spacious shower, letting go of your breasts his hand creeps up wrapping his fingers around your throat the thrusting increases striking his cock along your clit over and over with low grunts escaping between the playful kissing groaning "mmm fuck I...need...(a quicker harder thrust)...to....(another hard thrust drives into your clit)...stop..." with one final thrust he pauses holding his throbbing cock between your slit, with a begging moan "don't stop please it feels so good..." squeezing tighter around your throat with a tender bite to your back the glide along your clit returns even slower than before but almost even more pleasurable. Moaning louder "yes...don't stop..." letting out another long deep groan he pulls back sliding his cock from between your legs "no...not yet...I want to make love somewhere more special today."

Still remaining propped up on the wall letting your head falls in disappointment "that was more cruel than what you said earlier I'm so turned on right now, what am I supposed to just suck it up?" Without wasting another moment in the shower, he steps out responding as he walks towards the bedroom "trust me it's much harder to refrain for me than it is you, finish up and let's get dressed." Spending a good five minutes contemplating whether or not you should finish yourself off but instead trusting that he will fulfill the deed in due time, washing up then stepping out drying yourself off heading towards the bedroom eager to start the day.


	76. Love the light side

After getting dressed the two of you head towards his personal dining hall and share a very lovely breakfast, while enjoying the meal glancing up noticing that he has barely even touched his food "Kylo what's wrong?" Darting his gaze towards you "oh uh...nothing I'm alright just a lot on my mind, nothing to worry about." Reaching across the table placing a hand upon his stroking softly "when are you going to realize you don't have to hide your emotions from me, I want to know what's bothering you, I want to listen, and I want to help...let me." A slow turn of his hand as it grasps yours bringing it to his lips where he softly kisses "I know...I know forgive me, I'm still not entirely used to having someone I can trust, someone who isn't trying to lie their way into my mind for malicious purposes. I guess it just sort of hit me that tomorrow is completely unknown and with Snoke returning it can only go a number of ways..." frowning while pulling your hand away, pushing your chair back walking around the large rectangular table with slow echoing clicks from your heels until stopping beside him.

Scrunching your dress on either side before lifting a leg up and over him sitting comfortably on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck then kissing his forehead tenderly "whatever happens tomorrow I want you to know you've made me the happiest woman in the galaxy, you have no idea the life I lived before coming here I never once thought the last grueling day on my previous planet would be the last, I had no idea that the new master I was given too wouldn't hurt and abuse me wouldn't take advantage of me. You immediately gave me luxuries I've never experienced, and even if you don't realize it from the very beginning you gave me respect at least compared to what I'm used to, but most importantly....(lifting his fallen face up towards yours) you've finally shown me what real love feels like. Kylo you are my everything and I will stand by your side no matter what, Snoke will see how powerful we can be together he will believe in our eventual leadership...now I need you to believe in it too."

Slowly sliding his arms up around your waist they rest gently along your back pulling your frame closer until he's hugging it tightly resting his head along your chest, remaining in this position he doesn't move or speak for a very long time and any attempt to even shuffle his grip tightens holding you closer, allowing him to feel safe gently running your fingers through his hair softly whispering "I know you Kylo, you are strong and powerful you can do anything you set your mind too, and I know you too Ben...(with that word his body tenses) you are kind and loving whether you see it or not there is goodness in your heart, I've seen it, I've felt it, I've loved it. No matter who you are...you are mine and I love you and no matter what happens we will be together even if we must run away I know you won't let anything happen to me." A slight turn of his face before gently kissing at the soft skin on your chest murmuring "I'll never let him take you from me, I'll kill him if I must...leaving right now isn't an option my loyalties are to the first order to what will someday be my army...our army, I cannot leave with the impending threat of the resistance, the unknown motive of the scavenger girl, but I will not rule without you by my side that is not an option."

Kissing the top of his head "then don't let it become an option, you are the mighty Kylo Ren and I know that even Snoke fears you, show him no mercy and come back to me so we can rule together. As for the girl train me well enough and I'll gladly take her out for you." Reaching backwards clumsily grabbing a piece of toast bringing it around "now eat, and let's go to that special place you wanted to show me." Reluctantly taking the food from your hand eating a few bites and then responding "my love, even with all the training I have to offer I can't imagine you intentionally harming anyone there is too much light inside your heart." Scolding at him "there is not! I'm just as dark as you!" Playfully grinning "okay then let's go right now, I want you to choose a random trooper and end him with my saber, come on."

He begins shifting in the chair pushing at your hips to stand "no! I mean...the trooper didn't do anything wrong why would we harm an innocent person?" Wrapping his arms back around kissing your lips playfully "see I knew you couldn't do it, but I could and have." Looking down disappointed that he does not think you are dark enough "why would you ever want me to rule by your side if there is still light within me?" Slowly rising his hand stroking your cheek "because I love you, I love the kindness in your heart it helps balance me, I don't ever want you to change." 

Again, sliding you off his lap successfully this time, grabbing your hand "now come with me I want to go to my writing room." Still slightly worried that you will never fully be enough for him 'how can he rule the galaxy with someone who isn't just as evil, will he always love my light side? Will he grow tired of me? Could I really kill someone for no reason at all?' Shaking your head then gleefully interlocking fingers with his smiling "oh yay! I haven't been there in forever and it will be so special to enjoy it with you."


	77. He's escaped

Walking hand in hand down towards the lounge room the two of you pass an oddly frequent amount of familiar faces, first of course is General Hux with his obvious look of disgust. Striding by him Kylo glares behind the mask while you smirk, rolling his eyes Hux annoyingly says "one more day Ren and this little charade will be all over your plaything will finally quit being a distraction." Immediately knowing what's about to happen Kylo flings out his hand throwing Hux down the hall, without even turning to see if he gets up the two of you continue walking forward 'that's one person I don't think I'd have any issue in killing he's such an annoying little bastard.'

The second person seen on the way to the room is the blonde haired woman James was cheating on you with she was recognized while passing in the hallway, stopping for a moment she says "hey...thanks for helping realize what a piece of shit James was, and you were right I actually sort of already found someone better and you'll never guess who it is." Raising an eyebrow "no you're probably right I never will guess, so who is it then?" Smiling happily, she leans in whispering "it's actually the general, we've been sneaking around for a few days now and trust me there is much more to him than he leads on he's actually quite sweet." Choking back laughter "uhm yeah no, I definitely don't know that side of him...and if I were you and wanted to keep this thing going on between you then I'd try telling him to leave Kylo alone, I swear he's one more remark away from killing him. As a matter of fact, you might want to head down that hallway right there." Pointing in the direction Hux was last seen, she looks at you funny before realizing Kylo's free hand is balled tightly into a fist and putting two and two together "oh my gosh thank you, I'm sorry commander I'll try talking to him!" quickly she runs off in that direction.

"Well that's weird did you hear what she said?" Kylo glances down behind the mask with a low growling "no." Squeezing his hand "relax remember everything is going to work out tomorrow, Hux will be the one looking like a fool. But also, she just said she is sleeping with him, I bet that's interesting to watch." Sharply Kylo turns "that little fucking hypocrite!" Trying to stride past you back towards the other hallway, stopping him pulling at his hand "no stop just let it go, come on let us keep going. Besides, I am assuming this was the place you would rather make love am I right? That can't happen if we never get there..." Kylo is frozen in place for a moment considering whether or not to go finish Hux or let it go when finally he relaxes turning back around "you're right, what do I care if the little fuck gets his dick wet, maybe it'll finally make him not such a little bitch."

Suddenly he's scooped you up throwing you over his shoulder holding tightly to your ass "no more distractions no more stopping and talking to anyone, let's go." Rounding the corner looking up seeing the door to the lounge coming into view when also spotting Yasmine walking down another hall, she quickly yells out your name "(y/n)! Commander! Wait up I need to tell you something! It's particularly important!" Kylo sighs heavily just as she finishes jogging to catch up, out of breath she spurts "listen this is something I thought the two of you should know I was actually on my way to find you right now isn't that funny, anyways...James was set to be released today but..." Kylo sets you down towering over her "but what." Gulping she reluctantly finishes her sentence "...but...this morning when going to have him sign release papers...he wasn't..." growling behind the mask "he wasn't what!" Shyly she finishes "he wasn't in his room...and nobody saw him leave...and nobody has seen him since he's completely vanished sir..." rising a pointed finger he begins to yell "are you kidding me you lost him? I thought I had specifically told you in private that as soon as he was released, he was to be locked away!"

Stepping in between her and him "Kylo calm down it's okay! Wait lock him up why?" Barely even noticing you standing there anger fuming from within finally snapping out of it darting his gaze toward you "because (y/n) I don't trust him, I don't like him, and that was the only way I could keep myself from killing him. Knowing he would have been locked in a cell to rot for all eternity was the best thing I could come up with and now...she's let him escape!" He raises his arm outstretching his fingers, quickly grabbing his wrist using all your strength to tug it back down "Kylo stop! You are not going to hurt her! It's not her fault, I'm sure he probably left the entire base just let it go! Please!" His chest is heaving heavily with focus still locked onto Yasmine, slowly reaching up placing a hand on his mask forcing him to look down at you "please...just let her go she's not the enemy we will find him and if we don't then good riddance, come on we're almost to the room just walk away okay...I know you can...look at me Ben..."

Instantly his whole figure tenses pausing for a long moment before shifting letting his hand fall and shoulders relax with the other hand lifting up cupping around yours for a split second nuzzling the mask into your palm then looking towards Yasmine "Go, get out of my sight! If there is any word let my troopers know immediately." Quickly she darts off in the other direction without saying another word, Kylo turns walking away from your shaken figure heading right into the lounge room leaving you alone in the hallway.


	78. First time truly fearing him

Rushing off after him bursting into the room "what was all that about?! Why did you treat her that way and why were you going to lock James up? And why did you just leave me standing there?" Just as quickly as you entered the room he had you pinned up against the wall his chest heaving heavily while pointing a finger down at you "do not ever call me Ben in front of my employees here again! Do you forget the reputation I am supposed to upload while being the commander?! How am I supposed to lead anyone if they think of me as a soft caring little boy, that is who Ben was! I am not Ben! I am commander Kylo Ren and I demand respect you don't get to come here and force the goodness out of me I've worked too hard to become who I am and you aren't going to ruin that for me. As for James that weaseling little shit I swear (y/n) If you show any more compassion towards him I'm done, he's a liar, a cheat and he's dangerous locking him up was for your protection and you question me for it? Do you trust me at all?!"

As if finally snapping out of his rage noticing your figure squished against the wall eyes looking anywhere but at him your face turned away with tears flowing heavily down your cheeks, quickly rising his hand towards your face with the intent to caress it you flinch out of reflex. A hushed gasp escapes his mask before stepping back allowing you to rush out from under his hold darting towards the other side of the room barely catching yourself on the old desk against the wall your hands shake uncontrollably as they try to steady your quacking frame deep fast breaths escape repeatedly, the familiar sound of his mask hisses as he pulls it off followed by its heavy thunk onto the desk only a few inches from your out stretched palm.

Slowly feeling his gloved fingers brush against yours testing to see if you'll pull away but he doesn't know that you physically can't, you're frozen in place with multiple flash backs of previous masters and their abuse, having never truly felt that way with Kylo until now making your mind and heart unsure of your own emotions. Pulling his hand away as if he had just touched something very hot "I'm not like them (y/n) I wasn't going to hurt you...I'm sorry I was just upset that you called me Ben and questioned my motives once again...but I'd never hurt you like they did." Forcing yourself to look over at him, he's propped up against one of the book shelves clutching his wrist with the other hand rubbing it like you truly did burn him, "how did you..." cutting you off "your thoughts...you were projecting them all around like scenes from a movie I saw everything...felt everything your mind was screaming..." only letting out a soft "oh..." pushing himself up off the bookcase removing his gloves then slowly stepping besides you his hand inching towards yours again, eyes falling watching his index and middle finger soft brush against your pinky "is this okay...." gulping but shaking your head yes mind still full of past memories wondering if he can still see them, sliding his hand up and over yours every slow centimeter it takes before covering it completely, feels like comforting silk easing over a sunburn softly he whispers "yes I can still see them...I'm not going to hurt you okay...remember I love you..." closing your eyes another nodding okay gives him the consent he was looking for, leisurely the other hand glides up your arm moving over your shoulder down the other arm placing that hand above your other allowing him to step behind you.

Grasping both hands with his rising them towards your chest his own strong arms making you hug yourself beneath his embrace, softly the slow pressure of lips skim along the back of your shoulder his hold tightens slightly while softly speaking along your neck "I'm sorry I shouldn't have reacted that way...forgive me...shhh calm your mind it's me I'm not going to hurt you..." the images of abuse start fading away dissolving from all around, the lounge room creeps into view "that's it just relax I've got you...(a gentle kiss is placed on your shoulder again) it's me...I'm here you're safe." Your whole body relaxes beneath his grasp not realizing just how tense you were, squeezing tighter turning you around with ease lifting up placing you onto the desk his hands rest on top of your thighs as he stares down at your blank expression "(y/n) look at me." Eyes darting up are met with his, warm and caring they search over your face looking to see if you're okay, placing a hand along your cheek his thumb softly rubs back and forth "tell me you're okay, tell me I haven't ran you off...if You need to be alone I can go...I just want to do whatever will make you happy."

The frightened feeling creeps back into mind but this time it's the fear of Kylo walking out, walking away, leaving you all alone your heart thumps heavily as your mind screams again 'no! Don't go please!' Without hesitation his arms fling around your frame hugging roughly pulling you against him forcing your legs to cradle around his hips he squeezes kissing the top of your head then forehead, cheeks, finally his lips meet your own passionately caressing your mouth with his, kissing as if it's all a dream and soon he'll wake up without you. sloppy words barely pushing through the open spaces as your faces turn between the make out "I'm not, I won't leave, I'll never leave."


	79. Made for each other

The kiss grows stronger his lips linger with lust as your mind forces all negative thoughts out now filling it with the happy warm sensation you get while in his embrace, interrupting the thought he mumbles "I love you...I've always loved you...even when I didn't know you existed I loved you...you were made for me...we were made for each other...you're the missing piece I've been trying to find and now that I have you I'll never let go." His mouth moves from your lips kissing at your jaw down to your neck it plays along the sensitive skin kissing and licking softly stopping only a few times for him to say "I love you" again and again, with each kiss you forgive him more and more knowing he meant no harm, knowing he'd never want to hurt you, knowing it's going to take time for him to fully embrace the idea that Ben still lives within his heart and that you love him too.

A hand slides up your back resting on your shoulder it slowly pulls the top of your dress over and down your arm his mouth follows its curve kissing at each new inch of exposed skin humming softly he tastes you, without hurry his lips move back up your arm over your collarbone traveling to the other side as he slips that part of the dress down as well continuing with the trail of kisses they dance from your shoulders, collar bones, neck, jaw, lips, then back down kissing all over repeatedly they dip down further kissing at the plump curvature of your breasts before he pulls away sucking in deeply, clearly out of breath.

Pausing for a moment yourself somehow out of breath as well 'how does this man make me feel so intently...' his hands fall to your thighs pulling you from your thoughts again they rise squeezing their way up resting inches from the line to your sweet spot they remain grasping and releasing kneading his large hands around your flesh, the sensation simultaneously tickles but feels so good, you've never had a man play with the parts of you that when looking to a mirror you've felt ashamed of before yet here he is loving the thickness of their shape digging his fingers into the sides of your hips pulling you forward leaving no space between the two of you. Once pressed up against him letting out a quick gasp feeling the electric chemistry flow strong between your panting figures, rising both hands you begin un clipping the belt around his waist dropping it to the floor loudly it's metal echoes throughout the room, your hands travel up his torso stopping at the top softly brushing gentle fingertips over the sharpness of his jaw before grasping the zipper pulling it down exposing his bare chest.

The sight of his chiseled muscles still and always will catch you off guard he's so beautiful it should be illegal, resting small hands to his pecks they slowly slide down feeling each ab in the process until dipping your fingers into his waist band tugging at it. Both of his hands reach up engulfing your own pulling them away "no not yet, I want to make you feel good...to show you how much I love you to show how sorry I am..." looking up at him confused but curious quietly saying "okay..." quickly his hands are back at your thighs sliding up his arms push your dress with them until they rest behind your hips, slowly leaning you back resting your figure down onto the table between the piles of books and scrap paper he pushes a few of them out of your way before slowly grabbing either side of your underwear sliding them down your legs they fall to the floor. Kneeling down placing both of your legs around his shoulders kissing up your leg slowly inching towards the center taking his time to suck at each new place his lips find creating soft red marks trailing to your core, wrapping his hand up around your thighs with a quick tug he's pulled you down his face now incredibly close, so close you can feel his hot breath exhaling onto your slit.

Lustfully he kisses on each side of your inner thighs humming along your skin, holding your breath as you feel his lips slide over the slit they kiss gently all along the shape of it teasing his tongue along your skin stopping at the bottom slowly flickering his tongue on the outside adding soft pressure until it pushes through driving into your core he tastes you releasing a deep vibrating groan. Sliding it up between your lips it dances along your clit licking and sucking lustfully with slow long strokes of his tongue you moan with pleasure enjoying every upward flick, keeping the slow pace he laps your juices into his mouth happily squeezing your thighs groaning again at the taste of you. Gliding his tongue faster taking moments to start from the very bottom dipping it into your core as it finds its way back to your clit, the more you begin to moan the faster his tongue laps and sucks. Slowly a hand slides down your leg up and under his fingers push inside matching the pace of his tongue making you release more moans louder this time, eagerly his tongue circles faster feeling his fingers get wetter and wetter they pump faster quickly shifting upwards finding your g-spot he doesn't hold back licking and sucking the room is filled with the sounds of your moans muffling out the wet slicking of his mouth and fingers.

One hand falls to the edge of the table the other grabbing a handful of his hair both gripping down tightly, he takes this as a sigh to go faster adding more pressure the circular motion never stops as his fingers dig deeper slipping a third in filling your core it quickly brings you close to the finish "you're going to make me cum." You moan as the hand on your thigh grips even tighter pushing his face rough into you he doesn't stop, with each pump of his fingers you feel yourself clinch around them the sensation to orgasm creeping up fast unable to hold it off much longer he locks his lips around your clit sucking at its sensitive swollen shape still driving his fingers inside your limbs go limp as your walls begin pulsating rapidly around his mouth and fingers orgasming loudly legs shaking around his shoulders. He keeps the circular licks around your clit while sliding his fingers out, with a few last laps pulling back he stands looking down at your blushed flustered face grinning leaning down pushing his glistening fingers into your mouth making you taste yourself.


	80. Unhurried, unrushed, and gentle

Licking them clean he groans as your tongue twirls around his fingers, fumbling with his pants for a moment the sudden heavy thud of his member flops out hitting against your soaking slit the both of you moan to the teasing pleasure of it. Slowly pushing himself between your folds the head of his cock stretching your core as it enters, he remains softly thrusting only pushing himself in a few inches teasing cruelly. Dipping his hand behind your back then pulling you up to a sitting position before lifting the dress up and over your frame tossing it to the side, softly his hand cups your breasts kneading it over the lacy fabric of your bra groaning again while sliding his cock only a few more inches inside pausing he's breathing heavily before pressing his lips into yours kissing slow and romantically the sway of his hips pull him back out before sliding back in little by little still refraining from entering fully he bites your bottom lip releasing a low deep groan.

Slipping a free hand behind you unclasping your bra with ease pulling it off your now completely nude body his mouth quickly finds its way to your breasts kissing and licking their shape until placing his lips around your nipple sucking gently with another inch added to the thrust he's more than half way inside now, moaning softly your core begging for him to fill its empty gap. Pulling his mouth away swiftly picking you up with legs wrapped tightly around his waist carrying you meticulously trying not to trip on his lowered pants, suddenly your back is met against a book shelf with a harsh thud he grunts as his cock is shoved completely inside hitting the back of your core. The quick filling makes you moan with intense pleasure feeling yourself stretch around his cock it's thickness pulsates inside as he remains still steadying his feet holding you tightly he begins slowly thrusting pulling out almost completely before shoving himself back inside enjoying every slow inch he groans deeply "you feel so good, I never want to stop making love to you..." holding tightly to his figure one hand grasping his shoulder the other onto the muscular frame of his back his own hand dips down beneath your ass shifting you upwards slightly getting a better grip before pushing himself back inside making you moan into his ear.

The rocking of his hips remains slow and deliberate sliding himself in and out so slow you can feel each inch as it pushes back in, his groans are deeper and longer than usual with each prod to your cervix he releases the groan which lasts almost the entirety of the outward thrust "mmhhmm....mmhhmm....mhmm..." the heat of each groan brushes shallowly along your neck while nuzzling his face it rests along your skin kissing so softly it feeling like his lips are tickling your flesh. Closing your eyes enjoying every slow shove he's never made it this slow before this time is different, like he doesn't ever want it to end you've never been more sensitive down there after the orgasm every thrust is like tingling shockwaves traveling all over you could stay like this all day. Softly moaning "I love you Kylo..." the sharp thrust of his hip shoves him deep inside as he breathes heavily into your neck "I love you too (y/n)..." holding still his cock fully inserted he kisses at your neck again sliding his tongue over your extremely sensitive skin before softly biting down kissing and sucking pumping a little faster but still slower than ever before groaning with each stroke his free hand travels up around your neck grasping your hair into his grip slightly moving your head over giving him more room to continue sucking.

Moaning again "mmmm Kylo this feels so good I've never had sex like this..." releasing his lips deeply he sighs "me either..." softly tugging your hair pulling your head over his lips lock onto the opposite side of your neck kissing and sucking again groaning loudly as he drives inside pushing his cock hard into your cervix "...mmm fuck..." the trusts remain slow but the force of his cock pushes harder inside as he grunts to each pound. Biting slightly harder you let out a quick pained moan just as he releases your neck "I'm sorry, I'm trying to be gentle..." staring up at him biting your bottom lip the thrust of his cock making your eyes roll back in pleasure he sucks in air "you can't make faces like that and expect me to keep my composure..." trying to look at him seriously but the drive of his thickness shoving deep inside overrides the focus with eyes rolling back again you moan long and soft.

Feeling him shift again a quick buck rams his cock inside as both hands fall to your hips, both of you moan quickly to the fast-hard plunge. Again, he stops closing his eyes his chest heaves up and down "are you okay?" Grinning he says, "I'm trying to refrain from cumming right now..." letting out a moaning "ohh..." feeling yourself squeeze around his cock he grunts "not helping!" Pulling his face down towards yours locking lips you begin kissing him passionately, breathing heavily the two of you make out for a while before the slow hard thrusting begins again making you moan against his lips "oh Kylo..." pulling back he stares down at you again while driving himself inside watching your face respond to the deep prodding "fuck you're so beautiful, I love you so much."

Leaning back down his head resting beside yours he begins thrusting a little faster gripping both hands tightly onto your hips the bookshelf behind you slowly hits against the wall making a thunking sound with each hard drive, softly whispering in your ear "I love you, you're mine forever, you feel so good..." the pace quickens again making his groans turn into deep grunts and your moans slowly grow faster and louder "I'm trying to hold off (y/n) it's just so...(arrugh) hard..." feeling your juices slicking up around his cock coating your inner thighs moaning "don't stop...harder..." thrusting a little faster the pace now what he usually begins with easily sliding his member in and out making sure to thrust hard with each full insert.

Slipping a hand down his thumb quickly finds your clit rubbing it slowly in circular motions grunting to the sudden clench of your core "you're going to make my cum again Kylo..." groaning slowly throbbing inside you "I know." Humping faster the bookshelf begins rocking to each ram hitting against the wall loudly, leaning forward trying to hold it up he grunts and groans next to your ear "fuck...I can't...hold for much...longer" digging your nails into his back your own walls clenching more and more feeling a second orgasm right at the edge you moan "don't stop..." With a loud grunts the thrusting immediately speeds up his cock rams faster and faster inside paired with the increased twirling around your clit, the bookshelf shaking roughly ramming into the wall multiple books begin scooting forward falling to the floor but he doesn't care instead he presses his lips against yours kissing hard murmuring "aargh...fuck...I love you...I'm going to cum I can't hold...it" simultaneously your walls begin pulsating around him as his trusts turn erratic with uneven low grunts drowned out by your loud orgasm he cums deeply, cock still shoving in and out forcing the cum to spill out dripping from inside.


	81. Dreaming of our forever

Holding still against your panting figures sliding out he lowers your wobbling legs to the floor, feeling weak and flustered needing to find somewhere to sit you step over the fallen books fumbling your way to one of the velvet couches plopping down catching your breath one leg hangs from the side of it. After a few moments Kylo slowly strides over taking the spot next to you propping you're foot onto his lap right next to his still unbuttoned pants and exposed chest that is still heaving rapidly, the two of you lay there staring at each other for a very long time he studies your nude body never taking his eyes from your figure as you study his strong masculine features down his chest over the shinning sweat dripping down his torso.

Suddenly swishing his hand and a notebook and pen float towards him, grabbing them eagerly he begins scribbling onto the paper glancing upwards every now and then "what are you doing?" He raises a finger "shh don't move, I don't want to ever forget the way you look right now." Blinking in confusion before realizing that he's drawing you, a slight feeling of discomfort washes over he's never drawn you while you were aware of it trying to shift into a more flattering position he stops "no don't, sit back how you were." Blushing and trying to reason with him "I look gross sitting like this Kylo my stomach is all bunched and my legs are open and I'm sure my hair and makeup..." cutting you off "in this moment you are the most beautiful I've ever seen you look, remember I love every inch of you... I want to capture your true form, hold on to it forever...lie back and let me..." a warm feeling rushes over finally accepting the compliment you lay back how you were before reopening your leg it falls off the edge of the couch again while resting one hand on your knee the other lays flat on your stomach "beautiful...thank you."

Kylo furiously scribbles away at the paper for well over an hour before you give up and fall asleep resting your head against the soft fabric of the couch, finally waking to see that it's dark outside Kylo has lit the candles around the room and has placed his cloak around your sleeping frame. Looking across the couch noticing it's him who is a sleep now, the notebook held tightly in his grasp, slowly removing it turning the book around seeing the striking image of your relaxed figure beautifully drawn onto the paper, quietly gasping 'his art still amazes me every time.' He captured the tussled messy hair as it framed around your sleeping face to your slightly smeared lipstick, looking further down he even drew each and every red mark his own lips left upon your skin along the way, blushing at the way he drew the glistening sweat running down your neck over your collarbones down to your breasts plump and relaxed being held up by the soft feminine hand resting along your stomach, eye traveling further down he even added the slight leftover indentions left by his tight grip on your hips and thighs, even drawing the intimate spot between your legs it's swollen lustful beauty portrayed in a way you've never seen it before with beads of cum still dripping from inside pooling onto the couch. Quickly pressing your fingers between your legs to see if he made that part up but sure enough touching the cool sticky spot drying into the fabric, the person he drew is so familiar but so strange to see yourself so raw and relaxed so...happy.

Hugging the book tightly his voice startles you "I take it you like it?" A slight jump "oh my gosh! You scared me! I thought you were asleep, but yes I love it, I don't know how you do that, you draw me so beautifully it doesn't seem real." Sitting up learning over pulling the book from your grasp letting it fall to the floor, cupping your cheek into his hand softly speaking close enough to your lips to feel his press and part together "it is real, you are that beautiful in fact even more beautiful, I wish I could capture your essence the way it deserves." Softly kissing him while crawling forward into his arms spinning the cloak around the both of you "I love you so much it hurts Kylo Ren..." gently kissing your forehead "I know...just imagine how it feels to love you even more..." laying in his embrace the two of you almost falling asleep again before he quietly says "it's dark outside we should return to our quarters..." squeezing your arms around him tighter "no I don't want to move, I want to lay just like this in your arms forever...what if it's my last..." hushing you "stop, we aren't going to think like that you know it's not." Pushing your face deeper into his chest listening to the loud thumping of his heart "it could be...and if this is my last memory with you I want it to last for as long as possible...I don't want to let you go...I want to remember your dark hair softly fallen along the velvet I want to remember your warm bare chest and soft slow beating of your heart, your silhouette illuminated softly by the candle light, I don't want to think about tomorrow or Snoke or Hux or...death."

Cuddling his arms around you tighter repeatedly kissing your head "we can stay here, I'm not letting go...not now not ever trust me (y/n) you will not be harmed tomorrow...let's rest for now and worry about it in the morning...this moment deserves to remain happy." Smiling softly kissing his chest over and over as he rubs down your exposed back the gentle touch mixed with his warm rhythmic breathing begins slowly coaxing you to sleep, the last thing you hear is his soft deep voice "you are my forever, my loyalty belongs to the first order but my heart belongs to you nothing will ever hurt you my love...sleep...dream of our forever...I'll be right here dreaming of it with you."


	82. Promises

Sweet dreams are rudely interrupted by awkward shuffling coming from beneath you, whining, "no...I was sleeping so well stop moving..." in a deep sluggish tone. The shuffling intensifies, Kylo's body shifts as he tries pulling himself up further on the couch with a frustrating grunt "comfortable?" Mumbling "I was yes, but somebody decided to move!" while digging your face further into his chest trying to reclaim the snatched dream its vision quickly dissolving from your mind only flashes of the life you had created remain but even they begin slowly fading, chuckling "well do you blame me?"

Finally giving up on the idea of falling back asleep opening your eyes to see somehow we have shifted into a rather awkward position Kylo's large frame is scrunched up against the arm of the couch while half his body dangles from its side, his foot still struggling to keep him from completely tumbling out, your own is perfectly perched between the back of the couch and his slipping figure. Letting out a laugh that is followed by an embarrassing snort "here I'll fix it for you." Playfully bending both feet upwards with a swift push along his hips watching him slide right off the edge, a loud thudding quickly follows behind paired with a low grumbling "ouch...really (y/n)" trying to refrain from uncontrollable laughter burying your face into the velvet, small high pitched giggles escape "oh no...what happened?!"

The room grows silent when suddenly feeling his grasp cling onto your arm pulling quickly, before you can even attempt to stop him your figure fumbles off landing directly on top of him pushing out a deep heavy breath from his lungs forcing him to gasp and cough, quickly sitting up both legs fall along his waist while grabbing his arm pulling him up into a cradling position and placing a hand to his cheek "are you okay?! Why did you do that look what you made me do, my big butt squished you!" Shaking his head still sucking in quick gasps a wide grin lining his face in a very raspy cracked tone "what (gasp) better way (gasp) to die (gasp) than that." feeling yourself blush hard not knowing whether to be flattered by his content with that type of death or offended that he thinks it could even be possible.

Not allowing you to ponder the thought for very long placing both hands on either cheek his lips find yours kissing in a rough playful manner the force of it pushes your body backwards, just as swiftly both large hands reach around gripping onto your back holding you in a dipped position all while his lips never leave your own. Slowly both hands glide down resting along your hips gripping tight pulling them closer into him while gently lowering you down to the floor very smoothly shifting so that he's now the one hovering over you, the cold marble floor is a shock making you arch upwards with a fast gasp. Pulling back his eyes darting over your face the fear very apparent, words escaping rapidly "shit, did I hurt you or something? Sometimes I don't know my own strength and I get too excited and forget that you are small and fragile, what did I hurt was it your head, back, or..." grabbing onto the collar of his shirt pulling him back down forcing your lips back together. Feeling his tense body relax pressing into yours one hand rests beside your head the other keeps him propped up slightly on one side, his lips softly brush along yours as slow dips of tongue turn it into a passionate make out, the sweet smell of you still lingers from the sensual apology last night.

Quietly humming into him realizing you could stay like this forever, in his arms, feeling the weight of his body on top of yours, the deep groans that vibrate along your lips, the comforting thought of having him to yourself for all eternity is quickly replaced with the gut wrenching realization of what today is and what's to come, pulling back Kylo must have felt the change in energy "hey what is it, what's wrong?" Staring up at his big soft eyes their honey centers full of concern try to read what's hidden in your mind, looking away knowing if you stare any longer you'll burst into tears "Kylo it's the end of the week... Snoke..." hushing you "returns I know, he should actually be here in the next thirty minutes I didn't want to stop kissing you, I don't want to face him I don't want to take the chance of losing this forever...but I should actually get going I need to catch him before Hux does." A horrifying fear washes over not knowing if this could possibly be the last time seeing him tears quickly fill your eyes, the soft caring shape of his immediately change to worry and sympathy as a soft thumb brushes along your cheek "hey...no no no don't cry..." trying to refrain but failing hot heavy tears fall while begging, "don't go please I'm too afraid of what will happen...let's...let's just go...run away."

Sitting up softly lifting your leg up and around removing himself from your frame, slouching up against the couch hanging his head low, sighing deeply "(y/n) it's not that simple..." springing up grabbing onto his arm tugging at it in attempts that he'll look up "yes Kylo it is, what do you really need here? Acceptance, because I accept you more than anyone ever has, I love every part of you the good and the bad, Kylo and Ben. Power, to me you are the most powerful being in the galaxy and being the leader of the first Order doesn't prove that...we can...we can start our own army that's bigger and stronger than this if that's what it takes. It surely can't be happiness because this place isn't happy it's dark and cold and cruel, I'll be you're happy place..." quickly glancing up, sadness strewn behind his gaze "you are my happiness, you're the only thing in my life that is...it's hard to explain (y/n) it's...well it's all of those things and none of them. My entire life has led me to this point, and I must see it through...and you must trust me, I have sworn your safety and I intend to keep that promise. Now I need you to promise me you will STAY in our quarters, stay safe and hidden where I know you'll be when I return please (y/n) don't challenge me on this one, promise me."

The instant feeling to argue, to push the matter 'I should be there with him, don't let him go alone! Stand your ground (y/n)!' But instead pausing for a moment and actually looking at him the deep soul searching kind of look reading his pained worrisome expression silently begging you to listen, slowly nodding "okay I promise...but you have to come back to me! I won't be okay if you don't!" Standing he reaches for your hand, "I would never leave you, come on I'll walk you to our room."


	83. Broken pieces

The walk towards the quarters ended way quicker than you would have ever liked, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible, mind telling you he will return but heart breaking over the possibility that he won't. This entire week you had been more concerned with the thought that you would be the one dying to actually stop and think it could possibly be Kylo, could you live without him, would it be worth it? Stopping just outside the metal door he stands waiting for you to enter the passcode, reaching out for it but quickly pulling back "I can't Kylo, I can't be alone without you. I'll go mad in this room wondering what's happening to you, what will soon happen to me..." slowly his own hand reaches up pressing the keys, they beep in slow motion before the hatch swings open pushing a gust of icy wind around the two of you making your hair blow backwards and his cloak flow with its breeze, turning towards you softly speaking "you must (y/n) I need to know you'll be safe, I cannot bring you around Snoke...yet until I know it's safe...please" gesturing with his hand for you to walk forwards.

Reluctantly stepping across the metal frame into the room, his hand slipping out of reach feeling the cold hallow emptiness of its missing impression, he stands just on the other side staring at you from behind the mask his chest slowly rising and falling with long deep intent breaths. Crossing both arms over your chest needing to feel any sort of comfort, Kylo looks down then up at a clock on the wall "I have to go now, stay here, I'll be back I promise." Pausing for a few moments before lifting his arm out towards you, slowly reaching for his hand letting out a soft gasp as your fingertips brush against the leather glove they hover for only seconds before he quickly pulls away sharply turns and walks off down the hall his figure vanishes when the hatch slams shut, leaving you in the dark cold room feeling incredibly sick to your stomach with loud unstoppable thoughts 'please don't leave me Kylo please...come back don't go....please, I just want to hold you, why didn't you kiss me goodbye? What if it was our last chance...and now your gone...' Feeling a heavy deep pain circulating in your stomach the need to vomit is creeping up slowly, the room begins to turn a fuzzy black the walls feel like they are closing in, blinking repeatedly while placing a hand along the wall holding yourself up while clenching a fist at your chest trying to calm the growing burning tingling sensation while your breathing turns shallow and rapid feeling as if you are going to pass out.

Suddenly the hatch swings open again and Kylo rushes into the room dropping his helmet to the floor scooping you into his arms hugging tighter than ever before his frame trembles around yours, placing both hands along your face instantly your lips are met with his. The kiss is hard and passionate, barely able to focus the feeling of his quivering lips skimming across your own his breath is hot and uneven "It's not our last chance...I refuse to believe it." Wrapping your arms around him tight, tears fall wetting both of your cheeks, pulling back with an uneven shaking thumb softly wiping them away "don't cry, we need to be strong...I need to be strong...I need you to be strong for me (y/n) Snoke can't sense my weakness when it comes to you that will only make things worse." Trying to stop, sucking in quick choking air "I'm sorry I'm trying...I know you're right I just..." failing miserably the soft cry turns into an uncontrolled sob, again his lips are on yours pressing roughly squeezing you in his arms mumbling along your mouth "shh calm down it's okay, please don't cry (y/n) I love you I can't handle seeing you like this." The two of you stand locked together kissing in various ways, soft, hard, passionate, lustful, and with longing before he pulls back again staring deeply into your eyes then suddenly tensing up, softly stroking his face "Kylo what is it, what's wrong?"

Taking a few steps back fear lines his face "(y/n) he's here." Panic rises within again "what? How do you know?!" Looking off into the dark room "I can sense it; I don't want to leave I swear... but I'm late already...giving off a bad impression to begin with...I'm sorry I have to go." With one last long kiss he whispers "I love you I'll be back, wait here for me and DON'T answer the door for anyone." watching him slip back through the doors noticing he forgot his helmet on the floor, walking slowly forwards picking it up holding it's cold shape in your hands quietly whispering into the poorly lit room "you better keep your promise and come back to me Kylo Ren you don't just get to win my heart and leave me with its broken pieces."


	84. Both women

*Kylo's view*

Leaving her still visibly upset was incredibly hard to do, but there was no choice Snoke had arrived and you're already late Hux is probably already there telling him all the wrong things about her, filling his head with lies it will nearly be impossible to get him on our side now. Rushing down the halls only now noticing the forgotten helmet 'no time to go back, I'm already almost there.' pushing the doors open noticing Snoke is resting in the large throne his focus immediately locks onto you the anger in his eyes piercing through your soul "Commander nice of you to join us, Hux has been informing me of your little...distraction." Marching towards him trying to keep your mind focused and strong keeping any thought of the softer side of Ben that she's managed to bring to the surface out of view, instead replaying thoughts of her being force sensitive and strong trying to show Snoke the two of you would be a good team, nearly unstoppable.

Once arriving beside Hux darting him a quick death glare which makes him scoot a few inches away, looking up at Snoke who is impatiently waiting for your response "I'm not entirely sure what the general has told you about (y/n) but she is not a distraction in fact she's only made me stronger and she's able to use the force I've seen it." Snoke cuts you off darting his head towards Hux "is this true? You did not inform me of the girl's power, a vital piece of information general. I'm not shocked, yet again you fail to provide all the details leave my presence before I decide to end you as well." Hux is visibly surprised "sir I wasn't aware of it I swear I would have..." he's cut off by the wave of Snokes hand as he returns the focus onto you, Hux takes this moment to dart out of the room quickly "this girl, she's new and strong the sudden ripples within the force are concerning Ren. How is it that somehow you are involved with both women, both with the same powers you possess?"

Looking at him confused "both women?" Anger rising his voice booms around the room "the scavenger girl commander!" Immediately trying to calm his growing frustration "she is nothing, she has the ability to use the force but she's sloppy and weak. Without proper training she will never learn how to be as strong as me, with (y/n) I can teach her, she is willing to learn. The scavenger girl won't be around very long once she knows the ways of the dark side I assure you of that, she is powerful her abilities are new and she's already show multiple ways to harness it." Rising a hand rubbing at his strained eyes "do you think of me as an imbecile commander? As much as I have taught you, have you simply forgotten it the moment you lie with the futile servant girl? The weakness you are trying so hard to hide from me is very apparent, I know everything Ren. I know of the failed attempts to locate Skywalker, I know of the scavenger girl beating you to his location she's been studying the ways of the Jedi right under your nose, were you even aware of her presence here now?"

Looking around confused "yes commander she's here, she was intercepted trying to shuttle her way into the base but I don't suppose you would know anything about that seeing how you've been preoccupied with mundane actions that of a pubescent teen. Guards bring in the scavenger girl, we shall take care of one problem right here, right now." Suddenly from the corner of your eye a set of guards come dragging in the frustrated scavenger as she poorly tries fighting back, they toss her in front of you landing on her side staring up at your shocked expression. "You've been distracted Ren...confused...these women are merely a bump in the road to success, you are strong yet so weak." Spacing out the Supreme leaders rant your mind floods with overbearing thoughts as he communicates with her, the interrogation of the scavenger girl, the murder of your father only weeks before meeting (y/n), the force connection the two of you share with momentary foggy interactions that (y/n) is completely oblivious to. 'I technically wasn't lying to her when I said the girl is nothing, she means nothing the bond between us will easily be broken. Whatever is connecting us does not compare to my feelings for (y/n) she is my true partner no matter how hard the force is trying to connect me to the girl she does not compare.'

Only catching the end of Snokes rant something about weakness within the dark side before mentioning Darth Vader's failure by allowing his son to twist his true intentions "the time is now commander, I warned you of your weaknesses and warned against getting further involved with the servant girl but you failed to listen. Do you remember what I told you would have to be done if you refused to listen to your Supreme leader?" Quickly looking up his expression stern and menacing 'he's enjoying this, he wants me to suffer.' Harshly replying "I will not kill her Snoke, she is far more important to me...to the first order than you realize." Leaning forward his large face closer than comfortable "you will kill her, you will kill them both right here right now, as we speak I have sent multiple men to your quarters where you've attempted to protect the servant girl. Starting with this one I will ensure both distractions are extinguished, now take your saber and destroy this one, that's an order."


	85. Supreme leader Ren

Reaching for the saber resting along your hip the sudden unfamiliar feeling of remorse washes over, looking down at the scavenger girl she's on her knees staring up at you with fear in her eyes but all you can think about is (y/n) her kindness, her empathy the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair, the feel of her lips on yours, knowing if she were in this exact position she would spare the girls life. "What are you waiting for Commander!" Snoke booms from behind as he rambles to the girl telling her the false thoughts you're allowing to be projected into his mind, your mind is being split in two it's as if the rage that once resided has burned out killing the scavenger girl should be a simple task one without much thought but the only for sure image is (y/n) replacing the silhouette of the girl her beautiful bright eyes staring back up at you forcing your mind and heart to show pity to the girl. Snokes voice is inaudible but the tone speaks of his arrogance, his trust in your loyalty to the first order, now knowing your trust is fully with (y/n) and that it is the first order who must show their loyalty to the both of you, without her it all means nothing.

Slowly twisting your fingers the stolen saber relaxing next to snoke begins to turn facing directly towards his abdomen in an instant everything is changed, the saber is ignited slicing through Snoke killing him almost instantly as the image of (y/n) dissolves and the scavenger girls figure returns with shock on her face as she realizes what just happened, flinging the saber forwards she catches it nodding in your direction whether she knows your reasons for sparing her or not there is a mutual understanding that in order for either of you to make it out of here alive you must work together to destroy Snokes approaching Praetorian guards. The battle was quick the way both of you worked together was surprising, almost easy making you wonder if there is more to her than once thought, 'if she would join the dark side, stand with me and (y/n) our trio would be the most respected allegiance in the galaxy.' Looking up at her exhausted frame the words coming from your mouth surprise even yourself as you ask her to join you, to join the dark side with an outstretched palm allowing weakness to creep out. The next few moments play out like a distant memory her reaching out only to trick you trying to gain control of the very saber she sent in your direction during the battle making her decision very apparent, the two of you struggle to gain control of the saber pulling in both directions her strength astonishing you as the saber shakes against the forceful tugging, the metal center begins to glow before it snaps sending a bright flash all throughout the room before everything goes black.

The sudden strong internal feeling to wake up forces your eyes open they focus onto Hux standing above your fallen figure his eyes are lined with deception knowing he was going to take that moment to try and get the upper hand, quickly rising he questions you "what the hell happened here commander?!" Looking around at the shambled room then down to the lifeless body of Snoke the memory of the previous battle comes flooding back, thoughts rushing as you respond "it was the girl, she killed Snoke I tried to stop it." Hux's expression shows disbelief "the Supreme leader is dead Ren, under your watch none the less...I find it hard to believe this was the work of the foolish scavenger girl you we're a part of this and I won't let..." cutting him off quickly the force is wrapped around his neck choking tightly "you won't do anything to me general, I am the Supreme leader now and no one is here to protect you anymore I suggest you learn to respect me, there will be no more chances nothing will stop me from ending you if it is what I please, you will bow to me...and to (y/n) she is just as in charge as I am whatever she says goes if I find that you disobey her I will not respond kindly."

He gasps and claws at his throat, his pale skin quickly turning a bright shade of red "is that understood?" Barely able to move he forces out a few nods before the grip is released making him gag and gasp for air, mind wonders back to the words of Snoke saying he was sending troopers to fetch (y/n) a sudden sickening feeling boils from the pits of your stomach as you stride towards the doors leaving Hux shocked and breathless in the fallen throne room. Stomping down the halls the path to the room has never seemed so long, the fear in the pit of your stomach makes you want to vomit not knowing if they've caught her, if they've hurt her, if they've killed her. Rounding the corner noticing the door to the room is wide open as the halls fill with the sound of shouting the closer you get the more is understood, it's (y/n) and various troopers yelling back and forth they are demanding her compliance that she go with them as she shouts back "take one step closer and I'll do to you what I did to those two! I am not leaving this room! Where is the commander!"

Rushing towards the room having to step around two troopers who lie lifeless on the floor the shouting continues from deep inside the bedroom, pulling your saber out quickly igniting it the sound of its hissing echoes throughout the hall before you burst into the room seeing her cornered against the back wall holding tightly to a blaster it's pointed at the last three remaining troopers. Her focus quickly darts towards you giving the one on the left a moment to lunge forward attempting to grab her, suddenly stopping him the force flings him backwards onto your pointed saber. Kicking at his back shoving him from the blade the second trooper turns his focus towards you, with ease the saber slices through his armor decapitating him instantly, the final remaining trooper backs up raising both arms pleading "please, it was an order sir I was only following what the Supreme leader asked!"

Harshly force choking him lifting his body high against the wall anger fuming rapidly within "I am the Supreme leader now! No one is to ever lay a finger on her again or I'll kill you all!" Letting him fall hard onto the floor he stands before darting towards the door, just before slipping out the force stops him "inform the other troopers of my new rank, and of the permanent protection of my empress!" The trooper doesn't hesitate as he rushes away from the scene, turning back towards (y/n) the torn side of her dress dangles in pieces along her hip, her face frightened and sweaty stares back at you before instantly flinging herself into your arms making the saber recoil as it falls to the floor. Holding her tight easily feeling her body tremble beneath your grasp she cries questioning "what happened! I tried Kylo I refused to open the door, but they knew the code I'm sorry!" Kissing at her exposed shoulder the smell of roses is masked by the scent of sweat and fear "it's okay I know, it's alright I've got you, nothing is going to happen...Snoke is dead it's just us now."

*end Kylo's view*


	86. Loves embrace

Pulling back a quick gasp escapes "what?! How?! What happened?" not even giving him the chance to speak your trembling lips lock onto his all of the overwhelming thoughts of him hurt or dead or the unknown motive of the group of troopers that just tried to capture you comes flooding into your mind. Kissing you back the fear of losing you too is laced in his heavy tight grasp, finally stepping back noticing he's just as sweaty and flustered as you his hair clings around his face where small scrapes and cuts appear along the smoothness of his skin.

Reaching up rubbing softly over one of them "are you hurt, what happened?!" Cupping your hand into his "slow down and I'll tell you...I'm fine there was...(staring off behind you) they captured the scavenger girl and Snoke knew of us, and me and her." Looking at him confused "you and her?" His gaze focuses back onto you "uh...it's not like that, I couldn't even begin to explain it but just know she still means nothing, but she is strong I asked her to join us." Shaking your head in disbelief "you asked her to what? Why?" Soft fingertips brush along your cheek "quit letting your mind wonder there, I know what you're thinking and it's not a James situation. The force has connected me and the girl for reasons that were unclear to me until today, Snoke demanded her dead and you were next that's why those troopers were here they were supposed to bring you to me and I was to kill you just as Snoke had threatened before, starting with her. But in that instant, I thought of you, what would you have done...so I...I killed him."

Conflicted within, mind racing 'would I have really spared her, should I be worried about this so-called force connection? Who is this mysterious woman...' looking up at him "but why would you ask her to join us...am I not enough?" Instantly his arms are back around you squeezing roughly "you are everything...she is merely an ally... she is strong someone we would benefit to have on our side. But I promise she does not compare to you, with training you will easily become more powerful than she could ever imagine, besides she denied me she wouldn't let go of her past...foolish girl." Surprising him with your response "I don't want her to join us Kylo...it's supposed to be just you and I." Staring down tilting his head to the side "don't worry about her she's long gone by now anyways, she made her choice and now that I'm the leader she will soon regret that decision." As if finally completely returning all of his focus to you and the surrounding mess "enough about what happened with me, what happened here?" Looking around the room the bed linens are in a tumbled mess all along the floor is broken glass, the decapitated body of one of the troopers lays next to the other then looking past Kylo seeing the silhouettes of the other two laying in the hallway "I was waiting for you, and then they came looking for me. I refused to open the door but they knew the code and came barging in over powering me, I believe it was that one (pointing to one of the two troopers in the hall) he grabbed me from behind trying to force me from the room while one pointed his blaster in my direction. I was barely able to focus but somehow I managed to push the one behind me off and I used the force to steal the blaster, I didn't give it a second thought I shot the one in front and somehow without even looking was able to aim backwards easily shooting the other. But just as quickly as they went down the other three chased me into the bedroom I was out numbered they each had blasters I only had one, they were demanding my compliance saying Snoke would kill me if I resisted but I remember what you said, to wait for you I knew I couldn't trust them...and that's when you came in. If you hadn't have shown up when you did I don't know what would have happened, I wouldn't have left with them willingly (tears begin falling down your cheeks) I know that and I don't think they would have let me out alive they would have..." softly pressing his finger to your lips "shhh that's enough don't upset yourself further... you did great did exactly what I would have wanted you too, now come here."

Not wasting another moment falling into his embrace again the strong comfort of it begins calming you down, gently he brushes his hand along your tangled hair quietly whispering in your ear "it's okay...it's all done now no one is going to hurt us anymore...I'm in charge you're safe now...we don't have to hide from anyone." Looking up at his deep loving eyes "what's going to happen now? Where do we go from here?" Softly kissing your forehead "I'm not really sure I'm assuming there will be some sort of ceremony to announce me as Supreme leader, (looking down to the floor he softly raises your chin) announcing our relationship to the order introducing them to both of their leaders."

The entire day was a messy blur, it all happened so fast yet so incredibly slow, not knowing how it was going to turn out but now that you are standing in his arms knowing both of the negative out comes didn't come true a warm calming peace flows all around, surrounding the two frozen figures locked in loves embrace.


	87. Vermillion red

Two weeks have gone by since the Snoke assassination, Kylo made it very clear if anybody asked it was the scavenger girl who murdered him 'I'm not entirely sure why he's hiding the fact that it was him, but I won't question it.' A few things have changed around here for one Hux is completely different, he bows down to you and Kylo every chance he gets always asking if there is anything else he can do, if you need anything, he's completely lost his infamous attitude, at first it was super weird but you've gotten quite used to the red heads compliance it's definitely a nice change. 'I personally think it's because now with Kylo in charge his life is always hanging in the balance, but I also think it's because he hasn't had to hide his relationship with the blonde haired woman who's name I've recently learned is Sola, Kylo has actually been quiet accepting of their status. Not sure whether it is because Hux is finally preoccupied with something else or even if he won't admit to it but maybe he's slightly happy for the general, who knows really but either way I'm weirdly happy for them too.'

The rest of the order has taken Kylo's leadership well, it's nice to see him so respected, although he likes to call it feared but you can tell it's more than that the base trusts him, believes in him, respects him. Right now you're currently on the way to the conference room Kylo sent a droid to fetch you saying he needed your advice for something, it's quiet early in the morning the little droid actually woke you from a deep slumber not even realizing Kylo had left yet. After sluggishly answering the door and thanking the little thing taking time to focus on looking presentable for your Supreme leader, quickly taking a shower and choosing a rather elegant sheer black and red lace dress it's length still touches the floor even with a pair of six inch heels, seductively smiling to yourself while slowly gliding on Kylo's handpicked newly bought shade of deep vermillion red if you remember correct his exact words were "The moment I saw this shade I knew there was only one pair of lips in the whole galaxy it should belong to." With a few extra comments at the end of it, but you cannot bog your mind right now with those kinds of thoughts he's expecting you, so you had to hurry.

Finishing the look by sliding the kyber crystal necklace over your loosely curled hair it rests along the fine details of the lace pattern, walking with a new found confidence being the right hand woman to the Supreme leader is a glorious, powerful feeling knowing that you are unstoppable is something foreign but vastly welcomed. Arriving at the room his knights stand tall guarding its entrance, this time instead of questioning your presence they each nod as you pass while one quickly opens the door allowing you to walk by with ease. Stepping into the familiar office noticing Kylo is standing facing out its large window staring down at his empire, striding up behind him slowly wrapping both arms around his waist hugging tightly from behind, much to your surprise he doesn't so much as move a muscle instead with both large gloved hands he interlocks them within your own "ah...you've made it."

Tugging at your hand pulling you around into his view, once getting a full glance at your figure his eyes squint while slowly raising a hand brushing it along your cheek "you look...(releasing a deep sigh while twirling a lock of hair between two fingers) beautiful." Smiling up at him hoping he'll notice you're wearing the lipstick he choose, softly his cold leather covered thumb glides along the bottom lip pausing for a moment before dipping it down ever so slightly before releasing "I knew it would fit you well, although I must admit they make your lips even more distracting, if that's even possible." Feeling pesky curling your lips up in a sultry smile finishing it off with the smallest lick along their shape, instantly his frame presses into yours pushing you against the glass without hesitation his lips connect with yours kissing forcibly the soft vibration of a deep groan tingles along their shape while he deeply whispers "you dare tease your commander?"

Running a hand up his thigh with fingertips quickly sliding along the front of his pants fast enough to barely feel him twitch beneath them "no sir, I'm teasing my Supreme leader." The affirmation of his new title instantly fills his eyes with lust, gripping hard onto your wrist roughly pinning it above your head the force flings the other hand into his grasp holding them tightly against the glass his lips quickly find their way back to yours while his free hand starts traveling up the front of your dress eagerly cupping a handful of your breast before sliding up around your throat. Playfully letting out a soft moan while withdrawing "whoa Kylo... what are you doing there are people down there, they will see." gently squeezing the grip around your throat a sudden invisible pressure begins gliding along the front of your underwear while he deeply says, "good, let them."


	88. An audience

Squirming, the attempt is useless between the cold glass and his hold it's nearly impossible to move out from beneath him "oh so you can start something but can't finish it, does this make you uncomfortable (y/n)..." the pressure builds gliding up and down the dampening slit of your panties "afraid someone will see..." biting your bottom lip looking over your shoulder at all the various troopers and other workers knowing both of your figures are easily visible "I don't know, I don't think it's a good..." the words ripped from your mouth are replaced with a quick gasping moan as the force begins leisurely lapping along your clit. Grinning he responds "you don't think what?" not giving you the chance to respond tightening the grip around your throat while pressing his lips back into yours roughly, your whole body tingles beneath his the combination fear and pleasure is just too much. Slowly the bottom of your dress begins scrunching up lifting just above your knees, sucking in a deep breath the sudden hissing of doors opening from far across the room startles both of you.

Quickly Kylo removes his grip turning around sharply, almost falling forward from the unexpected release barely catching yourself by grabbing onto his cloak, hastily standing tall trying to maneuver the raised dress back into its proper place before looking up to see none other than Hux walking towards you both. For only an instant a flash of annoyance lines his face before shaking his head back and forth "comma...uh Supreme leader sir the applicants for the position are here and ready to be chosen." Sighing deeply Kylo straightens the bottom of his tunic followed by a quick sweeping threw his hair "ahem, thank you give us a few moments and send them in." Hux remains in place staring at the both of you while a soft pink hue creeps onto his pale complexion, reaching his hand up gesturing in a circular motion around his mouth "uh sir, you have...um... your mouth it's..." frustration mixed with embarrassment quickly pushing Kylo's temper, growling "it's what Hux spit it out already!" The harsh tone makes him flinch "it's covered in lipstick sir; just thought you would want to know before they arrive." Swiftly rubbing at his mouth facing away from Hux waving a dismissive hand "okay yeah thanks, you can leave now."

Trying to refrain as small giggles escape your mouth, Kylo flips back around still scrubbing at his lips "think that's funny huh?" Running your fingers around the shape of your own trying to smooth out any smears present "actually I do, aww don't be embarrassed Kylo personally I think you should have left it, turns out the shade looks better on you than me." Darting a harsh gaze in your direction the small muscle below his eye twitches "if we had more time...I'd show you true embarrassment I suppose I'll have to make it quick..." Leisurely striding towards you with a swift flick of his wrist your figure is turned rapidly sliding forwards into the glass the force pressing it against the cold pane, Kylo's frame towers behind you while his hot breath dances along the back of your neck as he slides two fingers beneath the shoulder of your dress slowly sliding it down "I could strip you naked right here in front of everyone below us."

Hardly able to speak with your face squished against the glass "Kylo!" pressing his lips along the back of your exposed shoulder "And then I could spread your legs..." the force tugging at your thighs parts them slowly "I could have my way with you right here..." glancing down noticing a few troopers have stopped and started staring up in your direction "okay...that's...enough I get..." one hand begins sliding along your hip up and around your stomach cupping a breast into its grasp "think they would enjoy it as much as I would?" The pressure returns to the sensitive spot between your legs completely by passing the thin layer of silky panties finding its way directly to your clit circling slowly, letting out a surprised moan "Kylo stop they are watching us..." he doesn't stop instead his hand slides beneath the neckline of the dress groping along the smooth braless shape of your breast the ridged cold texture of his glove slowly hardens your nipple with each knead, "I could make them all watch...Just lift up this dress...slide your panties to the side..." the pace around your clit increases "The pounding of your body against the glass as I fuck you from behind would surely gather more attention..." looking down one of the troopers points up in your direction then looks to the others visibly laughing, trying to squirm out from the hold his chest pushes into your back eliminating any extra space.

Trying to hold back another small moan escapes making him squeeze down on to your breast, feeling him fumble behind you a cold breeze blows beneath your slightly lifted dress before feeling his fingers tugging aside your underwear they glide across your slit forcing out another moan "...wait..." slowly they push through your lips sliding inside coating the glove with your arousal. They drive in and out steadily matching the pace around your clit "don't tell me you aren't enjoying this...the feel of my fingers digging inside you...the grasp along your breast...mmm that's right I feel you gripping around them...show them how I make you feel."


	89. Enjoying the show

Closing your eyes trying to pretend three men aren't watching the Supreme leader finger fuck you for all the base to see, focusing on the feel of his pinky and index finger resting on either side of your lips while his ring and middle finger thrust inside a soft pressure builds as his thumb presses into your asshole making you let out a deep raspy moan. This makes him push the fingers deeper with a low groan along your neck his hard member presses into your back "do you want me to stop, is it too much to know those troopers will be stroking their cocks to this later?" The thought simultaneously makes you cringe and pulsate around his fingers "oh...so you are enjoying this...does the thought of them finishing to the image of you cumming against the glass turn you on...well then let's give them what they are waiting for, shall we?"

Trying to protest the words "no I don't want them..." are quickly replaced by another moan followed by another and another as the pace around your clit rapidly increases and his fingers pump faster and faster filling both of your holes. Groaning deeply "too bad I'm going to show them how good I can make you feel..." yanking his hand from your breast the friction pulls it almost completely out so half your nipple presses against the cold glass while harshly grabbing a handful of hair pulling while his lips lock onto your neck sucking lustfully. His fingers pump deep inside, the force quickly begins bringing you to the edge, feeling your walls begin squeezing around his fingers biting down on your neck while roughly thrusting his hips rubbing the hard outline of his cock along your ass groaning against your skin.

Opening your eyes again glancing down just as you pulsate around his fingers hardly able to hold back the loud muffled moans ripple along the glass, watching as one trooper whispers to the other while the last drops his blaster in shock. The image of them standing staring in awe turns you on more than you thought it would pressing one hand against the window the other grips and squeezes at your half exposed breast as the glass fogs up around your mouth from the hot building orgasm, Kylo's deep lustful voice "mmm fuck they wish they could touch you like I do, to feel your pussy clamping around their fingers..." unable to hold off any longer your walls begin pulsating around them squeezing rapidly as your orgasm fills the room "they wish they could fuck you so badly...look at them watching you cum...you're enjoying it aren't you? You like them seeing this don't you...such a filthy little slut....too bad for them because your mine...all mine." with a harsh swish of his hand the three troopers heads suddenly snap to the side and they all fall to a pile on the floor.

Still orgasming barely able to move standing pressed against the glass watching as Kylo just murdered the three peeping troopers, other people start rushing over towards their bodies while Kylo slowly pulls his fingers out from inside you lifting off your squished frame giving you a chance to quickly stuff your boob back into the dress. "What the hell Kylo?! Why did you kill them?!" Stepping away he casually sits in his chair gesturing for you to come towards him, crossing your arms marching forwards "seriously they didn't do anything wrong you're the one who decided to give them a show!" Once stepping a few inches in-front of his lap he reaches out pulling you in closer, looking up at you with those soft beautiful eyes "now come on (y/n) you didn't really think I would let them watch and get away with it did you? Do you think that would have been a wise decision to have rumors spread throughout the order? Besides at least they died happy, right?"

Rolling your eyes before running both hands through his hair tugging back roughly "you're such an asshole you know that? But...I understand you did it to protect your...our reputation." Rising his hand the orgasm coated fingers lightly trace around your lips "all this because a shade of lipstick..." pushing the fingers into your mouth you happily lick them clean tasting the sweet leather mix with your tongue, interrupting you comes a few soft knocks along the door.


	90. The towering one

Pulling back his hand readjusting the bulge in pants "shit I already forgot about them, are my lips still red?" Taking your thumb and rubbing it along the upper right side of his Cupid's bow removing the final red stain "not anymore, also who did you forget about?" Standing he walks towards the door opening it, as soon as he does four women walk through the door before stopping in a perfect line as Kylo says, "These are the possible options for my new servant, I asked you down here because I wanted your opinion on which one to choose." Raising an eyebrow "new servant? I'm not sure I understand, I'm your servant?" The girls break the gaze from Kylo for only a moment each one checks you out before returning the frightened obedient stare towards him, he chuckles while leaning against the desk "you were my servant that is correct, but there has been some issues with that current position."

Crossing your arms glaring at him "issues, why haven't you said anything until now?" jealousy is slowly creeping in the closer you look at the girls, each one young and beautiful all of them dressed in gorgeous black or red tight fitting dresses or robes the image brings you back to the moment you met Kylo how frightened you were, and then your mind wonders to what happened next while being his personal servant. The images of all the sexual tension flood your mind with flashes of the first time seeing him nude, to touching yourself, to the first electrifying kiss the two of you shared, breaking the memory Kylo shifts uncomfortably along the desk while clearing his throat "(y/n) I can hear that...and I assure you the only servant I'll be sleeping with is you. But you have to admit you've been slacking lately, and I don't mind it of course we've been busy...but nevertheless my laundry and cleaning still needs tended too, besides you aren't my servant anymore...you're soon to be my empress."

Quickly looking over towards the girls some of their cheeks blush and some dart their gaze away, Kylo chuckles again "don't be embarrassed they need to know the relationship we have, need to know you're mine and I'm off limits...(while looking directly at the girl on the far left) I could never be seduced by anyone but my love." Darting your own gaze towards her 'why did he look at her while saying that, is he attracted to her?' Looking the woman up and down you begin to understand why he would be, she's tall much taller than you almost as tall as Kylo with extremely long pitch black hair that frames her skinny heart shaped face perfectly, her beautiful skin shows no imperfections and her eyes are the most beautiful shade of deep blue making it almost impossible to look away. Kylo is watching you watching her before striding up slipping his hand into yours while blocking the view of the beautiful woman forcing your gaze upon him instead, softly he brushes some hair behind your ear "no one can compare to you (y/n)."

Satisfied by the smile lining your face he takes the place by your side still keeping a tight grip on your hand "I wanted to let you choose, so who would you like to take your place?" Looking at him then back towards the women "oh Kylo I don't know, I've never had to decide something like this before...I guess um...her." Pointing to the small one in the middle she's the youngest and most innocent looking, the girl looks up with fear in her eyes she goes to speak just as there is another knock at the door, Kylo looks confused but opens it anyways. Quickly rushing past him is Doris, completely out of breath stands panting beside the tall gorgeous woman "oh good...you still haven't chosen I assume. I know I'm running incredibly late, but no one told me about this, I heard it from a passing trooper but I'm here now and I want to be considered for the position." Trying to conceal the excitement within walking up to her wrapping both arms around her soft welcoming embrace "oh Doris it's so nice to see you again, but I don't understand you do realize this is for a job?" She nods "yes of course, once I heard you two were looking for a new servant, I just couldn't contain myself. Oh, how I've enjoyed retirement, but the truth is I'm quite bored...and between you and me wouldn't it be easier to have someone who already knows the job take over? I mean if you would rather have this...(looking up at the dark hair woman) I would understand..." quickly cutting her off "no! no I uh...no of course it should go to you, right Kylo?"

The two of you glance in his direction noticing he is holding back a grin "I told you it's your choice, decide however you like." Smiling happily "well the choice is pretty obvious isn't it? Sorry girls Doris gets the job!" Most of the women seem pretty content with the decision, all except the tall one who frowns momentarily before following all the others out of the room. Watching them walk out shouting off towards Doris "I'm so happy you accepted, see you soon!" The room is empty again before Kylo breaks the silence with a chuckle "was somebody jealous of the tall one?" Glaring at him "I saw the way you were looking at her, she's so pretty and who would blame you for wanting to sleep with her."

Walking towards you his hand lifts your chin up "I must admit she was thinking of some pretty naughty things, her mind was completely filled with them." Looking at him angrily "you dominated her mind?" Leaning in for a kiss "didn't have too, she was easily projecting them outwards." Turning your face away just before his lips meet yours "were you enjoying them? What was she thinking, because if that's what you want then..." playfully grabbing your face forcing it back he kisses you passionately "oh my sweet Naïve (y/n)...she wasn't thinking about me..." another long passionate kiss as you stare at him confused "she was thinking about you...and the answer is yes I was enjoying it...too bad you didn't choose her we could have had a lot of fun..." pulling back blushing hard "she was thinking about...me? But why?!"

Laughing his hand slides up the front of your dress playfully rubbing the saber necklace "because you're beautiful, and sexy, and she knew it just well as I do. The things she was imagining...mmm...anyways, I think picking Doris was a wise choice...less distractions all I need is for some beautiful woman to steal you away from me." Bursting into laughter "no one could ever take me from you, plus I've never been with a woman before I mean...she was very beautiful..." mind wondering for only a second before Kylo laughs again "now who's the one imagining her? Do you want me to call her back in here? Let the two of you get to know one another?" Walking towards the door "don't worry I won't interrupt...I'll only watch." quickly grabbing his arm "no! No, don't do that please!"

Pausing with his hand almost at the touch pad "as you wish...she will be stationed her for only a few days before returning to her home planet...if you change your mind don't hesitate to ask." Immediately responding "I won't, trust me." Kylo turns catching the fading shade of pink leaving your cheeks, with a playful grin he responds, "are you ready for tomorrow?" Glad he changed the subject the tall beautiful girls figure dissolves in your mind to be replaced by the thought of tomorrow's inauguration "I uh...I suppose so, a little scared really. I've never been in front of that many people, what if they don't like me?" Scoffing "if they don't like you then they die, simple as that." Scrunching your face "now come on Kylo we can't just go around killing people simply because they don't like me, promise you'll work on that for me?" Rolling his eyes while sliding an arm around your waist "I can't promise but I'll try, besides, I highly doubt anyone would be dumb enough to object the new Supreme leaders' future wife."

Hearing him claim you in that title forces a wide blushing smile "about that...when are you going to..." pressing his finger to your lips stopping the question "I have a place in mind don't worry, it'll be sooner than you realize...but for now I must get back to work." Frowning but understanding, pulling out of his grasp heading towards the door "don't be too long, I miss you already." A sudden force stops your movement as he cradles from behind kissing at your neck "I miss you even when I'm with you, I promise I'll be done shortly now go you're too much of a distraction." The force releases you with a playful slap along your ass sending you a few steps forwards, rubbing the sensitive area as you walk out the door "one of these days Kylo Ren ...one of these days."


	91. Trailing shadow

Waiting for Kylo to finish doing whatever it is that consumes so much of his time was rather boring, finding yourself wandering the halls watching all the various workers preform their daily duties. Most of them completely ignored you but a few stared for longer than a moment 'I wonder what they could be thinking, it could be anything from that's the girl who hurt James, to that's the girl fucking the Supreme leader.' Either way not giving into their condescending looks walking with your head held high knowing that by tomorrow there will be no question of your position within the first order, you are more than Kylo's toy and if anyone tries anything they will easily end up just like James. Thinking about him makes your mind wonder 'where did he take off to, is he gone forever, did he just up and leave the base? If he did leave how did he disappear without anyone noticing, what if he never left and he's still here hiding somewhere....waiting for the perfect opportunity to take his revenge?' Quickly shaking your head 'no that's not possible Kylo has every single trooper on the base looking for him, they have been informed to shoot on sight...Kylo would never let him harm me.'

Walking down an older hallway the metal lined walls have not been renovated in quite some time, curiosity keeps you pressing forwards until you have found yourself in a room full of old fighter parts and various other machinery. Stepping inside the dark poorly lit room noticing it's colder than other parts of the base, striding through all the fallen pieces gliding a hand along some of the sharp shredded metal scrapes trying to imagine what happened for them to be so destroyed 'I wonder if Kylo was a part of any of these battles?' Staring at the devastating piles a rotten filling creeps from within 'actually I don't want to know if he was involved in any of these...the thought of him leaving for battle and never returning is too much.' One ship is completely blasted in half both large parts rest next to each other, while glancing inside quickly placing a hand over your mouth letting out a gasp because the pilots chair is mangled and torn with lingering maroon stains. The scene catches you off guard jerking back slipping on a small shard of metal then falling against another fallen fighters wreckage creating a loud ricocheting crash throughout the empty room, sighing heavily while gripping onto one of the fighters wings pulling yourself up "well that was unexpected, why would they just leave the seat covered in blood how disrespectful!"

Brushing off your dress while heading towards the door 'enough exploring for today what's next I find a dead body?' Reaching for the old dusty hatch something catches your eye off in the distance, it was quick black shadow darting off behind a pile of wreckage. Quickly darting your gaze in that direction "hello... is somebody there?" The room is completely silent which only makes the situation that more eerie, giving one last glance over the hoard before dipping out of the room. Once outside walking away still looking back over your shoulder suddenly bumping into something tall and hard, before even turning your head the feeling of a hand grips onto your arm making you scream out loud. Finally seeing what or who you've bumped into it takes a moment to register that it's the girl from Kylo's office her tall darkened frame barely visible in the lowly lit hallway, her hand holds on your arm for longer than a few moments before she pulls it away resting it over her torso holding shyly onto her other arm responding with a soft velvety smooth voice "oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you."

Feeling embarrassed by her beauty and being caught off guard "what are you doing here were you following me?!" Pausing for a moment before slowly rising her hand slipping her long black hair behind her ear, making it so the low light barely illuminates her soft blushing cheek, shuffling in place she bites at her bottom up which you stare at for longer than meaning too "uh...yeah I actually was, I saw you leaving the Supreme leaders office and I sort of couldn't help myself I was curious to see where you were going. Then I saw you go down this creepy hallway and quite honestly I was a little worried for your safety." Scoffing at her "okay creepy much...and besides I don't need anyone to look after me I'm a big girl I can take care of myself, just so you know I'm force sensitive I can handle whatever comes my way." The quietest giggle slips out of her mouth as she slowly removes her dark hood revealing more of her gorgeous locks "oh I see, well if that's the case I guess you can handle that guy creeping up behind you then..." quickly spinning around holding both fists up feeling as if your heart is about to explode from your chest, anger fuming after noticing the space behind you is completely empty "seriously not cool! I thought there was..." the words cease instantly as a small shiny object flings right past your face stabbing into the metal door.

Turning around swiftly "what the hell was that?!" letting out more quiet giggles she walks past you almost in slow motion, watching her in awe the way her dress glides along the floor with ease almost as if she's floating, watching her long hair brush along the top of her hips swaying gently with each step she carries herself like a goddess. Stopping in front of the object she pulls it out of the door before turning back towards you, leisurely wiping the shining blade with two fingers removing any bit of remaining debris "had there actually been someone there you would have been dead long before my warning, thankfully there wasn't and thankfully for you I've been trained for battle since I was a little girl. I wouldn't have let anything happen to that pretty little face of yours..." eyes widening while both cheeks flush hot and pink "I...uh... thanks I guess...um I'm not really sure you understand my position here within the order I'm actually Ren's..." cutting you off mid-sentence with the slow rise of her dress revealing her long stocking covered leg as she slips the knife back into the holster around her thigh "Ren's what?"

Blinking a few times before standing up tall collecting yourself "I'm his future empress, and I know what you were thinking about during the interview he told me and might I just say how inappropriate it is for someone..." letting the dress fall back to the floor she stands about six inches away while slowly reaching out grasping the kyber necklace in her fingers with a light tug she eliminates the space between you two. Feeling your heart beating rapidly, she's so close you can smell the soft vanilla scent rising from her skin, lifting the pointed end of the saber crystal up towards your lips she softly drags it along the bottom "I suppose that's who gifted you this then..." Standing and staring at her completely frozen in place not knowing what's going to happen next and not knowing how you'll respond, thankfully she releases the necklace letting it fall back between your breasts as she pulls away "Shame...anyways the names Carmen, if you change your mind I wouldn't hesitate to show you exactly what I was thinking."

Feeling so embarrassed you could faint "Um no that won't be necessary thank you!" stepping around her trying to quickly leave the awkward situation "oh and next time could you please not sneak up on someone, especially in a dark creepy room." Just before slipping around the corner barely catching the muffled "what?" coming from where you left her 'oh come on like she needs to continue playing dumb, I already caught her following me just admit to it geez.'


	92. Wet dreams

Arriving back at the shared quarters stepping inside knowing it's close to sunset 'Kylo shouldn't be too much longer, I guess I'll just relax until he gets here.' walking towards the bed letting yourself fall effortlessly onto the velvet comforter running both arms over the soft texture of it before rolling over onto your stomach grabbing into his pillow and pulling it into your grasp cuddling tightly. Taking a long inhaling whiff of the lingering scent from his intoxicating aroma "mmm why does he have to smell so good, is there anything not absolutely perfect about this man?" Holding the pillow tightly you begin to drift off slowly fading into dreamland, only this time it's not only Kylo's figure eagerly greeting you, instead it's you watching him as he kisses and rubs all over an unfamiliar body his hands grope and squeeze at small perky breasts with fingers playfully twisting their perfectly shaped nipples.

Confusion bogs the dream version of yourself 'who is he touching, I know that's not me.' Looking around the foggy scenery glancing down finally spotting your own legs perched off the corner of Kylo's dresser, slowly following their shape with your eyes it feels so surreal to envision yourself like this almost as if it's not really you. Looking down again noticing this time your own hand is rubbing at the spot between your legs, the girl Kylo is caressing let's out a deep sultry moan drawing your attention again. Everything feels so real, the cold dresser along your ass, the sensitive circulation of your own fingers around your clit, you begin questioning if this is reality or not. Finally the woman in his embrace turns around facing you revealing its Carmen as she grinds along Kylo's hips her gaze locks onto yours while bringing both hands up squeezing and kneading her exposed breasts, instead of feeling jealous watching him grip onto her hips with eager fingers traveling down to the place outside of her silk underwear rubbing to make her moan again, feeling incredibly turned on. Taking her finger motioning for you to come closer, scooting to the edge of the dresser hoping off the walk towards her repeats itself a few times replaying slower and slower before finally arriving inches from the both of them, without hesitation she rugs at your hips pulling while planting her lips along yours kissing soft and slow. The next parts fade in and out like a glitch, her hand moves from your breast to your stomach then with another glitch it is down your underwear pushing her fingers inside your core.

The sudden intensely realistic sensation jolts you from the dream, hazily the dim scarlet color of the room comes into focus before noticing its dark outside and Kylo is resting in the space beside you. Letting out a deep sigh relieved it was only a dream, slightly disappointed that he is already asleep you were really hoping to get to spend some time with him before tomorrow's big event. Slowly crawling off the bed removing your dress the heavy weight of quickly pulls it to the floor, contemplating grabbing some pajamas but deciding against it once the fullness of the cold air reaches your exposed skin making you rush back into bed covering yourself with the blanket. Slowly scooting closer towards Kylo softly tapping on his arm, without having to ask he sleepily lifts it allowing you to nuzzle against his chest with a sluggish sleepy voice "everything okay?" While slowly running his hand down your arm and back up the side of your stomach before moving his hand in a searching motion it feels the bare ness of your skin "are you naked?" letting out a quiet laugh "no I'm not naked...well not completely, don't worry about it Mr. sleepy head just go back to bed."

The room grows quiet before he shuffles turning on his side facing you "I didn't expect you to be asleep when I returned, so technically wouldn't you be the sleepy one? I didn't want to wake you...it seemed like you were enjoying yourself too much." Flinging open your eyes feeling your cheeks blush hard "uh what do you mean?" Grinning he responds "well when I came in you were dead asleep I tried to wake you for only a moment but the only thing I got out of you was what I could have sworn was sexual response, I didn't think anything of it obviously you must have been dreaming about what happened earlier in my office." Nodding quickly "yeah that's exactly what it was, just couldn't get that out of my mind ya know...it was just too hot." Flipping onto your other side facing away from him hoping he won't read any further into the situation, scooting closer his bare chest skims across your back before the slow dip of his arm wraps around your frame pulling you closer into him. Holding this position his head rests so close to your shoulder you can feel each exhaling breath, each one slower and deeper than the last making the hot air slide along your skin, eyes slowly rolling back to the tingling sensation it causes "Kylo can you um...scoot back your uh breathing on my back and it's kind of hard to try and go back to sleep you know..." the last part is replaced with a soft surprised moan just as his lips gently press into your skin, trying to finish the sentence with heavy spaced breaths "you know what that does to me..." feeling his lips part then slowly press back down the wetness of the space between them is hot and quickly filled by the soft dance of his tongue while he kisses and licks at the tip of your shoulder, deeply whispering along it "I'm aware...so about that dream?"

Tensing beneath him 'oh shit what do I say? I mean I could just tell him the truth but I already lied and said I was dreaming about us earlier, not entirely sure he believes that though...' trying to answer him while holding back moans as he kissed along your back moving closer towards your neck "well um...it was just us and instead of getting interrupted we were able to have sex while those troopers watched, it was super-hot." Softly his hand drags along your stomach slipping beneath your panties his fingers slide along your slit, groaning along into your neck "you must have been really enjoying it...you're already so wet..." holding in your breath as he pushes his middle finger through your slit slipping it deep inside. Biting your lip 'well I guess he believes it, good I don't have to explain my weird attraction to that woman.' the slow drive of his finger paired with his tongue licking up the back of your neck all the way to your ear where he gently nibbles on your lobe "mmm...uhm yeah it was pretty hot..." pausing for a moment before slipping in another finger the sudden filling makes you clamp around them, deeply whispering into your ear "so...who's Carmen..."


	93. New sensations

Whole body tensing while trying to scoot away feeling both fingers slide out "wait how did you know her name?" chuckling while sitting up bringing the two fingers to his mouth slowly licking your juices off "don't look at me like that, you were moaning it in your sleep. Couldn't happen to be the girl from earlier could it?" Glancing down feeling embarrassed while simply nodding "I'm sorry it's not like I meant to dream about her, I ran into her in the hallway and I guess she was just on my mind..." he doesn't respond instead leaning over messing with something on the floor it's light briefly illuminates the room before sitting back up placing a large hand along your thigh the wetness on his fingers linger along your skin "(y/n) look at me..." reluctantly glancing upwards placing the hand on your cheek close enough you can smell the sweetness of your core on the fingers "you know that I wouldn't be upset if you found her attractive right?"

Looking into his eyes noticing he's intently watching your figure they dart from your face to your breasts down to your thighs then back to your face "I guess...I just, I don't know I didn't want it to seem like I wanted to cheat on you with her or something, I mean hell Kylo I've never actually been attracted to any woman I don't know what's different with her...I'm so confused." Sitting on your knees feeling his eyes watch you the entire way "well let's see...she's tall, dark, mysterious...has long dark hair...sound familiar?" Quickly looking back at him the sudden realization hits "oh shit that's it! She is the female version of you! That is why I am so into her; it all makes sense now!" Chuckling he responds "so what was the real dream?" looking off in the distance trying to remember fragments of it "well it's kind of foggy now but I know um... oh yeah well you were all over her touching and groping her, then just before I woke up she started touching me."

A playful grin lines his face while leaning back over brushing a few fingers along the outside of your bra "oh she was huh...was she touching you here?" Closing your eyes inhaling deeply "yes..." the feeling of his hand sliding down your stomach sends prickling tingles all over while the fingers slip into the band of your underwear "what about here?" Lying back onto the bed arching your back with a quiet sighing "mmhmm..." slowly his fingers slip beneath the underwear again softly rubbing along the outer lips adding pressure before the same fingers from before push back through immediately driving inside forcing out a twitching moan "even here?" He says while very slowly moving the hand in a wave motion removing and reentering the two fingers little by little, biting your bottom lip both hands grasp onto the sheets squeezing tightly while softly moaning "yes...especially there..."

The sudden sound of the hatch opening grabs your attention, barely sitting up the immediate shock of seeing Carmen walking towards the bedroom makes you quickly pull his hand out from inside while tugging at the covers trying to hide your almost nude figure. Before you can speak she strides into the bedroom "you sent for me sir?" fully inside the room she stops dead in her tracks obviously taking in the scenery, her eyes dart towards Kylo checking out his naked torso only momentarily before gluing onto you staring for what seems like forever they travel from your blushed face down to the tugged cover as it poorly hides the outline of your breasts beneath its silky fabric. Kylo pulls her from thought "I did, turns out my love has been fantasizing about you and to be quite honest I was curious to see why." Her raspy toned voice responds, "she what...?" pulling the sheet almost up over your head "Oh my gosh Kylo don't tell her that!!!!" He gestures for her to come forward until she is standing a few feet away from him, sliding to the edge of the bed he commands her to the floor "on your knees."

Without hesitation she obeys falling to a sexual squatting position staring up at him, reaching out a hand it brushes along her cheek "pretty little thing, aren't you? I know what you think of my (y/n) I heard those thoughts in my office just as clear as I hear them now...oh you can smell her is that so...you're right these fingers..." watching him slide them along her lips you can't help but peek from behind the sheet "they were inside her...would you like a taste? I promise it tastes just as sweet as it smells..." her gaze shifts towards you as she parts her lips allowing him to push both fingers into her mouth it only takes a moment before her eyes roll back and her tongue dances around them with a soft humming coming from her mouth. Kylo lets out a sharp grunt "you sure know how to use that tongue of yours...(y/n) come here." Sitting frozen on the bed unable to move he turns sideways gripping onto your hip pulling you into his lap before shifting back around pushing you down and forward so your ass is just at the edge of the bed, slowly one hand skims along your stomach sliding along a breast lingering for a moment he squeezes its sensitive shape in his hand while lining your shoulder with wet heavy kisses again "do you want her to show you how well she can use it?"

Looking slightly back feeling as if your heart could beat out of your chest "I uh...I don't know...is...is this okay Kylo?" Kissing your neck whispering near your ear "you don't have to do anything you don't want too; I can make her leave just as quickly as she arrived. But before she goes take a good look at her..." looking back down at her obeying position she stares up at you while slowly licking at her lips "she wants you...her thoughts are so loud..." quietly questioning "isn't this considered cheating though? I do not want to ever make you feel like I did with Jam..." gripping hard on your breast "do not say his name. This is different...I'm aware of what's happening and honestly hoping I can join." Jerking to the sudden hard squeeze releasing a pained gasp "I wouldn't have it any other way, I'll agree on two conditions." His hand slides along your other breast before traveling up towards your throat where is teases with light gentle grips "and they are...?"

The pressure of his lips resume on your shoulder kissing to each returning grip making you pulsate below "first...you can't kill her afterwards like the troopers (hearing her shuffle slightly to that sentence) and second...you have to promise you won't go falling in love with her over me." Feeling his hand slide around your back fumbling for only a second before unclasping your bra letting it fall to the floor, again he whispers in your ear "I'll never love anyone else but you...ever."


	94. The offer

Feeling incredibly nervous and vulnerable the loud rapid pounding of your heart feels so fast for a split second you wonder if you're actually about to pass out, behind Kylo has turned his focus towards her "all those dirty thoughts...my generosity will only be offered this once...I don't share often, do you accept?" Staring up at him she sits up on her knees while slowly gliding her long feminine hand up your thighs, this instantly makes you suck in a breath holding it the entire time the hand continues up the side of your hip gently rising until she runs her fingers leisurely around the shape of your breast her long black nails drag along your skin momentarily before she starts massaging. A lustful smile lines her face as she leans in never taking her eyes off you her lips part slipping out her tongue, very slowly she runs it along your nipple finishing it off with a playful nibble forcing out the breath you were holding in with a hidden moan intertwined within. Kylo groans behind "you like that do you..." reaching around his large hand slides down your other hip where his fingers rub along your wet panties.

Letting out another small moan she begins kissing at your breast leaving small black lipstick marks on her way up over Kylo's hand around your throat until she's only inches from your face her deep blue eyes staring straight at yours, his hand slides down from your neck filling his grip with the same breast she was just playing with, her own hand pushes some hair behind your ear "are you afraid?" She asks while slowly leaning in gently pressing her lips into yours while Kylo's fingers press harder along your slit, softly letting out a moaning "...no" along her mouth feeling her smile before adding pressure kissing lustfully dipping her tongue inside playing with your own. Her other hand slips around your waist reaching behind you before the sudden hard feeling of his member brushes along your back, her arm begins jerking up and down slowly while she kisses you harder. Kylo responds to the foreign stroke with a deep grunt, his fingers quickly move your panties to the side wasting no time they push inside making you gasp, she purrs into your mouth biting onto your bottom lip before returning to the slow wet make out. Her lips taste like cherries and her hair smells like flowers 'being this close and intimate with a woman is new, do we all smell and taste this nice?' Kylo's free hand reaches for your own forcing it up and around her breast his movements make your own hand knead it beneath his, feeling her nipple grow hard under her dress it rubs against your palm, the jerk behind your back increases and you can feel his precum rubbing against your skin.

Letting out a deep "mmm..." his fingers pull out from inside quickly finding their way to your clit with soft slow circles, breaking the kiss letting your head fall back onto his shoulder small ecstasy filled moans slip from your lips. Pulling away her arm leaving Kylo breathless for more as she stands reaching behind for a few seconds before her dress slips off falling to the floor revealing her lacy deep purple bra, underwear, and stockings still holding the dagger along her thigh the undergarments don't remain on for long before she tugs the bra up over her head tossing it to the floor then easily glides the panties off exposing her soft velvety smooth skin, you can help but stare looking from her face down to her small perky breasts they look even better than in the dream then dipping down catching yourself looking at the place between her legs the small strip of pubic hair guides your eyes down to her slightly glistening slit.

She stands allowing you to stare before returning to her knees placing both hands on either knee spreading your legs her lips quickly begin kissing and sucking back and forth on each thigh moving up higher and higher, Kylo's fingers continue the swirl around your clit increasing the speed more and more with each inch closer her mouth gets making you wetter and wetter feeling yourself soak through the small fabric. Both her hands glide along your legs then slip behind the straps of your underwear before easily pulling them down and off your legs, hastily her lips are back between your thighs kissing and nibbling their way to your core. With one last deep dip of Kylo's fingers he pulls them out bringing strings of arousal with them quickly his own hand wraps around his hard cock pushing it into your back rubbing your juices along it with a groan, looking up at you she smiles before kissing at your wet lips licking at the slick outside of them. In between letting out another moan for half a second you immediately try to pull back "wait...I don't know if I want her..." she doesn't give you a choice her tongue slips in returning the pace around your clit making you finish the sentence with a gasping moan, Kylo groans deeply "just enjoy it...I know you want too." her tongue is smaller and more gentle than Kylo's but it's pace and pressure are just right making it well known she knows exactly what to do, happily humming into your pussy she laps at your clit playing with the sensitive hood sucking and nibbling gently.

Surprising yourself by placing both hands into her hair pushing and tugging unable to control the sounds escaping your mouth, Kylo's free hand finds its self around your throat squeezing hard you can feel the knock of his fist along your back as he jerks his cock faster and faster. Feeling yourself growing closer and closer to orgasm your moans get deeper and longer before gripping onto her hair pulling back removing her lips from your slit, almost out of breath you plead "shit I don't want to cum yet..." Kylo's grip tightens while his pace quickens feeling his fist hit hard and fast into your back he grunts louder and louder before finally flinging his hand away hugging both arms around your frame his cock pulsates along your spine as his hot heavy breath repeatedly brushes along your neck holding back he groans "fuck that was close...you two are too fucking hot, I won't last long if I don't pace myself." Carmen stands again licking at her lips she slowly crawls onto the bed plopping down onto her back with both hands she rubs and plays with her own breasts letting out quiet hums "somebody could touch me...just an idea."


	95. Should we keep her

Looking at Kylo he stares back at you before shaking his head "you wanted her, you do it...maybe you'll finally realize why I can't keep my damn hands off you." Blushing hard taking the place next to her in bed watching as she kneads one breast while slipping her fingers between her legs rubbing at her own clit she moans "don't be shy, you've touched yourself before, yes?" Quietly responding "uh yeah many times." removing her hand it finds your own the wetness of her fingers catching you off guard causing you to pull back, giggling she says "it's only going to get more messy, think you can handle that?" Slowly she drags the hand across her abdomen over the small mound of flesh just above her slit before pushing your own fingers between the slit she guides them in a slow up and down motion over her clit moaning to each passing brush "you know what to do, just touch me how you'd touch yourself..." gulping hard looking back at Kylo who's still sitting on the edge of the bed very slowly stoking his cock.

Focusing back on her watching your fingers as they begin slowly twirling around her clit soft and tender, responding she slowly moans replacing both hands to her breasts massaging them to your touch "see you're a natural." The feeling of her clit is familiar yet foreign knowing the mechanics of it but still lost since it's not your own, instinct takes over as you dip your fingers down sliding them inside her core feeling the warm tight ridges of her walls grips around she moans a little louder "that's it...you know exactly what you're doing." Slowly pumping your fingers in and out feeling her wetness coating around sliding them up bringing the juices to her clit returning the circular motion with a quickened pace watching as her body responds with a few upward arches and moans bucking her hips into the air, not knowing who to focus on you glance back and forth between Kylo rubbing along his cock to her still massaging one breast her other hand finds its way to yours groping and playing with your nipple.

Suddenly the familiar secret touch begins lapping at your own clit moving in the exact same speed as your fingers playing with hers forcing the both of you to moan together, she laughs "are you getting off just on touching me? I mean I get it I'm hot but damn that's a first..." in between your own moans shakily responding "nnnooo iiittss Kylo hhee uuses the fforrccee ttoo tteassee mee..." hardly able to focus on the pace around her clit because the one around yours is too intense making you stop momentarily. The invisible twirling also stops as Kylo speaks from behind "I'm following your lead my dear...if you want to cum then you better make her cum too..." sighing before pushing two fingers back inside her scooting closer so your other hand can begin the circular motions around her clit again. She grips around your fingers moaning a little louder than before enjoying the combined pleasure, in agreement the lapping returns to your own spinning in quick little circles how he knows the exact pace of your own fingers you don't know but it's definitely a different sensation.

Looking back over to him the slow stroke has returned to a faster jerk gliding his cock in and out of his hand, biting your lip making your fingers pleasure her faster the thought of his cock inside is making you pulsate. The room is filled with both of your moans, hers a few octaves lower than your own making the difference easily distinguishable but none the less incredibly hot she begs "I'm close don't stop..." the plead quickly pulls your focus back to her watching your fingers sliding and twirling in and out and around her pussy knowing her sounds of pleasure are from your own doing turns you on more and more. Keeping the pace her walls clamp down every few seconds while her moans get higher in pitch, just before she orgasms the pace around your clit stops breaking your own building climax forcing out a pouting moan "fuck, don't stop that's not fair..." before he can respond she jerks arching her back both hands fall to the bed gripping hard onto the sheets as her walls pulsate around your fingers squeezing rapidly her fast gasping moans fill the room she cusses in-between the orgasm "there is no...fucking way...you've never...done...this..." finishing it off with a few last circles she jerks to the overstimulated rub letting out exhausted moan after moan.

Kylo chuckles from behind "I feel kind of useless right about now, you sure it's not you who's going to fall in love with her?" Twisting around glaring at him "you denied me an orgasm on purpose, I know you...come here and finish the job." Releasing his cock holding both hands up in a 'you caught me gesture' scooting up onto the bed sitting waiting for your next move, catching even him off guard using the force flinging him onto his back he grunts "oh..well okay then." Glancing back down noticing Carmen is still catching her breath she watches you climb onto Kylo's lap gripping onto his member before lifting up and sliding it inside, her eyes widen watching you easily take all elven inches fully inserting his length with a pleasurable moan. Looking back to Kylo his hands rest along your hips gripping they help rock you along his cock, his eyes never leave your body they watch you slowly grind up and down shoving his thickness deep inside.

Thrusting along his cock stretches you wide forcing out a whimpering moan, he questions "mmmm, you okay?" Pulling his hand up to your mouth slipping two fingers in sucking and licking around them while driving his cock in faster, he groans deeply with a few bucks upwards pushing himself inside. Completely forgetting about Carmen closing your eyes tilting your head back his hand falls from your mouth down to your clit where is his thumb circles around the sensitive area, fucking him faster and faster he groans "(y/n) you're going to make me cum." Flexing out your hand forcing his head back down onto the pillow ignoring his warning, suddenly feeling the bed shift opening your eyes to see her crawling on top of Kylo's chest pushing herself onto his mouth.

A momentary flash of jealousy runs through before accepting the action watching as she grinds on his face knowing from the sensual reaction that he's eagerly eating her out, keeping the pace around your clit his other hand travels up around her waist pushing her even harder into his face groaning louder and louder they are easily heard through the smothering of her pussy. Bouncing harder and harder his cock rams deep inside the entire bed shakes to the rhythm of your grind, wrapping your arms around her frame playing with both breasts kissing and sucking on her neck moaning along her skin. His hips begin bucking paired with deep grunts the pace around your clit circles faster and faster while the slight back and forth movement of his head increases too making both of you moan louder and louder, feeling yourself growing closer and closer to the already twice denied orgasm yours walls grip around him squeezing tighter and tighter with each downwards thrust.

Suddenly he begins jerking erratically beneath you his muffled grunts turn into deep smothered groans, instantly the feeling of hot cum fills your core just as you begin orgasming yourself followed by another climax from Carmen the loud sounds of sex could probably easily be heard from outside the room but none of you care. She falls to the side trying to catch her breath as your thrusts turn slow still pushing him deep inside the feeling of his cum seeping out makes you smile, leaning down pressing your lips to his kissing softly still shoving him inside forcing him to groan along your lips. The kiss turns passionate the two of you completely forgetting someone else is in the room nothing else matters, holding onto your hips lifting upwards slipping himself out from inside his lips never leave yours. Easily tasting her upon them it is different from when you can taste yourself a little less sweet almost tangy but not bad 'I never knew they tasted different.' The thought forced out a chuckle and he questions "what's so funny?"

Shaking your head not wanting to stop the make out "mmm nothing come here." resting your legs around him kissing slow and tenderly whispering along his lips "I love you so much..." the two of remain like this until finally breaking the connection both of you completely out of breath and sweaty he rolls you off to the side next to the now sleeping Carmen, letting out a quiet giggle "so it's not just me who passes out after a few good orgasms, good to know." Kylo sits up brushing a few fallen strands of hair off her face "we could keep her you know..." quickly glaring at him "we can't keep her, she's not a pet!" Smirking at you "she could be... look at how much fun we had with her in just one night imagine that kind of play whenever we want." Nudging her arm, she wakes suddenly "what, what is it?" bending down kissing her forehead "thank you for the new...uhm...adventure but you can't sleep here." Blushing she immediately stands throwing her dress on over her nude body "of course I didn't mean too, thank you for allowing me to join you."

Awkwardly she bows towards Kylo before grabbing her shoes and heading towards the door, laughing he grabs your figure pulling it into his embrace "you couldn't let the girl rest?" Pouting into him "no, this is our bed not hers...your mine not hers..." laughing again pulling the covers up over both of you "you seem to keep forgetting she didn't want me, she wanted you. But I am glad you kicked her out, I too think our bed should belong only to us." Hugging around him tightly "I can't believe we just did that..." rubbing softly on your arm "was that your first threesome?" Looking up into his relaxed eyes "um yeah, was it not yours?" smirking again kissing softly on your forehead "don't worry about it my love, just relax I know you must be tired and we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow." Partially wanting to argue but accepting that he's right you are quiet tired, nuzzling into his chest listening to the slowing beat of his heart he rubs on your arm "I get to tell the whole base that you're mine..."


	96. Inauguration day

The entire morning was a blur, Kylo woke up super early claiming he could not sleep and as quiet as he tried to be somehow still managing to wake you up in the process. Attempting to fall back asleep was useless because every time you started dozing off he would shuffle in bed or sigh waking you back up again, finally giving in the two of you decided to start the day knowing the return to sleep was completely lost by now. After the sluggish shared shower and a quick fueling breakfast Kylo stands in front of your half-dressed figure, running a few fingers up your arm leaning in kissing your forehead softly "I have to leave, apparently being Supreme leader doesn't automatically excuse me from having to help plan and set up my own ceremony. Don't get too comfortable in that robe, I've arranged a few seamstresses to compose the perfect dress for tonight they should be here soon to do a final fitting...I hope that you like it as much as I do." Wrapping both arms around him hugging tight, the warm leathery scent of his embrace swims throughout your senses making you smile sweetly "I'm sure I'll love it, have I ever complained about anything you've provided me thus far? Will I see you again today, or just for the ceremony?" Brushing a hand along the back of your head "I'll send for you shortly before it starts, we'll walk out together I want them to know you're just as vital to the order as I am." Reluctantly untangling your arms stepping back slipping his helmet on, with a deep hissing voice "today will change history forever, I love you more than you'll ever know."

Waiting for the dressmakers to arrive was painstakingly boring, shortly after lunch there was finally a knock on the door, jumping up opening the hatch three women came rushing in carrying various different suitcases eagerly plopping them down onto the bed. One walks forward picking up a few locks of hair "oh dear...we have some work to do ladies, and only a few hours to make the miracle happen." before even getting the chance to talk back she immediately forces you into the vanity chair while all three of them spent the next two hours grooming every inch. Finally shooing them away "okay that's good enough I don't think I have any decency left! Thank you I look beautiful enough...can we hurry and put the dress on so I'm not late please." The woman scoff obviously taking offense to the objection of another layer of blush, but eventually they scurry over to the bed unzip the velvet dress bag letting small glimpses of red and black to peek through the opening before pulling the dress completely out. Uncontrollably letting out a small gasp rushing up and running your hand down the lacy fabric "oh my gosh it's so beautiful!" one of the women size you up and down before holding the dress up to your figure "hmm well it's going to be a tight my dear but we'll make it work..." Glaring at her before slipping off your robe "oh it'll fit, he's never been wrong on my size before he seems to know my figure pretty well, almost as if he's memorized every inch." Making sure the last part portrayed the message you were going for 'who does she think she is? Does she not realize who this dress is for? Who I am associated with? Stupid lady, maybe she's just jealous.' After a few seconds of struggling the dress slips down to your hips resting perfectly along your figure hugging tight around each curve, the women finish sewing a few loose stitches before sarcastically wishing you well and leaving.

Pausing for a moment running both hands over the elegant gowns material still in awe of its beauty, it has an extremely tight fitting pitch black bodice with long sleeves and a deep sharply cut v neck dipping well past normal dresses nearly revealing your navel, the beautiful black runs down the puffed portion of the ballgown until just above knee length where it fades into a beautiful first order red the back has a rather long train trailing behind allowing the covering lace to flow past the smooth fabric underneath. Standing staring at yourself in the mirror checking out the final product, cringing for a moment at the sight of massive amounts of poorly applied makeup while giggling 'Kylo would be embarrassed to be seen with me looking like this, I'll just fix it up a little bit.' Spending a little time removing and carefully reapplying some of the look making it softer but still glam almost mimicking the look you went for when first meeting him, making sure to line your lips with that beautiful vermillion shade then slipping the kyber necklace around your neck resting it against your torso the pointed blade aligns perfectly with the shape of the revealing dress it rests only centimeters from the center of the cut. Noticing they left a box on the bed walking forwards opening it's lid, inside is a pair of beautiful black heels with a secret red coated sole "these are gorgeous Kylo and probably very expensive...but with this dress no one will even see them." Chuckling while slipping them on, once again another perfect fit 'how does this man pay such close attention to my body?'

Soon after finishing the final touches to the outfit comes another knock on the door, opening it surprised to see that it's actually Hux standing on the other side he's dressed very sharply in a superior generals suit holding out his arm awaiting for your next move. His gaze pounders your figure for only a moment before speaking "ready just on time, good because I wasn't going to wait exceptionally long. For some reason Ren choose me to escort you to this...affair, come let us get going before he blames me for being late."


	97. Brat leader

Slipping an arm around his watching as he places his other free hand onto the top of yours holding it rather gently, the two of you stride down the hallways for quite a while before starting to notice the scenery beginning to change. The further you keep going the more and more decorative the walk becomes, noticing the halls are starting to be lined with beautifully decorated candelabras and huge bouquets of stunning red and black roses all leading up to a long bright red carpet that lines the path to the metal doors leading out into the large open crossway within the middle of the order which is no doubt completely decorated just as elaborately. Approaching the red carpet Hux finally speaks again breaking the defining silence "I must admit you look rather beautiful this evening, I know that I give you and...Ren a hard time but please know it's not always intentional. I have hated that man for as long as I can remember, always having everything I wanted, swooping in last minute stealing away any chance at my own success. But I must say his entire demeanor seems to change around you, even when he tries to hide it, to still portray that same sad cold emotionless personality I can tell you have made him stronger. The first order is lucky to have such a wise woman guiding our rather senseless brat leader, we can only hope that with your help we can finally overpower our enemies becoming the most feared force in the galaxy. Now if you'll excuse me, I was told you leave you by the doors, I am to take my place behind the two of you...of course, good luck and welcome to the dark side."

Huxs releases your arm leaving you standing alone in the incredibly empty hallway watching him slip between the door slightly revealing the rather large crowd waiting on its other side, suddenly feeling very nervous placing a hand atop your stomach trying to suck in a few deep breaths under the incredibly tight dress. Of course, this would be the moment Kylo walks around the corner eyeing you from behind, watching you slightly hunched over stumbling towards the nearest object. Before staggering into the first pillar holding some of the roses his arm catches you tugging your figure into his "whoa (y/n) what's going on, are you okay?" Instantly feeling relief by his grasp looking up into his beautiful honey eyes your hands clamp onto an unfamiliar fancy soft swede tunic "uh hi...um yeah, I am okay, I think? I just saw how many people are outside and for some reason that apparently made me very lightheaded, if you hadn't caught me..." brushing a pair of red leather gloves along your cheek "I'll always catch you, don't let the crowd overwhelm you they are all here to support our leadership. Cannot have them thinking their new empress is not as strong as their Supreme leader says she is, now can we? Come on stand up tall, know that I've got you...I'll protect you always." reassuring yourself steadily back on the floor the sudden lightheadedness has completely faded "you sure have a way of making me feel better Kylo Ren...I'm so lucky to have you."

Moving his hand into yours stepping a few feet back his eyes wander over your figure "do you feel as beautiful as you look?" blushing hard, sliding a hand over the dress "this makes me feel something yes but not nearly as beautiful as you make me feel, thank you..." tugging you back into his embrace his lips almost press into yours but abruptly stop just before connecting "humph I know that lipstick...almost made me walk out in front of my empire with it smeared along my face again." Tilting his head, the soft pressure of his mouth lines your cheek "that will have to suffice for now, okay are you ready it's time to head out there." Gulping hard but squeezing his hand in agreement the two of you walk towards the doors where he uses the force to push them open allowing space enough for both of you to walk out together just as he slips his arm around your waist, arriving on the lifted platform the audience realizes their leader has arrived and the loud chatter ceases as the room grows silent.

With a light squeeze around your hip he motions for you to stand next to him while he Hux begins addressing the crowd, anxiety creeps up again as you use all focus to keep from fainting barely hearing the inaudible mumbles coming from Hux's speech. Something about commanders and leaders, hearing a few familiar words here and there "Snoke, Ren, Supreme, and empress." Upon hearing that one simultaneously feeling Kylo grip onto your hip again bringing your focus back to reality, the faces in the crowd begin to regain logical shape allowing you to recognize a few of the familiar figures mixed within hundreds of unknown persons. Catching glimpses of Doris, Yasmine, Sola, James '...wait?!' Darting you're gaze back to the place you thought you had spotted him only to see it's just a regular man who has a strangely similar resemblance, and finally spotting Carmen standing only a few rows back from the podium, her presence immediately makes you look away blushing hard remember all of the things that happened between you two only hours ago.


	98. Unexpected event

At the end of the ceremony Kylo releases his grip from your side before walking towards the front of the crowd, the loud hissing sound of his voice booms along the walls as he informs the audience of his acceptance into the new leadership role. Still spacing in and out the sound of him calling your name twice snaps your attention back "(y/n)...(y/n)" as he gestures his finger in a come here motion, shaking your head for a second then immediately taking the place beside him feeling his arm rest along your hip once more. "As Hux was previously saying not only is the first order under a new supreme leader I will also be accompanied by this woman, she is to be just as respected as me if not more. Her presence within the order is monumental..." something below catches your attention darting a quick glance down noticing its Carmen bending down reaching for something.

An unexplainable sickness washes over when suddenly everything moves in slow motion watching as she stands back up pulling her arm back with a snap to her wrist something small and shiny comes hurtling forwards heading directly for kylo, before he can even react using all focus flinging out your outstretched palm stopping the sharp pointed blade inches from his chest, the dagger sudden spins around flying forcibly straight between her piercing blue eyes. The entire crowd scrambles away as her body dangles for a moment before collapsing the floor, looking back Kylo quickly grabs your hand pulling you from the stage dragging you hastily back into the empty hallway hearing Hux addressing everybody as the two of you disappear "stay calm everyone...STAY CALM!!! Everyone is to return to their quarters or workstations not like we've never seen a dead body within the order before, move along!"

Once inside immediately Kylo sharply turns towards you "what the hell was that what just happened?!" Trembling your voice shakily responds "I...I don't even know...I saw her..." harshly he snaps "saw who?!" Trying to swallow and collect your thoughts "carmen...she...she was trying to kill you or something? I saw her reaching for something under her dress and I remembered from yesterday that's where she kept her dagger, but I could feel her intentions Kylo she wanted to hurt you...to kill you. I thought for sure you would notice everything was so slow but the closer the blade approached the more I knew you were distracted so I...I just acted. I was so mad and frightened I lost all control of my emotions all I wanted to do was destroy her for attempting to take you from me...why would she do that Kylo I'm so confused I don't understand!"

Finally noticing how flustered you are his demeanor changes and suddenly his arms around your trembling figure hugging tightly "I don't know either (y/n), she must have been sent here to assassinate me and without you...my ego would have allowed it to happen. I had no idea what was happening, and I should have, all my training for what? To be killed by some little whore!" Feeling him tense up beneath making you forget all about your own overwhelmed emotions both hands lift the mask from his face allowing you to press your lips into his kissing roughly, the kind of kiss someone displays after just cheating death. A few moments pass while the two of you are still locked together before Hux comes walking through the door "Supreme leader we have removed the body from the common area she's been taken to the medical bay for holding until we can figure out just exactly who sent her, I assure you I was unaware of the girls intentions when selecting her for the interviewing I was told she was already a lifelong servant with great experience." Pulling back unsealing the kiss "wait now that you mention it yesterday she told me she had been trained for battle since she was a little girl and I didn't think anything of it...why didn't I question her further...I fell for her seduction."

Hux darts a confused look in your direction before raising his hand "nope, don't even want to know, as far as we can tell the coast is clear she seems to be the only person wishing harm upon you, I will inform you right away when we figure something out sir." He marches off down the hallway leaving the two of you alone again, feeling your eyes line with tears "I'm so sorry Kylo I didn't know she was going to try and..." not allowing you to finish the sentence his lips press back into yours silently reassuring you aren't to blame and he's not mad. "(Y/n) had you not been there I would be dead right now, once again proving just how vital to me you are. Besides dying would have really put a damper in the rest of my plans for tonight..." glancing up at him with a clear confused expression "what more could we possibly have to do tonight, don't you think today has been pretty eventful so far?"

Letting out a fast chuckle his fingers interlock within yours tugging your figure as he begins walking forwards "well I mean it was something I deemed pretty important, something I've been planning for quite a while but...if you would rather..." instantly skipping to catch up "wait no! I mean...uh no it's okay we can do whatever it is you had planned...can't promise I'll enjoy it though, to be quiet honest I'm still really shaken up about what just happened, you do realize that's the first person I've ever killed right?" Seeing him smile out of the corner of your eye "oh you'll enjoy it...I promise, and yes I'm aware. But look at you, handling it so well I knew you had it in you. My first time was rough too but at least you get to live with the fact that your first kill was someone who deserved it and not all of your Jedi friends..." the smile fades with the last part and his gaze focuses straight ahead "oh Kylo I'm sorry I didn't mean to...that wasn't...I'm sorry..." the tone in his voice is deeper and laced with sadness "it's okay, it's in the past...where it belongs."

The rest of the walk is in complete silence until spotting a huge door at the end of a hall, with a light squeeze along your hand he says "I want to show you this room, but before I do I want you to know it's importance. This room has been the fuel to my existence for quite some time, from the very first-time laying eyes upon it arriving here at the first order I knew someday it would belong to me. That all my hard work would pay off, that someday I would achieve my sought-after leadership." Pushing with his free hand the force swings the doors open revealing an enormous room with beautiful bright red walls behind a large grey throne, guiding your figure with his hand bringing you towards the throne "I wanted to do this sooner but after the battle with Snoke this room was destroyed, I've had my men working hard to repair it just for you but they haven't finished adding my requested second throne. (Y/n) without you I would still be a sad, confused, angry, bitter man you have changed me...in multiple ways. I'm stronger than ever, I'm Supreme leader ruler of the first order...but most importantly...I'm happy..." gesturing for you to sit along the throne "there's a few things I wanted to ask you, are you happy here?"

Nodding your head "of course, this place is a little crazy sometimes...obviously...but as long as I'm with you I'm happy." Softly smiling he asks another question "are you willing to join the dark side?" Frowning for a split second "truthfully I still don't know where my heart lies Kylo... but if being with you means I have to join the dark side...then of course I will...I'll do whatever it takes to stay next to you." His eyes wince momentarily "joining the dark side doesn't mean you automatically become as cold as me...I never want you to lose that light within...at least not completely. I need you to balance my mood swings, something it turns out you're quite good at, but I need to know that you are on my side which happens to be the dark side." Reaching out for his hand "yes I'll join the dark side, I'll join you anywhere you go...always." Slowly guiding your hand back down it sits upon your knee as his rests on top, reaching into the inside of his tunic he fumbles for a moment "there is only one last thing I want to ask..."

*more chapters coming soon, school starts tomorrow but I promise to keep working on the fic! Thank you for the support 🖤*


	99. Yes-No-Maybe

Standing nervously still fumbling around in his tunic finally pulling out the same small velvet box from the force training not so long ago, instantly your stomach flops while your chest gets hot and the nervous flutter of butterflies spreads throughout 'oh my gosh this is it...he's going to propose! Okay (y/n) calm down don't pass out before he gets the chance to ask.' Kneeling before you and the throne removing the hand placed upon your own slowly opening the tiny box finally revealing what's inside, letting out a small gasp at the sight of the most beautiful ring you've ever seen it's gorgeous black plated silver is twisted and molded into sleek dark elegant patterns all intertwining to hold a stone that looks oddly familiar to the kyber crystal around your neck only smoother and more uniform. 

Watching as he removes the ring from the box placing its empty container back inside his pocket then reaching out for your hand, while slowly sliding the perfectly sized band onto your finger saying "I've never once imagined that I would be anything other than a cold, ruthless leader, never once thought there could be someone so perfect out in the galaxy. Someone who makes me believe in love...in happiness...in hope... yet here I am, kneeling in front of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. My life cannot go back to what it was before, that part of me no longer exists, who I am now is solely because of you. I see now that what was missing to become a great leader was balance, someone to make me stronger in all the right ways yet hold me accountable for my childish imperfections, and that someone is you (y/n)..." the ring finishes gliding up finally resting in its forever place "will you take my hand and join me endlessly, no matter what the future holds will you be by my side? Will you continue to love this black heart of mine and constantly chip away at my walls, will you handle my mood swings and tantrums with the same kind, tender response I'm growing to know and love...will you be the one person who always believes in me and never abandon me because of my imperfections. Will you continue to love me as Kylo Ren and Ben solo...if you are willing to accept all of that then...please...will you marry me (y/n)?" 

Unable to contain yourself immediately leaping forwards into his strong embrace almost forcing the two of you tumbling down the steps leading up to the throne, grasping his face kissing all over making sure not to miss an inch while repeatedly saying "yes!" before and after each kiss. Wrapping his arms around your frame holding them in place allowing you to line his face with multiple red lip imprints before sliding both hands down scooping under your legs bringing them around his waist before easily standing while turning and sitting himself upon the throne all while keeping a tight grip around your figure that now rests in his lap. The huge chair easily holds the two of you giving plenty of room for your legs to rest along his thighs, feeling his hands glide up your sides around the front of the dress between your own arms they cup onto your face. The two of you are locked together holding each other's cheeks staring into one another's eyes for what feels simultaneously like an eternity and a millisecond, watching the softest most beautiful smile slowly emerge before leaning in pressing his lips along yours kissing so passionately it makes all of your senses melt. 

Unexpectedly warm tears begin falling down your cheeks, it takes Kylo only a moment to realize that you've begun to cry, softly breaking the kiss looking at you confused "wait why are you crying, is it something I've done?" Choking back tears "no...I mean yes but in all the right ways, you've made me the happiest woman in the whole galaxy Kylo... I had no idea arriving here my first day would soon grow into the most powerful connection I have ever felt. My whole life I've waited to feel this way about someone, hoping and wishing that person existed...almost giving up hope after a few failed attempts especially after Ja..." his face winces at even the momentary sound of that name, quickly holding back the remainder of it "my point is...I always knew you existed somewhere out there and I knew well...hoped... someday I'd find you. Loving you has proven that all the times I thought I loved or could have loved someone before were false and it's clear that I could and would never love anyone the way that I love you, only an hour ago if you hadn't shown me how to use the force I could have lost you forever and that's a pain I don't even think I could survive..." 

Again hot salty tears fall down your cheeks, gently rising his hand the soft red leather brushes the tears away "I've waited for you too (y/n)...like you I've always felt this indescribable connection to a person I've never met before, always feeling so alone yet knowing I'd see you in my dreams until the day I could finally hold you in my arms for real. For a while I had given up hope too, thinking you were only a figment of my imagination...another trick to slow my progress within the order, but the day I saw you in my office I knew you were the one, instantly you made me feel warm, scared, angry, and confused. Because I had thought for the longest time I made you up, that person I was waiting for didn't exist she was only an imaginary distraction to comfort me in times of great loneliness and sorrow, yet there you were standing in front of me holding your head so tall not showing any signs of fear when meeting a man with my reputation. If I could have proposed to you then I probably would have, but let's face it I don't think I would have gotten the same response." Chuckling slightly his hand sweeps some hair behind your ear "don't dwell on the what if's, there will always be someone out in the galaxy trying to kill me...and now that we are together most likely the target now includes you. But you must remember that we are a team now, and unbreakable force...together we will protect one another. You saved my life without any hesitation, just like I would do for you...as long as we have one another nothing will tear us apart."


	100. Loving every inch

His words sooth you're worried mind as his arms return to the place around your hips pulling them closer into him returning the soft romantic kiss, leisurely kissing the sides of your jaw his lips trail down softly tasting their way to the curvature of your neck leaving light tinted marks from the remainder of the lipstick upon your own skin. Gently leaning you back the trailing of his lips continue as they kiss upon your collarbone across to the little dip at the base of your neck before slowly kissing his way down the long deep cut neckline of the dress, humming into your skin he whispers "I love you so much..." glancing back up staring into your eyes the emotion on his face reads contentment and warmth as one hand rises slipping behind your neck "do you know how much I love you? Do you know that there is no part of you that isn't absolutely perfect?" 

Blushing while slowly shaking your head, bringing his hand around with soft strokes he brushes a few fingers along your forehead tracing over your eyebrow "these eyes hold so much emotion, I could get lost staring into them for eternity and I'd be fine with that..." dipping his fingers down across your cheek with gentle pressure tracing the curvature of your mouth "lips so soft and beautiful, each time I feel them against mine it numbs my entire being...If I wouldn't die from lack of oxygen I'd never stop kissing them." Next his hand slides down your jawline where it tickles at your throat twirling his fingers in small soft circles until they rest along your neck, very tenderly squeezing you respond by sucking in a breath and letting your eyes roll back "the way your body craves my touch is unlike any thing I've ever experienced, no woman has completely given they're selves to me...allowed me to show my...affection...however I want." with one more soft squeeze the hand moves along lightly running a few fingers over your exposed shoulder "skin is so beautiful and soft, even with these gloves on my mind has memorized it's texture allowing me to easily imagine it's smooth surface. Every single inch is beautiful, all the small imperfections only your mind has created mean nothing to me, I wouldn't dare change a thing." 

Using the tip of one finger sliding it down your chest barely touching behind the line of the dress trailing very slowly along the v shape making you shiver as it passes over the curve of your breast "it's as if all of you was made specifically for me, the shape of your breasts (dipping his hand behind the dress cupping a gentle handful) fit so perfectly in my hand. They're soft round shape constantly live inside my mind..." as if forgetting his train of thought heavily pressing his lips along your neck adding a tender knead to the grasp. Softly kissing and sucking at your skin letting his lips linger upon each new place they travel, every now and then feeling the light vibration of his voice as he quietly groans, faintly rubbing your nipple between his fingers with light pinching he groans again before pulling back and removing his hand. Skimming both along the shape of your figure they continue until slipping under the puffy dress gliding up your thighs pausing momentarily just before reaching your hips gripping softly "I'll never forget the way you feel, even when we're old and gray I'll always envision you like this...just as you are now." Moving both hands along the curvature of your ass up and above resting both spread out hands along the small of your back, again gripping into your skin "every part of you is breathtaking, and it all belongs to me...forever I get to call you mine." Holding tightly to your frame his lips meet yours again kissing slow and gentle making sure to savor every second of this moment, another memory that will forever be stuck in time as you sit on his lap upon the large throne chair with the red lacy train of the dress flowing down the steps and the two of you are locked tightly together covered in shared light colored lip imprints while your hand rests on his shoulder baring the new weight of the hand crafted kyber engagement ring. 

Remaining in his embrace the two of you rarely breaking the kiss only for a few quick breaths for well over an hour before finally pulling back "you know it's way past dark, we should head to our quarters it's been a long day." Not wanting to move just yet softly playing with his hair brushing your lips along his while gently kissing with long drawn out passion "I don't want to end this moment..." hugging tighter around your waist he stands pulling you up with him before gently placing you down on both feet making sure to press the hip portion of your dress back down "I know, nobody said tonight had to end but let's at least take it somewhere more private..." glancing around the totally empty room "um..." shaking his head "always so stubborn... I promise it's worth it if you'll just come with me." Finally giving in locking hands with his the two of you walk out of the throne room heading down the silent empty halls passing only a few troopers here and there none of which dare to look at the various red stains lining both of your figures 'maybe word got around about what happened to the last nosy troopers?' Either way it was nice walking hand in hand with him feeling the random brushes of his thumb along the rings stone, each pass over made your stomach flip knowing it was all really happening.


	101. Another romantic surprise

Rounding the corner the large chamber door comes into view just as Doris is seen coming out from inside the room, she spots the two of you walking in that direction and for a split second she panics in place trying to decide whether or not she should act as if she didn't see you or remain and communicate. Choosing the latter, she walks towards the both of you "oh good evening Supreme leader, I was just finishing up in your chambers everything is according to your liking, that I assure." Unable to contain your excitement pulling away from his hand immediately holding out your finger showing off the large token of love "look what just happened! I said yes of course, but can you believe it?!" Grinning widely she responds "oh my dear that's beautiful, I knew when the commander spoke to me this morning that's what he meant by preparing..." cutting her off Kylo let's out a few deep coughs "oh, right well it's gorgeous my dear and there isn't anyone I'd rather see this handsome young man with than you. I knew from the moment I first met you there was something special about you, something special enough to catch this one's attention that is for sure. Anyways I must be going, I do hope you two enjoy the ba... uh rest of your evening have a wonderful night!" 

Before she can say anymore Doris pats your shoulder a few times before walking off down the hall, glancing up at Kylo who is currently rolling his eyes scoffing at the ceiling "what was up with her?" You ask while the two of you head closer to the quarters "who knows, maybe her mind is catching up with her? Anyways shall we?" He says while pressing the pad keys opening the hatch doors, immediately smelling the strong scent of eucalyptus and a tiny hint of cinnamon followed by seeing the soft flicker of candlelight peeking from the cracked bathroom door. Turning towards Kylo "oh that's why she was acting so weird wasn't it? You had her do something special, didn't you?" Stepping inside his hand tugs at your own pulling you in with him "I did, and she nearly gave it away...twice..." rolling his eyes again "I wanted tonight to be special, with the ceremony and the proposal I wanted to finish it off with a nice romantic bath... after what happened earlier I can only hope that nothing else I have planned gets ruined." 

Happily hopping inside pulling on his hand which flops playfully to the cute excited bounces, once the hatch shuts behind the entire room becomes dark allowing only the soft glow to peek from behind the bathroom door dimly illuminating your figures. Excitedly heading towards it Kylo tugs back on your hand stopping you in place, turning around he pulls you towards him easily gliding your feet across the floor and into his arms. Slowly bringing a hand up again brushing the soft leather along your cheek staring deep into your eyes, steadily his towering figure walks forwards effortlessly pushing you back into the wall just diagonal of the bathroom making sure to place a hand behind your head just as you press against the cold feel of it. Again, his hand is brushing along your face where light lustful fingers trace the shape of your lips "does this spot feel familiar?" Eyebrows furrowing tilting your head slightly to the side "no? Should it? what am I forgetting...oh..." the memory of your figure lined along the wall holding your dress in your mouth pleasuring yourself while spying on Kylo in the bathtub, immediately blushing hard trying to turn your face away. Stopping you with a gentle grip along your jaw forcing you to look back at him "embarrassed? Don't be, had you not touched yourself...watching your commander do the same...who knows, maybe I'd be sharing this night with someone else." 

A hint of jealousy sparks from within feeling your face scrunch beneath his grasp, his deep voice chuckles "oh (y/n)... do you realize how long I've been alone? If there was ever a chance of me being with anyone else don't you think it would have happened by now? Part of me always knew I was waiting for someone...special, we both know my heart has always belonged to you. So, do not worry my love, if you had managed to control yourself and we never came together otherwise, I'd most likely be sitting here alone pouting about still not being the Supreme leader." Releasing your chin the impression of his fingers linger for a few moments before your mind shifts elsewhere as his frame heavily presses into yours pinning you further along the wall, while the hand behind your head slips down resting at the nape of your neck gently massaging then lightly dipping down momentarily fidgeting with something. Growing more frustrated huffing deeply he growls "how do you take this damned dress off, I can't find the stupid zipper." before you even have the chance to reply both large hands move to the front grasping onto either side of the deep v neckline and with only two swift tugs the stitching easily rips beneath the strain deepening the slit well past your navel allowing the band of your sheer black panties to peek into view. 

Gasping and swatting at his chest "Kylo! This dress was gorgeous and probably incredibly expensive! I could have helped you unzip it why do you..." the impatient press of his lips into yours cuts the sentence off, trying to pull back fighting off the kiss not quiet finished pounding it in his brain that not all clothes need to be destroyed to be removed. Of course he doesn't allow this and your puny attempts to push him back are easily resisted only making him press his hips harder along yours still applying the kiss slow and heavy, the tender rise of his hand grazing up along your arm starts to calm your frustration leisurely allowing your frame to relax while slowly giving in to the lustful kiss. Tingles radiate all over feeling his fingers slide up the long sleeve before dipping beneath the fabric sliding it down your shoulder little by little, breaking away the kiss teasing with a few playful returns back and forth on your lips before lightly skimming them across your neck making his way down to the top of your collarbone tasting you upon his lips each kiss softer than the one before while the other hand copies the previous action slipping off the other arm of the dress letting it slowly weigh down unable to hold up it sinks down into a puffed pile on the floor. 

The icy chill of the room makes you shiver and gradually hardens your nipples, Kylo feels the light tremble beneath his lips and pulls back for only a few seconds just long enough to unhook the heavy ceremonial cloak dropping it to the floor then hastily unclasping his belt letting it also drop with a loud clang, with a deep sigh he tugs off both gloves and unzips his vest and undershirt grumbling to himself about "too many layers" before finally uncovering his bare chest. Not wasting another second, returning his lips onto your shoulder kissing lovingly along its shape while softly pressing into you, the instant heat radiating from his skin makes you quietly draw in a quick breath. The fast heave presses your chest into his rubbing both cold sensitive nipples into him, Knowing he felt it too as one hand finds its way up along your stomach skimming its way straight to one of the naked plump breasts, very tenderly groping at it with a deep grunt of pleasure.


	102. Mutual love

Kneading at it for a few moments before suddenly dipping both hands down below your hips scooping you into his arms pulling you free from the slumped dress, not so gracefully stepping around the piled mess almost tripping with a frustrated grumble flinging out one hand forcing the it out of the way. Giggling to yourself as he carries you into the bathroom, catching glimpses of the dimly lit room surprised with the massive amount of candles that have been placed all throughout remembering back to the first time Kylo showed his softer side preparing the bath for you knowing how kind it was of him to set up what felt like a large amount at that time. now seems normal in comparison to this. Setting you onto the countertop pulling back only a few inches he allows you to finish undressing him, pulling off the outer tunic then undershirt his upper half now completely nude, gently placing the garments beside you not wanting to start any unwanted fires. 

Feeling a slight tug at your feet Kylo slips off both heels letting them fall to the floor squeezing around your feet with his large hands they travel up your calves gently spreading your knees apart filling the empty space between them with his figure, staring at the muscular shape of his chest your fingers fumble with his pants tugging them down below his waist revealing the contours of his pelvic bone they rest just above his member only allowing a small glimpse of its shape to be seen below the pant line. Biting your lip slipping one hand down it rubs at the soft outline behind the leather, the sudden stroke makes him grip onto your thighs with a deep grunt feeling it begin to harden beneath the touch, looking down watching as the shiny black pants tighten around its shape leaving nothing to the imagination it hugs around his member so tightly you can see him pulsate from underneath. 

Glancing up catching the lustful twitch beneath his eye before scooting off the counter making sure to glide the sheer covering panties over the prodding silhouette of the hidden member instantly making him draw in a quick breath, standing tensely between him and the hard marble top with both hands you finish tugging at the pants having to use more strength now because of their tighter fit, after a few rough pulls they slip down and his cock springs out from behind hitting along your thigh on its way to rest erectly against your stomach. This time it's you who quietly gasps never really noticing until now with the exact placement of your figures the length of his cock and how easily it reaches just below your belly button forcing you to imagine just exactly how deep it really goes while inside. Kylo's voice catches you off guard "only now noticing that huh? I've had women turn me down upon seeing its full potential...but not you." With a few drives from his hips the cock grazes over your stomach showing that it in-fact reaches even deeper "no you handle every inch as if I'm not tearing my way inside...sometimes it looks as though you actually enjoy me stretching you open." 

Feeling yourself pulsate below letting out an unexpected quiet moan, reaching up just about to run a hand along his shaft Kylo pulls back leaving you grasping at the air, chuckling as he pulls the boots from his feet kicking them and the pants into one of the only empty spaces in the room before testing the water with his hand swishing it around for a few moments "perfect, come here (y/n)." Sighing before stepping around the candles making your way towards him until stopping right outside the tub, grinning Kylo kneels grabbing onto the small strings resting on your hips pulling the panties down bit by bit with both hands by your ankles he lifts each foot up slipping the thong off and tossing it on top of his pants. Feeling him lean in closer the soft touch of his lips press into your thigh kissing gently he hums his way up kissing heavier with each return until his mouth is only inches away from your mound, running a hand through his hair feeling him lean in closer kissing tenderly just above your slit. Instead of moving down any lower he kisses his way up along your stomach over your breasts making sure to lick across a nipple before standing tall once again, gesturing for you to enter the bath "empresses first..." pausing for a moment trying to control the urge to force him back between your legs instead with a deep sigh turning around stepping into the luxurious bath watching the black and red rose petals float away from your lowering figure. 

Once fully seated against one side of the tub Kylo smiles from above "again, do you even realize how beautiful you are?" blushing lightly watching him step in taking the opposite spot across from you, the water level rises quickly to the new added volume of his large frame sending a few petals over the edge as he readjusts propping his feet behind you and grabbing both your legs resting them on top of his own. Letting your head fall along the brim breathing deeply as the hot water relaxes your muscles and the calming eucalyptus fills your nose forcing a smile, Kylo's hands wrap around one foot and begin massaging with deep gentle rubs "is this how you would have wanted it? Did I do this the correct way? Obviously, the ceremony was not perfect, but I promise I tried." Sitting up locking eyes "oh Kylo this is better than anything I've ever imagined; you've made me feel so loved tonight...so beautiful...so needed. I wouldn't have had it any other way...well besides the murder but I'd do it again if it means protecting you." 

Letting a soft smile line his face the knead along your foot returns reassuring that he liked that response, laying back again this time the oils beneath the water allow your butt to slip only to be stopped when colliding into his propped thighs. The water now rests just below your neck while your feet also shifted almost to his shoulders, momentarily struggling trying to pull yourself back up his strong arms cup up around your calves holding you in place "no stay, I like it better this way." Shifting only slightly so that you can still lay back without drowning the movement within the water sloshes his member along your inner thigh "oh" you gasp not expecting him to still be hard, deeply chuckling the rapid rise and fall from his chest only makes it bump into you again "I'm sorry it sometimes has a mind of its own, I can reposition if it's bothering you?" 

Replying "no! I mean...no it's fine, not bothering me at all I promise." pausing for a moment staring deep into your eyes he grips back onto your foot bringing it closer to his face before kissing along its side moving his lips further and further up making sure to take some time creating light pink marks from each lustful suck, once reaching your ankle lightly licking it he whispers "almost all of the bubbles have disappeared you know...meaning I can see what you're doing..." quickly pulling back the hand you thought was hidden as you were not so secretly rubbing along your slit "oh um I wasn't doing what you think, I was just uh..." playfully nibbling at your calf with a slow upwards buck his cock brushes against you again "don't be embarrassed...would it help if I joined you?" Watching his free hand lift from the tubs brim dipping into the water steadily heading down his abs, the low groan escaping his lips brings the focus back up eyeing their slow parting while he releases another deep groan this time accompanied by the feel of his fist sliding up and down your inner thigh knowing he's stroking himself.


	103. Finding forever

"Kylo you don't have too...I wasn't..." letting his head fall back the gentle sway of the bath water gives away that he has no plan of stopping, with a low raspy voice "yes you were, and if you weren't...then you should be." Watching his hand glide along his length beneath the water gives you flash backs to the night you spied on him again knowing this was the view you had been imagining, knowing he caught you trying to secretly touch yourself doesn't make it any less strange to watch him do it effortlessly showing no signs of fear while he pleasures himself inches from your slit. Continuing stroking glancing back up "going to make me do this all myself huh...oh well suit yourself." not breaking his focus the pace beneath the water increases only slightly, making him twitch a little which causes your leg to slip from his chest resting even wider around his thighs "mmm much better view...if only..." unable to resist any longer returning the slow rub along your slit with a pleasurable moan letting your eyes slightly roll back "that's it...I want to watch you touch yourself..." resting back against the tub dipping two fingers between your lips they easily slide inside forcing out another soft moan. 

Kylo remains in place watching as you slowly drive your fingers inside, the feeling of his hand pumping along your thigh only makes you more aroused knowing he is getting off to the sight of your slick naked figure. Deeply he says "twirl those fingers around your clit, I want to watch you squirm beneath their pleasure..." instantly obeying both fingers move up to your clit rubbing in slow circles, every time around makes you lightly jerk sending little ripples of water across onto his chest "like that do you?" The pace around his cock quickens forcing out a long deep groaning slur, feeling his free hand grip onto your thigh squeezing tightly his legs twitch beneath yours "you are so sexy...the way your breath changes the more turned on you get...those tiny hot exhales drive me insane...just makes me want to..." unable to finish the sentence he grunts while gripping tighter to your thigh. 

Running your free hand down into the water keeping the pace around your clit while pushing the other hands fingers back inside the sudden penetration making you let out another slightly louder moan "mmm do that again..." he says causing you to push the fingers back inside slowly repeating the motion over and over until you moan again this time higher in pitch followed by a quick breath. Feeling him jerk again grunting he orders "deeper..." the low demanding tone behind his voice makes you grip around both fingers while slipping them in as deep as they can go moaning "that's as far they'll go." Watching you finger yourself with long full strokes he closes his eyes groaning heavily, the hand upon your thigh squeezes again before watching him release his member "come here..." ignoring him for a few more moments the sensation around your clit is enough to slow all thought process, feeling him bring your legs together slowly tugging them down and around effortlessly spinning your figure before pulling back laying you down on his chest. 

Still touching yourself the hard imprint of his cock pressing along the slit of your ass immediately makes you pulsate and moan, the feeling of his lips brush along your ear nibbling lightly the weight of his hands grip onto your own pulling them away whispering deeply as the slip of his own two fingers insert themselves inside pushing much deeper than your own "I said come here..." the sudden change in thickness forces out a small gasping whimper "how is every part of you so big!?" Ignoring the question very slowly pumping the fingers in and out returning the soft nibble along your lobe, the tingling pleasure from both makes you forget even asking. Leaning back into him enjoying the incredibly slow touch feeling every time he pulls the fingers almost completely out before slipping them back inside forcing your walls to clench every time they're fully inserted again, letting out a low groan kissing on your neck whispering into your skin "you feel amazing...so tight...and all mine." continuing to dip them inside his free hand reaches around gently rubbing at your breast pausing longer and longer with each knead the pressure gets tighter and tighter feeling your skin barely puff around his fingers "every inch of you is perfect...made exactly how I like...every curve so....(another tight squeeze) alluring..." letting the grip loosen just long enough to reach for the nearest rose petal bringing it towards your neck softly brushing up and down to the slow pace of his fingers as they push even deeper "you are my everything..." he whispers while only slightly picking up speed, forcing out another moan trying to reach behind searching for his cock "stop...this is about you right now...I want to focus only on your pleasure." Reluctantly obeying but grinding your hips to the pace of the fingering making sure to rub the length of his cock between your ass making him groan "that's cheating...but I'll allow it." 

Running the petal down your collarbone over the curve of your breast then brushing its delicate velvet touch over and around your nipple "(y/n) will you love me forever?" replying with a lustful moaning "yes...always." the light skim of his lips linger on your shoulder kissing with deep long pressure just as the plunge of his fingers pump a little faster. Slightly by your own doing and slightly by the force of the fingering your ass continues to easily slide up and down his cock drawing out another deep groan, it tickles upon your skin, dragging the petal down between your cleavage making sure to hit each light red tinted kiss mark still staining your skin then dipping below the water still tenderly skimming along your stomach "promise you'll never leave me..." barely able to respond with a simple pained "never..." as he pushes another finger deep inside stretching your core. Lower and lower the petal travels adding the lightest tingling sensation to the faster paced pump, the rock of your figure still grinding into him easily pushes some of the water up and over the tub snuffing out a few of the closest candles dimming the room even further making it just bright enough to see the rose petal floating to the top of the water. Staring at it confused before feeling the press of his other finger dipping beneath your slit instantly finding its way to your clit adding quick little circles to the fingering, the sudden intense added pleasure makes you grip onto his thighs digging your nails into them with louder more frequent moans "oh Kylo..." locking his lips back onto your shoulder sucking lustfully as the twirling continues and the pumping grows faster and faster forcing your ass to slip up and down his cock over and over. 

Feeling him groan deeply makes your walls clamp around the thickness of the fingers more and more bringing yourself close to climax "mmmm I'm so close..." you moan while pressing further back into his chest forcing the shape of his cock in the slit of your ass grinding faster and faster it easily glides along rubbing against your hole adding even more pleasure to the sensual fingering. The more intense grind makes him grunt each time you descend back down and the head of his cock almost slips inside, groaning deeply "fuck...so am I..." keeping his fingers deep inside he bends them up quickly hitting your g-spot harder and harder while increasing the circular motion around your clit with hot heavy breaths along your back "you're mine...(mmm) and you'll always be mine..." barely able to finish the sentence his breathing grows more and more labored "I...(uhh) love...(mmm) you..." clinching around his fingers he brings you right to the edge of climax moaning loudly and digging into his thigh, swiftly shifting pulling his fingers out from inside easily pushing your hips up and back shoving his thickness inside. Holding tightly he thrusts deep and hard only entering a few times before you begin clamping around his cock letting yourself fall back into his embrace bucking your hips to shove him deeper as you orgasm, hearing and feeling your ecstasy brings his thrusting to an erratic pace "mmm fuck I'm gonna..." unable to speak besides with deep low groaning he finishes inside filling you with hot cum. Slowly your walls cease the pulsating grip as his grunts of pleasure fade he leans back against the tub letting himself slide out, holding your frame against him panting "lying with you now is the closest I've ever been to pure happiness, I never want this feeling to end...my heart has been numb for so long (y/n) I don't know how I could ever live without you." 

Cuddling in the tub until the water begins to run cold, the two of you reluctantly wash off the residue from all the various lip marks and cum before climbing out drying off and heading towards the bedroom. After throwing on some pajamas both of you crawl into bed completely and blissfully worn out it doesn't take long before both of you begin nodding off in each other's arms softly you whisper "I love you Kylo Ren..." and he quietly responds "I know..." with a tender kiss upon your forehead the light sound of snoring escapes from his mouth. Holding tightly with your hand placed upon his chest watching as the ring glimmers in the moonlight, smiling happily knowing the day you have been waiting for finally arrived, you had finally found forever.

*I know I uploaded a few less chapters than normal but I hope they make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside :) 🖤 more chapters coming*


	104. Stupidly compassionate

**I'm sorry for the delay in my fic, I've written enough this week to make up for last weeks, but I've combined what I would normally split into two different chapters, into one. I hope it makes up for the delay! as always thank you for sticking around and enjoying the fic its much appreciated! :)**

It's been six months since the inauguration and proposal and things have been going quiet smoothly between both you and Kylo within the base, usually the days are spent either planning for the wedding or with Kylo during the times he decides we should continue with the force training. So far you've gotten to handle his saber multiple times and have actually gotten quite good at controlling the weapon, there hasn't been any accidental drops or the near severing of anybody's limbs 'well except for the occasional time I get excited and turn towards Kylo to see his reaction and forget just how long the blade actually is, but still there hasn't been any blood shed! Only a few burned tunics, nothing that can't be replaced.' 

Currently on your way to the training room Kylo had sent for you via droid explaining to dress comfortably, so doing just that you've decided to wear black tights with a looser fitting top something that has a few layers that could easily be taken off if you were to get too hot or something. Now finding a pair of shoes was a little more difficult because it seems heels are the leader's preference, so opting for simple slip on flats was the best option something that if needed could be kicked off for better balance and control. Skipping makeup 'what's the point I'll probably just sweat it off anyways, besides he's seem me bare faced multiple times.' as for hair simply throwing it up in a high pony seemed the easiest and best way to contain the mess of hair. Walking towards the training room thinking about all the things still left to do before the wedding, having decided together that sooner is better than later the date in only three weeks away. For the most part a lot of the decisions were easily agreed upon, such as where the wedding would take place 'of course I wouldn't want to get married anywhere other than the balcony Kylo had shown me, that place is special to him and beautiful I wouldn't have it any other way. Not to mention the general aesthetic of it will be highly biased off his drawing, he insisted that we didn't have to go off of his idea that it was only a vision but I promised the very second I saw the piece I was basically in tears it was so dark and romantically beautiful and he thought of it all! Why would not I want to wear the dress he had envisioned, although I did have to make him promise me, he wouldn't tear this one off.' 

A few important things have happened within these past months, we finally found out who sent Carmen and it turns out she worked for a small sub division of the resistance and was sent here to try and get close with the commander, to pry her way into his life and gain his trust then when he least expected it she was to assassinate him. But she was not expecting to see that he had already found someone, and she never stood a chance when it came to attracting him, so she went with the next best thing which turned out to be exploiting you. Of course it took a while for Kylo to convince you that it wasn't your fault that he didn't see her trickery either and we both let our poorly controlled lust get the better of us, besides like he said "yes she deceived us, but she was going to do that anyways. Had you not been there who knows...I could have fallen for the wrong woman and it would have ultimately killed me." It was rather funny watching him immediately apologize and retract part of that sentence "wait no, not that I would have ever fallen for her..." the way his cheeks blushed as he shuffled paired with the involuntary brushing through his hair, the whole thing was incredibly adorable making it easy to forgive the statement. 

Even though killing Carmen was something you didn't even have to think twice about somehow you've still woken up a few times in the middle of the night covered in sweat with the image of her dagger jabbing straight between her eyes, the forever imprinted vision of her clueless expression as she stood frozen for what feels like hours within the dream, just standing there staring back with blood trickling down her face as the whole room fades to emptiness, it's just her frozen in time haunting your sleep before collapsing to the ground. Every time she falls to the floor it jolts you awake and each time Kylo is right beside you always watching, sometimes he's stroking your face or calmly reminding that it's only a dream but he's always awake ready to comfort you from the nightmare. It's easy to take solace in knowing he's no stranger to the sleepless nights of horror, having suffered from them for many years and although he's easier at hiding them sometimes both of you wake up in a cold sweat and the only calming thing this is knowing your by one another's sides 'his nightmares are far greater than mine, I know he's suffered unimaginable betrayal and pain yet even when he's hurting his only focus is on me and if I'm okay. 

That man seems cruel and cold to the rest of the world I know, I've heard countless times that he's incapable of love, that his anger will ultimately be our downfall and he's going to turn on me just like he did his fellow Jedi friends and his own father but they don't know him like I do, all he's ever wanted was to be loved...to be accepted...for someone to stay...all those times those painful decisions were made in desperation, where he felt that he had no other choice and that it was the only way to become the man he's been told to be. But each day I try and make him believe I'll always be here, I'll never leave him, and I love all of him, that he can be whoever he wants to be and I'll always be by his side...behind those wounded dark eyes are warm pools of honey that only shine for me.'

**

Approaching closer and closer towards the training room you can't help but think about what happened a couple of weeks ago, heading towards the lounge room trying to catch up on some journaling but immediately after opening the door something just felt off. Pausing for a moment looking around the room making sure everything was in its place and nothing seemed to be bothered, satisfied with the look of things and feeling safe enough to enter fully now deciding it was okay to take a few steps towards the book shelves. At first everything seemed normal until grabbing one of the journals and flipping to the bookmarked page only to see that it wasn't filled with your own writing it was someone else's, and not Kylo's either because you'd memorized it's shape by now 'okay this is really weird....' you thought while reading what was written upon the page *loving you was never easy but hating you has become my only existence, you'll never get rid of me no matter how hard you try I'll always be waiting, watching, and lurking...* 

Immediately slamming the book shut and with unsteady hands pushing it back into the empty slot on the shelve 'there's no one else that would have written something like that...but surely not? Where would he be hiding, how would he remain a shadow for so long? Everyone knows to inform us immediately if he was to be spotted...is there some way he's been here on the base the entire time?' The sound of steps behind alerts your attention, spinning around only seconds before the figure of James is merely inches from your own, instantly tumbling backwards into the bookshelf "what the hell! How? Why are you still here?" Standing in front of you James stares with a wild untamed hatred that sends shivers down your spine, slowly striding closer and closer "I never left, why would I? I have some unfinished....business...before I can leave." The space between you both is diminishing and he's now again inches from your figure the more you stare at him the easier it is to notice all the changes within his appearance, his eyes now bare sunken dark circles, and his cheeks dip down along his face easily giving way to the fact he probably hasn't eaten a proper meal in months. Eyes continuing to travel down seeing his clothes are old dirty materials surely places in the bin for disposal, and the way he walks is different down too...it is slower and more drawn out with a slight limp accompanying the stride. 

Just as he stands directly in front his hand slowly starts reaching out heading straight for the dangling kyber necklace, quickly flinging your own palm up forcing his hand frozen in place "James stop!" the shocked expression on his face gives way to the fact that maybe he didn't know you were force sensitive but he says "I had heard the rumor about that...and I've seen you going to the training room with...him...unfortunately I didn't stick around the childish display you're boyfriend put on long enough to see what apparently happened with some woman...rumors have it that it was you who killed her. I did not think they were true...yet here you are..." using the force sliding him back a few inches "they are true and turns out I'm quite powerful you don't want to mess with me James! Now tell me what you're doing here?!" Chuckling before the force breaks away allowing him to step back a little further on his own, rubbing at the place around his wrist "does my presence make you nervous (y/n)? Afraid I will hurt you? Maybe even disfigure you?" His voice begins to rise "you humiliated me, crippled me, ruined me! All for what? Sex with an overgrown man child?!" 

At this point his finger is pointed straight at your face as he begins stepping forward a little more, again stopping him in his tracks "you're right, what happened to you was wrong and you didn't deserve it...well not entirely..." the look on his face after saying this sparks fear along with a harsh twitching beneath his eye and a low growling behind his teeth. Trying to calm the situation back down "listen James I get it your mad, but whatever is keeping you here whether it's revenge or fear or whatever, it's not worth it okay? I promise you if Kylo were to find out that you were still here he would..." James cuts you off "he would what? Kill me? Lucky for me I do not give a shit anymore, life is pointless, and I am willing to die to prove my point. Besides your supreme leader does not know I am here, has no idea I have been stalking his bride...and that I've got her alone right now, do you think he would come and save you? I don't think so, the moron can't see anything past his own ego...shame really, think he'll ever forgive himself for knowing you've been in danger this whole time?" 

Growing more frustrated with an easy twist of your hand his figure slides back hitting into the opposite bookshelf thudding hard against its frame, marching towards him using the force to push his face up and towards the side "don't speak about Kylo like that! Besides does it look like I need him to come and save me? I could easily snap your neck right now James, do not tempt me." The look in his eyes fade from anger to fear and for only a second sadness as they reveal the old hidden parts of him that you once loved dearly, slowly releasing the grip allowing his face to ease back down he stares at you "then do it! Just fucking do it already! Can't you see my life is shit now? I'm miserable!" his words sting knowing the seriousness behind them makes your heart hurt even if for only a moment. "Look James I'm sorry okay...I can't imagine what you've gone through these last few months and how you must feel to be so...disfigured... but you can't stay here. You cannot keep lurking around; you're eventually going to get caught and you and I both know death isn't really what you want. Tonight, I will arrange for you to leave the base safely, I know a few troopers who would look the other way if asked...just get on a shuttle and go somewhere new. Kylo never has to know you were here if you just leave okay? I know deep down inside there is some good in you still, I used to love it remember?" 

This statement makes him look back up straight into your eyes "you never loved me you stupid bitch, don't try and fool yourself." Feeling slightly hurt at the statement but continuing anyways "I've found true happiness James and you can too, go and be free you'll never have to work for someone you don't want too, never have to try and live up to your grandpas name. There's so much more waiting for you, promise me you'll go?" Relaxing the force grip even more as his feet fully plant back on the floor, staring up at you his expression is confused and sad with lingering hints of anger. Finally releasing him fully for half a second fearing that he might pounce again but he does not, instead fixing his tossed garments of clothing before standing up tall. Staring deeply into your eyes he begins slowly reaching up, for some reason you let him knowing that it would be easy to detain him again if needed, watching as his bony fingers touch at the softness of your cheeks for only seconds before pulling them away and the soft lonely expression on his face fades straight back to empty anger "you were supposed to be mine, and that....he took you from me...I could return the favor you know...see how he'd like that." 

Sighing deeply pulling back he turns sharply stomping towards the door "fine fuck it! I'll leave, but just so you know I'll never forgive either of you for what happened!" Before you can even say anything else, he's slipped out the door vanishing just as quickly as he appeared 'was that the right choice? Kylo would be so mad at me if he knew what I just did...but if James does what I said then he'll never know, and things will just keep going the way they should. I'm either really stupid or too compassionate...or both...'


	105. Not a good liar

Finally arrive at the training room doors making sure to clear any thoughts about the lounge room and James before entering, so far you've been able to hide the little encounter from Kylo and as far as you knew James did what you had asked and left. Opening the door stepping inside to see that Kylo has already begun training and he is currently battling with a droid, eyeing his slow methodical movements loving the way his muscles tense and flex with each swing of the faux saber. Easily Kylo wins the imaginary fight sending the saber where would stab directly into the droids main mechanisms, spotting you from across the room eagerly jogging in your direction and without hesitation scooping you up into his arms with a swift tug wrapping both legs around his waist, his lips meet yours. 

Allowing him to taste them while enjoying the strong grip around your frame paired with the intoxicating aroma of his sweat, finally pulling back he protests "those pants are tight, don't you know I've got tons of testosterone coursing through my veins right now?" Slowly setting you down both large hands slide along the shape of your ass before feeling both feet touch the ground, with a quick adjustment to his own pants he takes off towards the back of the room grabbing two of the training sabers before tossing one in your direction. Easily catching it and swiftly posing ready to kick his ass "I'm going to win this time I just know it!" Tossing the plastic hilt in his hands back and forth with a smirk then steadily charging in your direction giving almost no time to think before his blade crashed into yours "we'll see about that!" Kylo moves with ease handing every swing and jab of your own weapon as if it is nothing, while simultaneously striking various parts all along your body leaving what wills surely be small welts in each of their places. After a good thirty minutes of the back and forth dance knowing fully that you would have been dead a long time ago and of course as always he hasn't got a mark on him "I thought you were going to win this time?" 

He teases giving you more will power to finally shove your figure into him as hard as possible while using the force to fling him backwards into the wall, without hesitation reaching off to the side using all focus to pull his real saber from the pile of robes on the floor it flies into your hand just as you align your fist along his throat igniting the real blade, it licks at the exposed sensitive areas of his neck. Staring at the reflection of the red blade flickering within his eyes as it illuminates the space between you both "pretty sure this counts as winning..." you say just before Kylo reaches up slowly gripping onto the heavy metal hilt recoiling it's murderous blade "okay I'll give you that one, only because I didn't have it in my own grasp or you would have never gotten the chance." Satisfied that you've finally one upped the "Kylo Ren" happily stepping back with a wide smile upon your face before it's ripped away as the feeling of the force pulls your feet out from underneath plummeting you towards the floor landing harshly upon your back, instantly Kylo is hovering over you pointing the hilt towards your face "this blade is much longer than the distance between me and you, if this were a real fight and you had let your guard down all it would take is a simple press of the ignitor and you'd be dead..." for some reason seeing Kylo standing above you instantly fills your mind with the previous thoughts of James in the lounge room having the same sickening fear now as you did then. 

All of a sudden Kylo fumbles backwards shaking his head "what was that?!" trying to play it off "what was what?" the growing concern within his voice becomes very apparent "don't try and act like I didn't just see what you were thinking about, why did you project...him... into my mind? Why was it so vivid? What aren't you telling me?" Sitting up before slowly standing trying to think of a way out of this situation "it's nothing Kylo just a thought it meant nothing." staring at you his eyes study your expression before they grow darker in color and he growls "you're hiding something from me I can sense it... tell me the truth now (y/n)." Gulping hard still trying to keep the interaction within your own mind "Kylo stop, it doesn't matter now everything is okay. Please just trust me..." darting his gaze along your face squinting both eyes while walking closer with his hand rising towards up "if you won't tell me then I'll pull it out of you myself, I've never had a reason to do this to you (y/n) but you leave me no choice..." suddenly an intense probing pain rushes throughout your mind pulling flashes of the encounter with James straight out of your grasp. Trying to pull away barely able to beg "Kylo please stop...it hurts..." just as quickly as he began extracting the memory he's stopped and your head jerks back into proper placement where your eyes instantly lock with his noticing they are visibly pained, looking as if he's going to be sick while scanning your figure pressing his lips together harshly. 

Finally snapping loudly, he growls "tell me that isn't what really happened..." unable to lie any longer simply replying "it is all under control Kylo he left, I haven't heard or seen from him sense. There's no need to get upset I handled it..." balling his fist up trying to control the building anger the veins along his neck protrude out as he points in your direction allowing the roaring anger within his voice to fill the room "handle it? How could you be so fucking stupid (y/n)? I thought you were smarter than that?!" Stomping forwards his large figure forcing you back against the wall, frustration flowing his fists shake and the saber rattles within his grasp as he tries to calm down forcing himself to turn away. Watching him tremble his back heaves up and down knowing he's trying to gain control of his harsh rapid breathing, softly reaching out touching the middle of his spine hoping your hand would offer some comfort but instead he jerks forward letting out a deep, long violent scream before igniting his saber and taking the anger out on the droid ripping it to shreds. 

Staring at him while he destroys the little bot various sparks and metal fly around the room, forming a pit in the bottom of your stomach 'I knew he would be upset but I had no idea he'd be this angry I don't understand why he's so mad...' finally slicing off the droids head, it falls to the floor rolling towards your feet just as he lets out a shallow grunting curse word. Standing with his back facing you with even more sweat dripping down his bare shoulders attempting to calm his nerves, finally lowly speaking "do you realize what you've done?" Trying to reply he interrupts you "save it, whatever you have to say would never be enough to explain your actions to me. That fucker literally told you he was stalking you, for fucks sake (y/n) did you not understand that he was threatening you? Threatening me?"

**

Finally, after a few long moments of silence he turns marching in your direction, for a split second causing you to flinch not knowing why he is walking so fast and why his hand is moving quickly towards your face. The second he sees the hint of fear stopping dead in his tracks before slowly tossing the saber to the side and letting his hand engulf your cheek "I'm not going to hurt you, but how could you do that to me (y/n)? What if he takes you from me...what if..." tears begin to line his eyes revealing the fear behind them, reaching up placing your own hand around his feeling it tremble along your cheek "he's not going to do that Kylo, I sent him away I arranged for a shuttle to take him anywhere he'd like to go...he promised he would leave..." suddenly his eyebrows furrow returning to anger "so that's what that was? I was informed of a shuttle leaving the base but I had no idea it was your doing..." the soft touch of his hand rips away and forms a fist again as it slams into the wall behind creating a small dent "you know what else they informed me about that shuttle (y/n)?" 

Looking up at him trying to read the situation but unable to pry what's hidden in his mind simply shaking your head, letting out a deep pained sigh "no one was on the fucking shuttle (y/n) it was empty, I was informed that It was a malfunction and would be taken care of but now that I know what really happened..." rage boiling again slamming his fist back into the wall denting the metal even further before jerking it back shaking it roughly while striding away scowling "aaarrrggghhh!!!" Instead of being afraid worry takes over all emotion as you quickly rush to his side gripping the now swollen, bloody hand within your own "Kylo are you okay?! Let me see, oh my gosh you've really hurt yourself what if it's broken?!" Trying to pull away growling "it's not, don't touch me...let me go." feeling saddened by his reclusiveness for a brief second considering pulling back but instead insisting and gripping tighter onto the hand tugging it back in your direction while flinging a jug of water towards you "don't tell me not to touch you Kylo, don't shut me out...please just trust me" standing in place huffing while looking off in the other direction as you rip a piece of your shirt and dampen it with the water before gently pressing it along his knuckles. Wincing with a quick gulp of air darting his gaze back at you for only a moment before looking away again, sorrow lines his tone as he replies "I did trust you...but now...I just..." slightly gasping, a heaviness covers your heart "and what you don't now? After everything all it takes is one time to lose your trust?" 

Stiffening his frame while jerking his hand away "one time? Seriously (y/n)? Need I remind you of the time you ran straight back into his arms the moment I was away? Or the fact that you continually show him mercy or speak his name to me like it doesn't obviously drive me fucking insane?!" At this point he's yelling again striding towards his piled clothes on the floor fumbling to put them back on, rushing after him trying to keep him from storming off reaching out "wait Kylo don't go...please!" immediately stopping just out of reach staring down before swishing his hand forcing your figure out of the way, not realizing his own strength the shove sends you straight into the stand of training weapons with such force your figure topples over it and both you and the stand crash onto the floor. Without hesitation Kylo forces the various sabers and oddly shaped weapons away while quickly using the force to pull your body back up, standing a few feet away eyeing every inch trying to assess if you have gotten hurt before slowly reaching towards your figure. 

Finally feeling some relief that he does not totally hate you lifting your hand up to meet with his only to feel another jab within, as it jerks back again, hissing "I said don't touch me. Let's go..." looking at him hurt and confused he growls "NOW!" Hurriedly following him out of the room he grips tightly onto your upper arm almost dragging you down the hallway, trying to pry his fingers loose "ouch Kylo that hurts! Where are we going? Can you stop please! Kylo talk to me!!!" It's no use his grip only tightens as he continues to pull you down the hall until noticing the more and more familiar scenery heading towards his quarters, halting at the door keeping the hard grasp on your arm with the swollen bloody free hand trying to push in the passcode but it keeps ringing off as an error while the key pad lines with glossy blood making his uneven attempts even harder only fuming more anger. 

With a loud curse suddenly driving the already injured hand into the key pad hitting it repeatedly until the electronic screen cracks exposing multiple wires before shutting off completely, letting out another pained wince finally releasing your arm using both hands flinging the metal hatch open easily with the force almost breaking them from their tracks before growling again "get in!" Not wanting to leave his side still not quite understanding what's going on pleading "wait no? Why?" Grabbing your arm again forcefully moving you behind the door frame "you're not to leave this room for anything, until that....piece of shit is found I don't want you wondering the halls or being anywhere that isn't within my reach." Wrapping your hand around his wrist "what?! No! I don't want to be locked in here Kylo! Why don't you trust me that he left?!" Anger lines his face again and he marches into the room making you step back into the nearest wall "no (y/n) he isn't gone did you not hear me? No one was on the shuttle! For all I know he could be in this room right now!" 

Suddenly Kylo begins rampaging through the room checking in the bathroom, the closet, stifling through the clothes pulling them off the hangers in a rage, flinging the bed up above the ground with force hovering it in the air to check for any hidden lurkers. Letting it fall back to the floor it lands uneven with the mattress barely hanging onto the frame, rushing towards him wrapping both arms around his figure sobbing into the tunic "Kylo stop! Please! I do not understand why your so upset! James was obviously good at hiding he has been here on the base for months and months without anyone ever even spotting him, wouldn't it be just as easy for him to have hid on the shuttle? I am sure he didn't want to get caught, he promised he would leave! Please stop acting like this your scaring me!"


	106. Confined and alone

Feeling him harshly breathing beneath your grasp knowing he's making it a point not to hug you back only hurt even more 'have I finally pushed him away for good? Does he hate me? Is the wedding off?' Feeling his hands rest upon your arms before peeling them away and stepping back staring with clear betrayal within his heart "I don't hate you (y/n) I could never...but..." clinching his fist the sound of blood dripping to the floor fills the deafening silence "why him...? Why do you show him mercy when he clearly only wants to hurt you? To hurt me. Don't you understand?" His bottom lip begins to quiver and the tone of his voice cracks "if I lose you..." stepping towards him again only for him to step back even further "you're not going to lose me Kylo...and I don't know okay?! I just...you were not there! You did not see how he looked! He was starving and looked so defeated! As much as I know you've never wanted to admit it, but I did love that man at one point!" 

Intuitively knowing that only made the situation worse he tenses again, not saying anything while reaching for his helmet upon the table placing it over his face before marching towards the door "DO NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM. I'll return later, and don't even try because the key pad is broken if you disobey me and try to get out....don't come back..." letting out another little gasp before placing a hand over your heart feeling as if it's just completely shattered. Kylo watches for only a moment before forcing the hatch open again stomping out and slamming it shut behind him leaving you in the ransacked room confused, hurt, and alone. 

Hours are spent worried and alone within the chambers the only thing keeping you sane was picking up the mess that Kylo had made, rehanging all the clothes and pushing the mattress back into its place along with making the bed nice and neat wondering if he'll even sleep beside you ever again 'why am I so stupid? Kylo's right, how could I possibly let him go again? I just...I want to believe there is good in James just like there is good in Kylo... I cannot help it I just want to show people kindness...but I really fucked up this time. Will things ever be the same again?' 

After a while hearing some buzzing and banging from outside the door walking towards it checking out what's happening just as the hatch swings open and a few technicians are standing in front of the key pad replacing its wiring and screen, one of them is easily recognizable as the man James used to hang around. Knowing he recognizes you too after an awkward pause he finally speaks "oh, um we were given orders to replace the doors locking mechanism, but I wasn't aware someone was inside? We're you locked in? It's open now you can leave if you'd like?" Looking down the long empty hallway the only thing you want to do is leave and find Kylo but having no idea where he's at plus remembering what he said just before leaving, deciding not to chance it "um...no thanks I'm uh fine, did the leader send you to do this? Have you heard from him; do you know where he is?" The man stares at you for a moment before responding "not directly, he sent out an alert on my tablet. So, to answer your question...no I do not, sorry. Anyways we're finished up here you sure you don't want out? I was given strict orders to lock the room once finished and reset the passcode to something only the supreme leader can choose once he returns so there's no telling how long you'll be locked in here?" Sighing deeply knowing he has a point but refusing anyways "no I'm okay thanks though, I'm sure he'll be back soon..." the man shrugs before mumbling "suit yourself." While shutting the hatch doors again, hearing the metal insides lock tightly leaving you trapped and alone once again 'changing the passcode can't be a good sign...is that to keep me in...or to keep me out? I wish he'd come back...it's starting to get dark outside..." 

Unable to wait any longer deciding it's probably best to go ahead and shower then get dressed for bed 'surely he'll be here soon...it's well past dark now...' after washing up and changing into pajamas then reluctantly slipping into the cold empty bed feeling incredibly sad that the spot next to you is hallow. Laying there for hours just staring up at the ceiling or out the huge window watching the snow fall feeling as if each minute is an hour long before finally falling asleep at some point, even still tossing and turning repeatedly jolting awake every now and then swiftly scanning the spot beside you hoping it will be filled with Kylo's figure only to continuously be disappointed. 

The sound of the hatch slamming shut startled you awake as the dark silhouetted Kylo strides into the room, not moving from the bed trying to lay as still as possible not wanting to let him know your awake but still watching from the darkness as he quietly sets the helmet on the dresser before slowly undressing peeling each layer off silently before gently placing them in the hamper. The moon illuminates his figure easily lighting up upon his pale skin, almost completely undressed setting his saber upon the dresser then heading to the bathroom where moments later you hear the sound of bath water filling the tub. 

Lying still listening to the muffled water before the squeak of the tap silences the room again, not too long after the soft familiar minty scent reaches the bedroom swirling around your senses almost instantly making you want to cry 'I hurt him today...something I swore I'd never do...how could I be so stupid...I don't deserve him.' The entirely of his bath which feels like forever is spent just lying there replaying every memory the two of you have shared, trying to remind yourself that he does love you and that he would never leave you but the constant voice inside your mind keeps whispering 'he did love me, but I've betrayed him...again. I've pushed him away and it's all my fault...I deserve to be alone.'

**

Finally hearing the bathroom door creep open, once again freezing in bed pretending to be asleep, barely peeping your eyes open watching him stride back into the room with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Standing in front of the dresser tugging at it freeing the cloth from his figure revealing the sharp toned shape of his backside while rubbing the towel around his sopping wet hair before tossing it into the hamper, placing both hands upon the dresser top his head falls and he releases a quiet sigh while gripping onto the counter as if he could easily fall to the floor. Watching his back muscles tense up while his palms fold into fists before shaking his head followed by the rest of his frame trying to let the stress flow away, deeply whispering "just breathe Kylo...she's still here she didn't leave...she's not going to abandon you like everyone else..." hearing him try to comfort himself makes you want to speak up, to reach out but something stops you instead, feeling it will only make things worse that somehow you'll ruin everything all over again so instead just keeping quiet and still watching him reach down pulling open a dresser drawer. 

Taking out a pair of boxers turning slowly sliding them up his thighs, unable to look away as the moon lightly reveals the shape of his member being tucked behind the silky underwear. Instantly blushing swiftly turning over facing opposite from him, the room grows incredibly silent before the light feel of his weight presses into you as he leans over pulling the covers gently up and around your shoulders his hand lingers upon your arm for only a second just barely long enough to see that it's now covered in slightly tinted gauze. Every fiber wants to reach out, to grasp the hand and pull it close, just as you were about to give in, he pulls it hand back leaving a warm empty feeling in its place. Closing your eyes hoping that he will slide into the spot next to you, only to be saddened by the sound of him plopping down onto one of the small couches across the room. 

Turning around again this time facing towards his figure noticing his large frame squished upon the couch barely covered by one of his cloaks with his back facing the bed, instantly hot tears quietly fall down your cheeks lining the silky pillow with their wetness. 'Why didn't he lay with me? What does this mean?' Silently begging for him to stop being so stubborn and take his rightful place beside you goes unheard, or at least he shows no signs of acknowledgment towards the thoughts. Lying there for a good hour watching him shiver before finally relaxing letting his shoulders slouch knowing he must have fallen asleep, all the while still silently crying wondering 'will things ever be the same again, can he ever love me the same again...does he even want too?' 

Upon waking up in the morning instantly noticing he's left the room again, the only way you would have ever even known he was there had you not been woken up was the small tray of food sitting at the edge of the bed. The entire day was spent locked inside the room having not much of anything to do to pass the time besides the occasional droid bringing various snacks or lunch, or practicing the force training by levitating objects all around the room, either way it was incredibly long and boring. Once again Kylo has not returned even though it's beginning to get dark outside, deciding to take your own bath to maybe relax some nerves or even in hopes that maybe he'll join upon returning. Soaking for quite a while the constant memory keeps replaying over and over, hurting Kylo making him feel betrayed, the way he recoiled and didn't even want you to touch him still stings 'I really hope this isn't the end...' 

Suddenly the loud hissing of the hatch doors alerts you to his arrival, for a few moments the room is silent before hearing a deep long sigh 'had he hoped I was asleep again?' Loud stomps walk towards the bedroom before the room turns quiet again but only momentarily before the bathroom door opens swiftly, Kylo pauses in place almost as if being caught off guard while his eyes dart down towards the bath they linger for a few seconds before letting out another deep sigh heading towards the shower. Keeping silent but watching him strip as if you weren't even in the room seems indecent almost as if you've never seen him nude before as if the two of you had never been intimate before, finally speaking up just as he begins stepping into the shower reaching for the nobs "I still exist you know..." the sound of your voice fills the room where it echo's quietly against the silence. Instantly freezing with both eyes shut tightly sighs deeply again while running a hand through his hair, turning the water on it nearly drowns out the quiet reply "I know." 

Watching him shower seems inappropriate but it's hard to look away knowing that only nights ago you would have been in there with him, there wouldn't be any awkward tension, he wouldn't be acting as if he hates you. Yet here you are only feet apart but miles away from each other, after rinsing out his hair Kylo sits down in the shower propping his arms upon both knees while letting his head hang down and the scorching water rain around him. Feeling so responsible for whatever it is clouding his heart and mind makes you sick, hating yourself has never been this easy, sucking in a deep breath before sinking down into the large tub letting the water surround every inch. Lying beneath its warm silky coating a sudden numbness washes over, everything begins to relax finally feeling at peace for the first time all day.


	107. Loneliness amplified

The slow creeping darkness doesn't seem all that bad, knowing what lies beyond the threshold makes it way less scary than ever before 'of course I never planned on letting myself drown but the numbing feeling of the water was just too calming.' Just as it begins to become more difficult to stay submerged as the air in your lungs begs to be replace, the sudden sound of the plug pulling from the drain alerts your attention as both eyes fling open spotting the blurry figure of Kylo standing above the water using the force to drain it. Sprinting up gasping for air he stares at you with clear annoyance upon his face "do you have a death wish?" he scowls before retracting his hand and walking away grabbing the nearest towel then beginning to roughly dry himself off, finally catching your breath slowly standing out of the water watching his reflection in the mirror lock onto your wet figure "no...I...it just felt nice to block everything out. I am sorry I had not really realized how long I had been under...thank..." sharply cutting you off by spinning around tossing a towel in your direction "cover up, you are too...distracting. And quit acting like you are the victim in this situation, you brought this upon yourself." 

Feeling the cold sting within his tone makes you crave the warmth of the water all over again, wrapping the towel around before stepping from the bath heading straight in his direction unable to control yourself letting both arms cling onto his frame feeling the warm wetness of his chest press along your cheek. Instantly he tenses again while quickly trying to push you away, gripping tighter begging "please Kylo please don't let go I can't..." tears begin to fall trickling down your cheeks onto his skin rolling down the shape of his torso. Momentarily he stops pushing away before slowly breathing in deeply, followed by the low hot release of breath that flows just across your shoulder, softly his hand glides up around your waist wrapping you into his embrace squeezes tightly allowing the slight tremble of his figure to be known. Gently kissing his chest letting your lips linger with each press while hugging tighter around, tenderly reaching for something upon the countertop before feeling the hard bristles of a hairbrush trailing down your scalp. 

Letting him slowly brush out the tangles is the most intimate moment shared between you in nearly two days, fighting back the urge to cry again instead just resting back on his chest feeling the warmth radiate from his body to yours. Once satisfied setting the brush back down before pulling back releasing your grip around him, standing tall looking down into your sad eyes brushing a few fingers along your cheek before softly sliding them along your lips. Reaching your own hand up cupping his strong jaw into your palm rubbing gently upon his face, this gesture makes him lightly flinch before stepping back completely "wait please don't pull away..." you beg buts it's no use Kylo fully releases your figure before walking out of the bathroom leaving you cold and alone yet again. 

After a few seconds of collecting yourself before marching into the bedroom demanding him to communicate, snapping "why are you treating me like this?!" Not even stopping the slow dressing of his night garments harshly replying, "Treating you like what?" scoffing while striding towards him "like you don't like me? Like I am a burden, like you've stopped loving me!" The last part strikes a nerve as he visibly tenses before spinning around staring down at you "don't you get it (y/n)? You are lucky I have allowed you to remain within my presence at all, if I did not love you do you think I'd let you still be in here? I am hurt (y/n)! I feel...betrayed...again. You were supposed to be the one I could trust, the only one!" Breaking down, the flow of tears falls again "you can trust me!" You scream but it's immediately silenced by his own shout "yeah I thought I could! But you hid something vital from me! You protected that...scum...again! You are supposed to be on my side! On our side! How can I allow myself to love you if the threat of losing you constantly lingers because of your stupid mistakes?!" 

Stepping back instantly feeling as if you could faint "so you're saying you don't love me anymore? Because I showed...compassion? Something you clearly have no concept of!" Suddenly the loud slamming of his fist upon the dresser top fills the room followed by a deep pained growling knowing the wounds lining his knuckles split back open "I've hidden you because I love you! That creep could still be hiding within these walls, waiting to take you away from me all because of your...compassion! Is that what you want? Do you want to see what would happen if I did not care at all? For fucks sake (y/n) I can't lose you too!" 

Angrily stomping past you heading back into the bathroom where the door slams shut behind followed by the faint clicking of the lock, rushing to follow with a few hard pounds upon the door "Kylo open the door! Please!" Wishing with everything that he'd just stop being so stubborn and open the door, grab you in his arms and forgive your stupidity, but instead you're only met with silence as he continues to lock himself inside for the rest of the night. Hoping he'll eventually come out gathering a blanket and pillow and sleeping outside the bathroom door, but he doesn't budge and instead you lay there for hours looking through the bottom of the door frame staring at the blurred outline of his curled up figure whispering into the darkness "I love you Kylo Ren...I'm sorry...please forgive me...please love me..." until finally drifting off to sleep.

**

Two whole weeks have gone by since Kylo has pretty much shut down, still unable to leave the room the only way you've been able to stay sane is by finishing up the wedding planning 'if there is even still going to be a wedding...' everything is completely finished besides the final dress fitting which is scheduled for later today. Sleeping way past noon ignoring all of the droids attempts to bring you something to eat, instead just lying in bed wondering if this is how the rest of your life is going to be...long lonely days locked in solidarity only to spend long cold lonely nights in a big empty bed watching the love of your life refuse to even rest in the spot next to you. Finally pulling yourself out of bed and sluggishly getting poorly dressed in the frumpiest plain black dress you could find 'what's the point in dressing up if Kylo doesn't even want to look at me?' 

After you've finished trying to look somewhat presentable comes a hard knock upon the door followed by the hatch flying open, standing across the quarters just beyond the door is Kylo, pausing for a moment before speaking his eyes lock onto yours keeping the awkward tension alive "you're aware the dress fitting is today correct?" Nodding in his direction "yep...sure am..." gesturing for you to step out of the room and join him "then let us go, what is it that you're waiting for?" Slightly confused but stepping out into the hallway anyways, letting out a sigh of relief since this is the first time you have been out of the quarters in forever "why are you here?" You question before immediately regretting asking, Kylo twitches slightly to the harsh comment before defensively responding "you don't want me to be with you?" The pain in his voice trembles along his lips before turning cold "too bad, you're not to be trusted alone. James is still considered missing and you have proven to be useless against his manipulation, I told you I would not allow you out of my sight if you were out of our chambers. So, whether you like it or not I will be joining the fitting, don't worry I don't plan on looking it's not my intention to ruin everything you know." Trying to retract the comment instinctively reaching out for his hand "I know...that's not what I meant I just didn't know it would actually be you and not someone else since it's the actual dress fitting...but I'm glad it's you..." sucking in a quick breath his fingertips brush along yours only briefly before pulling them away "I...okay... let's go there's no need to be late." 

Walking down various hallways Kylo keeps close making sure there's only a few inches between the two of you, knowing it's the closest you've gotten to his touch in quite a while unable to help but reach for his hand again only this time he doesn't pull away instead allowing you to lock fingers between his combining the two palms that were seemingly made for each other. Looking up at him the flutter within your stomach is almost overwhelming but it's nearly snuffed out once realizing he refuses to look down at you, keeping his eyes straight forward they watch people passing by instantly giving off the impression that the only reason he allowed you to show affection was for his public image. Feeling a jab at your heart the majority of you wants to pull away to retract the gesture of love but unable to release the grasp because even if it is for show oh how you've missed the large strong feel of his touch, just as the two of you enter a small room not far from the balcony noticing it's been set up to completely prepare you for the big day. 

It's filled with beautiful red and black tapestry lining all the cold metal walls and has its very own vanity filled with all sorts of brand-new makeup and various jewels and hair products. Turning towards Kylo "did you...?" Simply nodding allowing you to walk in first still letting your hand rest within his own, once inside the room hearing the not so welcomed voices of the same dress makers from before rolling your eyes just as Kylo very slowly begins slipping his hand away. Glancing back at him trying to squeeze around his fingers silently begging for it not to end, finally Kylo's gaze drops towards yours where he stares deeply into your eyes and for a moment the darkness within them fades and the familiar pools of honey take their place while darting them along the shape of your face studying every inch. Staring back up at him the slight tremble of his bottom lip tears at every fiber before he finally frees the grasp with the smallest huff of breath escaping behind those pouted lips "Kylo please..." pulling the gaze away from at the sound of the three women approaching he greets them informing that he'll be present during the entire fitting but not to pay him any attention and he swears he'll refrain from peeking. 

Eagerly the women rush to your side rambling all about how gorgeous the dress is and how lovely you'll look in it 'oh what they can't show their true colors when the supreme leader is around? Typical.' being pulled away from Kylo was bittersweet, knowing it's because you finally get to see what the dress will look like completely tailored to your body shape but also feeling the saddening pit in your stomach wondering if Kylo even truly wants to marry you anymore anyways.


	108. Bittersweet

The fitting was mostly a blur as the women roughly undressed you letting little comments slip about the "poorly chosen attire" while forcing the tight corset binding undergarments on before slipping the dress over your head pulling it down where it rests perfectly upon your hips. After squeezing, tugging, zipping, lacing and buttoning the dress together the women are finally in silence for the first time since you've met them, gazing they stare in amazement before one finally speaks up "wow who knew our work could get any better than the last dress, she looks stunning." Another shouts towards Kylo's turned figure "you sure you don't want a little peek Supreme leader? We won't tell anybody, come take a look at your bride, she's beautiful!!" Looking up at his back for a moment it seems as if he's going to turn around but instead it shrugs lowly replying "I already know what the dress looks like...I designed it remember? Besides, I needn't be reminded of her beauty...it's an image that forever resides within my mind." 

Half blushing at the sentimental remark but half frowning because part of you secretly wanted him to see you in the beautiful gown to be reminded of his love for you, upon turning around even yourself if shocked at its beauty it being the most gorgeous dress you've ever seen and that's saying a lot coming from the massive amounts of gowns Kylo has provided. The attention to detail is immaculate, somehow, they managed to bring his drawing to life perfectly, capturing each romantic lace detail followed by the light sparkling of glitter beneath the tulle. Running your fingers over the silky delicate fabric staring at the breathtaking woman looking back from the mirror letting out a small gasp, Kylo speaks from across the room "something wrong? It is the dress isn't it? It's not what you wanted I knew..." cutting him off "no...it's perfect..." silence fills the room once more as the women finish with the final steps before slipping the dress back off and placing it back into its velvet covered bag. 

Pulling down the red silk robe hanging from the vanity and wrapping it around your figure then turning to the women "could you please give us a moment... thank you for the dress it's really lovely..." reading the energy within the room they look at you then over at Kylo and back towards you before silently nodding and heading out the door. Finally alone, softly speaking "Kylo..." the sound of your voice makes him jump before quietly replying "yes..." finishing tying the robe and turning around facing his back "please..." reluctantly he turns finally facing in your direction before nervously fumbling with the sides of his cloak "please don't let my memory of this day be filled with thoughts that the person I'm supposed to marry doesn't even want to be around his bride...at least pretend you care...please..." the obvious change within his expression gives way to a hidden pain before softening up. 

Slowly walking forwards his gaze travels up and down your frame before stopping only inches away, lifting his gloved hand up it slips some hair behind your ear before gently brushing the hand along your jaw where it lingers for a moment. Very quietly he speaks with smooth calming tones "I do care (y/n)...I'm sorry if I ruined this day for you, I hadn't planned to be so...upset." Glancing down looking at the space between your feet and his "it's not your fault it's mine, you have every right to be mad at me...if you don't want to get married just tell me I'll understand...I wouldn't want to marry me either." With a quick scoop of his fingers beneath your chin the motion easily forces you to look up at him, noticing his expression is firm which equally matches the new deeper tone he replies "of course I want to get married, you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm just...I just feel a little..." softly cutting him off "hurt...I know...and I'm the cause..." slow heavy tears fill your eyes before rolling down your dimly illuminated cheeks "you won't even hardly touch me...how could you still want to spend forever together?" 

The hand beneath your chin pulls back only making your heart sink thinking he's going to recluse again but instead it softly glides down the silky fabric upon your arm until it slips just along your hip dipping onto the small of your back, without hesitation a gentle tug along your figure presses it into his feeling the stern frigid feel of his chest. Instantly locking both arms around soaking in every inch of his frame feeling as if it has been years since you have felt the comforting embrace "oh Kylo...please don't let go." Responding but wrapping his other long arm around your frame both hands rest at the small of your back with fingertips lingering just upon the sensitive area below it, lightly squeezing holding your figure still against him revealing the slight tremble within his stance. Looking up the warm lights softly reflects within his eyes as they stare down upon you, slipping a hand up softly sliding it along his chest, up and around the curves of his neck it rests just upon his shoulder. 

Taking a chance eagerly standing up on your tippy toes bringing your lips closer towards his, surprisingly his response is to scoop both hands beneath the curvature of your butt lifting your figure even closer, so close your able to feel his nervous breaths upon your lips. Placing both hands onto his face pulling it in, going for the first kiss in forever knowing your body has been yearning for the plump softness of his own to press into yours every time your near him, Kylo stops just as his lips barely brush along yours before closing his eyes and sucking in a deep breath. 

Suddenly his embrace diminishes and before you even realize it he's set you back on the ground quickly pulling away, staring at his back quietly questioning "I don't understand...you say you still want to be with me that you love me but..." interrupting you Kylo's tone is much deeper with lingering harshness "don't be stupid. You know my feelings for you, I have never given you any reason to doubt them. Unlike...just forget it okay? I just...I need time."

**

Frustration growing snapping back at him "you know my feelings for you Kylo, I messed up okay? You know what? You might be able to spend forever like this, but I cannot! I need you! I need to feel you, to touch you, to be touched! If this is how it's going to be..." spinning around suddenly his figure is towering over yours with a shaking finger pointing down sharply he growls "do not threaten me (y/n) haven't you caused enough trouble recently? Do you honestly think It has not been agony trying to refrain from showing my affection? The first time in my life I had someone I could finally show my true feeling for, someone I knew would always welcome my touch. You think I enjoy sleeping cramped on that stupid fucking couch? Who makes furniture that small anyways?! No! I would rather be lying next to you! Holding you! Loving you! But your infatuation with...him...what do you expect (y/n)? How can I not feel as I am now?! I'll never be able to touch you again until I know his existence no longer threatens the only thing I've ever felt certain about..." 

Stomping off before doing something he may regret "every time I touch you...all I think about is losing you...losing you to him...again. Or worse...forever...my mind is trying to mentally prepare my heart for the moment you leave...I have seen it before...I have felt it. I don't know if I could survive another heartache like that (y/n)." Walking up behind him softly placing both hands on his back instantly feeling it tense beneath them forcing you to pull them back "Kylo...I'll never leave you I don't know how many times I can say it before you believe it, my momentary compassion for James didn't mean I didn't love you, it meant that at one point I loved him too...you've said yourself that I need to keep that light within me alive. That it is one of your favorite things about me...and if that is true then you need to understand that you do not get to pick and choose when I let it shine. Granted maybe James was not the best option...but I could not stand looking at him so broken...so...empty, if it makes you feel better this last week has changed my life forever. I would never show him any sort of kindness ever again given the chance, knowing that I've nearly lost you is too much..." 

Stepping even further away Kylo doesn't acknowledge most of what you just said only replying "if there ever was another chance trust me I doubt James would reciprocate any kindness, now get dressed...I've got places I need to be." Hurt by his distain huffing loudly before rushing to slip out of the lacy corseted girdle then poorly throwing the dress over your head before stomping toward the door "whatever Kylo, let's go then." Reaching out towards your arm trying to grasp it only to be surprised that it's you who pulls back this time "if I don't get to touch you then you don't get to touch me, I'm very capable of walking on my own you know!" as if catching him off guard standing staring at you momentarily with a confused look upon his face before squinting his eyes and tightly pressing his lips together. Finally pulling himself from whatever thought he was having by gesturing for you to move along, following closely behind Kylo gives no room to hold hands making sure to keep just out of your grasp until finally reaching the quarters that are starting to seem more like a prison. Watching closing trying to see if you can memorize the new key pad password but it's useless because somehow he's upgraded it to recognize the shape of only his hand which makes sense having not even seen Doris within the entirety the whole two weeks 'maybe he's not even allowing her in?' with the swift removal of a glove followed by pressing into the pad the hatch immediately swings open. 

Reluctantly stepping inside knowing you haven't got a choice Kylo's voice is barely heard as you make your way back to the bedroom ignoring whatever it is that he's trying to say just simply shouting "I won't leave, not like I could if I wanted too!!!" then slamming the bedroom door shut followed by throwing yourself upon the bed 'when is that man going to get it through his stupid beautiful head?! I am not him! I cannot just kill people on sight, is James an awful person yes! But come on! Don't you think we have done enough to the man? Humiliated him in front of the whole base, dismembered him, drove him to isolation and starvation? Kylo never got to know the sweeter sides of James and although they were far and few between his...other moods...that part of him still exists somewhere within! How would Kylo like it if I never saw the softer sides to him? Never allowed Ben to show through. Ugh!!' 

Once again left with sheer boredom after giving up on the hopes that he'll return any time before darkness 'he hasn't all week why would he now.' So doing the same routine you've been doing for the past two weeks, waiting for the droid to bring you dinner still unsure exactly how it's allowed to enter but unable to figure it out, and then once finished taking a nice shower before slipping into the empty bed. It's always the moments when lying here alone you regret things the most, not only do you have to regret what happened with James and letting him escape but now you have to live with the fact that you refused Kylo's touch. 'Yeah he's been doing it way before I did, but he had a reason...i just cut him off out of spite...I miss him so much...' after a little bit finally nodding off to sleep knowing eventually Kylo will return and maybe he'll finally sleep beside you, doubtful...but still hoping.


	109. Releasing pent-up anger

The sudden loud slamming of the metal door shutting jolts you awake just as Kylo's silhouette is seen stomping into the bedroom, unable to pretend to still be sleeping this time since the obvious sound of your rapid breathing breaks through the silence. Instead of ignoring you stopping at the edge of the bed flexing his hand back and forth into a fist with a few shakes and some low grumbles he demands "come here. Now." Sitting straight up unable to move not entirely sure what's happening but knowing that he seems rather angry, swiftly the blankets fly away from your figure before feeling a tight grip around your ankle easily pulling you down towards the edge of the bed. Sucking in a deep breath the force flings you upright so that your now sitting on the edge of the bed, without hesitation the back of his hand moves towards your face and for only one instant wondering if he's about to back hand you but instead it strokes down the side of your cheek. 

Trying to remain stubborn, still upset that he's refused almost all intimate touch, suddenly jerking away leaving his hand touching at the air, Kylo releases a deep huff before gripping hard only your both sides of your cheeks squishing your lips together forcing you to look back up at him "don't pull away from me." Ignoring his demand pushing back on the bed slipping from the grasp "why the sudden want to touch me huh? Because I finally started treating you how you have treated me these past two weeks? How does it feel to be rejected?!" Surprising you by grabbing a handful of hair tugging pretty roughly it forces your face back up while holding it in place unable to scoot back any further, from behind the mask he growls "such a little brat..." letting out another deep huff followed by the other hand reaching out slowly sliding down the strap of your shirt letting the top contours of your breasts peek out. 

Slightly letting up on the harsh grip along your hair his hand massages at the tender scalp before tugging once again "you think it's been easy for me to refrain? You know I have...needs...the reluctance you have displayed today has been on my mind all afternoon. Do you think I would believe that you didn't want my touch?" Easily pulling off his helmet with one hand it falls to the floor hitting loudly along the marble revealing his bottom lip is swollen and puffed up with a small cut just at the corner, instantly reaching up touching at the small mark he twitches with a short hiss "Kylo what happened?!" Grabbing at your hand tugging it down beside his hip "it's nothing. If you genuinely want me to let you go I will...but fuck (y/n) I am so...augh!! I just need to feel something right now. I just need to feel you!" 

Looking up into his eyes they search around your face looking for any signs that it's okay and that you won't pull back, quietly whispering "I only pulled away because I wanted you to know how it felt...all I've wanted is to feel your love again...for you to forgive me..." releasing your hair immediately beginning to unbutton his pants tugging them down only slightly before deeply questioning "you know that I love you right?" Simply nodding unable to speak from the nervous feeling within it is not like this is the first time he's touched you, but it just feels different this time...feels so needed. Pulling down the remainder of the pants surprisingly his fully hard remember springs out from behind them, again he questions "are you done showing that piece of shit kindness? Do you promise to remain loyal to only me, I don't ever even want to hear his name come out of your mouth again, Do I make myself clear?" 

Parting your lips to speak only to be met with the rough press of himself slipping inside them followed by a deep groan, not wasting any time his hand reaches behind your head shoving himself even deeper quickly picking up the pace forcing you to take all of the length over and over. Not caring that he didn't let you speak or that his grip is rough and eager only focusing on the fact that you're finally getting to touch him, instantly enjoying the thick feeling of his member stuffing your mouth as it pushes back against your throat releasing a welcoming hum along its shaft while looking straight up into his eyes. Smirking he grumbles "enjoying this hmm? That was not exactly what I had in mind...I was thinking more along the lines of punishment. I want you to feel my frustration, feel all of my pent-up anger these last two weeks...guess I'll just have to try harder." Now placing both hands behind your head the thrust of his hips shove the length down your throat hard repeatedly, not even giving you the chance to suck in a breath of air, remaining with the rapid speed the grip on your hair releases, groans deeply "turn around." 

Then yanking himself from your mouth leaving you sitting gasping for air holding at your throat as the sting from the stretch of the cock leaves it feeling hollow and bruised, suddenly gripping onto your leg pulling your figure down forcing it back then swiftly flipping it around before placing both hands on either hip pulling your frame back up into a low bent position.

**

Digging his fingers into the soft flesh at your hips slipping one hand up pushing your back closer down to the bed so that your ass is facing even closer out, then easily pulling at the sides of your bottoms tugging both them and your underwear down to your knees speaking deeply "who do you belong to?" Attempting to look back catching the pure raging lust within his eyes while quietly replying "you..." hearing him breathe deeply before the sound of him spitting quickly follows the wet touch of his gloved fingers spending no time pushing inside from behind paired with a low grunt, "that's right, you're mine..." just as quickly as they entered they're pulled back out only to instantly be replaced by the fast drive of his cock stretching it's way inside. 

Letting out a pained whining "fuck! I wasn't ready for that Kylo!" The hard grasp upon your hips returns followed by two hard deep thrusts forcing himself inside fully the tip of his cock rams into your cervix forcing out a high pitched moan, the sound of pleasure makes him grunt again "and I wasn't ready to find out you let that little fucker escape." The pressure of his grip digs into your sides pulling your frame back while ramming back inside forcing your whole body to jerk at the aggressive fuck "have you learned your lesson? Has ignoring you reminded you what it is that you have to lose?" Knowing the response he wants is for you to hurt but unable to think of anything other than the ripping pleasure of the cock pounding inside harder and harder, suddenly feeling the sharp sting of his leather gloved palm smacking violently along your ass "answer me!" He growls forcing you to whimper "yes!" another hard slap hits even sharper than the first "yes what?!" 

Momentarily the speed slows down just long enough allowing you to catch your breath and blurt out "I've learned my lesson! I promise I'll never hide anything from you again!" The compliance makes him groan before the hard fucking resumes "just so you know...I've captured your little charity case..." he says with another hard thrust that nearly sends your figure down onto the mattress slipping his member out from inside, it only takes seconds for him to tug off his upper garments only leaving on the tight leather pants pulled down to his thighs before feeling his heavy weight crawl on top from behind, not wasting any time to shove himself back inside just as you were beginning to speak making the statement much more hurried and breathless "captured? Wait ...charity case?" 

Roughly gripping onto your hair forcing your head to the side and weight fully pressing down letting the rough feel of his tensed abdomen brush faster and faster against your back, the sloppy wetness of his lips line your shoulder where they kiss and suck in between a hurried reply "why do you think I've been out so late everyday...spending every spare moment to find that scum..." the drive of his hips grow slower but remain just as deep while digging his teeth into your shoulder huffing heavily with a slow slip of the other hand down behind your stomach it finds its way to your clit rubbing very slowly. Instantly responding with lifting your hips higher allowing more room for his fingers to add to the pleasure followed with a moaning "so that's where you've been? I thought you just wanted to be as far away from me as possible..." biting down slightly harder bucking his hips forcing you back down driving himself deeper while gradually increasing the speed around your clit, grumbling "just the opposite..." wrapping one hand up under your arm it grips onto your shoulder giving more leverage to pull himself harder inside grunting deeply every time he's fully inserted letting the words barely escape "I...couldn't rest...knowing he was still out there..." slowing down even more the rough manner he started with is nearly gone, now his hips roll back and forth softly slipping him in and out all while still rubbing along your clit "and I was right, he never left. We found him hiding down in the abandoned ships room, his capture was the best part of my day....until now." 

Trying to speak but the pleasure just keeps creeping up, growing more and more intense feeling yourself squeeze around him, knowing he felt it too by the low groan released just before twirling his fingers faster and faster "mmm fuck I've missed this...missed you..." letting out a muffled moan "please don't ever shut me out again...I'm sorry..." Driving in a little faster the feel of his cock filling your core over and over is electrifying, knowing it's stretching you open with each thrust feeling yourself gripping again while he groans "say it again." Moaning a little louder pleasurably responding "I'm sorry, oh Kylo...don't stop!"


	110. Rekindling

Hearing you moan those words makes him grip tighter onto your shoulder forcing your body back and forth violently shoving down hard keeping himself fully inserted with fast little pumps his cock repeatedly hits against the end of your walls while two fingers rub even faster, groaning "do you love me?" simply moaning "mmm...yes." followed by another squeeze around his length "are you mine?" Moaning louder "yes, always." Grunting heavily forcing out more questions "do you regret what you've done?" Moaning again with a reluctant "...yes" "do you promise to let him go for good?" Moaning a little louder "yes I swear!" "Do you now realize what will happen if you don't?" Feeling an orgasm growing closer and closer moaning "yes...mmm yes Kylo, I'll never hurt you again I swear..." feeling the thrusts growing harder again he's hardly able to contain the rough shoving of his hips slamming himself inside, grunting "you're about to cum aren't you? Dirty little slut...I should fuck all of your holes, fill them with my cock ...stretch them wide...remind you who you belong to" the moans escaping your mouth grow higher and higher in pitch and sound as you repeatedly whimper "yes...yes!...don't stop!" 

Just as your walls begin to grip around him the orgasm is just at its brink, Kylo pulls both hands away using them to prop himself up giving more control to slam, it's so hard it pulls away the climbing finish, your voice is shaky beneath the jerking thrusts as you plead "wait...no...I was so close!" His own breath grows rapid and uneven while the rough fuck continues, and he grunts "sucks to be disappointed by the one you love doesn't it? You do not deserve to finish this time..." the rock of the bed pounds into the wall hitting sporadically paired with grunt after grunt "never hide the truth from me again, you are mine...all mine! Do you understand?!" until the feeling of cum empties into your core from deep inside and the sound of his climax loudly projects all around having never heard him moan so violently before, the ramming makes it spill out with each remaining drive sliding down between your legs glazing over your throbbing clit only making you want to finish that much more. 

With one final shove slipping out from inside rolling over onto the spot beside you still loudly catching his breath while lazily kicking his boots off and pulling the pants fully down before tossing them across the room, plopping back down now only wearing a tight pair of boxers, still lying there sort of in shock at what just happened it was all so quick and aggressive but 'damn was it hot' you think feeling yourself still throbbing from inside begging to orgasm. Of course you would have liked to finish, but it's okay if it makes him feel better to punish you in whatever way he deems fit it's all worth it if it means things will go back to how they were before, slowly tugging at your own bottoms pulling them up around your hips feeling the underwear soaking up his cum then laying on your side looking in his direction. 

Reaching out half expectinghim to pull away but pleasantly surprised when he doesn't and instead allowinghand to rest upon his heaving chest asking, "feel better?" darting his gazetowards you blinking a few times before responding "not completely, but it'sa start..." scooting a little closer still wondering at which point he'llpull away but finally realizing he isn't going too now that you're fully at hisside. 

**

Slightly lifting up wanting to be able to look him in the eyes "Kylo I'm so sorry...I was so stupid...I should have..." quietly shushing you while rising his arm "stop, you've been punished enough now come here." immediately falling into his embrace feeling the smooth warmth of his chest line along your cheek uncontrollably kissing at it repeatedly while squeezing an arms around his frame, whispering "so...you're not still mad at me?" 

Softly feeling his hand brush through your hair, calmingly speaking "no (y/n) I'm not mad at you...I was simply confused and hurt. But I knew why you did it...had it been me and you and we were in the exact same position as you and... him... I would have let you go too...I just wish you had told me sooner, or well told me at all. Finding out by probing into your mind was never how I would have imagined that conversation going, I never wanted to pry myself past that limit...I've never wanted to make you feel like I could take your thoughts. I always wanted you to share whatever you wanted with me and if you didn't then I'd be fine with it...but you refused such...vital information I had no choice..." softly sliding a few fingers up his chest along his neck before tenderly tracing them around his lips "it's okay, I understand I know you did what you had too...I'm not mad at you, I'm just mad at myself..." chuckling quietly with a sarcastic tone "you should be." 

Gasping before attempting to pull away only for his hand to hold tightly along your back keeping you in place "oh no, you're not going anywhere. I haven't gotten to hold you in two long weeks and I'm not letting go for anything, now get back here." letting his grip tug you back down feeling all warm inside that he's finally accepting your touch "Kylo?" You question while softly tracing the outline of his lips again, softly he replies "(y/n)...?" sliding a finger over the small red busted part lining the corner of his mouth "what happened? Does this have anything to do with jam..." immediately cutting off the rest of his name feeling Kylo tense beneath "I am sorry! It is going to take me sometime okay. I'm trying..." reaching his own hand up pinching at the tiny cut almost as if he didn't even know it was there "the little shit got a hit in before I was finished with him." Looking down at him confused questioning "finished with him?" smirking with a deep laugh "did you think I wouldn't show the prick exactly what I thought of him? Honestly, he's lucky to be alive right now..." feeling even more confused the tone in your voice gives way to concern "what happened? If you captured him...then I guess you were right...he never left. So that means..." the realization that James probably stuck around to continue stalking or maybe even something worse finally sets in with a gasp "Kylo why didn't you finish him off? I can't take this anymore...I couldn't kill him because I'm not strong enough but you...you could have..." cutting your sentence off "don't think for a second I didn't think about it, my guards informed me of his capture just after the dress fitting and all I wanted to do was leave his severed head perched outside these doors letting the whole base know exactly who's in charge. But upon seeing the pathetic little rat I knew...his life is consumed by fear and hatred, a feeling I am all too familiar with. But giving him the release he so desperately wants would only benefit him...so instead...I broke a few limbs...scorched a few places with my saber, added some new scars upon his pathetic figure." 

Letting out a soft gasp imagining Kylo torturing James was oddly...satisfying...'I've been so mad at that man for weeks now knowing he almost cost me everything I've ever wanted, knowing he took my kindness for granted and still hid away waiting for his next move. The asshole deserved whatever Kylo did, and more...' "so what are you planning on doing with him?" Kylo slouches back making sure he's able to look directly into your eyes "why? Wanting to slip off and visit him? Maybe I should have killed the fucker when I had the chance." Immediately correcting him "no! Of course not! I never want to see him again! I mean it this time Kylo I am so done with him! You are all I ever want and need, I slipped up thinking he deserved some sort of leeway, but he didn't, he doesn't! I was just curious is all..." smiling knowing you've spoken the truth "he's going to rot in a dark cell for the rest of his life, living each day know that I have everything he ever wanted." Grinning back at him silently thanking him for always putting you first then immediately feeling bad again because you know that's not how he feels about you, very quietly asking "Kylo...are things going to go back to normal? Do you still love me? Do you still want to be with me? Will you ever forgive me?" 

Resting his hand upon your cheek slowly pulling your face closer towards his until the softness of his lips press into your own kissing slow and passionate holding onto your frame as if letting go would somehow wake him from this dream, kissing back letting your tongue slide along his while softly humming to the warm tingling sensation traveling all throughout. Finally breaking the kiss Kylo is clearly out of breath but manages to push out "will I always hold resentment towards him...yes. Do I finally believe when you say he means nothing? Also, yes...do I still love yes? That never needed to be questioned in the first place...my love for you will never die. Do I forgive you? Of course...you're the love of my life...the light within my darkness, the stubborn thorn upon my side but damnit do I love you even when you're causing me pain. I will never stop loving you, but you must know that my patience will not be tested again. My empty threat will be fulfilled if you ever lie to me again, I can still love you and leave you at the same time. Trust me I have plenty of experience..." seeing the saddened expression upon your face he quickly adds "but you're not going to ever lie to me again, correct?" nodding your head "no, never..." again pressing his lips into yours softly speaking along their shape "then I'm not going anywhere..." 

The two of you lay in bed holding each other tightly too afraid to move after feeling so alone for days, at some point he falls asleep first feeling his hand gently fall from your back it rests upon the bed followed by your quick descent into sleep as well, knowing that what happened was necessary 'I had to mess up in order to see what was right in front of my eyes, to see the lies hidden in plain sight with James. To see that I'd rather let him rot forever than lose the love I share with Kylo....the wedding is only a week away but forever is right here lying within my arms.'


	111. She deserves the galaxy

*Kylo's view*

From the moment that her thoughts were projected into my mind I had instantly felt betrayed, how could she deliberately hide something like that? What followed after initially finding out was a blur, I hadn't been that angry in months not since the refusal from the resistance girl Rey, everything seemed to be so perfect, so happy, how could I have been so stupid to think something wouldn't happen? Something always happens, locking her away was the only thing I could think of to ensure her safety. Although she did not understand my reasoning, I did not need an explanation, why give her one when she deliberately chose to screw up to begin with? Had this sort of betrayal happened before I met her, before I had fallen in love, before she chipped away at my rough exterior the Kylo before wouldn't have hesitated, instead he would have simply eliminated both issues, her for being disobedient and him for starting the problem in the first place. 

But no because I have allowed myself to fall for her...murder was not an option. I've already killed someone who meant a great deal to me...and that hadn't produce the results I was hoping for, killing (y/n) wouldn't have made me happy or more focused, if anything it would have made me angrier at those darker sides within myself for once again taking away something I love so dearly. Watching her suffer and recluse was excruciating, refusing her touch, sleeping away from her, ignoring basic human reaction, all of these things made sense at the time knowing she had to experience true loss before accepting that her actions do have consequences. Coming back to the room after a long grueling day searching for that vermin was only made worse knowing that I'd still have to pretend that the only thing in the entire universe I needed was the one thing I didn't want...her. 

After a few days she finally stopped trying to grab my attention, stopped pretending to be asleep when I came back but instead actually remaining that way. Sure, she had not known I could tell she was faking it, but her thoughts were bombarding my mind, each night she would lie there begging for my embrace, pleading for my forgiveness. The strength it took to ignore her was one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I couldn't just let her think she had no repercussions, that aiding and hiding that fuck from me wouldn't go unpunished? If I had allowed everything to resume as normal would that have taught her anything or would it have cost me everything. 

One of the hardest days was the dress fitting, the fact that she seemed disappointed that it was me accompanying her stung but was understood. When she reached for my hand it felt like knives stabbing into my heart, all I wanted to do was scoop her up into my arms pin her against the wall and kiss every inch that still belonged to me. But instead keeping my focus straight forward because I knew the moment my eyes locked with hers it was over, I wouldn't be able to resist any longer. Hearing the way she gasped at the dress simultaneously made my heart race and drop, at first thinking she didn't like it but of course that was foolish, she loved it plus knowing (y/n) she wouldn't have told me otherwise. What she didn't know is, the entire time I was able to see her from the reflection against one of the mirrors opposite the room, watching them prim and prime my bride until eyeing the way she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was even more beautiful than I had ever imagined, and they replicated it so well from the art piece you would have thought I drew it from the final product not the other way around. Seeing her standing in that room everything else faded away as time began to slow down, watching as she ran her delicate hands over the fabric touching at the beading, lace, and tulle, the way her eyes lit up when she swayed in the dimly lit room making the dress sparkle upon each twist. She was gorgeous, far more beautiful than any woman I had ever seen. 

Knowing in that moment that she deserved the galaxy...deserved to never feel pain again, never question if she was good enough, to know where she belonged and that she was mine....ignoring all instinct to hold her in my grasp, to place my lips upon hers, to promise that I'd never let her go...was nearly impossible. Especially after the women left and it was just us, the way she looked so defeated on such an important day, begging for my love, something I never wanted her to question. Finally holding her in my arms was everything I knew it would be, sparks of electricity, fire, butterflies, and fear, anxiety, and pain, before even realizing it my lips were almost upon hers eagerly taking their rightful place before catching myself and pulling back. 

Oh how I wanted to kiss her, to taste her, to love her, but the thought of him...stealing her away...would pop into my mind only adding to the confirmation that I'll never be at peace again until that piece of shit is either dead or rotting within a darkened cell. I had not expected her response to be so hostile, so cold, finally having enough of my resistance must have driven her over the edge. Both of us screamed and yelled things we most definitely didn't mean while also opening up about things that should have been said all along, still her disdainful attitude was quiet the jab, it was now her refusing my touch, refusing me. Leaving her so upset was extremely hard, watching her lock herself away in the bedroom made me want to break the door down, force her to love me. A feeling I am sure she had been experiencing this entire time, but having it reversed upon myself was new and frustrating, no one had ever turned me down, especially not without major consequences.


	112. Sweet revenge

Almost immediately after leaving comes a notification on the tablet, informing me that they believe they have captured a fugitive. Instantly charging down the halls pushing past a few slow troopers nearly slamming them into the wall, finally reaching a darkened hallway where a cluster of guards were standing all around one corner of the room. Stomping closer the sound of a familiar raspy little voice is heard beneath the commands from the troopers "let me go! I am not who you think I am, I am a repair man I was working on the fallen fighter ships! Wait until the Supreme leader hears about this, you don't want him to be angry do you...no, so let me go!" Flinging out my hand forcing a gap between the wall of white armor, giving way to the sight of James hunched against the wall holding his hands out defensively trying to beg for release. Upon eyeing my marching figure he freezes gulping hard knowing all that crap he was just saying was for nothing and that he's most likely about to die, trying to play it off he stands tall "see there's the leader now....he looks pretty angry you guys, surely all of you should step aside and allow me to leave." 

Growling loudly not wasting a single second to stride directly towards him letting his throat slip right into the palm of my hand forcing his entire weight up off the ground as he struggles beneath the grasp "you're right James, I am here, and I'm fucking pissed. Don't try and weasel your way out of this one, I'm not (y/n) and I won't be letting you slip away." The guards all stand around awkwardly watching as I squeeze at his throat pulling the life right out of his body, the look upon my face gives way to the pure joy inside my mind as I watch him squirm and gasp, each claw upon my hand skidding off the leather glove makes me grip tighter until his eyes begin to dull slowly rolling back into his head. The sudden decision to release him was unplanned, his unconscious body plummets to the ground with a loud thud leaving the room completely in silence all except for the sound of harsh breathing coming from my own mouth "arrest him, bring him to the cells. Upon his awakening notify me, no one is to show this man any mercy. If he attempts to escape, he is to be killed immediately, he will not evade my grasp again." 

After a few hours finally getting the report that he had begun to wake up, immediately making my way down to the very last cell the only one which is encased in complete darkness smiling to myself knowing he'll never see the sun again, never feel it's warmth upon his flesh, once I'm finished with him he'll be begging for death, begging for my mercy to end it once and for all. The doors to the cell open, inside he is lying flat on the ground with nothing to keep warm or anything soft to sleep on 'exactly how it should be.' Knowing he must have heard the doors slam shut behind, suddenly jolting awake scooting as far against the wall as possible, reaching out flexing a few fingers his figure is pulled up into a standing position with both feet just barely touching the hard metal floor below. Watching the tips of his toes slip back and forth begging for any help as his air supply slowly begins diminishing, walking closer the fool reaches his hand out as if to beg for my mercy to beg for his release. 

Lifting up my free hand it reaches out towards him brushing at his fingertips, the look upon James's face reads pity and confusion before instantly shifting to regret and agony just as I finish the rise of my hand by snapping one of his fingers back cracking it beneath my grip easily shattering it within my grasp. "Ah James...did you seriously think I was going to show you any sort of compassion? No...I'm not half as foolish as (y/n)." The room is filled with loud pained shrieking while James clings to his hand still dangling just above the ground, stepping closer once again now standing only inches from his face the fear within his eyes beg for any sign of forgiveness. Reaching up towards his face brushing a few fingers along the bony protruding cheeks "you deserved to starve, where were you hiding away all this time? I assume you were eating out of the trash. Or was someone helping you, although poorly might I add but their demise would come shortly after yours." 

Trying to speak his voice cracks and gasps beneath the force hold "fffuucck you!" Is all he was able to mumble, before giving it a second thought the back of my hand collided with his face, taking pleasure upon the feeling of his weak bone breaking beneath the back hand now leaving an indention upon his now sunken face "fuck me? Is that so, hmm...no...sorry someone already does that and she's quite good at it too but say it again...I dare you." Actually surprised that the fool has the balls, attempting to repeat it but merely getting out "fuucc..." before the force flings him up against the ceiling then quickly releases him letting his worn figure fall at least twelve feet to the cold metal floor below forcing out a long pained gasping fit. Flexing both hands feeling the tight leather gloves squeeze around their shape "get up! Don't just lie there like a coward, where is the man that was brave enough to stalk and daunt a woman? My woman!"


	113. Let him rot

*warning some content regarding talk of sexual assault and physical abuse ahead*

James remains curled up on the floor only making my anger grow stronger, again flinging him up easily forcing him back against the nearest wall hearing his head smack loudly along its metal frame. Watching as he poorly reaches back touching the sore spot before bringing his hand into view letting his mouth gape open at the sight of the bloodied fingers "alright! I get it! I fucked up okay!? But I was not going to do anything to her! Just simply scare her is all, I swear!" Walking closer holding a hand inches from his face suddenly pulling images from his mind, flashes of everything come flooding in memories of him and (y/n) back on someone unknown planet holding hands, laughing, kissing and...forcing that image away more replacing it, now it's him yelling at her telling her how ugly and useless she is that everything is her fault just as he raises his fist bringing it down towards her face the image shifts again. 

This time it's him speaking to someone of a higher rank upon the same planet, the words are chopped but somehow managing to understand that he requested a transfer to this base that he knew all along that she was here and it had always been his intention to lure her back in, to use her just so that he could brag about it with his friends. Focus comes in and out for a moment just long enough to catch a glimpse of his coiled figure painfully trying to fight back the intrusion, smirking "stop resisting, I'll take whatever I want from within your pathetic little mind." pushing back inside even harder than before pulling more from within. Watching as he regained her trust just when she was most vulnerable, that he knew all along her heart belong to someone else but that he did not care all he wanted was to fuck her one last time. With that note the thoughts of her and him within the glass room come pouring in, watching firsthand as he roughly touches and kisses at her delicate skin, how does he not notice her squirming beneath him? Upon him ripping at her hose, anger fumes within having not known fully what had happened that night, watching him fumble with what he calls a cock trying to hastily shove it inside her. 

Almost breaking the connection not wanting to see if he succeeded but remembering that (y/n) has said she pulled away, giving her the benefit of the doubt waiting for a moment. Relieved at her denial but infuriated with his overbearing thoughts, hearing his inner voice "just grab her, take what's rightfully yours, you know she wants it. Shove yourself inside, show her what she has been missing! She will warm up to it eventually! Just fuck her! Fucking fuck her tight little hole!" Instantly pulling away grabbing the saber resting along my hip quickly igniting it while pinning it inches from his throat, watching him tremble beneath its flickering blade "you rapist mother fucker! Did you seriously think you would have gotten away with violating her like that!? Had you even attempted to force yourself inside her I would have cut that insufficient dick off long ago, and I would have taken pleasure in watching you choke upon its pitiful size as I shoved it down your fucking throat!!" 

Hours go by and the torture continues, taking my time to break at least three more fingers along with a heavy stomp upon his toes crushing at least a few while also using my saber to cut tiny little scorch marks all along his figure taking my time to enjoy every blood curdling scream he releases, using all my strength not to push the blade into his chest even though it begs to end his life. At one point somehow breaking free if only for a moment slamming his head into mine, a decision he soon was regretting as I reciprocated the gesture with a hard rib snapping blow to his torso pulling the breath from within his lungs. "Fuck!!! I must admit I've been waiting for this moment for so long to finally feel your skin break beneath my fist, to let my saber cut into your flesh...but all good things must come to an end, right?" 

Standing back a few feet bringing the fiery blade directly in-front of his bloody, bruised face rising it up preparing to swing it down finally ending his worthless life. Just before the saber meets his neck the look upon his face changes from fear to....acceptance or desire, instantly knowing that look pulling the saber back recoiling it "ah...I get it now...killing you would only easy your suffering...a look I'm all too familiar with. Honestly, it is a shame I was so looking forward to slicing you in half, giving my saber the feel of murder upon her blades once more. But...instead...I think I will leave you alive, alone...begging for deaths kiss." James looks back up almost begging for the slaying "just fucking end it already!" Chuckling as he begs "no...I don't think I will, but don't worry I'll come visit you from time to time. Forever is an eternity and those bones will need re-breaking, rest assured as long as you're within this cell you'll never experience pleasure again. Never feel the warm touch of the sun upon your skin, the comforting embrace of a loved one, the filling heat from a hot meal, the pleasure of sticking your cock inside a beautiful woman....oh...but that's right... you couldn't do that last one even if you weren't locked in my cell." 

Not knowing which remark stung the most but either way enjoying every second of his wounded face and figure "most importantly...you will never see (y/n) again, never even be in the same room as her. Never see her beauty, smell her sweet rose scent, feel the touch of her velvet skin. But do not worry I'll be enjoying all of those things for you, forever...as you slowly rot and decompose down in this damp hole." Standing tall satisfied with the pain I've inflicted heading towards the door leaving him struggling to stand, just before slipping out the doors his defeated voice speaks from behind "you'll regret everything you've ever done to me Kylo Ren, but even more importantly you'll regret not killing me when you had the chance." Turning around and with only two large strides standing inches from his broken figure towering over it then swiftly taking the end of the heavy metal hilt striking it straight against his cheek forcing him to the ground knocked out cold, spitting on his limp body before leaving him folded on the floor with so much blood trickling from his face its origins were unknown, striding past the guards on their way into the cell "leave him! No medical aid is to be provided, if the prisoner shows any signs of delinquency I am to be informed immediately! And if he tries to escape, he is to be killing on sight! Do I make myself clear?!" 

Upon their compliance stomping away heading straight for the quarters, the entire way there my veins coarse with burning hot rage, there's only one person in the entire galaxy who can calm the boil within and she's currently refusing my touch 'we'll see about that.' The closer the room gets the more I am unable free her from my mind, imagining each inch of her body lined with lustful marks as she grinds along my length. Grumbling to yourself trying to fumble with the keypad, getting more and more frustrated with the repeated rejection it refuses to read my trembling, sweaty palm. Almost breaking it again, finally the hatches swing open allowing me to march in immediately eyeing her sitting up in bed staring in my direction her face gives way that I've startled her but even under that frown the way she stares up at my figure pierces into my soul 'look at her silently begging for my loving caress...I'm sorry my dear (y/n) but touching you tonight will be anything but gentle...' unable to control the hunger within, mind bogged with images of her bent over jerking violently to the hard fucking I'm about to unleash. Feeling myself grow hard making the leather pants squeeze around my pulsating member Deeply commanding "come here."

*end kylo's view*


	114. The best kind of hurt

Waking up in Kylo's arms seems like a dream, had it not been for the incredibly deep throbbing pain from inside making itself known while turning on your side, reaching down hovering a hand over your lower abdomen sucking in a few quick breaths while quietly whispering "ouch that doesn't feel good." Despite trying to keep from waking him the low sound of his snoring disrupts followed by a tingling sensation as his hand scoops up around your figure from behind slowly trailing along your hip, over your own hand still placed above your pajama pants, slowly slipping his fingers into yours now both hands cradle the little spot. Deeply he whispers "mm good morning...come here." squeezing your hand using strength from his own pulling your figure even tighter into his, feeling warmth as it presses into any exposed skin around the silky tank top you're currently wearing, unable to control yourself slightly gasping from the place he decided to tug being the exact spot you were just trying to soothe. 

Quietly his voice vibrates an inch from your ear "what's wrong?" using your own hand to manipulate his making it massage in gentle little circles "um...well...uh...you were pretty rough last night and now... I'm dealing with the repercussions." Surprised by his low chuckle "ah...you didn't seem to be complaining...if I recall." letting out your own small giggles knowing that he's right but trying to not give him the satisfaction, instead the laughing only makes your insides throb again and immediately letting out another small pained wheeze. Kylo's hand presses down onto your abdomen holding your laughing figure in place "shit (y/n) I'm sorry I didn't realize you were actually being serious...are you okay?" letting him hold you cherishing every rise and fall of the gentle press of his chest into your back, listening to the quiet sound of his breathing purr along the sensitive skin upon your neck, feeling him slowly rise his leg up and over your own intertwining them together. 

Almost forgetting he asked a question having gotten lost in the overwhelming calm washing over loving every second of the embrace having been seriously touch deprived for nearly three weeks "(y/n)?" Simply humming "hmm?" softly the feeling of his lips press into your shoulder lightly kissing it lingers for a moment allowing you to hear the deep breath of air he sucks in followed by its slow quivering release vibrating over your skin "mmm I'll never get tired of the sweet smell of you...are you okay though?" Slowly turning on your back letting his hand slide along your stomach until it rests along your hip tenderly rubbing circles over the silk with his fingertips before slipping them just a few inches under the top letting them fall against your stomach gently squeezing, looking up watching him stare back down enjoying the way his warm eyes dance along your face trying to read if he's truly hurt you or not. Letting a soft smile creep across your face softly laughing "yes Kylo I'm fine, just a little sore is all. I mean you sort of wrecked the crap out of my insides but yes I'm fine I'm simply happy to be in your arms again." Leaning further over softly pressing his lips to your forehead kissing tenderly whispering "me too...I regret every moment spent away from you...I love you more than you'll ever know I just...I got so mad and..." shifting slightly upwards instantly pushing your lips into his feeling their large pouty shape stumble for a moment before relaxing and gliding smoothly along the pace you've created, tasting each other slow and gentle loving each and every time he lightly presses them down with the slow roll of his body digging into your own. 

Feeling yourself pulsate below unable to control the growing wetness between your legs, softly letting a moan slip between the kiss almost instantly feeling its effect jerk along the side of your thigh. Remembering how badly you wanted to finish last night reaching down running a few fingers over his obvious arousal squeezing it's hard shape forcing him to groan against your lips "mm (y/n)...wait..." ignoring his request at the feel of his hips pushing harder against your thigh. Allowing you to completely pull his length from behind the boxers it lies over your thigh where he slowly thrusts dragging it back and forth lining your leg with sticky beads of precum seeping their way through your bottoms, feeling his hand rise from your hip sliding across your stomach only slightly grazing over your breasts making its way to your throat where it completely engulfs around your neck gripping lightly. Hovering even further over your figure his lips meet yours again kissing a little rougher with more tongue, with a sudden plop his massive frame drops onto your own easily spreading your legs. Letting his fingers grip tighter around your throat he grumbles "See what you've started? He's missed you so much, one little moan and he's fully awake ready to...how did you say it? Wreck your insides..." slightly giggling by the fact he referred to his member as a "he" the laugh quickly fades as Kylo presses himself down rubbing the full length of his cock over the outline of your slit making you instantly let out another moan.


	115. Torn

The more and more turned on you become the bigger and bigger the dull pain from inside creeps it's way to the surface, trying to ignore it and focus on his hand momentarily slipping down parting your slit through the silky bottoms then with a few clumsy shuffles the head of his cock rubs along your clit dragging the silk over the sensitive hood. Letting out a gasp at the sudden pleasure having no idea it could feel so good even through clothes, quickly his hand finds its way back to your throat barely gripping just enough to quicken your breath between the slow steady flow of moans now escaping your lips with each upwards thrust. The harder he presses himself into you the more the pain presents itself reluctantly the moans turn from pleasure to pain feeling his cock stretching apart your lips each drive over your core sends a hot sting throughout knowing he must have torn you from the night before and is only moments away from making it even worse. 

Again, trying to push past it focusing on his swollen tip passing over your clit again and again picking up the pace he groans "does this feel okay? Am I hurting you?" attempting to refrain the sound of a soft reply slips out "yes..." stopping for a moment still able to feel him throb along the wet silk clinging to your slit "yes to which part, does it feel good or am I hurting you?" Trying to buck your own hips up not wanting to ruin the moment but instead of pleasure another sharp jab jolts throughout making you wince in pain, quickly pulling back the feeling of emptiness sets in fast with the lingering sensation of his thickness deceiving your clit "wait, I am hurting you aren't I?" Trying to tug him back down pleading "no...don't stop I'm fine...please..." staring at you momentarily before slowly slipping his cock back into the parted slit it strokes back and forth rubbing over your clit with ease, at first the pleasure is back letting you moan with lust again giving him the confidence to pick up speed "fuck, you're so wet I can feel you soaking through those shorts...still bummed about your punishment from last night aren't you?" 

Hearing him grunt the grip around your throat releases slipping the hand behind your head now grabbing a handful of hair using it as leverage to drag himself faster over your clit, lowing his chest letting his lips trail along your neck sucking upon your collarbone he groans again "I'll let you cum this time I promise...if you're lucky maybe even more than once." his free hand slips down tugging at the corner of the shorts slipping them to the side then gliding his cock back between your slit now rubbing it directly over your clit. Knowing he enjoyed the sudden change too with a deep groan his figure quivers before a slight shift and the tip of his cock begins pushing its way inside re-stretching your core immediately sending an intense burning sensation all around your opening, harshly whining with a slight jerk backwards he instantly stops again "(y/n) don't just let me hurt you to make me happy, tell me the truth I can stop..." gripping onto his hips with shaking hands your voice trembles "I'm fine...please...I just want to feel your love..." 

Pulling back completely, easily pulling his boxers up over his member laying on his side, after his rapid breathing slows slipping an arm over your side pulling you towards him turning your figure to face him, very lightly readjusting your bottoms making sure noting is exposed he tugs them back in place then softly runs his fingers over the contours of your thigh up and along your hip then down the length of your arm finishing by interlocking his fingers within your own. Bringing the back of your hand to his lips very tenderly kissing it he quietly speaks "Please tell me you know I love you even when we're not having sex..." looking up his honey eyes stare into yours from behind your bent wrist they dart back and forth showing signs of unease. Slowly smiling "yes of course...I just...you were already so horny and...I didn't want to make you mad...I didn't want to make you think I wanted it and then suddenly didn't...because I did! I wanted...want...it so badly but I just can't, I need to heal a little before we make love again..." 

The unease fades to concern "(y/n) you're allowed to say no, I would never make you do something you didn't want too, even if we were mid fuck and you said stop I would immediately....also heal? ...Did I hurt you that badly?" his expression looks as if he's about to cry, quickly wrapping your arm around him hugging onto his figure "no! Not really, I just...we hadn't had sex in a while and I wasn't really prepared for it last night, my body wasn't used to the...um...size...But I promise I'm okay!" Trying to hold back laughter choking he says, "is someone complaining?" quickly trying to distain almost shouting "what?! No! I mean...of course not..." composing yourself speaking a little softer "it's...absence...just made last night quite the surprise is all." 

Playfully scooting down in the bed trailing your body with kisses grumbling and gently biting all over until pausing right above the band of your shorts, softly slipping a finger beneath the elastic barely pulling it down a few inches revealing the top of your mound. Holding your breath watching him slowly lean down tenderly kissing at the small tuft of hair lining the top of your slit, very quietly whispering along your skin "I'm sorry I hurt you, will you ever forgive me?"


	116. Cherish her Ben

Smiling down at the sweet grin lining his face "of course I forgive you...how could I ever stay mad at that pitiful little face, who ever said Kylo Ren was scary obviously never had him talking to their vagina begging for its forgiveness." This makes him laugh loudly almost catching you of guard usually he merely chuckles or only laughs a bit but this time his voice fills the room making yourself laugh along with him, suddenly his face turns solid and stern before releasing the band of your pants letting it slap along the bottom of your stomach. "Hey! Ouch!" Grinning he stands lifting off the bed "come on, let us get dressed we have something important to do today." staring at him in confusion "what do we have to do?" Barely answering on his way to the bathroom "weddings in less than a week (y/n), ever heard of rehearsals?" yourself now smiling completely giddy inside quickly hoping out of bed only to instantly regret the rapid movement gripping at your crotch "ouch...okay I get it! I'll take it slow!" 

Kylo pops his head out from the bathroom "hmm?" giggling "wasn't talking to you, not everything's about you Kylo Ren." Walking past him into the bathroom feeling his hand sharply smack along your ass "yes it is." he insists, not realizing how much you missed showing with him until the water hit both of your bodies running down his chiseled chest flowing onto your stomach and breasts, the entire time he barely let you out of his arms gently washing your hair, body, even tenderly washing between your legs with the lightest touch you've ever felt from him. At first it was a little weird after all you've never had a man touch you down there without a lingering intent, but it was sweet and romantic the way his fingers gently washed the sticky residue left over from last night each time they passed over the area he would softly question if that hurt or if that was okay. Spending far too long in the shower just holding one another completely connected but so deprived not realizing how badly you could miss someone who had been in front of you the whole time, after finally getting out and dressing for the day the two of you headed down towards the balcony this time knowing his hand laced within yours was intentional and he had no desire to use it as a façade. 

Reaching the destination Kylo holds the door open allowing you to walk through, completely astonished at its near finished décor almost all of the dried dead plants had been removed and replaced with thriving new ones that still bore the beautiful red thorns only this time the fresh plants also had tiny little black flowers blooming all around the vines, there is a long red carpet leading towards to middle window that's been framed in soft lights barely illuminating the spot in first order red. There have also been deep matte black chairs added within the large open space all facing towards the event, each one has ribbons wrapped around the back tied in the shape of kylo's saber dangling near to the floor. Beautiful candles line the carpets path and surrounding free space, while dried red roses hang down from the windows panes framing them with their darkened beauty. 

Kylo strides up behind wrapping his arms around your figure softly whispering "they're all the roses I had sent to you while you were in the coma...I had Yasmine save them for me knowing eventually they'd come in handy." Slowly turning around hugging him back quietly responding "I never knew those were from you I always thought..." kissing your forehead "I know..." taking his hand pulling him down the aisle until stopping in the very place you'd be standing in just six days. Looking up into his beautiful warm eyes noticing the pain they once held seemed to completely disappear, his face seemed relaxed and he seemed....happy...genuinely happy. Slowly reaching up brushing a few fingertips along his cheek "Kylo..." his own hand slips over yours pressing your hand around his jaw "yes (y/n)?" Your thumb skims across his bottom lip "the last two weeks seem like a bad dream, as if they never happened...but I want you to know I'm still sorry and I'll never ever hurt you again." 

Tenderly kissing the shape of your thumb "I know you won't...I can sense it...I wish you could feel how much I love you the same as I do you. I have never experienced such a feeling (y/n) to know I've finally found what I was missing, finally found someone who doesn't want to leave...doesn't fear me. Even from day one you stood tall not letting me intimidate you, I knew from that very moment you were different. My...mom...used to tell me when I was a little boy *Ben someday you're going to meet someone who drives you completely insane, someone who immediately takes hold of your heart and never lets it go. You'll know when you find her, because she'll love you the same as I. No...Ben, she'll love you more, no matter what happens in life just know when you find her that your mother's love is what guided her in your direction. Cherish her Ben, never let her go and your heart will always be full of hope...* I've always said something brought you to me...I just never told you what..." pausing for a moment his eyes dart out towards the sky almost searching for something familiar yet lost. 

Squeezing around him listening to the quickened pace of his heart "I do love you Ben solo...just as much as I love Kylo Ren...with a love so strong it'll follow us forever, even in death my heart will never stop yearning only for you. I can't wait to say I do, to solidify our love to the galaxy...the future is ours with endless possibilities...maybe I could meet your mom someday..." this makes him tense, quickly changing the subject "after we've built our empire maybe we could even have a few kids..." feeling him relax again with a light squeeze and another soft kiss upon your forehead "you'd be an incredible mom, and trust me they'd need you...after all they'd have me for a father." Thinking he was joking almost letting out a laugh but noticing his head hangs a little lower and his eyes gaze at the floor, bending down looking up at him then slowly standing straight bringing his gaze up along with yours "oh Kylo you'll never see your worth the way that I do, but I promise there's still good within you and I know you'd make an amazing dad..." his eyes line with tears only momentarily before he wipes them "No (y/n) I won't...look at me...I'm a monster." 

Rubbing away the single tear falling down his cheek "no Kylo... you've never been a monster...only a vulnerable little boy swept up in a mess that he never even started. You can be anybody you want, and I'll never leave your side, the moment my lips meet yours six days from now will create and unbreakable bond, a forever devotion in life and death. In this galaxy and the next, this lifetime and all the ones to come, my heart only beats for you." Gently swiping his beautiful dark hair behind his ear staring deep into those warm pools of honey knowing that they are yours forever "now kiss me...this is a rehearsal after all." 

Without hesitation his strong arms scoop you up easily lifting both feet from the ground bringing your lips straight to his kissing so passionately you could cry, holding you in his arms the sun slowly begins to set shining around your silhouettes. Thinking to yourself 'this is my true wedding, just me and you... now and forever...I do Kylo Ren, I do...' not knowing you were projecting the thoughts out he simply replies into your lips "Me too..."


	117. Sit

Now only one day until the wedding and Kylo has barely let you out of his grasp, knowing inside he still feels guilty for ignoring you is obvious, but enjoying the extra affection you've of course allowed it. Today he's promised to show you his fighter ship, to take you off base, show you the empire you'll soon rein over from above. Eagerly waiting for a droid to inform you that he's waiting, was quite boring after all you had already ate breakfast, showered, gotten dressed, chose a pair of thick black leather pants that squeezed and hugged at the shape of your legs followed by a deep red and black long sleeved shirt. It's knitted material was heavy forcing the right side of its neck to slightly slip down revealing a little bit of skin, shrugging having chosen this top because of its warm fabric, after all he had warned you of the cold bitterness feeling of space, something you've never fully experienced. At least not consciously, having always been sedated or knocked out in some way each time while being transferred to a new planet, in fact this will be the first time you've actually seen it up, seen the stars among the vast black abyss and there's no one you'd rather experience it with than Kylo. 

A sudden knock at the door pulls you from thought, rushing towards it quickly flinging open the hatch surprised to see that it's actually Hux who stands beyond the threshold "Good afternoon (y/n) I was sent by our leader to fetch you, he informed me you'd be needing this." His hands rise giving way to a package resting upon both palms, feeling a bit confused but taking the gift slowly running a hand over its delicate wrapping, knowing Kylo himself surely picked out every aspect of the entire presentation of it. The wrapping was black in color with small intricate decals of velvet placed all around, topped with a large red bow and a card with your name beautifully written in his familiar scrip. Awkwardly opening the letter while Hux simply stares, wishing he had been a droid to avoid being watched like a spectacle. Sighing deeply then reading what is written upon the note *(y/n) knowing you, you have undoubtedly dressed for today's occasion having taken my word for truth about the harshness of space. But it's weighed heavy on my mind the thought of my love suffering it's cold embrace while I have my cloak to keep me warm, passing the thought back and forth of loaning you a spare before reaching the conclusion residing within this box. I am waiting for your arrival, I want to show you our empire, the stars, the silence I've grown to love, now hurry and follow Hux to the docking bay where you'll board my ship. Do not leave me waiting long.* 

Glancing back up eyeing Hux as he continues to blankly stare, gently pulling at the ribbon it unravels effortlessly allowing you to pull at the beautiful wrapping until a black matte finished box is revealed. Slowly opening the lid, the sight of red peaks from behind its cover, upon letting the lid fall to the floor the full vision of a beautiful first order red cloak rests just inside. Happily pulling it out holding it up with both hands taking in its beauty, it's soft texture instantly reminds you of Kylo's but the fabric is new having not been subjected to wear and tear, slipping it around your shoulders hastily tying it around your neck, hugging its shape around your frame smiling like a little girl "oh it's perfect!" You say out loud almost forgetting that Hux is still standing by the door "sure (y/n) it's great, now could we please get going, I had other plans today...other things needing my...attention...besides just running errands for Ren." Slightly frustrated with his attitude but also excited to see Kylo, quickly walking straight past the stern red head striding straight towards the docking bay "you know, I really don't even understand why he sent you I'm perfectly capable of finding my own way to his ship." Hux grumbles from behind "yes of course, but you know Ren... his persistence...outweighs logic sometimes. Says he's afraid to leave you alone, something about bad things always happening while your alone." He shrugs while catching up to your pace, once arriving to the docking bay he gestures in the fighter's direction before turning sharply and storming off in the other direction. 

The ship is huge, catching you off guard having never seen it up close before only from the window within his office. Nervously walking up the lowered ramp your hand glides along the rough metal frame before your figure dips into its entrance, inside everything is dark only illuminated by various machinery and glowing buttons, off in the distance Kylo can be heard quietly talking to himself something about lazy pit workers not preparing the ship properly even though he had informed them of this flight days ago. Heading towards his voice, it grows louder and louder before stopping completely, with a deep exhale it deeply fills the room "you've arrived...about time...come, I'm nearly finished we will be ready for takeoff as soon as you are seated." Walking further into the pit being a little surprised only seeing one seat and smiling at the large frame of Kylo peeking over its edges knowing his massive proportions are hard to contain, letting out a small giggle "what's so funny?" Finally standing next to him although he hadn't even noticed as you watched him hunched over flipping and pressing various nobs and buttons, staring at the way his hair hung along the sides of his cheeks slowly swaying with each move he made. Gently placing a hand upon his smiling at the feel of cold leather on your fingers, the sudden touch makes him jump quickly darting his gaze towards you "shit (y/n)! I swear you enjoy startling me!" Laughing at his panicked expression it quickly fades to a smile, scooting further back on the seat while slowly spreading his legs, quickly patting his inner thigh creating a leather upon leather clap, commanding "sit."


	118. Do you?

Looking around the ship slightly confused "you want me to sit...there? Are there no other seats?" Kylo chuckles, clutching and tugging your hand pulling you down into his lap with your back secured safely against his thigh as both legs dangle over the arm, his large hand slowly trails up your own leather pants easily gliding over their slick feel until it moves up and over onto the soft suede of the cloak he gifted you. Lingering his hand for a few moments it slowly twirls with leisure circles over the fabric "you like it?" Glancing up at him while slowly interlocking your own hand within his letting them both rest upon the cloak, smiling "of course I like it...it's perfect, although you spoil me too much." His fingers slip away from yours moving their way around your hip until both hands guide your figure up closer to his allowing his lips to lightly brush over yours while quietly whispering "anything for my empress, you deserve it and I'll never stop...so don't try and make me." 

The beeping within the ship fades as everything slows down making the only thing you focus on is him, the way his strong hands easily hold up your frame followed by the soft brushes of his warm breath flowing over your lips. Their own shape close enough to feel they are slightly roughened texture, rising a hand placing it along his cheek pulling yourself into him, instantly feeling the familiar spark dancing along your mouth as your lips connect. Lying there across his lap letting yourself taste him last's shorter than you'd like, reluctantly pulling back he wipes the small traces of lust from upon his lips while letting out a small groan "mmphhm as much as I'd love to stay exactly like this... we do have other plans." With ease he swings you around pulling at your hips with both hands quickly planting your butt between his thighs, leaving them in place they linger, just before releasing he grips down sending a tingling sensation all throughout while leaving a ghostly impression upon your skin. 

Leaning forward moving like liquid, his hands knowing exactly where to reach, and what to press, quickly starting the ship it purrs creating a soft vibration beneath your feet. Suddenly the ship lifts from the platform hovering for a few moments holding one lever tightly, pushing it forwards the ship begins to glide out of the docking bay, leaving the comfort of the base everything is black and immediately it feels as if the entire ship is going to plummet, but after a small dip the ship steadies and his free hand quickly finds its place around your abdomen squeezing you back closer to his chest while his deep voice speaks with intensity "you ready?" Before you could even reply his grip tightens hugging your figure snugly "don't worry I've got you." With the press of a button the ship jerks propelling the metal fighter through the darkened cosmos, everything flies past at such a speed it's hard to even focus where the ship is going but Kylo steers it with ease forcing the death ship to soar and glide through the abyss like it's nothing. With a quick turn the fighter spins on its side wiping through the air jerking your figure along with it, quickly grabbing onto his thigh sucking in a deep breath and holding tight feeling as if you could fall straight through the windows ahead. Kylo feels your grasp reassuring you of safely with a few soft squeezes "I've got you (y/n), I'm not letting go." 

Everything happened so fast not even realizing the two of you were now miles and miles away from the base and somehow had been completely turned around bringing the planets snowy surface into view, just as quickly as the ship accelerated it jolts again almost completely stopping the fighters momentum. The sudden stop jerks your figure forward nearly throwing you into the mechanics, but just as Kylo promised his hand grasps onto your stomach holding tight while tugging you back against him with a thud. Now that the ship is stalled it quietly hums into the thick air creating the only sound for miles, he reaches forward pressing another button placing the ship on autopilot allowing it to hover in place. The two of you sit in silence while he allows you to take in the view, looking from left to right as far as the windows will allow staring at the darkness with the wonder of a child, letting out a long breath "oh Kylo...it's beautiful..." The hand resting on the shifter relaxes falling down onto your thigh where his thumb softly rubs over the leather "isn't it? Sometimes I feel more myself out here than ever on solid ground... there is something about its deep silencing beauty that calls to me. I always knew I'd be a pilot...like my grandfather...although as a child I had always envisioned I'd be flying for the resistance and not the first order...." his words fade into darkness leaving the air full of regret. 

Sliding your hand along his thigh, over to your own until it meets with his fingers softly brushing them until slipping down between them "if you regret leaving so badly...then why don't you return?" Releasing a chuckling sigh "(y/n) I've told you before...it's not that simple... the things I've done...the lines I've crossed...they'd never want me back..." almost like catching himself in a lie he quickly corrects the statement "not that I would ever even consider going back... my loyalty belongs to the order...and to you." Rising both hands bringing his gloved fingers to your mouth kissing them softly "....Kylo...they would accept you I know they would...your mom... would love to have her son back...her Ben finally home." mentioning his mother instantly makes him tense up from behind "no she wouldn't." He spits harshly while attempting to pull his hand from your own, holding tight bringing it down over your chest forcing it to rest over your heart. 

Allowing him to feel it beating knowing that it's calmed him from the way his stiff figure relaxes, speaking quietly almost too afraid to say what's on your mind, Kylo feels your nervousness asking, "what's wrong?" Sucking in a deep breath before softly saying "...what if I did..." questioning he replies, "if you did...what?" Staring off into space trying to anticipate his reaction "wanted to join them..." instead of getting angry or lashing out all he does is sigh heavily letting his hot breath blow through a few strands of loose hair lingering upon your shoulder "well...do you... want too?"


	119. Never going to happen

Not entirely knowing how to respond the words try leaving your mouth but only come out in small barely legible one worded phrases "I ..." "well..." "maybe..." Kylo sighs "(y/n) you swore your oath to the first order, to our empire, to me..." trying to turn around in the now, noticeably small seat "what? Wait? Of course, I am still devoted to the order...to you... but you asked me a question and I was not going to lie... I simply meant I would love to at least be able to visit someday, we're running a whole new empire now, that means we could do whatever we wanted and if that meant making peace and trying to rule the galaxy as a whole then we should at least try. At least to let me meet your mother..." again he tenses speaking rougher "(y/n) you're never going to meet her, let that illusion go." 

Frowning knowing that he's serious, allowing silence fill the ship once more turning back around staring out into the darkness, softly you begin speaking up again "you hide yourself away from the light, but I know it's still inside you, begging to be unleashed. Maybe that's why I was sent to you...to bring you back to the light, to bring Ben Solo back to his mother...back to the..." suddenly his fist slams down onto the ships control pad forcing the fighter to jerk to the side harshly, flinging your figure forwards, shutting your eyes tightly expecting to fall to the floor but instead feeling his large hand outstretched over your abdomen once more. The only sound breaking the silence was the returned soft humming of the fighter and Kylo's breathing as he tries to calm back down, with each breath you can feel his chest push into your back until he's finally stable and the heaving subsides. His slow voice nearly startles you "(y/n) you weren't sent to me to bring me back to the *light* (he says with a sarcastic tone) you were brought to me to show me that no matter what side I'm on... that I'm still capable of love...of loving...and being loved...you were sent to protect my heart...it shouldn't matter what side that heart belongs too." 

Rising your hand placing it over his resting upon your stomach "Kylo I do love you and will always protect your heart, where we choose to rule is completely up to you...I will always follow by your side...as I've said before and as I've shown by not leaving, not abandoning you like some many others have..." awkwardly shuffling in the seat until your turned completely around with both legs now squished beside his meaty thighs, allowing you to look him in the eye. Slowly leaning in your lips press into his, momentarily fearing that he's going to pull away but instead he kisses back hot and rushed, his hands travel down your back until they rest perfectly upon your hips then with a quick jerk he's totally eliminated any space between the two of you roughly pulling your body against him. Kissing him passionately feeling him tremble beneath knowing that's one of his biggest fears, to lose you, to be abandoned once more, trying to show him with each slow pressing of your lips that you're here forever and that you belong only to him. One of his hands rise along your side, up and around your back until a handful of hair entangles within its leather grip, with a rough tug he breaks the kiss forcing a gasp from your mouth shifting in the seat bringing himself to sit taller than you making it easier to lean in and kiss along the outline of your jaw making little wet marks all the way to your ear where he nibbles softly whispering "our home is within the first order, we belong to the dark side, I belong to the dark side...and you belong to me." 

That last bit sends a rush of heat throughout, ultimately leading all the way down to the spot between your legs, all while Kylo's other hand makes it way straight to your throat where it easily wraps around squeezing softly. With a frustrating grunt he quickly unties the red cloak letting its own heaviness pull it from your shoulders it softly gathers at your hips, kissing at your ear while slowly making his way down your neck proclaiming bit by bit ... "you"...."belong"... "to me." Barely able to answer, what comes out is a quiet moan before the response "forever" lingers upon your lips, obviously liking the response he slightly groans before lowering his teeth onto your neck kissing and biting at the tender flesh. The whole galaxy goes quiet again except for the humming wet sounds of Kylo's lips kissing and sucking what's soon to be a red mark upon your throat, pulling back but not before letting out another pleasurable moan "do not leave a mark on my neck the day before our wedding!" 

Grumbling he says "your right..." before returning his lips to your skin kissing down your collarbone while reaching up and tugging the sweater down even further until your whole breast is nearly exposed "I should just do it somewhere only I can see" before you could protest his mouth is connected again kissing, licking, and biting passionately. Every part of your being wants this to continue, to feel the growing bulge between your legs deep inside, but instead reluctantly and stupidly the words out of your mouth are "Kylo, it's just me and you up here..." the hand holding onto your hair frustratingly pulls away making its way to your other breasts cupping it in his grasp kneading lustfully he groans "I know...you can be as loud as you want..."


	120. Looking for guidance

Reluctantly forcing yourself to ignore all the natural feelings from within, instead speaking up again "no...I mean you don't have to hide...you can tell me how you really feel..." the kissing stops abruptly and he sighs harshly into your chest "ugh...(y/n) come on...I thought we were over that...on to...(softly caressing your breasts) better things..." scooting yourself back as far as possible so far where your ass nearly touches the shifter leaving his hand groping at the air and his lips kissing at the nothingness. Looking at him slowly rise his gaze to yours "quit trying to distract me I'm serious Kylo...it's just you and me, no one here to listen, to judge, to shame you...if there was ever a time to admit what's inside your heart it's now. When they're isn't a soul for miles just you, me, and the stars..." softly his fingertips dip behind the slouched sweater running on the necks edge smoothing it out from the curvature of your breasts so that you're not nearly exposed anymore, keeping his eyes in your direction they slowly divert to the darkness around you, staring off into the galaxy. 

His hands slip past your thighs grabbing both gear shifts and for a moment they pause repeatedly gripping and releasing like he's battling an inner demon, quietly speaking not directly at you but rather to the abyss, to the stars, to whatever he feels like could be listening "to return home...would mean losing everything I've worked so hard to accomplish...would mean leaving was useless in the first place...would only prove that your chi...I ...am a failure. But to unleash the secrets that lie within my mind...to admit them to only my love and the darkness...is something I'm not sure I can do." suddenly his eyes dart directly to yours locking their honey color in place as his stern face gives way to glimpses of vulnerability, to fear, a childlike nervousness "I've longed for the day I could return to my home (y/n)...to start over...to see my mother...and my father..." letting those words slip from his mouth pulls strength from somewhere within you had never seen before, watching the small muscle below his eye twitch "some of those things I'll never be able to accomplish even if I wanted too..." a sadness washes over him while his gaze falls to the floor "if you think that a day doesn't go by when I'm not wishing I could speak to my mother you're wrong...I catch myself looking for her guidance all the time...everywhere...even now..." slowly reaching out your hand rests upon his thigh "what is she guiding you do to?" 

The wounded stare returns towards you but again is looking completely past your figure, out into the galaxy he stares, the grip at which he holds on to the shifters tightens and suddenly the ship rocks sending your figure half way falling into the floor. Feeling the fighter moving through space you struggle to stand finding your way back into his lap this time facing out into the stars, sitting down one of his hands falls right back to your stomach whispering into your ear "you okay?" Nodding with a question "yes, but where are we going?" After noticing the ship has turned around, the snowy planet was not facing straight ahead anymore, Kylo does not answer right away instead the fighter soars through space towards an unknown destination. Then suddenly it sharply turns flying quickly in a long turning loop so that the now incredibly small planet you have called home for some time now, comes back into view, questioning instantly "wait what are we doing? Where are we going, I'm so confused I thought..." cutting you off Kylo speaks strictly "well you thought wrong. We both know joining the resistance is not an option and I let my weakness get the better of me...I let you... get the better of me. We're going home, where we belong...where I belong...and you belong to me so for the unforeseen future that's where you belong too." 

The giddy feeling within your stomach fades knowing that you were so close to him to admitting his inner desires, reuniting him with his mother, and bringing out the truest happiness from within that only you can see, softly lying back against his chest pulling the cloak up around your waist clutching it by your neck nuzzling your head to the side against his shoulder "I love you Kylo Ren and if this is where you want to be then this is where we'll stay I guess...as long as I'm with you." Gently feeling his lips press into the back of your head he mumbles in your hair "this is where I want to be...for now at least...who knows maybe someday your kindness will completely rub off on me. As for now I think we should head back and prepare for the last night before our forever." The closer and closer the ship gets to the planet the more the base comes into view, showing all the various windows lining all of the quarters, the huge docking bay, the even bigger sun sucking weapon that Kylo's never fully explained but says is gravely important, all of these things don't seem like much to someone on the outside. But to you it's home, a place to finally say is yours, after never feeling at home anywhere Kylo has made this place more meaningful that ever intended, and after tomorrow it is just as much yours as it is his and the two of you will rule the dark side together.


	121. One night before a lifetime of nights

Arriving back on base the fighter hovers above the ground before landing with a thud, Kylo remains seated softly wrapping his arms around your figure hugging from behind "I know my actions are confusing sometimes...but someday you'll understand why I choose to stay here, all that matters right now is that you know how much I love you. Now, come dinner must be nearly ready by now." Gently pushing you off his lap the two of you make your way off the ship down the ramp where Kylo keeps his hand tightly locked within your own knowing that returning back to normal gravity can sometimes be a little disorientating, dinner was mostly quiet the two of you seemingly lost in thought. It wasn't until he accidentally knocked over his fourth cup of wine spilling it all over himself that either of you spoke, his quick curse words filled the room followed by a sudden silence just before your own laughter cut the tension again "feeling a little clumsy are we? Has the Supreme leader had too much to drink?" Grinning he replies "no more than you've had, and if I recall you don't hold your liquor quiet as well as I do..." letting out another giggle "says the one covered in Cabernet..." patting away at his trousers Kylo glances up staring at his bride to be "(y/n) tomorrow is nearly here and I just want you to know that I can't wait to spend forever with you...one night away will be worth it for a lifetime of nights together." 

Taken aback by his statement almost choking on your food "night away? What are you talking about?" Kylo gulps knowing he's waited too long to mention it "it's sort of a rule within the order, whenever there is a wedding no matter how rare that occasion may be...the couples aren't supposed to be together the final night before..." knowing the statement would upset you he quickly rushes to speak before you can "but! It is only the one-night (y/n) and..." cutting him off "only one night? I don't care if it's one hour nobody should get to tell me when I can or can't be with you...I've been picturing this night for months...lying in your arms one last time as only your girlfriend or fiancé whatever you want to call this but...knowing that the next day I'd be forever yours was something I wanted to experience with you...not alone." 

Kylo frowns knowing he's disappointed you "(y/n) I should have told you sooner...and I had planned on telling you today on the fighter but that went in a different...direction (letting out a deep sigh) trust me there is no place I'd rather be tonight than lying next to you...holding you...loving you. But I've tried to get out of it and I've been met with nothing but trouble, it's for the best interest of our empire...traditions must be upheld..." finishing off your glass of wine then setting the cup down rather harshly, crossing your arms and looking away "you're the Supreme leader, it doesn't make sense that you can't over turn this...but fine... I guess I will spend the night in my old quarters. Alone, doors down from where J...he...used to stay...because that's really what I want to think about on the night before my wedding..." slowly reaching for his own glass tipping it back against his lips letting the last bits of remaining wine slide down his throat before gently setting it back upon the candle lit table you listen while it creates small echoing circular motions before finally resting in place. 

Eyeing his figure from across the room watching its silhouette stand, slowly making its way around the table in your direction, before he arrives your eyes shut tight trying to hold back the sudden urge to cry but it's completely useless when his arms gently wrap around your frame hugging your figure pressing your head to his lower abdomen softly stroking your hair "don't cry (y/n) you know I hate when I've upset you...I promise I'm just as upset by this as you but...somethings aren't worth arguing about. The fuss it would create for me to bend the rules when they've been followed for so long would...not sit well..." the light caress of his hand slides down your cheek slipping a few fingers beneath your chin lifting your head upwards to face him, opening your eyes seeing his beautiful stern expression towering from above forces tears to fall from your cheeks. Quickly wrapping your arms around him they squeeze tightly, pressing your face closer to the spot just above his pelvis, uncontrollably feeling as if you were being ripped away from him forever your mind fills with negativity 'don't let him go (y/n) never let him go!' "This is bullshit! I just want to be with you Kylo! Please do not make me sleep alone in that room that never fully felt like home! Please!" 

Surprising even yourself by kissing at his stomach, kissing repeatedly through his textured tunic leaving hints of red scattered around from hip to hip begging him with your lips not to let go. Kylo stands still allowing you to shower him in affection while tenderly swiping his hand over the back of your head running your hair through the slits between his fingers, holding steady for a few moments before reaching for both of your arms unlatching you from his waist he lowers himself to eye level. Staring at his beautiful hazel eyes they glow within the dim candle lit room barely revealed beneath his long curly dark hair hanging beside his face, softly his hand brushes along your cheek letting his fingers slip over your lips "oh (y/n)...I would never make you sleep in that cold empty room. There's nothing left in there but a bed and bad memories, no...you will have our quarters and I will be sleeping in one of the bunkers." Leaning forwards his lips press into your softly lining the shape of them together they kiss gently and passionately while his arms bring your figure to stand "it's only one night before a lifetime of forever nights...think you can handle that for me?"


	122. A special gift

After reluctantly agreeing that one night apart isn't so bad when compared to a lifetime together the two of you made your way back to the shared quarters, it was excruciating saying goodnight letting him slip from your grip after begging one more time to break tradition, not leave your side. But he was stubborn and pulled away after the two of you were nearly out of breath making out against the hatch doors like a pair of teenagers "(y/n) I promise it'll be okay, I'll be right down there just a few hallways away. Just think the next time you see me will be when you are walking to join me by my side...I love you and cannot wait to solidify our love to the galaxy. But...for now I have to go..." with one last kiss his hand slips from within yours long enough to unlock the hatch pad, forcing the doors to swing open "get some rest, we'll be together before you even realize..." backing into the room watching the doors close, creating a cold metal barrier between you and the love of your life. 

Standing in place for longer than needed letting the silence surround you with its bittersweet embrace until finally snapping out of it knowing that he's not gone forever and that he's not far, if needed you could call for him, instead to pass the time you choose to take a long relaxing bath. Spending well over an hour and a half making sure every single inch is prepped for the big day tomorrow, the time passes almost forgetting that Kylo isn't lying in the bed waiting for your return suddenly brings a heavy sadness within your heart knowing once you finish drying off and step out of the bathroom that you'll only be met with darkness. Finally pushing through and stepping into the empty room half expecting him to surprised you anyways with his welcoming figure waiting patiently but it's no use the room is dark and the bed is empty, sighing heavily while slowly slipping on your pajamas not even noticing the small rectangular box sitting upon the edge of the bed until going to pull back the sheets seeing it move from the corner of your eye. 

A smile slowly creeps along your face while speaking into the darkness "really Kylo...again?" Walking towards the gift it's not nearly as embellished as the cloaks packaging but it's special none the less, its sleek black box is at least a foot long but only about four inches in width. Nervously lifting its lid followed by the soft red velvet layover, being fully surprised at the small black, slickly finished hilt resting within its case, gently reaching down running a few fingers over the top of its smooth texture starting at the top with its emitter touching each small little triangular spike that perfectly resemble a crown down to its hand grip which is completely smooth besides a few small circular ridges that encompass the hilt all the way around. Sliding your figures around it's cold metal pulling it from the box and lifting it into the soft red light, studying its beauty all the way down to the rear grip which is slightly thicker than the main, being cylindrically shaped like a vase it's base holds a single red ruby. 

Gasping at its beauty while slightly being confused 'I thought building a lightsaber was something the master of the blade had to preform? What about the crystal?' Having already tried igniting it with no use the blade remains coiled "hmm okay then..." lifting the box off the bed a small note falls from its bottom, reading *(y/n) I see you've found your hilt, I know you must be a little thrown off but I assure you that I have a trip planned for the two of us to travel and find your crystal together. I at least wanted that part to be special...personal...and then comes the part where you will need to bleed it when you are ready of course... I hope that you find its subtle beauty just as breathtaking as I have found yours. Soon you will be fully prepared to rule the galaxy by my side, as my partner, my student, my lover, and my empress.* 

Hugging the hilt close to your chest knowing he could never have gave a more perfect gift the night before forever, playfully swinging it in various battle motions watching the moon light dance along its glossy finish while you spin and pose letting your nightgowns lacy fabric flow freely with each stance, until finally stopping with your figure directly in front of the mirror, looking as a near stranger stares back. Her reflection is beautiful and strong, her hair beautiful and healthy flowing loosely around her fluster face, it's tips brush along the bodice of her completely lace floor length gown with beautifully hand sewn patterns revealing everything beneath its sheer black mesh letting the curves of her figure easily be illuminated by the moons soft glow. 

Standing one foot Infront of the other she kneels towards the mirror holding the saber pointed directly towards its reflective glass, instantly the image of Kylo standing in the same powerful stance flashes fast knowing that his training has rubbed off greatly. Smiling happily then returning to a normal stance lowering the hilt before gently setting it and back in the box and placing the box upon the dresser, finishing with the covers then jumping into the bed feeling it's silky sheets hug around your figure just before turning to the side grabbing Kylo's pillow and hugging it tightly. Inhaling deeply his intoxicating scent fills your nostrils making you sigh deeply wishing with every fiber that it was actually him wrapped snugly in your arms, lying restless for what feels like an eternity before finally drifting off to sleep only to be woken up sometime in the night to the sound of the hatches swinging open.


	123. Needed to feel you

Lying restless in an unfamiliar bed brings nothing but constant tossing and turning unable to relax my mind is racing with thoughts of her 'is she lonely, is she safe, is she happy, did she find her gift?' The last question was answered with a sudden brief flash of her undeniably gorgeous figure staring at herself in the mirror holding the hilt tightly in one hand she presents herself exactly as I taught her. Chuckling into the night she must have projected her thoughts to mine unconsciously, rarely does she ever do that but usually it's mundane things throughout her day or random thoughts that sometimes don't make a lot of sense, but in this moment the image she choose is forever burned into my mind. Her powerful frame standing strong and bold while the moonlight glows upon her lace covered skin, she is beautiful, and she is mine. 

Lying in the uncomfortably small bed until finally giving up around three AM unable to sleep knowing each time I close my eyes the only thing I'll see is her, standing in the moonlight, wearing that thin fragile gown, begging for my touch. Finally huffing kicking the covers off frustratingly, poorly dressing then slipping through the small door making sure the hallway is clear, dipping down the familiar walk towards my once lonely quarters knowing her alluring figure rests within my bed. Hardly able to contain myself sloppily unlocking the keypad watching the hatch swing open, knowing instantly that her breathing quickens. She is awake, clearly frightened not knowing it is me but her silhouette melts after I walk into the bedroom dropping my helmet to the floor it hits the marble with a heavy clunk.

*end Kylo's view* 

Heart pounding not knowing who or what opened the door, nor why they would arrive in the middle of the night, mind racing over who it could be irrationally going straight to the thought of James not even thinking it could be Kylo after all it was his stubbornness that separated the two of you in the first place. Quickly after the hatch hisses shut once more, a loud stomping reaches the door to the bedroom confidently walking straight through the frame Kylo's large figure slowly becomes illuminated, feeling yourself relax half wanting to yell at him for frightening you and half unable to even move, stuck, frozen in place, watching his every move. The loud sound of his helmet hitting the floor is hastily followed by the sound of his cloak and tunic and a few other soft fabrics also finding their way to the floor, watching him walk by the dresser his face looking down while he walks glancing at the propped open gift. Eyeing the way his muscular frame glides with ease, each time one leg steps in front of the other his thighs tense revealing their beautifully hidden strong build, suddenly his figure stands at the edge of the bed hovering above breathing heavily. 

Finally breaking the silence softly speaking into the night "what...why...I thought..." pulling the covers back swiftly, wasting no time the bed slouches under his weight while he crawls beneath the silk sheets continuing his way past the place he normally sleeps, all the way to your figure. His huge frame doesn't stop until it's forced your own back onto the pillow and he's slipped one leg between yours pulling the bottom of the gown up with his knee it rests just between your legs, trying to speak again "Kylo I..." ignoring you his mouth heavily presses into yours while his hips lustfully drive down shoving the slightly hardened outline of his member over the top of your barely covered slit. Sharply inhaling feeling yourself throb below barely able to mumble against his lips "I thought...tradition..." pressing his frame down harder his massive thighs forcing your legs even further apart with one hand quickly finding its way under your leg sitting himself up swiftly pulling at your thigh easily flipping your body over so that your now on your stomach. Deeply he scoffs "fuck tradition, I need to feel you." 

Without warning he's gripped on to either side of your hips pulling your ass into the air hastily lifting the gown up even further it now rests at the small of your back, one hand lingers on your hip as the other slowly glides over your ass moving his fingers closer and closer to the rapidly growing wet spot between your legs. Softly his middle and ring finger trace the outline of your lips through your deep purple panties, they rub tenderly making sure to add more pressure towards the front just above your clit before letting up while they slide back making sure to hover over your core he groans "what was I thinking? Giving up the opportunity to make love one last time before the big day...my body is restless for you (y/n) and the moment I saw you holding that saber...so powerful..." with the last word his fingers slip the underwear to the side with ease just then two fingers instantly find their way inside pushing their long length deep they pause very slowly pumping back and forth only pulling out half an inch before dipping back inside. 

All this sudden lust catches you off guard forcing out the longest moan knowing your body was craving him too, having been really upset that you were not going to experience this special moment with him. The drive of his fingers never quicken as he leans forward from behind letting his lips travel up your spine over your shoulder blades, kissing your skin through the lace groaning he mouths "mmm I love you" over and over into your back.


	124. Wanting you bad

Hovering your head above the pillow your own voice repeats after his, in slow deep moans "I love you too..." after the confessions upon your skin, the hand resting on your hip slides up under your bent frame easily finding your breasts bragging that his mind has your body perfectly memorized he gently massages it, making your nipple grow hard within his grasp. Locking his lips on to the exposed portion of your shoulder just beneath your neck he sucks with lust while both fingers slip out from inside instantly making their way to your clit they very softly rub in slow tender circles forcing out another low deep moan from your mouth, moving the nipple between two fingers they affectionately twirl around it pinching lightly with each heavy breath of air you release. 

Growing impatient you beg "I just want you inside of me...I can't wait any longer..." trying to move yourself forward so that you could turn around, his hand grasps tighter around your breast squeezing the sensitive skin between his fingers holding you in place he groans again "aagghhh no (y/n) I'm taking my time with you tonight, I want to feel...(he says just as his fingers begin circling your clit again) I want to taste...(as his tongue licks and the back of your neck) and I want to fuck (the curse word is drawn out weighing heavy in the air while the hard shape of his length presses along the contour of your ass) all of you..." his deep voice vibrates along your back sending the hottest chill running down your spine, while his fingers work around your clit adding slight pressure it sends waves of pleasure to pulsate within making you moan again and again, finally letting yourself fully relax into his hold nothing else matters but the intense sensation between your legs. 

The faster his fingers rub the closer it brings you to climax, so quick to the brink because he knows exactly how to send you over the edge. The way his fingers, tongue, and cock have learned exactly what you like without ever even having to tell him 'maybe it's because he can read my thoughts?' You think to yourself as your walls begin to pulsate knowing an orgasm is incredibly close, Kylo's fingers begin dipping inside then back out with a few quick twirls around your clit before shoving back inside pumping a few times again then returning the pleasure to the clit once more, while he deeply whispers "mmm...maybe it is..." 

The orgasm builds and builds bringing your body to a hot tingling vibration but just as you were about to finish his fingers pull away leaving your body begging for more pathetically pleading "nooo don't stop please..." chuckling from behind, his mouth travels down your back kissing your spine through the gown until it reaches the exposed skin of your ass. Playfully he kisses around its shape letting out a deep growl his teeth sink in to the plump flesh biting hard, the sudden sharpness of it makes you whimper out loud almost jerking your body against the bed until his grasp stops you, roughly pulling you back into a bent position, he mumbles into your ass "get back here. I'm not done with you." The touch of his hand grips at your underwear quickly followed by the sound of the fabric ripping while he easily tears it from your body, the whole force of it makes your butt jiggle turning your face a soft shade of pink. 

Not knowing in mere seconds it would turn a much deeper shade from the sudden feel of his tongue sliding over your core licking at the dripping juices before continuing upwards completely crossing over your asshole, instantly protesting "hey! Whoa! Don't! That's gross!" Humming against your skin his face presses back down letting his tongue massage over the hole while holding your figure in place making your puny pleads turn into shallow moans "Kylo! No! It's embarrass....mmm please sto....mmmm." This new sensation catches you off guard with how good it feels your whole body relaxes slowly slumping down onto the mattress, he doesn't hesitate to follow keeping his tongue slowly licking until you've completely sunken to the bed and it becomes harder for him to reach the right angle. With one last glide from your core upwards he pulls back effortlessly plopping himself beside you on the bed, lying there in disbelief that he's just tasted your...uh...the embarrassment floods back in, forcing you to turn to the other side of the pillow facing away from him. 

Another low chuckle breaks the silence "(y/n) don't be embarrassed, I've never once tasted a piece of you I didn't enjoy...now come here, I never said we were done." Slowly turning on your side facing in his direction the sight of his bulge pushing against a pair of black boxers makes you bite your bottom lip, abruptly forgetting all about the needless embarrassment, quickly scooting closer one leg props over his while you lean down softly pressing your lips into his. The kiss is slow and hot making every inch of your body radiate with lust, the way his glide easily with yours never breaking the seal he hums deeply letting his low voice vibrate against your mouth, placing a hand on his chest the rapid beating of his heart thumps against your palm. Smiling at the feeling knowing it belongs to only you, leisurely sliding the hand down it brushes over his abs inching closer and closer towards the brim of his boxers. Lightly it traces his hip bones with a few fingers before slipping them just behind the band, running back and forth teasing him, responding by running his hand through your hair faintly tugging a handful letting out a long deep groan "mmmm...I want you so bad..."


	125. But just how badly?

Lustfully replying "yeah?...How bad?" the grip on your hair tugs harder pulling your head back while his other hand immediately covers your throat squeezing deeply he growls "too much for my own damn good..." holding his fingers around your throat they pulsate teasing a moan out of you before pulling back. Returning the favor your hand dips beneath the boxers rubbing along his cock making it him who moans this time, letting your hand glide along his member until there is a noticeable wet spot forming on the fabric. Poorly tugging at the boxers with your free hand until he finally gets frustrated enough swiftly pulling them down kicking them off the edge of the bed letting his cock spring from their hold it sways for a moment before your hand starts the slow jerk again, the feeling of his member sliding through your fist makes him twitch followed by a hurried grunt. 

Using the palm of your hand to rub around the tip pulling slick precum down making it easier to pick up speed while whispering "I love when you make noise...lets me know I'm doing a good job..." while he slowly responds between little grunts "that's...ugh...because...mmm....you..." you've began making your way down wasting no time to slip the cock into your mouth lowering down onto it fully, instantly interrupting his sentence "aarrr fffuuuccckk..." letting out a muffled giggle knowing it must be vibrating over his shaft because the way he twitches bucks his hips up forcing the tip of his cock to hit against the back of your throat almost making you gag, holding it back bobbing your head up and down picking up pace covering your tongue with every bit of leaking cum. Reaching up cupping his balls into your hand massaging them while your tongue licks around his length making him tremble with pleasure, lowering back down his cock slides along your tongue , once again pressing into the back of your throat you leave it there teasing him thinking you've got the power when the sudden phantom sensation of the force begins lapping at your clit immediately making you moan with a mouth full of cock. 

It's quick pace gives no mercy twirling and twirling faster and faster making you moan again and again until his member falls from your mouth hitting against his abdomen pulling lines of dribble along with it, quickly crawling over his lap reaching out to the hand resting on his pillow it hastily spins two fingers in the air, roughly grasping his wrist pinning the hand down begging between moans "too fast...Your gonna make me..." before the last word his hand falls limp ceasing the secret touch "mmm not yet, when you cum I want you to be so deprived of the finish, it over powers every inch of your body..." The two of you lie there huffing for a moment before he softly kisses your forehead placing both hands on either of your thighs, slowly scooting your figure further up his abdomen until you have no choice but to sit resting on his chest, moving both hands up your thigh they begin lifting the gown as far as they can before demanding you to "take that off." 

Slipping the lace nighty over your head with a quick toss it lands on the floor revealing your now completely nude body, both hands resting on your hips grip tighter while he compliments how gorgeous you are then harshly they slide under your thighs quickly bouncing your body forward until your slit is at his lips. Bringing his hands up around they grasp onto your ass squeezing tightly while forcing you down on his mouth instantly bringing his tongue to your clit, reaching onto the backboard the intense ecstasy almost making you weak while your head falls back releasing hot sensual moans his name slips from your lips only making him lick faster. Enjoying the rapid flicking back and forth your body grinds against his face pushing your core over his chin forcing his whole face to fuck you, one hand reaches up groping at your breast while the other slips down behind stroking his own cock to the sounds of your pleasure. 

Feeling him groan against your sex hand grasping hard onto your ribs squeezing he digs his nails into your skin, closing your eyes letting yourself ride his face imagining what he's doing to himself only inches away brings you once again close to the edge, only this time the build grows stronger and stronger and harder to resist. Almost there his tongue begins slowly dragging across your clit with long deep strokes savoring every bit of your flavor before he pushes you from his face, kissing gently at your slit with hot uneven breaths a deep groan escapes his mouth and the bed shakes beneath him following the rapid pace of his own pleasure. 

Crawling off his chest letting yourself fall back against the bed watching him stroking his cock, mesmerized by the twitch of his hips, the fast panting of his chest, the way his trembling hand is holding tightly against your thigh squeezing so hard it might bruise. Looking up his eyes are closed, and he's bitten down on his lip only letting small grunts escape knowing he's bringing himself to the edge. Just before you were about to speak telling him to stop his hand hastily releases leaving his throbbing cock standing straight pulsating with hunger, loudly he exhales harshly cursing "shit! That was close. I almost couldn't stop...but there's only one place I'm cumming tonight and it's not on my own fucking hand."


	126. Acts in the darkness

The grip on your thigh lightens and his breathing slowly returns to normal, reaching out resting your hand on his pelvis it slides up over his stomach, up along his neck until his chin rests within your palm. Softly turning him to face you while scooting closer until half of your body leans on top your lips meet, lying there kissing slow and deep the energy flowing between your figures is magma, hot, heavy, magma. Quietly whispering against his mouth "I get to marry you tomorrow..." followed by his own deeper whisper "you get to marry me tomorrow...but more importantly...I get to marry you." 

Bit by bit he has inched his way more and more on top before even realizing it he's now fully over your frame propping himself up with one elbow his hand strokes at your hair while the other gently reaches down gradually lifting your leg up and around his hip, your own hand finds its place resting on his lower back while the other still cupping that strong masculine face softly speaks again, "I love you so much Kylo Ren..." a faint smile lines his face before quickly fading back to deep lust, parting his lips with a small inhale then lowering them down they brush along your collarbone kissing so tenderly it feels like he's afraid he'll break you. Letting out a small sigh of pleasure his frame shifts slipping his other leg between yours allowing him to press lower spreading your legs around his massive form, lips traveling from your collar to your neck distract from his somewhat awkward shuffle until the warm throbbing shape of his tip prods at your core, very slowly slipping past your slit he enters himself inside while groaning next to your ear "you'll never know how much I love you (y/n)...never..." 

His length pushes inside inch by inch stretching you around its thickness until he's fully inserted pushing at your cervix, involuntarily making the softest moaning whimper escape your lips, taking his time waiting for your walls to accept the girth before gently beginning to thrust making sure to remain at a deep slow pace pushing himself inside fully each time. Digging your own nails into his back lustfully responding "no...it's you who will never know...you're my..." his lips muffle your words kissing heavily the sway of his hips driving him down deeper they start to thrust a little faster while he groans "I know..." the quickened pace makes you moan into his lips and although it's still unhurried each time he pushes back inside the force makes the bed softly knock against the wall. Sitting on his knees both hands roughly grasp your hips easily jerking your body up creating a better angle for his length to slide inside and giving his thumb space enough to slowly begin rubbing around your clit, lifting one leg up kissing along your ankle nibbling his way down grunting into your skin "(y/n)...how are you so perfect?" 

Trying to answer him is no use as the words begin leaving your mouth he lets the leg fall instantly placing a hand around your throat, now instead only broken moans escape the more you struggle the harder he pumps hitting his cock deeper and deeper the bed is now striking the wall loud enough to echo throughout the room. His thumb runs faster spinning around your clit over and over knowing it's going to bring you straight back to the edge he thrusts even faster forcing your juices from inside to slick against him only making the drive easier and easier, squeezing your neck tighter deeply groaning "mmm...close again?" 

Unable to speak just simply moaning, pumping faster and faster the frame now loudly banging on the wall while his thumb continues to rub at your clit "that's it...good girl...cum for me..." your walls begin clamping around his cock hard and strong sending quick pulsating currents of pleasure through every single inch of your body, one hand clawing the bed one clawing his back, legs shaking, he releases your neck filling the room with the sounds of your quivering orgasm. He was right the more he denied your finish the better it felt, or maybe it was just because you knew this was the last orgasm you'd have before making your love official, either way it lasted longer and harder than ever before completely taking your breath away. 

Not slowing his cock pounds deep inside still forcing the bed against the wall so hard it creates a small indention, pulling away his thumb, both hands wrap around your legs propping them against his chest he thrusts himself to the edge grunting heavier and heavier until his breath is cut short stopping him mid thrust. Darting his eyes down locking them with yours watching your hand lifting in his direction you've wrapped the force tightly around his throat choking him the way he's done so many times to you, this time it's you coaxing him to finish "no, don't stop...I want you to fill me with your cum...keep going until it's pouring from the sides. I want to know how much you love me." Smirking, gritting his teeth repositioning then exhaling loudly "mmmphh." his cock slams back inside hitting at your cervix fast and hard until the grip on your legs becomes unsteady and his thrusts become uneven, slowing in pace but deepening in shove, the force holds his head pushed back tightening even more only allowing broken grunt after broken grunt to escape until the sensation of hot liquid shoots inside stuffing you whole, the drive slows to only a few pumps but abiding to your request he makes sure they push deep spilling his cum from inside it runs down your ass, pooling onto the bed. 

Letting the force grip go he falls down over your chest huffing heavily his mouth kissing at every inch of your neck and chest until he finally pulls out flopping on the bed beside you, lying there staring at his figure watching his chest rise and fall feeling the remaining streaks of cum dripping from your slit. Turning on your side pulling the covers up around the two of you slipping your way into his trembling embrace, softly rubbing along his chest whispering "sorry couldn't help myself" a half snorted laugh leaves his lips followed by another quick inhale "never apologize for something like that, I love seeing you embracing the force. And damn was that...intense...I don't think I've ever came that hard before." 

Pressing your lips to his chest kissing long and slow hugging his frame tight repeating quietly "I love you; I love you, mmm I love you." It wasn't long until he had fallen asleep as expected the act was quite tedious, plus it allowed you time enough to stare at your love in peace watching over his sleeping figure taking in all its beauty burning this moment in your mind for all eternity. He's beautiful, with his deep black hair lying messily upon the pillow and his full pouty lips barely parted sucking in then releasing the quietest of snores, memorizing all the little freckles dancing across his skin like the stars that line the night sky. Every inch of that man is perfect, and he was yours, all yours, and tomorrow he would be yours forever.


	127. The greatest of stories

Waking in the morning surprised to see the space next to you was empty wondering to yourself if last night had somehow been nothing more than a dream until stepping out of bed spotting the dry white stain knowing that at some point he must have snuck out without you ever even waking, a little disappointed but understanding knowing that he likes his traditions. Smiling at the tray of breakfast sitting on the dresser with a small note attached *(y/n) I'll be gone when you wake, I love you more and more each day and can't wait to see you walking down the aisle, I know you'll look stunning -your commander* grinning at the last bit knowing how much he's grown in the short year and a half you've been together. During your shower letting your mind wander back thinking of all the things that have happened to you in life, every trade, all of the hurt, sorrow, sleepless nights, loneliness, and abandonment seemed unreal as if life had never began until arriving here on the base, until meeting and serving the commander and ultimately falling hopelessly in love. 

A few other thoughts creep in, like how years ago the person you thought you'd be marrying is locked away deep within the base and how you couldn't imagine a life with him now after Kylo had shown you what true love is, what it means to be someone's soul mate, someone's everything. Once finished freshening up making your way down to the small room he had arranged for you, the one where you first tried on the dress. But not before stopping by the medical bay grabbing Kylo's ring from Yasmine, her girlfriend Kamira had handcrafted it just as she did yours with the very last bit of kyber crystal forming a small ruby band directly in the middle of two pitch black stripes. After thanking her noticing its near noon and the wedding is set to happen at sunset quickly darting towards the fitting room, opening the door disappointed to see the same three women impatiently awaiting your arrival. 

Wasting no time they quickly grab you tugging, squeezing, patting, curling, applying, and priming every part of your body until all that remains is slipping into the dress, shocked at how fast it felt and yet the sun had now begun moving closer towards the planets edge. Just as the women were about to finish lacing up the back of the dress a quiet knock comes tapping upon the door, one of them opens it letting the sound of a familiar voice peek through "oh hello, would (y/n) happen to be here I wanted to give her something." Excitedly calling out "oh Doris! Yes, I am in here past all the mess! Come in!" rounding the loose tapestry her adorably dressed figure comes into view, rushing as quick as the heavy dress will allow wrapping your arms around her "oh I am so happy to see you! Can you believe it is happening? I'm going to marry the Supreme leader!" 

After a few back and forth endearments she finally says "I'm so proud of you (y/n) when I first met you I could tell instantly that you were going to be gravely important to the commander though at tha time I hadn't anticipated just how important you'd become to me in the process." Nearly crying trying not to mess up the beautifully applied makeup turning towards the three women "could you give us a moment please?" One shrugs and another questions "your dress isn't finished we still need to lace it." Doris happily interrupts "oh I would gladly do that! If (y/n) would allow me too that is..." nodding your head "yes of course..." not hesitating they all leave the room allowing Doris to finish with the dress, just before she does she hands you a gift letting you unwrap it while tightening the gown "I have no use for this anymore and well I couldn't help but think back to the first day I let you borrow it, if I had any inclination I'd say it had a hand in helping you with the commander am I right?" 

Once the gift is unwrapped you couldn't help but giggle after seeing it's the smutty book she let you read not so long ago, blushing heavily "uh...you could say that...thank you so much Doris I'll cherish it forever." After hugging her goodbye she says she'll be waiting at the ceremony and that you look gorgeous, the door shuts behind her and you're left alone in the room staring at yourself in the mirror shocked at your own beauty once more. Just before leaving noticing they forgot to add any lipstick, quickly searching through the drawers trying to find that special shade of vermillion swiping it over your lips smiling knowing everything is nearly perfect, all that's left is placing the kyber necklace around your neck then tucking it neatly behind the dresses bodice. 

Sighing heavily, glancing out the window noticing it's just about time, reaching for the door multiple emotions run through your mind 'this is what I've been waiting for, I wonder what Kylo is doing right now. Is he just as excited as I am?' A small wave of sadness brushes over knowing you won't have anyone to walk you down the aisle, but immediately holding your head high knowing your strong enough to do it on your own and that Kylo loves you no matter what, soon you'd be standing in-front of him clinging on to the greatest love story in the galaxy.


	128. Hand in hand with dark and light

*Kylo's view* ~(y/n)'s view~

***Sneaking away from her was hard but necessary, we didn't need any more bad luck after I had already seen the dress and was unable to control my...needs last night. The day went by quickly while trying to make sure every last final detail was perfect, and it was, everything was going smoothly until realizing Hux hadn't shown for report all day, but stressing over him was short lived when the same women that had helped (y/n) barged into my bunker forcing me to change while annoyingly fluffing and braiding my hair, once they were finished I almost ripped out the silly style but after looking at myself in the mirror I knew (y/n) would appreciate it. The clothes were heavy and embellished just as hers would be, after all having handpicked each ruby that would sparkle upon her dress and crown myself, knowing that her beauty is only matched with the best silk and jewels the first order could afford, nothing but the best for my empress. Finally after convincing myself I didn't look absolutely ridiculous, leisurely making my way down towards the balcony my heart began to race knowing the importance of this day and how much it means to her. All of it was a little nerve racking as I moved closer and closer to forever, at one moment having to pause allowing myself to rest against the cold metal wall closing my eyes tightly while letting my hand brush through the textured waves of dampened hair clinging against the back of my neck, trying to remind myself to breathe. 'In...out...in...out...you've got this...come on Kylo don't let fear take over, come on...' exhaling deeply reminding myself that I'm the Kylo Ren, what I want I get and what I want more than anything right now is her, and soon she'll be mine always, but for now I have remain calm I can't let her know my heart feels as if it could break apart my chest, that in this moment I've never been more afraid of anything. All the battles, all the fear, anger, agony, nothing compares to what I feel right now, I know this is what I've been searching for, what my heart has begged for since I was a child. But something keeps nagging at the back of my mind, pulling at my happiness, whispering heavily into my mind poisoning what should be the greatest day of my life, huffing heavily pushing the thought to the back of my mind where it belongs it begins to rest, quiet and yet somehow excruciatingly loud. 

Arriving just before the sun was setting, slowly walking down the aisle, wondering if all of these people can see the obvious tremor in my gait as I take my place right below the blanketed roses standing next to one of the lieutenants who had been prepared to make the wedding official. Standing awkwardly looking down at the light snow glittering across the blackness of my robes just before they burst melting into the fabric, each flake is beautiful and unique something I had taken for granted the entire time I've been on the base...something I would have never notice if it had not been for (y/n)...she's taught me to enjoy the simple things...to embrace more than just the darkness...inhaling strongly letting the icy air fill my lungs, the breeze so crisp it shocks my senses pulling me back into the moment steadily slowing my fluttering heart rate, finally I was ready. One by one the room finishes filling with various members of the order some faces I know and others were merely obligated to be here, the closer the time comes the more my anxiety begins to grow again, the darkness slowly makes it way back into my mind forcing me to wonder if she's changed her mind, if she's realized what a monster I am, saw me for who I truly am...saw the darkness within my heart...has she fled? Ran from the monster she's been conditioned to feel connected too...she's woken from her delusions, removed the rose tinted glasses, slipped from my grasp...will she ultimately leave me standing here like a fool...alone once again. Finally Hux, who looks rather flustered...takes the place beside me, not by choice of course...instead merely filling the position no other man offered to take, although the two of us mostly despised one another I wasn't about to stand here alone letting the order know just how far I've pushed nearly every person who's ever cared for me away...hopefully everyone but (y/n). 

Interrupting the thought of her, he leans in whispering to my ear, replying quietly but with force "what Hux. Now's not really the time." Feeling the anxiety radiating from him, he stammers "you're...going to want to make time...sir...." Face immediately burning hot, anger soaring throughout my veins the words that leave his mouth have ruined everything, trying to remain calm hoarsely whispering back "what?! You were supposed to oversee that! What happened?!" the guests can tell the mood has thickened catching from the corner of my eye a few of them shuffling in their seats. Clinching my hands into fists, my voice cracks behind anger as I try to speak, to call off the wedding, everything must be halted, stopped, it can't happen this way, everything was perfect! Everything had to be perfect! And this...this is far from perfect...lifting my foot from the spot it's been locked into for the past twenty minutes, mind made up everything must... just then the prearranged music begins to play as her figure peaks around the corner immediately shutting down every muscle in my body suspending me in place, completely entrapped in her beauty watching in slow motion as she slowly begins walking towards me. ***

~~The sound of somber music begins as you step onto the red lined aisle, looking up through the veil Kylo's eyes locked directly on your figure nervously beginning to stride towards him making sure each step is precise and bold 'that's all I need is to trip and fall.' briefly peering down the aisles smiling at the mostly unfamiliar crowd only a few faces resembling the select group you could consider friends eyeing back at your beauty, Yasmine...Doris....Sola...and Kamira. The closer you get the more it becomes clear that somethings wrong, the way he is standing completely stiff both fists formed in tight little balls, his expression cold and blank. Brushing it off to nervousness, happily taking the spot next to him slowly reaching out for his hand, instantly feeling its cold clammy tremble, eyes darting towards his searching behind their darkened glaze for any signs of how he's truly feeling inside. Almost instantly upon placing the other hand atop his embracing the quivering palm, suddenly it stops shaking and his pale face begins to fill with color once more. As if snapping back from the super dark place he had thrown himself into, he finally sees you, really sees you and you can tell his heart rate begins to slow, can feel his grip loosen around yours and his shoulders relax. The darkness in his eyes slowly begin to fade the closer your hand gets to his cheek, reaching up softly brushing a few fingers along the lightly flushed skin assuring him with your touch that everything is okay you're here, you'll always be here...having started to wonder if he thought you weren't going to show or something, just as the faintest smile creeps over his face and his hand lightly engulfs yours bringing it down towards his lips tenderly they kiss at the curled centers of your knuckles, lingering those sweet pouty lips in place keeping his stare directly upon your cloaked eyes. Whether you were supposed to hear it or not, without speaking a single word the faintest leathery smooth voice slips into your mind "she's everything I've ever wanted...I've spent my entire life searching for her...across a galaxy of light and dark... every moment has lead me right here...right to her...and I'll love her endlessly" ~~~

***Trying to concentrate as my bride makes her way down the aisle is useless the only thing running through my mind is panic, anger, frustration, and fear. How could Hux allow this to happen he only had one job today and he failed putting the entire wedding at jeopardy, putting everything to risk, my everything. Suddenly somehow she's right in front of me reaching out for my hand, the soft warm touch of her palm thaws my rigid fist, followed by the tender feel of her touch skimming across my jaw it finally brings me back to the moment, to what's most important right now, to her. Staring at her beauty the way the lace veil delicately covers her stunning features leaves me breathless, internally thanking the galaxy for bringing her to me every moment we have ever shared comes flooding back streaming on repeat until she speaks snapping me back once again. She's slipping a ring onto my finger while reciting her vows, telling me she'll never leave my side, her love for me will never die, looking up into my eyes she stares long enough to pry into my mind finishing the vows only I am to hear "Kylo...look around...look at our empire...this place...these people...they depend on us...feel deep within their core...within my core...within your own...I know you feel it too... the pull to the light...I see now why I was guided to you, there is good in you Kylo Ren and I can see it. You can see it, we both can feel it...this base is our home and these people are kind they will follow us no matter how we rule, you will turn to the light and I will be the one to bring you there. Don't be afraid, it all makes sense now...I've dreamt of our future, a place where happiness is forever, and your heart is whole once more. You can fight me as long as you want but now that I've made my home right here in your heart the light has already began to spread, Ben...you are everything and more and I'm here to show you why..."


	129. Our world without an end

***Knowing she was right, that I've felt the pull to the light from the very moment I saw her, feeling my chest tighten a large lump forms within my throat. Looking up to the sky past it's glowing red hue, out into the galaxy imagining my mother, watching our union from afar knowing that her son will someday return home... can she feel the growing shift within the force? Within my heart? Can she sense the darkness fading? Holding back tears my gaze falls back down and words fumble from my lips "(y/n)...I had an entire speech prepared... the vows had been burned into my mind...but none of them matter now. The only thing that does is you...you are the missing piece, the only one, forever. I realize now, it was never you joining me...it was and would always be me joining you, the future you have planned for us won't come easy but with you by my side I'm willing to try...I love you (y/n)...Solo, now and forever... in our own world without an end."***

~~~Today was perfect it was everything you had ever wanted and more, words slipping from behind those perfect quivering lips flow down wrapping their silky warmth around you hugging every inch of your frame in their comforting embrace, knowing that this decision to work towards a brighter future, to the future he was destined for had to be one of the hardest things he had ever done, you could feel the anxiety within his grasp, the slight tremble against your palm. He's afraid, afraid of what's to come, afraid to challenge the order, afraid his empire will fall. 'Oh Kylo...my love...you will see...this was written in the stars...our meeting was fate...destiny...and our future will change the paths of many lives for years to come...' The man standing next to Kylo informs him that it's time, watching slowly as he uses the force to gently lift the lace veil over your head resting it upon your crown, nervously he glances back at the man before looking down into your eyes, loudly the Lieutenant questions if we're ready to complete our love forever. Nervously your voice shakes as the two simple words slip from your lips "I do..." shortly followed by his own deep shaken tone "As do I..."~~~ 

***Hearing him declare that I can kiss my bride,   
glancing up locking onto her beautiful eyes, her lips form the most perfect smile, a smile I had grown to cherish, a smile to guide me when my fears take over, when the darkness clouds all thought...she's there...with that smile. Watching a single tear fall down her cheek just before a shift in her eyes they swiftly dart behind me, then unexpectedly she jumps into my arms wrapping herself around me, instantly pressing her lips to mine they line the contours of my mouth, kissing with such passion you'd think she was afraid I wouldn't kiss back, the type of kiss when you're afraid it could be the last. But of course I do, pressing back into her stealing that small gasp of air leaving her lips as our mouths seal together, taking in the moment it's motions so slow I can taste her, smell her, feel how tightly she's gripping onto my frame her entire body lifted from the ground clutching onto me, one hand clings to my shoulder, quietly grunting at the slight sting of her nails digging beneath the thickened tunic as her other hand softly caresses upon my cheek. I can feel the tremor in her touch, feel how fast her heart is beating and know peace because it only beats for me. Every moment I had ever doubted myself or doubted that I was worthy of love, of acceptance, of anything but disappointment and abandonment, vanish in this exact moment...she's mine and I'm hers, she whispers against my lips "Kylo...I..."

Suddenly the feel of her frame jerks...pushing quickly against mine distracting from the bliss, her posture changes and the soft touch along my face slips away, along with the cold rush of air that quickly fills my lungs from the absence of her lips. Immediately becoming aware of the sharp throbbing pain scorching through my shoulder pinching at every sensitive nerve, gently holding onto her hips slowly setting her back down trying to figure out what's going on, to make sense of the sudden change in atmosphere but that only confuses things further, when her feet touch the floor if it wasn't for my grip she would have nearly collapsed, somethings wrong...her light...it's fading fast. 

It was not until the crowd had gasped that my attention was fully drawn back to her pulling myself from my own pain, looking down at my bride her beautiful eyes already shut right, her face rapidly losing color. Panic sets in as I fall to the floor holding her in my arms internally I scream, or so I thought as the room fills with the tormented sound of my distressed voice, the darkness of her dress hides any hint of blood but soon I feel it, feel the familiar warm trickle running down my tunic, down the back of my arm, many times had I felt the run of blood along my flesh the blood of my enemy's not....this...blood....her blood. Her lifeblood. With agony seizing my heart within its teeth and biting down, I used our connection to see...no...no no no...no I plead! I screamed her name, cursed at the galaxy for trying to take her from me, begging for the force to grant me the strength to save that flickering light within her.

But instead...as so many times before I submit to the seething venom of hate blossoming from the wounds buried deep in my heart. In my attempt to protect her from further harm, I set to locate her assassin. Revenge would be my tool to save her, I had to try. There's the vermin, that leer in his eyes...he practically reeks of her blood without a single drop on him. This isn't real it can't be real, he's too blame! He did this! He took her from me! 

Off in the very back corner, the darkened figure of James stands by the balcony doors holding tightly to a stolen weapon with a smug smirk upon his face, he had won...he had stolen the very thing my heart ached for...he had ripped away at everything I had ever wanted. The fury in my eyes was matched with the pain of my grief, it was with a painful satisfaction that I made that smirk disappear harshly twisting it into agony as I crush his windpipe from afar, even through the force, his throat feels like squeezing fresh fruit, lively flesh giving way to my rage, pulverizing before his very eyes. 

Kneeling at the alter holding her figure sensing the final breath escapes her lips followed by her light completely snuffing out...turning everything within the both of us pitch black, rage taking over with ease...blurring everything I allow myself to fall back into the familiar darkness of my soul...the darkness (y/n) had tried so hard to erase, glancing down my thumb wipes at the small trail of blood slipping over her lips it creeps down her lifeless cheek...she's gone...I failed her...I was supposed to protect her...she trusted me.

The crowd had turned to full chaos everyone screaming, running, and crying. The only thing I could do was reach out with the force choking every last bit of breath from his pathetic body, roaring "YOU!!!! YOU TOOK HER!!! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!!!!" Slowly dragging him down the aisle the tips of his shoes scrape along the carpet until his gasping figure is mere feet away, lifting him into the air watching him struggle kicking needlessly, clawing at his throat. Teeth gritting, entire body shaking the growl escaping my mouth low and feral, holding him like this until his face begins to darken and his thrashing begins to fade, just before death a guttural squall he managed to release, fuels the fire in my veins. His face contorted now purple and bruised, watching from outside myself as his life comes to a bitter end, the force snapping his neck in two, hovering his limp body above the floor, squeezing at his dead flesh harder than ever, the veins within his eyes swelling at the sheer weight of the choke scorching that revolting face into my mind forever before finally releasing the grasp, letting his dead body plummet to the ground. 

Everything moved in slow motion holding her in my arms burning hot tears falling uncontrollably, they rained down upon her face. My physical pain, my storm of emotion, my love for her... all of it used to fuel the desire for her to live vanish into thin air, the warm soft glow that was my (y/n) had faded stealing the life within her, death grips at my heart tugging at every sliver of light she had restored, pulling my happiness away with her. It wasn't until Yasmine ran to me, reaching out she tries to take her from my arms, forcing out a long painful wail "LEAVE HER!!!!! DON'T TOUCH HER!!! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE HER FROM ME!!!" Barely able to hear her plead "sir please! Let me help! Let me see what I can do!!" Flinging out my hand anger scorching through my veins, her figure flies across the room slamming against the wall "SHE'S GONE! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?! NOBODY CAN HELP HER NOW...(much quieter the broken exhausted sound of my voice proclaims) the light of her force has vanished...."***


	130. Hear me...

~~~Standing behind him looking down at the already familiar scene, time moves in slow motion while the faintest blue hue surrounds the two of you, blanketing your figures with its soft caress as he holds you in his arms clinging to your limp figure he cries over your chest softly, begging quietly between pained sobs for you not to leave, not to abandon him, not like everyone else. To please stay, to come back to him, he whispers "you promised...(y/n) you swore...you said you'd always be with me...you'd never leave...why..." Surprisingly you don't feel sad...of course besides not getting to say goodbye no, instead the times before visiting the void, now made sense as they were only trips trying to prepare your mind to accept that someday this would be home, that you'd forever be trapped in the black abyss with only the silent hue of love constantly begging for your return. But not this time...this time you knew it was permanent, forever, there would be no coming back. 

Slowly reaching out placing a hand upon his shoulder wishing with everything that he could feel your touch, feel how much you love him...how much you will always love him...how much you've always loved him. But the only thing he does is scream into the air cursing at his own stupidity for leaving James alive, knowing he'll blame himself forever makes you frown, and your words go unnoticed "Kylo...I'm here...I haven't left you...I would never..." watching him rip at the front of the dress revealing the fatal wound, it pierces straight through your heart, releasing the smallest gasp your hand instinctively clutches at the spot where the wound should be but there's nothing, no blood, no pain, no injury. While grasping onto your chest slowly kneeling behind him the hand upon his shoulder slips down finding its way to his own wound, surprisingly you're able to feel the warmth of his blood, feel the pulsation of the open veins gushing all over his tunic, you watch helplessly as it pools around him slowly mixing within your own. His own hand trembles over the pouring blood of your injury trying to stop whatever is left, but it's no use he knows he can't bring you back...he'll never be able to feel you again, to taste you, hold you, or love you...and knowing that, the suddenness of it could surely kill him far before the blood loss. 

Hux reluctantly tries pulling him away demanding that he go to the medical ward while Kylo screams that he's just as much to blame, that he was in charge of making sure James was locked away, making for certain that nothing like this could ever happen. Anger tries to rise again making itself known with darkened shifts of red pushing through the blue hue, threatening to diminish it completely, the tone in his voice deep and harsh "I should...kill...yo you....just...like...." Kylo begins to sway slowly losing consciousness hugging even tighter to your figure his focus returns to you, softly he kisses at your lips repeatedly sobbing that he loves you, his trembling hand grasps around the blood soaked kyber necklace squeezing so tightly it's pointed edges force his palm to bleed right as he collapses over your dead body, still clutching you tightly within his arms a few last words slip from his lips "forever (y/n)...forever you should have been mine...I'm sor...sorry..."

Various people run to his aid lifting him from your frame, the necklaces chain pulls against your fallen figure until it ultimately snaps keeping the crystal remaining within his grasp as he's carried away from the traumatic scene. You're stuck in place reaching out for him, for anyone silently you plead "I'm still here...don't leave me..." But the further away he goes the darker everything becomes, the blue light fading with him, now unable to see him everything fully engulfs with darkness only the muffled sound of sobs could be heard before everything slowly turns silent and death takes you away.


	131. The end is near...but not for our love

***It had been three months since she was ripped from my life, three fucking months. Nothing is the same...or well, everything is exactly the same, just as it was before she arrived. The hate fueling inside me that she had just begun to calm is stronger now than ever and my soul is darker than before, having not spoken to anyone since waking in the hospital, still clutching hard onto her crystal necklace. So hard in fact, I've now got permanent scars in the triple pointed shape from the mini saber, honestly had it not been for the still bloodied necklace my mind may not have even comprehend that it wasn't all some insane facade I created, that when I returned to my quarters she would be patiently waiting for me...waiting for my embrace. I still haven't been to her final resting place since the incident occurred, unable to bring myself to fully acknowledge that she's really gone. That all my fears had come true, that I am not meant for happiness and that darkness is my only home. Sometimes I get the sensation that she never left, that somehow she's still with me, I feel her presence, her glow, I feel the force of the only woman I've ever loved. But she never appears to me, not once has she shown herself...that is if she even could, the mind plays nasty tricks on someone so near self destruction. 

The first night spend out of the bay and in my own quarters...our quarters...was awful, not even being able to hardly step foot into the room knowing she wouldn't be there to greet me, wouldn't be preparing my bath, or lying on my bed, waiting for the love I've only shown one person. So instead, I rampaged through everything destroying almost anything that would ever remind me of her...of our love, my saber sliced through the bathtub splitting it in two with ease, my hands flung the oils and soaps against the wall shattering their stained glass all around the bathroom, that unfortunately now strongly reeked of eucalyptus, only making me think of her even more. The force dismantled her vanity crushing all the fine makeups and gifted jewels, furiously I ripped at her clothes destroying all the handpicked dresses, all the silks, velvets, and laces that once skimmed over her perfect frame. Even using my saber to melt the metal hilt I had prepared, holding it above my blades for hours until it slowly disintegrated into small glowing fragments slowly burning their way into the floor, it would be no use to me now nor would it ever be, if it wasn't going to held by her hands it should cease to exist, no one deserves to wield her saber...not even me. 

Doris eventually found me the next morning, lying in the ruined mess clinging onto her mangled clothes they're fabrics pressed tightly against my face, the only salvageable items were her necklace, ring, and the cloak I had only recently gifted her. Slowly she began cleaning the clutter around me, gently picking up pieces of the shattered glass, jewels, and saber. The unknown amount of time it took for her to restore the quarters to somewhat normalcy, she had managed to remain quiet and poised, trying her hardest not to disturb the pitiful mess still curled up on the floor. She softly pulled away the cloak, tenderly removed the ring from my clutched grasp, and attempted to take away the crystal pressed tightly against my lips but quickly realized I'd die before letting it out of my grasp. Quietly she boxed them away assuring me of their safety until I wanted them once more, but I wouldn't...that cloak and ring would never have a place to call home again, no woman would ever be worthy of what once belonged to my (y/n). 

My quarters weren't the only thing destroyed, in another fit of rage I nearly burnt down the writing room destroying all of my journals, all of her journals, all of my drawings except one... the intimate piece of what should have been our wedding, what should have been the best day of my life, of her life, our new forever. She had finally convinced me that I could be something more, something worth fighting for, something other than a monster. Maybe she was right, but she failed to realize I'd never be any of those things...not without her. My saber easily tore into the pages, it's hot burning blades quickly ignited the fire, standing there watching the room begin to fill with flames I was frozen, it had been the first time in forever that i had felt peace, felt that maybe finally my suffering would end and I would burn...burn for my regrets, burn for my disloyalty, burn for it all. I was going to let it burn...let it all burn...but my efforts were extinguished before any real damage had been done. 

Now my time was spent trying focusing back on the tasks before (y/n), before love, before almost forever. Finding my last known threat, and killing it along with the scavenger girl who persistently tries to get in my way, then and only then will I finally be unstoppable, finally encasing myself in the darkness...snuffing the light out for good. I have prepared a mission to collect the rumored wayfinder on the planet mustafar, leaving tomorrow I may never return, this place no longer feels like home...not without her. 

Trying to sleep was useless having not gotten a full nights rest since she left, each time I close my eyes I picture her...her beautiful face, silky smooth skin, eyes so striking it's almost impossible to divert their gaze. Of course tonight was just the same, lying in this empty bed, in this now mostly empty room she continues to haunt me, tossing and turning trying to rid her of my mind. I think about the mission to mustafar, think about releasing my anger, seeking revenge for all the hurt I've ever experienced, imagining that fleeting feeling of my saber burning into enemy flesh...something it's been deprived of for far too long. She had distracted me...yes...that's what she was...a distraction from my true mission, my descent into darkness. Immediately my entire body cringes, how could I possibly think that about her...about my (y/n)...frustratingly cursing into the night "damnit (y/n) can you please leave me alone, let me rest! If you are going to abandon me then why don't you leave for good?! Quit lingering around! Stop occupying my mind every waking second! This is torture! You're either here or you're not..."

Flipping to my side my hand instinctively finding its way to the vast emptiness beside me, the cold vacant place where she used to lie, huffing loudly while outstretching my fingers, trembling they softly rub at the silk. My breathing shallows and the room becomes silent, time feels as if it had stopped, tightly closing my eyes holding back the painful need to sob, suddenly for a moment I can picture her, an image so clear it's as if she had never left, pushing away her memory begging for peace when the light unexpected scent of rose now began to hug around my senses "great, now I get to be tortured by this too? I thought I told Doris not to use your old pillowcase? Is there ever an end? Will I ever feel normal again?"

Just about to turn away, my hand begins to tingle, my mind is playing tricks on me, teasing me, wounding me, but never the less slowly opening my eyes...lips trembling a choked gasp escapes...it's her lying directly across from me. Her glowing blue hand rests upon my own, and her eyes stare lovingly into mine while her smile breaks my heart in two. She is here...she's really here...she's returned to me...the force is gifting her to me...hot tears flow down the side of my nose before pooling onto the pillow, slowly reaching up my hand it strokes at the air where her face would be. The words scarcely slip from my mouth, so loud and yet barely heard "...(y)...(y/n)...you're here..." Although I hear nothing her subtle words enter my mind "I never left Ben...I've been here the whole time...I'm always with you and I'm never going to leave...when you need me most, I'll be here. Promise you'll always remember that I love you..." her words soothe my aches allowing my emotions to break free I'm a mess, never have I cried as I am now...choking on the frigid air trying to speak "sta...stay with me..." softly she smiles, then just as quickly as she had appeared, she vanishes again leaving my hand and my heart touching at the darkness. Uncontrollable tears continue to flow as I beg "no...d...don't go..." 

The urge to scream, to cry, to curse her for toying with my emotions is overwhelming...how could she appear to me but only for an instant? Doesn't she know how much I miss her? How much I need her...I've never needed anything this much...but instead I smile through the pain...yes seeing her makes this real, makes her absence only that much more apparent but it also reveals that I haven't completely lost her...that she's with me even when she's not...does that make up for the fact that she's gone? No...nothing will ever heal that wound...not until I can be reunited with her...with my (y/n) but the numbness in my heart...maybe it can still fade...heal. I feel it again, the pull to the light...knowing that she's still forever mine.

•••I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading my story, I never imagined anyone would want to read it let alone thousands of people. After you finish crying and decide you are not mad at me anymore 🥺 I hope that you'll to stick around for part two, I'll still be posting on my tik tok theblairewitch_ and my Instagram with the same name often, just because this fic is over doesn't mean I'm done ☺️ The date for part two is currently unknown but I promise that it'll be worth the wait. I appreciate all of you! Thank you again 🖤🖤🖤🖤


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